Last note

Last night

You held me close

You showed me love

And were the person I fell in love with again

That’s why I love you

But you changed as quickly as you drank that bottle of tequila

And became this other person

Who wants to hate me

And who doesn’t care about me at all

After all the many times this has happened

(It always happens after a bottle of tequila)

I know now that you really don’t care about me at all

That other you tells me you don’t want me around

And I’ve tried to be strong so many times

But you knock me down

And then ask me back.

And I’m dumb cause I remember the love only

And forget about how many times you’ve shown me and told me you don’t want me and don’t love me

So now I’ll believe that side is the real you and the loving side is just temporary. Hardly there never stays. And it never lasts.

I’ll remember the love you gave for those few moments and cherish them forever. And think of you as someone I once loved but died long ago.

And your evil side a stranger I don’t know and don’t want to ever know


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Forgiveness

It’s hard to get over you

But what do you do for me?

Nothing important

Money don’t mean shit

Money doesn’t make you a good person

Especially money that you didn’t even work hard for

I forgive you for being a product of abuse and crazy tall tells and anger and no love

You only “love” what’s easy to love

You have no real strength as a man

You’ll have no real strength to make it beyond this physical world

Your hate just breeds hate

That’s so easy

And lame

Your love made me change

But like every control freak narcissist

You withhold love just cause you can

You’re a weak ass man

In everyone’s book

You don’t know who you are

Cause your bipolar Bullshit

Makes you flip

Makes you trip out

On things that don’t even exist

Love does exist and it’s the one thing you don’t and won’t and will never have

Cause you never had it given to you at the age you really needed it

So anyone that does now or did love you before

You destroy

Before they have any chance to destroy you

Which most times isn’t what they’re doing at all

So sad

So sad to see such potential wasted cause you were broken the day you were born

I forgive you for hurting me

Cause you can’t change. You don’t want to but it’s cause you can’t.

Its something you incapable of doing

Everyone else does things to better themselves and others and you just think you’re fine the way you are cause you had to tell yourself that in order to survive

Sad little man

That I loved so much

I feel for you

Cause once someone gets to know the real you

You make them not want to feel anything for you at all

It’s easy to love someone who doesn’t need love cause they already have it

It’s not easy to love someone like you who actually needs it

And I did

But you didn’t care about any of that

I forgive you

For all the hurt you caused

I forgive you for being cruel and hurtful when you the chance to turn it around and be better

You choose hate everytime

And that is who you are.

I can’t and won’t change that

You won’t either

That’s just the truth

You don’t know how to love anything right

And I dint blame you for that

You’re disabled in that way

And I feel sorry for someone like you

Someone else made you this way

And you are clueless

To the fact that your way is an awful way to be.

Dead eyes dead heart

You looked at me

Dead in the eyes

And said you didn’t want me

I was there for you

Even through your madness

Even through the Bullshit you put everyone through and expect them to just brush it off

I was committed to you

And to staying

Until you said those words

That you didn’t want me around

Didn’t want me

After 100 times of hearing you say you don’t want me

I got the message now loud and clear

After days so much good

You let a bottle or two of tequila in

And the years of hate comes out

You have so much hate for me but can’t even say why

Cause it reminds you of someone (Bullshit excuse)

Cause I tried to move on with someone else after you broke up with me a million times

After you put me down for doing something you didn’t like but never communicated your needs to me

You expect me to be amid reader or to just know what you need

Some of your needs are ridiculous

And more than anything

You tell me all the time how much you don’t care

How I’m stupid for loving you

I guess I am

The good in you is great

But like everyone who is avoiding their own pain

The booze only creates a distorted mind that holds on to anger and wants to take out their shit on someone else.

You like to cause me pain

Bit you don’t care about me enough to change or to stop what is really destroying you.

You didn’t have a mother who wanted you

So you expect that from every woman who ever loved you to leave you

You make them leave

And then blame them for doing so

And then all you can say is I don’t care

I don’t need to change

I’m a good guy

Ha. A great guy until you get close to someone

Or someone gets close to you.

I’m a great girl until someone wants me to be the enemy and until you push me away enough times

You want me back just as much as I do until something doesn’t go your way and we might not agree on something.

You can’t be a man and talk it out you just get angry about something else and trash everything we ever had.

Discard

Destroy

And you call me evil

I had no alterior motives

You can’t even trust that someone just loves you.

You are the evil one for just self sabotaging everything in a covert way cause your ego is all you ever had to keep you alive.

You don’t want me

You didn’t want me

That would make anyone feel

Unwanted and unsafe

You made me feel so safe

Just to make me feel like I can never trust you

You will always fuck it up and never see yourself

For your age being older than I

You would think you would have a little more care wisdom compassion understanding and self awareness than you do.

Your way or the highway and never trying to think that your beliefs and thoughts are more wrong than right. Your reality is so fucked. it doesn’t lead you to a better place. It leads you to lose everything and anyone who ever loved you

You didn’t want me

Remember that

Like all the other times you pushed me away

And blamed me for everything

You don’t even know what you do or how terrible you make people feel

Everybody needs to work on themselves and with your past and the way you behave

You need more help than anyone I’ve ever seen.

You’re not honest with yourself about yourself

I can say sorry when I’m sorry

I actually feel for you when you speak of the things you’ve been through

CAUSE I CARE

BUT YOU DON’T GIVE A SHIT

YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT ME

YOU DON’T WANT ME

AND YOU DON’T LOVE ME

I took so many chances in a broken damaged man. More broken and damaged than I ever will or could be

And you won’t even give me the chance I deserve.

You have nothing to say about me that’s actually true

You’re a bipolar Schizophrenic who can’t remember shit except for the Lies you’ve made your reality just do you don’t have to get close to anyone

You’re a fearful child turned into an angry mental adult

Stop blaming everyone else for your shit

You ruined our love

YOU NOT GOD

NOT THE DEVIL

NOT THE REPTILIANS

NOT THE ALIENS

NOT ANYONE BUT YOU

YOU’RE MENTAL SHIT STARTING MAKING ME CRAZY

AND YOUR LACK OF LOVE

IS NOT GONNA BRING YOU ANYTHING OR BRING YOU ANYWHERE BUT DOWN

YOU’RE GOING TO HELL

AND FINALLY I WON’T HAVE TO BE THE SOURCE OF YOUR PROBLEMS AND SHIT THAT IS ALREADY YOU

Kill it

I’m gonna take

It

I’m gonna make

It

I’m gonna snake

It

I’m gonna break

It

Before you even get the chance

To fake your way into

My beating heart

And rip it apart

Like so many of you

Do

Don’t even have a clue

To what just happened to you

Better you than me

This time

I really don’t give a fuck

The worst human being in the world

You got a lot of anger

That don’t mean shit

You can hit

The pipe

The bottle

The wall

My face

But one of these days

Mark my words

You gonna fall

Bitch

Man bitch

Little tough man

You ain’t that strong

Inside

You got nothing but shell

You going straight to hell

Where you belong

You tried to blame

All your shit

On me

You think you are so aware

But you can’t see

Your ugly self

Your multiple sides

Multiple personalities

Multiple demons

Living inside you

Taking over

Delusional

Institutional

51/50 yourself

To the looney bin

You fuck

You phoney

You create these ideas

On a fucked-up drug-induced mind

You ain’t kind

You don’t even know

How much the booze and drugs have fucked with you

You don’t even know

How much you fucked with me first

But like every drug addict they like to put the blame on everyone else

And will fight to be right

When all you are is wrong

Same old bullshit dance around song

You make up things so you have an excuse

To take your old bullshit out on somebody

And that somebody was me

But now I am free

From a shit person like you.

I CAN’T WAIT FOR JUDGMENT DAY

FOR THE DAY KARMA KICKS YOU IN THE ASS

low class

Shit

Someday you will feel it all and by then no one will give a fuck about you

Just like you didn’t give a fuck about me

I was the only one who would put up with your shit

Ha why the fuck would I ever lower my standards

To be with an ugly little stupid hurtful man like you.

You really need some serious help.

Or maybe just do the world a favor and go away for good.

I got love but not from you

Your words

Are just that

words

You didn’t learn the meaning behind them

and by using them on someone like me

Who’s been fucked with

You fucked with me some more

I’ll never trust you

And what you say don’t matter

Cause your actions show me

How little your words are backed up

Today was not the day

To do this

I’ve had my lows

But today after last night

Is making me see

How ugly people really are

And how mean they choose to be

You never gave a shit about me

Your

I love yous

I cross out in my head and in my heart

should’ve known better

Never to start

Something with someone like you

You’re not good enough for me

You’re just like every other person

Who chooses to live at a bar

No more drunks

No more fucked up people

No more stupid lies

No more cries

To someone with deaf ears

You can be the same shit you were and the same shit you are

and the same shit you will always be

But you don’t have me

Anymore

Cause

You don’t deserve it

You deserve to be treated like nothing back

So nothing you are.

Have fun at the bar.

Liar

You know nothing

What you see is what you get

Even if you don’t see me

have you ever thought

For just a moment

perhaps that the evil is in you

And you allow it to trick your thoughts

And distort your mind?

You failed

You gave up

the Bitch before me messed you up so bad

I didn’t even have a chance

Just because you had ten years alone

after her

Doesn’t mean anything other than

You had ten years to let that shit fester inside you

You didn’t deal with it

You avoided it

You blamed everything on someone else

Cause you can’t see yourself

your self is a false self

Your ego is keeping you down

What you say

How powerful you think you are

Your need to control

Your lack of compassion or heart

is a mental illness

Years of abuse

Has made you who you are today

And it’s sad

I’m sad cause you never gave a damn about me.

All you did was test me and my love

with the intent to destroy it from the beginning

You have no care about how I feel

You only ever cared about yourself.

You took my love and treated it like trash.

I’m not like you

You can try to tell me I am

But I’m not

you’re dead inside