What a fucking idiot

I wasted time and care on someone who is blind.

He’ll destroy someone good

Just cause his mind is so distorted

He would rather treat people who are shit better than someone who has been there for him and tried

He’s impossible

He makes it impossible

To be with

to love

To care for

Everything is a test

And he gives very little in return

He’s a pusher

He’s a fake

He builds you up just to break you down and take your soul

He has pushed down

And pushed me away

For the last time

Now I know that he will never change

He can’t

He’s mental.

Not to be trusted at all

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Drinking games

I’m not praying

I’m not pleasing

I’m not pushing

I’m not playing

Your games

You like to play

No more

You drink

Till you sink

You drown

Yourself

Down

A bottle or two

And think

In the way

That only thinks about you

You don’t care

To be aware

And you don’t care

To be there

You just want to impair

Your state of mind

To the state of blind

And do whatever you want

Cause you can always say

‘I don’t remember’

The very next day

And that shit gets old

For someone like me

Dealing with someone as old as you

If you only knew

How much shit you put me through

You would never

Play your drinking games again

But I know when

I’ve tried enough

Without you trying at all

Your court

The ball

Your call

You have all night

To make it right

And if you don’t

You won’t have me at all.

Ugh

You make it impossible

To love you

And still love myself

Spirits

He pushes

But he can’t see

Past his own beliefs

Which don’t make sense

But I love him

And it doesn’t matter

To him.

What he will never know..

Is how lonely it feels

Right now.

To not have him

Breaks me

But to have him

When he’s at his worst

When he doesn’t care to care

When he’s stuck

And doesn’t give a fuck

That Breaks me even more

I can’t make him see

What he cannot see

What he does not want to see

Even when he shows more

It doesn’t stay that way

He always goes back

Covered in a cloud of black

Chooses to remain

On the losing end

Unwilling to learn

Unwilling to listen

You can’t teach

You can’t reach

Someone who doesn’t care

to listen

Doesn’t care to hear

Would rather create fear

For others

Than to make the air clear

And it hurts

To be the one who loves him

Cause my love

To him

Will never be good enough

And I can’t stay

When all he does is find reasons

To push me away

Why can’t you be a little more understanding?

Why is it so hard for you

To see things from my point of view

If you only knew.

If you only knew

What i feel

How I feel

How you make me feel

Why can’t you see

How much I care and how much I try

And all the greif you put me through

Makes me wonder why

You look for reasons

That aren’t there

Why would you try to find the fault in someone you love

Why not build me up for the better

Instead of bashing me down

You want me to hate something in myself

That isn’t true.

I’ve tried so hard to just be good to you

And you just don’t give a fuck

About me

Or about what you do

Maybe that’s the problem with you

Sometimes

You hurt my feelings

Cause you believe I’m some way I’m not.

Then you act as if I am and that isn’t fair.

It just pushes me away.

Maybe it’s all you know

Maybe it’s all you know how to do

But it really makes me feel bad about something that I’m not even doing and that I can’t control.

I can’t control what you think and feel

But if you could just be me for a day

You would know how I feel.

And you would understand me and see how much I love and care for you and i would never do something to hurt you just to hurt you.

Sometimes i just don’t feel like you want to see the best in me cause you’re too busy looking for the worst or the making things into the worst when they’re not.

I’m not perfect. I’m still learning too.

But you do hurt my feelings sometimes by treating me like that.

I deserve love just like everyone else does.

If the world is going to end anyways and I am going to end someday… Might as well make the best of right now.

I don’t like feeling of how quick you are to hurt me the minute you think I’m doing something that’s gonna hurt you. You react before you even know.

Ugh

broken nose

broken nose and a busted knee
i can’t walk and i can’t breathe
so no work
no money made
no do
no see
no going out
no fun
when will this shit
ever be done?
it never is
after you get through one thing
another thing takes it’s place
life is a never ending
ball-busting
rat race
i can’t face

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the master of make-believe

 

 

i knew this day would come at last

i lived waiting for the end to come in fast

waiting for it

waiting for you

you handsome devil and the harm you can do

i knew better than get too close

i had little to nothing for you

but somewhere in between sheets and bodies turned upside down

turned hearts around

and waiting for the end

begins to start

soft sweet dangerous skin

didn’t even see you creep on in

in the back of my mind i know : I’m just another girl

one more notch on your belt

one more link on your chain

then jump on out with the next passing train

you kind ain’t my kind.

you charmed my ass blind

yes mister man… you are good. so very good at what you do

sweet talker fast walker

you get around

but it still didn’t stop me til then

and when

i got lost looking for you

looking all around

it was then that i found

only an empty space

a fleeting face

not even a sound

in a silent forgotten room

with just the shadow of a friend

-only playing pretend

the makings of an end.

leaking hearts

dancing in echoes

i dance alone

the only remains of you

remains unknown

the master of love ’em and leave

you are the king of make-believe

 

-kyoko cole 2008  link to the original post from my blog: the burning of the midnight lamp; the owl of minerva