Trauma bond

I spent close to 7 years

Thinking you were my person

But I was wrong

The last time I saw you

When you went into a rage

Screaming and shouting

Saying horrible nasty things

Just Like so many times before.

This time was different

Everything was clear

I didn’t try to make it better

I let you scream and shout

Spitting words

As cruel and careless as before

But this time it didn’t hurt me

It didn’t break me

Because I knew they weren’t true

And for the first time

I saw that the problem is you.

I used to take the blame

I used to beg and try and cry

And fight for your affection

You always put the blame on me

I used to cry and cry

because I thought I loved you

I thought you loved me

I thought I did something to deserve

All your anger, neglect and hate you threw

But this time

I saw the true you-

That’s why I didn’t try

I didn’t care to explain what you never cared to understand

I let you scream and rage

Because that’s who you are and what you do

And when you left – when you abandoned-

this time – I didn’t try – i didn’t care- to stop you

It’s what you always do

I didn’t text you

I didn’t hate myself

And this time I don’t feel bad

i did nothing wrong

But you always have put the blame on me

And that has allowed you -to never have to see yourself

So you continue to act the same

never sorry for any damage you do

When you’re drunk

When you’re triggered

You don’t want to feel

Anything good

Because you don’t want to feel anything bad

You won’t get better

You will never change

You have nothing I can work with

You expect perfection but don’t give it

it takes little to nothing for you to

Destroy everything we have built

you don’t care if you tear – Someone or something down

And I can no longer take that risk

Because YOU DON’T CHANGE

I thought I loved you

But I was comfortable with

The toxicity that is you

Because your toxicity was so familiar

to the only kind of “love“ I’ve ever known

Which isn’t love

It’s abuse

And there’s no excuse

For me not to not see

Who you really are

I see who you really are