I am in love with you
Thank you for loving me
The way you do
Author: b-side junkie
artist/designer, music lover, b-side junkie, writer, bartender, animal lover..."feelist"... Mad mime
Whiskey midnight mayhem blues – skin loves fever
Scorpion sting Aborted fetus Creation of two Left for only one Left for the dead The constant playback in my head Of the last words ever said A belly full of lies a heart less and less of you spitting words lies spoken you can feel the real of fake you try to make off…
— Read on skinlovesfever.com/2013/10/11/whiskey-midnight-mayhem-blues/
monday
defense
tone
walls up
everything else falls down
what happened to keeping me safe?
I guess not when it comes to you
how I feel is stupid
comparisons to an 18 year old
but you?
you never do
anything out of fear?
your turn around
spin of the head – fuck
it pretty damn clear
I don’t put you down
not your feelings
not your fears
not your insecure dumb shit
but I would never call it dumb to you
because it’s not to you
you can hold onto whatever issues you have
stop trying to pass them along to me
I don’t want to be
on the receiving end
of whatever
you chuck
what a fuck
to do this
when all you had to do
was answer
and understand
how to make the person
you care about so much
feel safe
once again
late night walk –
around the block
or two
or ten
in my head
thinking brain
monkey brain
feeling lame
feeling lost
feeling
too much feeling
gotta get out
of this
of it
and I know
that someday I will
but still
until
the day I do
I’m here on this walk
with the talk talk talk
back and forth
like ping pong
right and wrong
repeat song
inside my head
from me to me
and I to I
going through and through
the suck
stuck
fuck
of thoughts
and feels
journey through the
rat race
space inside my face
a trip of fools
or this trip of fool
singular
me
breathe in –
writing this
bad bad bad
I wish I had
something to burn
this page down
delete
backspace
my place off the face
of the earth
kill me
before this kills my heart
okay….
without saying
things that need to be said
to make me know
what to cross out in my head
then I’ll know
what to do
and where to fall
and maybe I won’t
mess it all
up
down
fucked
fucked
fool
I am
I will not
do what I did
before
I will not
fall
I will not
fall
I will fall
somewhere
far
away
from
you
and
play dead
just not to fall
in love
again
bucket o’ love
I could use
a day or two
of something old
mixed with someone new
or visa versa-
I would love
to see some good
if I should
grow and change
and rearrange
the fiction-
diction
that plays
in my head
that repeats
old things
some-dumb-body
has said
some time
before I learned
when
and what
to take in
and when
and what
crap to ignore.
I am me
and me
wants to be
okay
every day
and have things go my way
because my way
is with love.
-k.c.
can’t sleep
I was vulnerable
I let my guard down
with you
even though I’ve been hurt before
you were so scared to hurt again
yet here I am
and I don’t know why
I’m so tired
but I can’t sleep
knowing that you’re right there
and I’m here
but we are so far apart
why do I even try?
maybe that is the reason why…
I am here again.
-k.c.
the feeling is gone
in a dream
you were there
and it was the same you
angry
abusive
loud
mean
explosive
but in my dream it didn’t bother me
it made me uncomfortable and uneasy
I said goodbye to you
and I didn’t feel anything
when I woke up
I didn’t care no longer cared
I no longer had love for you
I rarely think anyone is a waste of time
but you really wasted my time-
and I wish I would have saw you
the way you really are before the years of effort and abuse
I don’t care if you hate me
I don’t care if you forget me
you gave me nothing to hold onto
nothing to miss
nothing good to want back again…
except for myself
into the trees
lovers
you look empty
the love
might just change like lies
the changes catch
unborn truth
the voices speak just like you
the trace of silence
was real
with this feeling
from the last moment
without knowing
all you need
the lonely
-after hour anxiety
some little bugs eat
you ask one question
and hide before it can get to you
child distract him
absolutely invisible
there were cries
waiting for the night
the scent collects
but here this idea comes
and you need sleep and affection
so here it gets lost
the only fatality
made forgetting more melancholy
not sudden and nothing happened
this sinking evil illusion
life disappears
the voice here
never existed
this false face
tears softly and challenges
the real
all eyes had felt
your denial
this useless existence
away with the night
you who come from the dark-
unusual
into this light-
strange
your love
was enough
above the sky
you can see
that this is the end
whispering time
hear the word
hear our language
a sudden
taste of
mystic too
many must look
not dwell
under the fall
without the curtain
glow like you
purple would have understood
the holding hand
the mouth both interested and obsessed
for you
the black was still light
this face and soul the same
everything around you
faded and
remained
slippery
love
shake you out
out
out
this was absolutely different
your heart vibrations smile
flames from the body
will not be tamed
they are beautiful
lovely but cursed
as you
find them new meaning
I’ll remind you
of my kisses
and continue life mute
-kyoko cole
night sights and sounds
dark fever growl
you scream and howl
wild by night
I lose sight.
Where did you go?
something I may never know
or most likely I already do
I sit and watch
sleepless nights
fall over me.
I wish I had the feel
I feel too much
I don’t feel at all
I wonder which one
is real.
-Kyoko Cole
Holidays
Maybe I’m here
Without any way
In knowing how to
Do the things I want to do
Say the words I want to say
Be the me I want to be
I just don’t know
How to feel comfortable
Being me
Me being me being me being me being me being me
