Author: b-side junkie

artist/designer, music lover, b-side junkie, writer, bartender, animal lover..."feelist"... Mad mime

A happy poem for you

You are my love

You piss in my garden

And laugh about it

After it’s been done

You will always be the one

For me

You make me haaapppppyyyyyy.

On nights like this

I like to kiss

The sweetness of your smile

Oh please won’t you stay

With my awhile.

You can piss on my strawberries all you want 😉

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Happy not happy birthday

You’re either in or out

Don’t half ass shit

Or feed me your crumbs

And call it love

I hate birthdays…

Goodnight

For once

Why can’t you understand how i might feel? Or care to at least.

Why do you have to be angry?

Why do you have to be unloving

Look at what it is

You always only think about you

And I always think about you

I don’t just hold on to anger and use it like it’s an excuse for my behavior

I have a temper but I control that shit or else I’m called stupid or crazy

Yet you don’t have to control it cause you don’t feel like it and

What’s the point ?

I may have a lot to learn

But so do you

And it’s not ever gonna work if you don’t care about how I feel as well

I care about you

Do you really care about me?

You don’t seem to really care about my feelings.

You don’t seem to care about how much love i do show you and give you

You don’t seem to want to be better cause your past has made your future and your present and you’re not open to the possibility of it being better if you actually put some effort into it.

Loving you has been exhausting when you’re like this.

I can’t do it all without some kind of care in return. Some kind of honest desire for us to have a good relationship and the goal of being the best person cause you care about me and want it to work.

Man….if you could only see yourself from my perspective. If you knew how cold and unloving you can be after all the good times we’ve had. But you never look at the good. You just put me in a box with the rest of your exs and it’s not fair and it’s not kind and sometimes I just want you to be fair and kind and understanding and think about me.

I can’t make you do anything you dint want to do

And this is why I leave

Cause I can’t be the only one who really wants this to work and actually tries to be better

I can’t be the only one who cares

It’s a shitty feeling

If you ever felt unwanted then why would you make someone who honestly loves you feel that way?

I guess cause you never think about it like that.

You don’t care how I feel.

And I’m so tired of giving my heart to someone who couldn’t care less if I was in their life or not

If I’m that unimportant to you then I guess you’re better off without me around

And I’m better off not being around someone who doesn’t do anything to try to keep me around.

Goodnight

In my last days

I witness.

The sadness things.

That I love

Die .

And I don’t know why

Love notes & doodles I drew on a wall

I used to make things for the people I loved

Now I rarely do

Nothing inspires me to

These days

I drew silly pictures and

Wrote loving things

On his wall

All the things that were true

Because I wanted to

Only to find it

Painted over

Covered up

Scratched out

Like he did with me

Like he hated to see

Something

I did out of love

Like he hated me

I could never scratch out his name

His notes (he never wrote me)

His time (he rarely gave me)

The gifts (he didn’t make me)

He is not human

Nothing sticks to him

He can take my love

Throw it away

And then begin

Again somewhere else

How can that make me feel good?

To know I was all in

When he was never even close

He’s always been a lifetime away

So far away

Math was never my strong point…

Bitch it out

Only to look like a bitch

And worse to feel like one too

If I spent the amount of time and energy on the things that are positive as I do complaining about the negative – maybe there would be exactly that :

More positive =

Less negative

So

<+>- = 😊

So today I’m gonna be super mindful of what I’m focusing on and the things I say

And try my very best to not complain

Yay

Gut feeling

I hope she makes you happy

Since I never could

Letting life pass you by

Day comes

Day goes

Day in

Day out

Weeks pass

Months pass

Before you know it

The ones you left behind

Have passed you by

In a flash

Within the blink of an eye

Do you ever regret

Taking the people and things that came in your life

For granted?

Or for not taking them at all?

I wonder if you even care…

Weird night

In a room

I’ve seen once before

I don’t know how I got here tonight

I guess a car

But I mean how it came about it

I guess life throws weird curve balls

At even stranger times

Who knows…

He’s says I’m so nice

Like that’s a bad thing

Like it’s uncommon or something

I guess it is… These days

But I think he might need

A little nice

Sometimes…

I feel like a motherless child

Truth

I am letting you go

I am no longer holding on to what is no longer there

I’m not waiting for your care

Or your love

I’m not waiting for a sign

Or a phone call

Or a reply

That will never come

I’m not fooling myself by seeing your little effort give as a loaf of bread

When in reality

All you gave were crumbs

And that is why I would keep trying

Over crumbs I foolishly thought was love

But it wasn’t love

And you never really cared

And you don’t really care now

Cause if you did

I would feel it

I’ve been the one to reach out

To show interest

To take time

And now I’m done.

I’m not angry

I’m not even that sad

I’m just aware that

Holding on to you

Is a waste of time

If you didn’t appreciate me then

You never will

I can’t make you see

What you don’t

Or don’t want to see

I can’t make you feel what you do not feel

I accept you are the way you are

And it’s not what I want

And what I was holding onto is just an illusion I created in my head

And I won’t hold on to shadow

I no longer hold on to you

goodbye

Forever

I let you go

And I am okay