Author: b-side junkie

Finished all my school work

Now it’s almost the end of the day

There is nothing I can do

Nothing I can say

One day begins and ends

And blends

Into the month

It’s almost been a year

What’s happening now?

Is not very clear

I can’t trust people

Who cannot be trusted

That seems to be

Almost everyone

Ha you got busted!

Nowhere left to run

Nowhere left to run

Blur. Blur

Uh huh Her

Your eyes and head

Play tricks on you

Everything you thought

You knew

Is wrong

But

It’s me who does not belong

I don’t belong

Take another month

Take Another year

By the time

The news hits your ear

It’s been a long time gone

You did this one too many times

To make it all be okay

now

It won’t ever be okay again

It’s around the corner

Regret is coming round the bend

For you

I’ve had enough

And where I’m going

You can’t take regret along with you

When these words have gained years in wisdom

When these words begin to fade

Without a trail of breadcrumbs

To lead the way

There is no way

Just a shallow grave

Somewhere

Maybe

But no more

Of my Love

For you to throw away

When this stops

remember me

that day

Pinch yourself

It’s not a dream

Fade out

You try to scream

But nothing comes out

The ship sank

But The captain didn’t go down with the boat

Cowards

Fakes

Liars

And cheats

Always seem to stay afloat

This place must be

Pretty close to hell

I don’t want to buy

The shit you’re trying to sell

Beam me up Scotty

its about that time

I can’t say I’m gonna miss

This

So I won’t

It’s just getting worse

And I don’t know how much more

I can take

This is it.

I’m leaving

Sat here all night

And waited to see

What you would do

But you didn’t do anything

You told me I’d been replaced

You laugh in my face

You throw me away

You trash my love

And beat down my heart

I tried to deal

I tried to be okay

But the fact that it’s so easy for you

To discard me

Makes me feel

The worst possible way

I don’t know what to say

I guess i have nothing left

To do

To say

It’s better to just go away

you’re never there

when i needed you

You’re never there

…

You broke me

You dangle love by a string you like to tug away

I’ve given you so much time

To change

To say

Something

Anything

But inatead you

Ignore

Me

I’m really hurt

And you need to learn

What you do

Hurts people

And makes them go away for good.

I’m sorry you don’t understand

…

Me

You have broken my heart

You hate me

Because I won’t apologize

For something I didn’t do

Just because you can’t admit

(For once)

That there’s a possibility that you could be wrong.

And on top of that I’m the fucked up one

While you call me names and put me down

You call me a liar and talk shit

Though I have never left your house before without saying goodbye

So why would I do it now?

Then you come by and demand an apology from me – for the false reality you believe after you’ve called me names -cut me down and told me to fuck off –

And when I stand my ground (which you would do if the other way around)

You just leave

And I’m the one who’s in the wrong ?

If you wanted this to work

There’s a much more effective way to handle this

But it seems like you would rather blame me for everything

It also seems like you can’t admit fault or the possibility of fault on your part

Ever

And I’m not going to lie just to please your ego and keep you around.

If I left without saying anything then I would own it and later tell you why I did

I wouldn’t lie and go through all of this

Cause I do want you in my life

But not if I have to compromise myself and lie and confess to something I didn’t say – just to make you feel okay

The things you say and believe just to protect your ego – is crazy

And the worst part is – i can’t talk to you about this without you getting enraged and belittling me and storming off.

Your ego won’t allow you to ever admit you might be wrong

And there is no growth in that.

There is no self awareness when your ego stands in the way

I shouldn’t have to pay

For something I didn’t do

How could i be with you?

When you can never say sorry

Or take accountability for your actions

When you have the belief you can never be wrong.

I’m here if you decide to change.

Maybe then we can be friends

I’m tired of always being the bad guy (girl)

You can blame.

conversations with myself
when I’m left
with the mess
of twisted / tangled
discard
I hate this
I wish you hated it too
so much that you would just
be here
but that is not the way it is
ever.
god…
I’m sad
I’m fucking sad
that this is how it is

what kind of god wants to see people suffer over and over and over and over again? it’s never ending

the punishment doesn’t fit the crime. – the non existent crime.
living

ha

what kind of people want to see others hurt?

a sadistic god
creating sadistic people
I want off your fucking crazy train
coo coo ca Choo Choo

know who the real enemy is
or do “BIG” men like to piss on little trees
cause they have small dicks

I don’t fucking know

and I don’t fucking care

I’ve had enough

it seems stupid

and pointless

to keep on going and going in a world-
in a life
that is suffering

no.

you win

Throw me a bone

Give me a fucking break

I’m giving up.

There is no other way

To make me feel whole again

You win

You never really loved me.

It’s okay.