Author: b-side junkie

he likes to fight
when his tongue is wet
from sucking the bottle
until the bottle is dry

if you ask him why

he blames me

he can’t see
how much damage he does
when he too drunk to think

but he will drag you along
insisting he’s right
and it’s you that is wrong
same old crap
same old song

and dance
he doesn’t deserve a chance
to be someone he will never be
he wants your love
so he can trash it
break you
then flee

his love isn’t love
he never really loved me
because
he doesn’t know how to love
anyone
or anything
all he knows is how to show affection
when there’s something he can take from you
that he needs

his talk is only talk
words
that mean
NOTHING
EMPTY
SHALLOW
HOLLOW
he gets off on
making others believe
as he deceives

this silence
is deadly
your distance
makes me disappear
but I’m still here
even though I’m not much of a person
right now

I hurt you. I didn’t mean to.
but I think you wanted to go your own way
anyways
but I’m sorry that I said the things I did
I love you
but now you don’t love me
and it’s hard to feel
hard for me to see
hard for me to be
a person at all

blah

I told you I would go away
someday
and that day is now

I don’t know

Who cares

Who I can trust

Who is really there

But I know

That this is not

The same like before

I don’t want to

Stick around

And be hurt

By anyone

Anymore 

I love you

But you’re cruel

You are not being the best you right now

And you have hurt me

I’m not someone who can just move on to another

When I gave my heart to you

I’m just trying to get by

And be okay

Without you

I’m just trying to be okay

Without you

You left a big hole in my heart

And the empty space in my bed

And all the thoughts of you

That remain in my head

I need to heal

I need time to heal

Before I even think about being with someone else

And that is something you will never understand

Because you don’t want to see

The real me

You’d rather see

Someone you can hate

And blame

And leave

And not feel bad about it

Because you believe

All the lies you’ve told yourself to be true

It’s much easier for you right now

Than it is for me

But you see what you want to see

And I am left

With this mess

Trying to be okay

Alone. I’ve been locked away

In this room

For days

Trying to be okay

Trying to heal

Trying to deal

alone

While you

At least have your lies

And your booze

To make it through

At least you don’t have to feel

The pain

Of being left

Because of lies

best friend
you could not see
past your past
you let the crazy
take over
you could never see the best in me

yeah i’m sad
but i’m not surprised
you’ve always had that head
that state of mind
that crazed look in your eyes

but now your ugly tongue
and the words you spit
made me give up on you
made me have to quit

and how can i ever go back
i can’t
because it’s you
that no one should trust
you care so much about getting hurt
that you must-
make others hurt first
even if it’s based
on lies
but your lies
you make up
you WANT to believe
KEEP YOURSELF SAFE
EVEN at the expense of me

but you don’t see
you will never see
until i’m gone

and gone i am

for good

I learned a lesson today
people don’t want to be better
drink all you want
do all the drugs you want
I’ll do the same
but I try to be the best person to other people
especially the ones I love
–

you taught me
that you don’t know what love is
and that you want to be right even off you’re fucking WRONG
cause when you BELIEVE YOU’RE RIGHT (BUT YOU’RE NOT)
YOU THINK that gives you the right
to treat someone you say you love
with such disrespect
the worst

I want nothing to do with you

because you are the lowest ugliest acting person I’ve ever met

and you’ll never have trust because you don’t trust anyone

you won’t have any good

cause you look for the bad
and never allow others to make mistakes- while you can make them all the time and YOU THINK YOU DESERVE LOVE MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE?

YOU DESERVE WHAT YOU GIVE WHICH IS COMPLETE SHIT-
THE MINUTE YOU DON’T LIKE SOMETHING
OR THE MINUTE YOU’RE CRAZY HEAD AND YOUR INSECURITIES GET THE BETTER OF YOU-
YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING OR ANYONE ELSE BUT YOUR STUPID UNAWARE AND NARROW MINDED SMALL BRAINED SELF.
YOUR MEAN ISN’T EVEN ACCURATE.
YOUR MEAN ISN’T EVEN BASED ON ACTUAL TRUTH
JUST YOUR FUCKED UP DELUSIONS
and because of that
YOU LOST ME
I’m not gonna fight for this anymore cause this is shit
you are shit

and you’re mean

hurtful

and I want nothing to do with you anymore

cause you’re not the kind of man I would want to be with

you’re someone who wants to be miserable
you could be looking at the good
giving people the benefit of the doubte
because you care about the other person

because you trust them beyond your own lack of trust.

but now I don’t care
what you do
cause you have LOST ME

and after the things you’ve done and said
I’m glad
I would never want someone like you in my life

I’m glad i found out now
and not years from now

all the nasty things you said to me
can never be taken back
I know you’re true character
and it’s UGLY

you have no love
you don’t even love yourself
and now I don’t love you

YOU HAVE TOO MUCH HATE
and no heart or understanding for anything other than whatever BAD YOU ARE THAT YOU THINK EVERYONE ELSE IS.

FORGET ME
cause hopefully soon
I will forget all about you
I. just won’t forget why
I don’t want you in my life
ever again

you did me a favor by acting the way you did because of you’re insecurities and anger
you made me see WHO YOU REALLY ARE

AND YOI’RE NOT THE KIND OF PERSON
I WOULD KEEP AROUND
OR WANT AROUND

I hope I never see or talk to you again.
YOU RUINED THIS
FOREVER.

I have done everything I could

And I get nothing from you

You choose to not listen

To not care

And because of that I choose to not be there

I am done.

if I tell you how your actions- words- comments behavior
and reactions
make me feel
– you just tell me
that it’s not real
–
everything I bring to light
you gaslight
and spin
and steal

making it about you
never about. me
when I’m hurt
it’s no big deal
to you- But
when you’re hurt
you’re out for the kill
and you do
murder my soul
piece by piece
little by little
the damage is big

and I can’t even dig
myself
out of this hole
I’m in now
with your passive aggressive verbal gun
on automatic trigger
trigger me back to
what I finally left behind
and
you don’t stop
until you’ve gone too far
and even then when you’re there
you never care
to be aware
you keep on
going
going
going
for the overkill

it takes all my will
not to just give up
give in
and let you win
I still manage to get back up
after all the times
you’ve pushed me down
why am I even still around???


listen to me (you won’t)
do you even hear my words? (you never do)
do you even care to watch me bleed (no you attack and run away)
after you’ve cut me down
to nothing
until there’s nothing left of me

it’s my fault for allowing this
it’s my fault for allowing you
it’s my fault for getting too close
to someone who
just doesn’t care