take another drink
to sink
your mind into
out of the blue
and into the black
just another
sick attack
just another
thing to stack
on top of
all the other
challenges
and
obstacles
I don’t want to understand
but I do
but can’t you stop
and see me
like I see you
tummy churns
and the heart burns
I die a little more
every time
it goes
and blows
a little more
away
all the things I try
but fail
to say
that you
don’t hear
don’t care to listen to
anyway
why do you make me feel this
fucked up way
I’m not okay
Category: Uncategorized
see how it feels
This shit sucks
weird feel
sit
staring at the lines
on a page
sounds
of this and that
I don’t know anymore
my body feels
the desire
the natural beating
and ticking of time
counting down
the hours
made into days
made into-
not that many years
LEFT
biology is weird
bodies are weird
age is weird
life is fucking weird.
time is running out
and fast
I’m a late bloomer
when it comes to things
that the rest of the world
seemed to figure out
long ago
every new
chubby little face
is just a reminder of
what I don’t have
what I may never have
what I threw away many years before
what a waste
how it is that
one day I was young
and now i’m on bordering on
OLD?
this is sick
fuck time frames
fuck windows
fuck restrictions
that I didn’t implement
I’m like a 4 year old child going on 80 but still with a 18 year old feel
ugh
family is all I’ve ever wanted
and yet the furthest thing away
Lov3
I am in love with you
Thank you for loving me
The way you do
Whiskey midnight mayhem blues – skin loves fever
Scorpion sting Aborted fetus Creation of two Left for only one Left for the dead The constant playback in my head Of the last words ever said A belly full of lies a heart less and less of you spitting words lies spoken you can feel the real of fake you try to make off…
— Read on skinlovesfever.com/2013/10/11/whiskey-midnight-mayhem-blues/
monday
defense
tone
walls up
everything else falls down
what happened to keeping me safe?
I guess not when it comes to you
how I feel is stupid
comparisons to an 18 year old
but you?
you never do
anything out of fear?
your turn around
spin of the head – fuck
it pretty damn clear
I don’t put you down
not your feelings
not your fears
not your insecure dumb shit
but I would never call it dumb to you
because it’s not to you
you can hold onto whatever issues you have
stop trying to pass them along to me
I don’t want to be
on the receiving end
of whatever
you chuck
what a fuck
to do this
when all you had to do
was answer
and understand
how to make the person
you care about so much
feel safe
once again
late night walk –
around the block
or two
or ten
in my head
thinking brain
monkey brain
feeling lame
feeling lost
feeling
too much feeling
gotta get out
of this
of it
and I know
that someday I will
but still
until
the day I do
I’m here on this walk
with the talk talk talk
back and forth
like ping pong
right and wrong
repeat song
inside my head
from me to me
and I to I
going through and through
the suck
stuck
fuck
of thoughts
and feels
journey through the
rat race
space inside my face
a trip of fools
or this trip of fool
singular
me
breathe in –
writing this
bad bad bad
I wish I had
something to burn
this page down
delete
backspace
my place off the face
of the earth
kill me
before this kills my heart
okay….
without saying
things that need to be said
to make me know
what to cross out in my head
then I’ll know
what to do
and where to fall
and maybe I won’t
mess it all
up
down
fucked
fucked
fool
I am
I will not
do what I did
before
I will not
fall
I will not
fall
I will fall
somewhere
far
away
from
you
and
play dead
just not to fall
in love
again
bucket o’ love
I could use
a day or two
of something old
mixed with someone new
or visa versa-
I would love
to see some good
if I should
grow and change
and rearrange
the fiction-
diction
that plays
in my head
that repeats
old things
some-dumb-body
has said
some time
before I learned
when
and what
to take in
and when
and what
crap to ignore.
I am me
and me
wants to be
okay
every day
and have things go my way
because my way
is with love.
-k.c.
can’t sleep
I was vulnerable
I let my guard down
with you
even though I’ve been hurt before
you were so scared to hurt again
yet here I am
and I don’t know why
I’m so tired
but I can’t sleep
knowing that you’re right there
and I’m here
but we are so far apart
why do I even try?
maybe that is the reason why…
I am here again.
-k.c.
the feeling is gone
in a dream
you were there
and it was the same you
angry
abusive
loud
mean
explosive
but in my dream it didn’t bother me
it made me uncomfortable and uneasy
I said goodbye to you
and I didn’t feel anything
when I woke up
I didn’t care no longer cared
I no longer had love for you
I rarely think anyone is a waste of time
but you really wasted my time-
and I wish I would have saw you
the way you really are before the years of effort and abuse
I don’t care if you hate me
I don’t care if you forget me
you gave me nothing to hold onto
nothing to miss
nothing good to want back again…
except for myself
