I must get over this

Drastic changes are needed

Cause it’s not working your way

it’s not working for me at all

Your call

But staying this way

Is only going to make me leave

And not say anything

Cause I can’t say anything without

An excuse

Or a disregard

Or deaf ears

And it’s really sad

That you didn’t learn the first time

But this is killing my spirit

And my soul

And I’m better than this

So I’m gonna get myself back

Far away from you

You never appreciate what you gave until it’s gone.

I’m hurting

And this needs to stop

Now

But for this to stop

I need to stop

And I’ll stop for good

Cause you don’t make me feel special or good at all anymore

You have a heart of stone

I haven’t slept in two days
cause you put me through hell
your lack of care
your lack of tact
your lack of you
and the fact that I’m here upset
while you snore your way into a deep deep sleep
while I’m getting more upset
and less and less sleep cause my mind won’t stop
PISSES ME OFF

breathe, kyoko
this shit don’t matter

deep down inside
I know that
anyone who can feel so little
will have so little
and he’ll most likely be happier than the rest of us
who feel the weight of. the world
and love
and have a heart

that which does not care about me
I do not have time to care about anymore

it’s the habit of caring that’s my problem
look
I’m up at 5 am
while he’s probably snoring his way into/out of a stupor
why would I want someone who doesn’t see me clearly
who WANTS to misunderstand
and mistreat me?

I don’t

I really fucking don’t

he bad outweighs the good

in this case

and in a few others

and I’m learning that
anyone who makes me feel anything less than good
is not anyone I want to invest my time into.

I used to love him
but he only loved me with conditions

I’m fading out

I need sleep

a long sleep
where you won’t be there to haunt me tonight
or every again.

When you find out that someone you thought was good to you

Is just like so many other douchebags that fill the streets of LA

The truth is

You are not all those things you say and think you are

You are exactly what I don’t want

Nobody would want someone who doesn’t see themselves and can’t be real

You only care about you

And I’m starting to not care about you cause you have done nothing to help

The love you have was only for you

Not to actually love me

You don’t know a single thing about love

You’re a child

That most people want to smack in the face when they meet you

Cause you come off like an arrogant kid who thinks he’s bad ass. You come off like you deserve better treatment than you are willing to give

And people just don’t like you

Now I understand why

Cause I don’t like you now that I’ve seen who you really are

I guess my friends are better at reading people than I am

Or I just don’t listen to myself. I knew you could be like this yet I believed you when you said you would be different and that you could change

Ha. That’s a laugh

You are still exactly the same

And I don’t really like who you are now

And I will do anything and everything I can to make sure you stay away from me cause I don’t want to be around someone like you

We were close but you haven’t been there for me when i needed

And you don’t even care to try

Cause you’re a shitty person

People who are decent do things to be there for the people they love and care about

You do not

So I don’t want you

You’re not cool

You think you know things you have no clue about

And most importantly

When someone you forced your love on

As well as made them believe that you loved them

Is going through the hardest time in their lives

And you can’t even be decent enough to be there or check in on them….

That makes you a pretty shitty human being.

That makes you

A little boy with no loyalty. No heart. No care. Nobody. You are nobody.

I hope you learn how you made me feel and I hope it hurts.

I also hope you stay away from me cause I don’t want anything to do with any part of your big headed, cocky for no reason, heartless self.

You are a worthless person when it comes down to it. A worthless person pretending to be someone you’re not.

Go away from here . I’ll expose you for the sleazy – selfish child you are… And/ or I’ll make sure you stay away by other means.

I don’t like you

I don’t have to be nice to someone I don’t like and don’t trust.

You were the biggest waste of time and I’m glad to trash you for good.

You will get yours. And it won’t be from me. But when karma does come back at you

I’ll just sit back and watch and laugh cause you deserve it. You deserve worse to teach you how to be a decent person.

Good riddance

You have been my faithful companion for years

But now your time has come to it’s end

My heart hangs heavy

Sadness turns to tears

Having to say goodbye

To my greatest friend.

I will miss you most of all

You brought so much joy and happiness into my life.

Thank you my little buddy.

I love you

My time with you is done

You no longer are welcome

And I will treat you

Just the same

I erase you and your name

From me

I don’t want you

I never did

And now I know why…

Cause I knew

the real you

was this

And not that person you tried to

Make me believe you were

And I don’t want this ugly you.

Or the fake you

I just want you out of my life and my sight for good.

What a waste of MY time.

Never again

Will I do something

Sweet

Cause it always backfires and it’s unappreciated

This is what I’ve learned today.

Some people are with my time

Some are not

And the way to tell the difference

Is when the shit comes down on you

And the rug gets pulled beneath you

And your world gets turned upside down

Who’s still there?

Well that’s how you know

Who is and who is not

Worth the care.

It’s really that simple

…

Now deal with the truth

And move on

(Telling that to myself)

You’ll be okay without

The Bullshit people in the way

You’ll actually be much better.

And feel much better after a little while

You’ll begin to smile

Again

So let them go

…

And move on…

That’s what i say to anyone who doesn’t give a fuck

Don’t try and tell me you do

When you have it easy

When your worst fear is mommy and daddy yelling at you when you’re almost fucking 30

You’re not on my level

Your heart hasn’t gone through enough

To know how to have a heart

You’re like soulless

Spoiled

Selfish

And stupid

About what you do now

Only caring about it later

And later is too late

I’m stronger than you will ever be

So i don’t care what you think

Cause You haven’t been through shit

And I pity the man

Who thinks he can

Treat anyone so carelessly

After selling themselves with words abd promises

You have to learn

The hard way

And until then

Everyone in your life

Will be as fake and phoney

As you

That helps me sleep at night

Cause I don’t accept

Fake

Shit

And conmen

You’re life is stupid

Your “love” feels like a cheap car sales man

Trying too hard To sell you a lemon

Trying to take all your money

When They know the money you have

Isn’t a lot but you’ve worked your ass off for it

And then when that car they sold you breaks down in the middle of nowhere late at night

And you’re fucked

They’re at home alone

Sleeping peacefully

Without a care in the world

Sleazy

And slimy

I wouldn’t ever want to be someone like you

Everyone warned me

About you

And I didn’t listen

Cause for some stupid reason

I see the good in people

But never again

Will I allow someone

With such disregard

And without any grace or feel

To ever talk themselves

Into my heart

Cheap

And cold

I feel sorry for you

and uncomfortable

Csuse you try so hard

To say something

But it’s never ever right

But you think you’re so clever

You will be more alone

Then I ever will

You’ll think of me

When you have no one

And you’ve wasted your days on stupid shit

And everyone you loved is dead

You’ll think of me

And hate that I was right

It’s just who you are

I act like a bitch

Because I’m dealing with you

And you

Is not

Someone

I want to deal with anymore

Is not good enough

This is a message to myself

I’m sorry

I wish you understood me better

But you choose to only see the me

That is so alone

It’s unbearable

If I know how to fix it I would

But I can’t change others and

Everywhere I look

Points me in the same direction

I have no one

And no one has me

Remember the Buddhist temple

Under the biggest rock

And whatever is left of the Bush beside my front door

I don’t want to do this no more

Sorry

But why did you have to be so mean?

I wasn’t mean to you until you got really mean

I just don’t get it

Cause I had so much love in my heart for you

And you would trash be every time

You are responsible for your actions

And those actions lead to making people like they don’t belong

Especially unwanted to you

I guess you forgot what it’s like to be in love and have someone crush you just because they can.

I’d rather crush myself

Are you here with me now?

No

Do you try to understand and be kind?

No

Do you even care about me at all?

I wouldn’t know because you don’t even try to keep me around

I thought we had something special

So that’s why I’m so hurt that you could be this way now. It hurts

You’re not hurting at all.

I always thought about you

And wanted to make you happy

But why do I care about you so much

When you don’t give a damn about me.

I see your actions

And that’s not seeing you

You didn’t even say goodbye on my birthday

… Decent?

You make me out to be such a bad person but you’re just plain mean and careless and cruel.

You lie all the time

But blame me

You won’t ever see

Until I’m gone.

Like gone for good.

This has been the hardest time in my life

And I don’t even have you giving me love

Like the love I gave you

I’m an idiot.

You don’t have a heart cause you know pain and you csuse it by doing what hurts me the most.

When you don’t have to.

This is my end.

I’m so heartbroken

It’s beyond repair

This blog started as my creative little poems about the good -the bad -the unknown

But now it’s become my only friend

And I’m even tired of it

And what is turned into

This is my end

I shouldn’t be here