Evil fuck

Why do you feel the need to kill anything good that you have..

It’s your nature

I don’t want you.

You’ll never change what is you.


The calm

What’s strange to me

Is how calm I feel










It’s pointless to argue

If you want to love someone

Show them love

If you want to kill someone

Show them by not listening

By not giving a damn

By ignoring their feelings.

They’ll start to feel the same way too

When the calm sets in

That’s when you know

It’s the end

At the end

I don’t know how you can say things to someone and then take them back the way you do

But I do know that

This is not

What you do

To someone

If you want them to feel loved

And safe

Abs taken care of

This is what you do

When you want them to see


They aren’t worth it to show them real love


They are just someone who you can hurt

And then make them feel like it’s their fault when they need a little more

This is why

I know my days

Are coming to an end

I don’t need you to understand me or save me

When you’re the one

Who didn’t care to be love

When it actually mattered.

I wonder if you’ll care

When you realize

How little love you showed me now


I am gone.

Nothing about you is real

You lie

To me

To yourself

So goodbye

You are erased from my life

And from my memory.

I was great before you

So I’m great right now.

It only triggers something if you care

And why should I care about someone who always wants to make me feel bad?


You have become just another face in the crowd.

One I don’t even notice cause it’s not worth my time.

I should be that to you as well.

Ok now for something completely different.

Today was a good day.

Stupid questions

You say a lot of stupid things

And I don’t stop loving you

But I ask a question

You find stupid

You get mad and treat me with hate

You say anything you want to me

All the time and I’m suppose to take it like a joke and roll with it

But if I do it

You just get hateful

After days of us being good.

I guess you’ll always be this way

If a question you don’t like makes you hate me and makes you forget everything good we have then

I know it’s not me.

If I can love the worst you and still be by your side

But you can’t even love me when I ask one question you find stupid then you need to learn how to love better

Cause love isn’t just loving someone when it’s easy. Love is loving someone when it’s not the easiest.

You hate me every other day

But you don’t see yourself and how you are

You say I’m a hypocrite

But you are too

Why do you have to go to the place of hate over something you could just have patience with. You make everything go to shit for the dumbest things

You have more hate in you

Then you do love

Pillls and booze

Do you ever feel so low

Abd everyone you know

Who says they care

But their words are filled with air

Just fluff

And now I’ve had enough

That I’m fine

I’m done

This living ain’t much fun

And you’re not the one.

I thought you were

You told me you were

As I write this

The world’s becoming a Blur

And my time is running out

If you ever had a doubt

You won’t after tonight

You just wanted to be right

Well then that you shall be

But you won’t ever have me


The end

I don’t want you. I don’t need you.

I don’t need you.

I lost myself for a bit cause I loved you

But you do everything that goes against what makes a healthier relationship and things that go against my standards

-you don’t communicate in a way that is clear and constructive

-you get angry at everything you don’t like for reasons I don’t understand

  • when you get angry you put me down, call me names like stupid and crazy

-you ignore me and turn everything around even your bad behavior so that it’s my fault. You make me expressing my feelings like I’m wrong for having them or I’m wrong for expressing them. Even even I’m calm and just ask a question you blow up and disrespect me on a level that is unacceptable

-you don’t show you care. You don’t think of me or want to spend money on me like gifts or things like that. I always offer to /pay for things cause I want to. I buy you gifts and things that I think you’ll enjoy cause I want to. I never make you feel bad for all the money I’ve spent on you cause I like doing those things for someone I love. when you do spend some money on me you always have to bring it up and complain about how much money you spent on this or that and that’s not the kind of man I want. Cheap men or men who don’t value my worth or do nice things just because are not worthy men.

  • you make up stories or beliefs about me that aren’t true and treat me badly cause of these fictional beliefs. You think I’m always trying to be with someone else cause I’m friendly and I’m a bartender. I have both male and female friends you are allowed to meet and be a part of. You keep all your female friends hidden when I’m around yet when I’m not around they are.You’re trying to make me insecure cause you are and I deserve better

-you don’t try. You can never admit when you’re in the wrong and you don’t try to change. You think the way you are is fine and in a relationship it’s not.

  • i was always the one to fight for our relationship cause you give up any time there’s a little disagreement. And you bring up the past when something reminds you of it yet I’m never allowed to bring the past up cause you tell me to get over it. You’re not fair. You don’t behave in way that makes me feel taken care of and loved. You’re secretive. You can never talk without it being a fight and you don’t allow me to express myself when you’ve done something that is not okay without getting defensive and without bringing up false accusations or things about me just to deflect your wrong doingings.
  • you don’t appreciate me fully at all

  • you tell me how you can have other women

Then go ahead cause I can have a much better quality of man than you.

I don’t need your mind games, abusive behavior and toxicity in my life.

I was so focused on you that it made me forget what my standards are and you’re not meeting them at all.

  • you ignore me when you don’t like something I do even when it’s you who started it.

-you act stupid and I don’t want to be a stupid person. That’s what you tell me but in actuality that’s what I should be telling you. But i wouldn’t say it in such a mean way

  • you create a hot and cold inconsistent environment and feel that is unneeded and that I do not want in my life.

-you’ve lost me cause of your lack of self awareness and true awareness , your lack of empathy, your lack of respect and care, and because of your lack of change.

You can’t expect me to change everything while you can just continue to act the same way that i find unacceptable and do not want in a partner.

You’re a different person every day. I don’t know who I’m going to get.

You are a man of low worth because you don’t strive to be better towards people who genuinely love you. You just don’t care. Your past relationships make you bitter and make you give less to our relationship that is now no more.

You don’t deserve me.

You deserve someone like you. Someone who gets angry doesn’t care puts you down ignores you never thinks about you never reaches out. Plays games and makes you feel insecure.

I no longer want to be in a relationship with you because you are not ready and you are not willing to see what you do.

I will no longer be just an option to you while I made you a priority.

You lost me cause I realized what the fuck have I been going getting so upset and feeling bad over someone who’s in the wrong 89% of the time but can’t take accountability for it. You blame me for your bad behavior and it’s not me. My mistake was allowing you to get away with it and allowing you to take away my self worth. I realize my worth and I can do SO much better than you.

When a man really values a woman and their relationship he’ll make efforts instead of making excuses or playing games.

You are not that man.

You offer me nothing that I want or need in my life.

Your crumbs of love were not enough and will never be good enough for someone to actually want it unless they are as insecure as you.

I’m glad I realized this today. I was being stupid for giving so much to someone who gave very little and really didn’t want to give at all.

I’m going to do my own thing and heal and then move on to the things that make me feel good and that work with me. People that show me and act in ways that show me that they want me around and value me.

This is the most happy I’ve felt in a long time.


happiness is a warm …


you thought I was going to write gun huh?

yeah me last year (hell last month) probably would have

but I know who I am

and sometimes all I need is to

lay down


and a warm blanket to comfort me

or just to feel comfortable.

a blanket won’t cause me a heart attack

a blanket doesn’t scream at me and call me names and then abandon me after it’s used me as a punching bag for shit that isn’t even in the right now

a blanket makes me feel safer than he’s ever made anyone feel

happiness really is a warm blanket

and when that doesn’t work

a warm gun




photo credit from this website

Happiness is a Warm Gun

Look at how you are clearly

If you saw yourself

Through your eyes looking at someone else

You would hate you.

I am lonely

But you can free me

All in the way that you smile..,


I had you

And now I don’t

What did I do that made you stop loving me ?

God this is the hardest most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever felt

To be less than what I used to be to you

Makes me feel less than