skin loves fever

I am worthy of more than bread crumbs

I let go with love

I let go

To make room

For someone who feels and shows the same

❤️

Smile smile smile

But slowly die inside

When the night is over

All alone

With a feeling I can’t hide

I break down again

lately all I do is cry

No one cares anymore

So why even try

To reach out

When there’s no one there to touch

To speak up

When there’s no one there to listen

It’s better to Disappear

Like I was never here.

I feel like everyone would rather have me gone anyway

I just don’t really care

About any of this

Anymore

I like being with people who want me around –

Relationships can only build if there’s momentum and both people show up enough to build

I lose interest in people that show minimal interest.

It’s not attractive and it doesn’t give me enough consistently to keep me caring.

I see the way someone who cares about having a relationship with me mames me a priority

I appreciate the man who shows me he wants me in his life and doesn’t waste my time. Or time in general.

How could I not be more attracted to that?

It’s easy to be good to a person who shows me they value me and my time

I never keep wanting someone who makes me feel like I’m not included or someone who’s not really interested in seeing me when im interested in seeing them

Again it’s simple – I lose interest in someone who’s not interested

…

thought you were smarter than that

but i guess a miserable bird must have been yapping in your ear.

or maybe you’re just as scared as her.

i was good to you

you were not a placeholder.

and that’s all

it’s not my problem now

i don’t want anyone who doesn’t appreciate my love and time.

good luck

and goodbye

20 years ago

we were in love

but then every time i share

speak

express feelings

we would fight about something that dad nothing to do with what was trying to be said. trying to bed heard.

now it’s become so bad

that i don’t talk to you

not the way i used to

what’s the point?

to you, i have no point

it’s yours that matters

this is all feeling really lonely

and i don’t know what to do

but just disconnect from it all

and disappear.

they lie

they act like they care

only to discard you like you’re nothing

and to them you are

-////

no respect

no care

just disposable and ignored

people love to know your traumas

so they can traumatize you again

in the same way

to feel they are in control

that’s not loving

that’s not a good person

that’s evil and mean

and really truly hurtful

how do you trust anyone

when people who act like they care

can switch and show you they never really did

and what they do show you is how little your feelings matter and how easy it is for them to trash you in such a cold and ugly way that they wanted to cause you harm and pain or else they would have handled it with care.

you can’t trust anyone

no one really cares anymore

i truly feel alone

and stupid

for falling for another person

who made me believe they cared

and loved more than they actually do

never again.

my heart hurts

and i feel so alone in this world

i care

i cared

but caring has only brought me pain

They play great games

They lie

They criticize

They say things they should never say

They make lead women on

Only to ghost them

And you know what?

That’s not a real man

A real man doesn’t need to feed his eggshell ego

Just to feel good

A real man has awareness

And doesn’t make excuses for why his fucked up behavior is okay

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I’VE BEEN THROUGH?

NO BECAUSE YOU DON’T KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT ME AND SOME THINGS I WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU OVER SOME TIME.

BUT FUCK I HAVE EVERY EXCUSE TO ACT FUCKED UP AND CRUEL

But I don’t

Bevause my love is the real thing

My care is the real thing

Not just stupid words

Spitting out of my mouth

That don’t mean anything

YOUR WORDS HAVE MEANT NOTHING

BEVAUSE OF WHAT YOU SHOW ME

AND I’M BETTER THAN THIS

I’M HURT

BUT I’M BETTER THAN THIS

And I will find someone who is a real man – follows through with what he says – doesn’t play mind games – loves me incredibly – and genuinely cares

I dint have time for your hot and cold bs

So I’m done

You threw away something that could have amazing

And I’m glad you did

Weed out the crap

Make room for the great

I have light in me

Why would I ever give that to you agsin after you treated me the way you do.

Screw you

Grow up

Be aware

And fucking actually care

Don’t say I love you and that you care

Just to act like a stanger you don’t even want to be around anymore.

Lol. Just reading this

Makes me see how screwed up you are

And how shitty you’ve been to me

Emotinally

Mentally

Verbally

And at one time I really really really wanted this with you

Now I just want to forget I ever met you

Bevause all you did was waste my time

You are a sociopath liar

Yuck

i give up

you are good. i truly fell for it.

i’m sorry

please forgive me

thank you

i love you

goodbye

every time i get happy about someone or something

it bites me in the ass

so why even get excited?

i guess that’s something i need to figure out on my own.