again

you’re never there

when i needed you

You’re never there

Everything you do

You broke me

You dangle love by a string you like to tug away

I’ve given you so much time

To change

To say

Something

Anything

But inatead you

Ignore

Me

I’m really hurt

And you need to learn

What you do

Hurts people

And makes them go away for good.

I’m sorry you don’t understand

If you could only see

Me

You have broken my heart

Let me get this straight

You hate me

Because I won’t apologize

For something I didn’t do

Just because you can’t admit

(For once)

That there’s a possibility that you could be wrong.

And on top of that I’m the fucked up one

While you call me names and put me down

You call me a liar and talk shit

Though I have never left your house before without saying goodbye

So why would I do it now?

Then you come by and demand an apology from me – for the false reality you believe after you’ve called me names -cut me down and told me to fuck off –

And when I stand my ground (which you would do if the other way around)

You just leave

And I’m the one who’s in the wrong ?

If you wanted this to work

There’s a much more effective way to handle this

But it seems like you would rather blame me for everything

It also seems like you can’t admit fault or the possibility of fault on your part

Ever

And I’m not going to lie just to please your ego and keep you around.

If I left without saying anything then I would own it and later tell you why I did

I wouldn’t lie and go through all of this

Cause I do want you in my life

But not if I have to compromise myself and lie and confess to something I didn’t say – just to make you feel okay

The things you say and believe just to protect your ego – is crazy

And the worst part is – i can’t talk to you about this without you getting enraged and belittling me and storming off.

Your ego won’t allow you to ever admit you might be wrong

And there is no growth in that.

There is no self awareness when your ego stands in the way

I shouldn’t have to pay

For something I didn’t do

How could i be with you?

When you can never say sorry

Or take accountability for your actions

When you have the belief you can never be wrong.

I’m here if you decide to change.

Maybe then we can be friends

I’m tired of always being the bad guy (girl)

You can blame.

give it up

conversations with myself
when I’m left
with the mess
of twisted / tangled
discard
I hate this
I wish you hated it too
so much that you would just
be here
but that is not the way it is
ever.
god…
I’m sad
I’m fucking sad
that this is how it is

what kind of god wants to see people suffer over and over and over and over again? it’s never ending

the punishment doesn’t fit the crime. – the non existent crime.
living

ha

what kind of people want to see others hurt?

a sadistic god
creating sadistic people
I want off your fucking crazy train
coo coo ca Choo Choo

know who the real enemy is
or do “BIG” men like to piss on little trees
cause they have small dicks

I don’t fucking know

and I don’t fucking care

I’ve had enough

it seems stupid

and pointless

to keep on going and going in a world-
in a life
that is suffering

no.

you win

Defective

Throw me a bone

Give me a fucking break

I’m giving up.

There is no other way

To make me feel whole again

You win

I’m not going to lie just to keep you around

you hurt my heart
but it’s happened before
so if you’re trying to break me
(you already have)
if you’re trying to make me
(someone I’m not)
if you don’t get your way
then you’re done
if I don’t say
sorry all the time
for things I’m not sorry for
yet you never apologize for anything
you do
then why am I trying so hard
to be with you?
you’re not trying to be with me
you’re just trying to make me do what you want
and I need to be good to myself
(you’ll never be)
I appreciate the things you’ve done for me
but it doesn’t take away
all the things you take away
from my soul
how would you feel?
I don’t think you do
you have no empathy
so I don’t think you can understand
(anyone other than yourself)

whatever the case is.
love isn’t what you give
love isn’t what I feel from you
you want control.
you need to always be right
even when you act wrong
there is no compromise
or respect from you
loving you
is killing me
and YOU WILL NEVER SEE
(yourself)
when all you see
is the wrong
and the bad
of me (that you believe)
I know I’m more than you allow me to be
and now I see
that you’ll never see
how you are.

and people like you never change
it’s easier to blame me for everything
than to see yourself and change.

the easy way out is to leave
and that’s all you ever do
so this time I’m not stopping you


The short end

For All the times you don’t show an effort

You’re making me care less

And I’m not gonna go out of my way to show you what you never show me on your own.

Think about that

Why would i?

I don’t see anything from you that is keeping me around

You want fair but you never give it

Games you play. Traps you set

Done

Be better

Act like an adult

If you are so aware

If you care

I’m here

If you can’t do it

Then I can’t do this

Someone will appreciate me

Since you obviously do not.

Peace-

Games you play. Traps you set

Done

Be better

Act like an adult

If you are so aware

If you care

I’m here

If you can’t do it

Then I can’t do this

Someone will appreciate me

Since you obviously do not.

Peace-