What I do

Shutter out

Bright

In

I sin

And then begin

Again

What else is there to do?

I have no clue.

A piece of me

A piece of you

Died Thursday morning

And I’m lost without

Turning corners

I find doubt

Mixed in with finding pieces of really awesome

Most beautiful people I have ever known

The best of people

Life has ever shown

But I fuck

I suck?

I drink my way back to gold

One of the saddest stories ever told

Is the one I hold

Goodnight another day goes by with out my friend

Will we ever?

I hope we will meet again.

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Weeping

words opera

for a moment

from that time

the only miracle i took

. fell even.

noise with intercedes

appear to be

playing you.

But me playing

Hardball

Everyone too

my name here

with madness

Is you.

i commit.

awkwardly there is the odd of perfection

double dancing the speed of way

we the model

crossing so many moons

is this the end?

she pondered

After all

Things are without speaking

Thanks

o a chamber

the eyes of strange

become, nervous

to me

ndered

after things are

without speaking.

thanks

to a chamber

the eyes of strange

become, nervous

to me

This is the end

Beautiful losers

Nothing

Blank

Weeping

-kyoko cole

Art by kyoko cole
Art by kyoko cole

Man…

I’m having a hard time

White hot thought

Eyelashes

Stashes

Hope crashes

To the sea

What will be

Is me

In this world

without

He

And I can’t bare to imagine

Never seeing his face

In this place again.

Toe tag

I don’t care

To share

Myself today

Tomorrow

Or For awhile

Not For as far as I can see

Me to

For however many number of days

I can stand to put myself through

Without standing at all

You can’t stand while you fall

I can’t get out of my bed

I can’t get out of my head

I’m stuck

And sick

And in the suck

Out of luck

want to kick it

Want flick it

Want to cut it

Want to blow it’s

Pretty little pimple head right off

This mess

Is making me

Depressed

And the more I regress

The more pain I feel

I become less and less

Of a person

Who’s got a hold

Of it all

While everything is ripping at the seams

I’d rather stay down

In dreams

Than to face

Another day

Living life now this way

I’d rather drown in it

Than struggle to stay a float

Skeletons belly dead

And I’m only seeing red

Carefully cut

Open

Insides out

forever with doubt

And for the rest of my days without

My friend

who’s shell is on the table

who’s soul is lost out there

Somewhere

who knows…

Who cares….

I do

Miss you

Have I been that terrible?

That you need to be so mean

On a day

Where I lost

Someone who meant a lot

If I had lost you

I’d be worse

But you only see

The attention i give

Someone

I’ll never see again

And you fail to see

The attention i constantly give you

If I fail to give it for a moment

The way you desire it

But never communicate you desire it

You’re a child

Not a man

You will never

Understand

How much it hurts

To have to deal with this

And then to have to have to deal with you

But i love you

Bit you don’t care

And you don’t try

And you don’t show

And you don’t do anything

That makes me feel

Like I matter

At the very least

If you love me

Than love me fully

Who cares about looking like a fool

?

If you love me and I do something foolish

I’m the one who looks like the fool

Not you

But don’t go back and fourth and be fickle with your feelings

I’m not

I just don’t want to be treated like a punching bag

Tonight

I can’t stand on my own

Without shaking

I can’t talk

Without my voice quivering

I dint know what to do

Without breaking down

And I’m alone

Without you.

And you don’t even care to try to be any other way than mean

So what can i do?

I have to deal with losing my best friend

And losing my love

While still maintaining my self and self worth

Without knowing really how

I’m lost

I’m lonely

And I’m aching

And I don’t know how to make it stop

Maybe tomorrow

Ill know what to do

Or I won’t feel the way i feel now

Maybe not

But i don’t know how

To get through

The next few hours

Of being alone with myself

Until i finally pass out

With the feelings i have right now

And still make it out okay

Cause I’m not okay

And I’m not that strong

I’m not as strong as you may think

I’m not strong at all

Right now

I’m not much

More

Than just

Some stretched leather

Stitched up around some stuffing

There for you to punch

Left for you to ignore

Cobwebs have cobwebs

And I have the feeling

Of a memory

That has now become old

That only I continue to hold

That you have long ago sold

For cheap thrills and lies

….

Why

I’ve never felt so lonely

As I do right now

And I am alone

Chris

Now that you’re gone

I have no one by my side

To help me through

That person was always you

Now i feel the loneliness

Of being truly alone

You were the greatest friend

I have ever known

That this world has ever shown

I’m not alright

I’m not okay

Just take me back

To a better day

You were always there for me

And I’m so grateful for that

And for you

Until we meet again

I love you…

My sweet friend

July 9 th

It’s been one year without you

After 35 1/2 with you

And I’m lost

I need you

I miss you

Goodbye

Great show tonight

He wasn’t there

Do you understand me?

No.

Not at all

Never.

Not willing

Not capable

Not true.

Not wanting

Not caring maybe.

But I saw it once

When he maybe cared

Maybe wanted to

Maybe willing

Maybe the demons in his head

Were on vacation

Or tired.

Cause even demons need a break too

I don’t know

All I can say is how I feel

And it’s sad

To see someone you loved so much

Just turn into someone else

And have such hate

And meanness

Doesn’t make me angry

Doesn’t make me want to get revenge

I’m too sad for that

And revenge was never my thing

I let time and truth

Work it’s own magic

But right now

The kind of sadness I feel

Is like when a family member or someone you were super close dies

Except it’s worse

Cause he’s still there

Seeing whatever he wants to see

That isn’t really me

Not seeing me

But letting the real demons

Alter his brain

Take over his soul

Without him even knowing

It’s a sadness I can’t explain

Unless you’ve felt it before

One I never

Want to feel again.

-kyoko cole