I have to laugh at how stupid you are

You like destroying things

Like us

By believing your insecurities

And taking them out on me.

That’s why you’re stupid.

It’s not because I want someone else

(csuse i don’t and never have)

You have to look for problems where there is none

And stay angry at something that isn’t true

But you make true in your little brain of yours

If you really want to see stupidity

Look in the mirror

Actually look deep inside the depths of your own fucked up brain

(which will never happen cause you can’t be a better person if you always think you’re right and can never admit when you’re wrong)

And see how you have nothing of actual facts that back your stupid beliefs up.

None.

So what if I live with my ex that was over a long time before I even knew you existed. Just cause I don’t hate him doesn’t mean we still want each other in that way. Maybe that’s how it operate but I like to stay friends with people that are good people. Doesn’t mean that we still fuck or hook up. You’re the Dummy. If you want to call someone stupid or dumb you should start with looking at yourself and seeing how stupid you really are being. The hypocrisy is you still have people in your life I’ve never met and will never meet cause you like to keep that hidden cause there’s something to hide. I have nothing to hide so I invite you into my world.

You’re stupid to not see how stupid you really are.

If I was acting like you,

You would tell me the same thing but worse.

You’re a dumb man that has to ruin everything that might be good over nonsense.

You’re insecure and not very smart and abusive.

Stay the fuck away from me. You can’t appreciate all I’ve done or see any of the good yet you can fucking be evil at the drop of a dime for any little stupid reason you feel like and hate me for it then you’re a fucking idiot.

You think you’re do smart and you know everything and that’s the problem. You’ll never grow thinking that way. I don’t really give a fuck now. Cause you don’t know how to treat people and I do. Grow up and get out of my life.

You’re a dumb little man who believes the worst in people that have shown you some of the best. You’re an ungrateful hateful delusional drunk that’s so fucked up that you have to block out your self awareness and deflect your shit onto others so you will never be forced to see who you really are : a insecure man who can’t deal with anything like an adult.

You fight scream bully then run away ignore and hide from your problems

I’m not the one to blame for your my shit

You’ve always been this way and YOU ARE NOT STRONG ENOUGH MENTALLY LOGICALLY EMOTIONALLY TO EVER CHANGE.

YOU CAN’T DO IT

ALL YOU CAN DO IS GET MAD TALK SHIT AND DRINK AND FORGET

My words meant everything

You say shit all the time that means nothing.

You’re so full of shit you can’t even see how full of shit you are

Kick rocks

If you ever change and realize all the shit YOU PUT ME THROUGH and want to be a decent human being and possibly be friends someday

Maybe I’ll want that

But I doubt that will ever happen cause you’re too busy looking at everyone else’s faults to see your own

You really are a dumb man

And I’m done with YOU AND ALL THE BULLSHIT YOU MADE ME FEEL BAD FOR WHEN MOST OF IT WAS YOU.

Ugh yeah I’m using your line that you always say to me but for me is actually true…I really don’t want to be with a stupid person and that’s what you are.

End of discussion.

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I don’t want you. I don’t need you.

I don’t need you.

I lost myself for a bit cause I loved you

But you do everything that goes against what makes a healthier relationship and things that go against my standards

-you don’t communicate in a way that is clear and constructive

-you get angry at everything you don’t like for reasons I don’t understand

  • when you get angry you put me down, call me names like stupid and crazy

-you ignore me and turn everything around even your bad behavior so that it’s my fault. You make me expressing my feelings like I’m wrong for having them or I’m wrong for expressing them. Even even I’m calm and just ask a question you blow up and disrespect me on a level that is unacceptable

-you don’t show you care. You don’t think of me or want to spend money on me like gifts or things like that. I always offer to /pay for things cause I want to. I buy you gifts and things that I think you’ll enjoy cause I want to. I never make you feel bad for all the money I’ve spent on you cause I like doing those things for someone I love. when you do spend some money on me you always have to bring it up and complain about how much money you spent on this or that and that’s not the kind of man I want. Cheap men or men who don’t value my worth or do nice things just because are not worthy men.

  • you make up stories or beliefs about me that aren’t true and treat me badly cause of these fictional beliefs. You think I’m always trying to be with someone else cause I’m friendly and I’m a bartender. I have both male and female friends you are allowed to meet and be a part of. You keep all your female friends hidden when I’m around yet when I’m not around they are.You’re trying to make me insecure cause you are and I deserve better

-you don’t try. You can never admit when you’re in the wrong and you don’t try to change. You think the way you are is fine and in a relationship it’s not.

  • i was always the one to fight for our relationship cause you give up any time there’s a little disagreement. And you bring up the past when something reminds you of it yet I’m never allowed to bring the past up cause you tell me to get over it. You’re not fair. You don’t behave in way that makes me feel taken care of and loved. You’re secretive. You can never talk without it being a fight and you don’t allow me to express myself when you’ve done something that is not okay without getting defensive and without bringing up false accusations or things about me just to deflect your wrong doingings.
  • you don’t appreciate me fully at all

  • you tell me how you can have other women

Then go ahead cause I can have a much better quality of man than you.

I don’t need your mind games, abusive behavior and toxicity in my life.

I was so focused on you that it made me forget what my standards are and you’re not meeting them at all.

  • you ignore me when you don’t like something I do even when it’s you who started it.

-you act stupid and I don’t want to be a stupid person. That’s what you tell me but in actuality that’s what I should be telling you. But i wouldn’t say it in such a mean way

  • you create a hot and cold inconsistent environment and feel that is unneeded and that I do not want in my life.

-you’ve lost me cause of your lack of self awareness and true awareness , your lack of empathy, your lack of respect and care, and because of your lack of change.

You can’t expect me to change everything while you can just continue to act the same way that i find unacceptable and do not want in a partner.

You’re a different person every day. I don’t know who I’m going to get.

You are a man of low worth because you don’t strive to be better towards people who genuinely love you. You just don’t care. Your past relationships make you bitter and make you give less to our relationship that is now no more.

You don’t deserve me.

You deserve someone like you. Someone who gets angry doesn’t care puts you down ignores you never thinks about you never reaches out. Plays games and makes you feel insecure.

I no longer want to be in a relationship with you because you are not ready and you are not willing to see what you do.

I will no longer be just an option to you while I made you a priority.

You lost me cause I realized what the fuck have I been going getting so upset and feeling bad over someone who’s in the wrong 89% of the time but can’t take accountability for it. You blame me for your bad behavior and it’s not me. My mistake was allowing you to get away with it and allowing you to take away my self worth. I realize my worth and I can do SO much better than you.

When a man really values a woman and their relationship he’ll make efforts instead of making excuses or playing games.

You are not that man.

You offer me nothing that I want or need in my life.

Your crumbs of love were not enough and will never be good enough for someone to actually want it unless they are as insecure as you.

I’m glad I realized this today. I was being stupid for giving so much to someone who gave very little and really didn’t want to give at all.

I’m going to do my own thing and heal and then move on to the things that make me feel good and that work with me. People that show me and act in ways that show me that they want me around and value me.

This is the most happy I’ve felt in a long time.

😉

happiness is a warm …

blanket.

you thought I was going to write gun huh?

yeah me last year (hell last month) probably would have

but I know who I am

and sometimes all I need is to

lay down

breathe

and a warm blanket to comfort me

or just to feel comfortable.

a blanket won’t cause me a heart attack

a blanket doesn’t scream at me and call me names and then abandon me after it’s used me as a punching bag for shit that isn’t even in the right now

a blanket makes me feel safer than he’s ever made anyone feel

happiness really is a warm blanket

and when that doesn’t work

a warm gun

ha

-kc

https://granitegrok.com/blog/2013/04/cartoon-the-better-security-blanket

photo credit from this website

Happiness is a Warm Gun

the mourning of my past

i dip
and slip
under the moon
and fall past
the last
hand comin’ round too soon
i skate
and wait
for nothing cause it’s so much fun
to chase the moon
and run from the sun
i smile and spin
as something within
starts to begin
again
i dance and prance
and fly through the air
without a doubt or a single care
and as the morning dew
comes into view
i say goodbye
to the past
i held onto
what was
was then
and what is
is now
i got stuck between
the years somehow
so hello this moment
hello today
i am present
i am here
and i am okay
my eyes are open
my ears are open
my heart is open
i am open
to be me now.

 

7eaf34_18a5ffb03e4c45e08bab2887c92a5906_mv2

-k.c.

 

Look at how you are clearly

If you saw yourself

Through your eyes looking at someone else

You would hate you.

I am lonely

But you can free me

All in the way that you smile..,

:/

I had you

And now I don’t

What did I do that made you stop loving me ?

God this is the hardest most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever felt

To be less than what I used to be to you

Makes me feel less than

Nice to see your face

Still heartbreaking all the same

I guess I now know

I have to let you go

Csuse you let me go

A long time ago

But it was nice to see your face

I’ll miss

So very much

You

The only one I would ever marry is you.

It’s always been

and

always will be

you.

Some things

Some things

I get over easily

Some take time

Very few things

I’ll never get over

And you are one of those few things.

Makes life unbeatable

And the less I enjoy

What good is it

If this feeling won’t go away?

What good am I

When this makes me unhappy every day?

It’s not and I’m not

I can’t do this anymore

Without you

Without your love

I just don’t feel like doing this

Anymore

Three years ago in August

If there was one time

I wish I could go back to

It would be

When I first met you

I would be a little more careful

To not make you feel any doubt

I would let you in

So you would know what I was really about

I would be myself

And wouldn’t act so cool

And hopefully you would see

So you could still appreciate me

Now

And love me now

Like you used to

If there is one thing I want more than anything in the world

It’s to relive that time again

Cause the fact that you don’t love anymore

And can live your life without me and be perfectly okay

While I could never feel that way

you discarded me

like what we had meant nothing to you at all

You never write

You never call

If you could know how I feel

You would know it’s real

Cause I’m heartbroken

And sad

I would do anything to go back

To 3 years ago

To the beginning

I would do anything to have your love again.

It doesn’t get easier

It only

Gets older

And colder

The more time passes by

I would have gone to the ends of the earth for you

Yet you have so quickly forgotten me

Maybe when I’m finally gone

You’ll think of me and miss my love

Knowing then

Only When

It becomes something you will never be able to get back

My days are numbered.

My heart is so broke down

And sad

I’ll never be the same again