I’m sorry for all that I did to make you feel unloved
I loved (love) you more than anything
I really should have handled things differently
I think we both could have but
I’m not here to point fingers
All I want is for you
To be happy
Even if it’s not with me.
I loved you.
My love for you
was deeper and stronger than
you will ever know.
You rejected it.
You still reject it
and you will always reject it
because holding on to what is NOT true
is more important to you
than
holding on to me
and us.
You were my lover
and my friend
and you had so many chances to
make it right
make it better
be here
like you said you would
be my friend
and follow through with your words
but you never did
you never do
and now there is nothing that I can do
because
there is no more time.
the time you had
you wasted
you ignored
you spent punishing me
all the things you failed to see
will soon be gone
at least for me
you only punished yourself.
all the times I called you
– got no answer-
asked you to come over
and see me
one last time
–
I called your name
many times
and still you never came
once upon a time
you were my love…
now it’s my time to say goodbye…
so goodbye.
even though I am no longer important to you
even though you cared more about hating me
than loving me
I will forever (beyond this lifetime) love you
and
you will forever be important to me
—
I’ll see you again my friend
in the next life
when we come back as cats
(or me as a bird and you as a wolf)
Goodbye.
…
The past is there
We leave a part
Of who we are
Who we were
Taken in and
Pushed out
Somewhere pieces of us
Remain
In a micro trace
Floating in air
Or somewhere in space
Sometimes i feel you
Within an old place
Or taken again
In someone
Out somewhere
Breathing in air
truth in rented rooms
walls that have stood
lifetimes before I ever would –
Collecting secrets
Collecting dust
In forgotten spaces
in forgotten faces
In rented rooms
Misunderstood
Sometimes I wish I could
The hurt
Leave this body
and just forget
But like old walls
Hold silhouettes
Of the past
that will never be again
I hold
A part of you
so what if you’re weird…
so what if I had a moment of allowing you to be weird?
I’m weird all the time.
I had a moment of knowing that you needed something
and maybe I couldn’t give it to you
but at least I could be there for you
in some weird fucked up way
because I needed to not feel weird
in some weird fucked up way.
but don’t fucking be weird about it now.
something about you makes me want to help you
I don’t know
take care of you
in a non motherly
non- girlfriend kinda of way
fuck it
I couldn’t care less about what I feel
except for I don’t want you to treat me weird.
I actually enjoyed.
two weird-ass people
in a weird situation
that will most likely never happen again
and that’s the beauty of it
that it did happen
and I didn’t judge you.
I just didn’t want you to feel alone
in this stupid beautiful world
because it’s so easy to feel alone
in a city like this
that feeds off of drama
and bullshit
and faking it until you make it bullshit
fuck!
goodnight
I don’t know what I’m doing sometimes….
and that’s okay
We’re all a little weird
and
a little lonely sometimes.
Anyone who tries to pretend like they’re not those things
is lying.
I like all the imperfect people allowing themselves to be
just what they are…
and not pretending to something or someone else.
I like a little weird
I enjoy a little strange
The moments I get to be with people,
where they allow me in – to see how strange they are-
even if only for a night-
is truly special-
It’s those moments that make life worth living.
If everyone had a place to be themselves and a place to feel safe… this world might be a better place.
shut it down
shut it off
shut it out
shut up
howl to the moon
and cry yourself to sleep
you’re in too deep
on the shallow side
you can run
and I’ll hide
didn’t anyone teach you
not to run with scissors in your hand
you try to walk on water
when you can barely crawl on land
you can kiss off
piss off
kick rocks
get lost
but lost is what you are
you can keep running
but you won’t get very far
what you fear
will always be near
but it won’t be me
that you see
it won’t be me
there is no we.
I don’t owe you anything
there’s nothing I am obligated to do
for you
I do not care
what you want
or how you feel
because nothing about you
is even real
not my problem
none of my concern
i light a match
detach
set it on fire
and let it burn
as I turn
and walk away
not ever looking back
it’s a new day
and I’m not
who I was
before
–
I’m glad you took off
the way you did
I’m glad you showed me who you really are
It hurt like hell at first
but you leaving
made room for someone
who has brought me back to life again
who cares and
who excites
in ways you never would
and
or
never could.
don’t fall to pieces
life still goes on
life’s colors haven’t faded
even if life gets you down
try not to let it make you jaded
just remember
you can’t hold on so tight
it’s not your fight tot fight
for what does not belong to you
it’s not that black and white
the layers
the players
constantly change
and rearrange
people come
people go
some people you never really know
someday we all will die
now is not the time to wonder why
say goodbye
don’t hold on
everything you love
some day will be gone
Light another cigarette
Haven’t eaten in days
But I’m about to change my ways
Cause it ain’t no thing
This world is about to bring
Something true
Goodbye to everything cruel
I’m not yours
I’m not yours
I am not yours
I belong to me
What you failed to see
Was the real me
And I’m not yours
Sitting on my bed
With better thoughts in my head
Everything you said
Was a lie
Just enough to get by
So Bye bye
It’s not even about you.
Cause everything about you i thought I knew
Was untrue
Just like you were unkind
I’m replacing you in my heart and in mind
With good people
It’s almost 4 am
I got home from work
And then
Something made me see
Something made me be
Okay
Better than OK
I’m happy you decided to go away
Because that’s who you are
And at least now you’re far
From me
So I can be
With someone who deserves
My love
That will never give up
Cause I’m strong
I might be wrong
Sometimes
But I’m right about this
What’s there to miss?
When it was all fake
Someday many years from now
you’ll think of me
And your heart will break
And there will be nothing you can do
Because you akready did what you did
And I’ve rid myself of you
I’m living my life
Tonight people were kind
Made me smile
Helped me find
My way out
Of the mess you left behind
I have more important things to do
Than to be sad and waste my time
Being hurt by someone like you
You don’t know how to love
And I hope you learn
So you can be happy
And In turn
Give love
When things aren’t as easy as you want it to be
Superficial “love”
Just isn’t for me
Goodbye to you
Someone I never really knew
And now don’t care to ever know
Um happy to see you go
Run run run
I am officially done
. . . but here I go anyway.
Poetry and fiction not intended for the masses — Sam M. Phillips
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