Life is weird

He left

Like I was nothing

Just stopped giving love

Overnight

Like the switch of a light

But you did it to yourself

You may not care now

But you will someday

But it’s funny how one door closing

Brought in something very special and kind

And it’s nothing more than that

Nothing less

And I’m happy

Because no one would do

What you did to me

If i ever meant anything to you at all

No one would do what you did

I’m glad to be rid of you

You fucked up something

Because you thought I needed you to be strong

Ha

You were wrong

I needed to be strong

And I let my guard down with you

But that was then

And this is now

None of this matters much to me anyhow

You left with me nothing to care about

And now I really don’t.

You get what you give

I’m sure that makes you happy now

But trust

I’m much happier that I dodge a bullet

If you can be that night and day. Hot and cold

That’s scary and I’m glad I saw it now before I wasted more of my time

Hope you figure yourself out

But not for me

For the world and anyone else who ever had to deal with you.

But as far as me

I’m someone you’ll never see

Or know again .

I hate this

please god just make this feeling go away

I just wish I never met you

because I’ve had love and I know love

so for the love that I’ve actually had I’m greatful

I did not need someone to trigger my trauma in the most heartless fucked up way like this.

I was lied to

promised love and I thought I was given love

and got it all taken away in the course of a day

fuck this

this is getting to be too much on my heart.

I can’t even function

and all that he had to do was communicate to me before just destroying me and leaving.

I want myself back

but he took that and broke me into little pieces that I’m trying to piece back together on my own.

I just don’t know what to do anymore

this is not getting easier

this is the worst thing I’ve ever been through

and I just don’t want to feel anymore.

I really just don’t know what to do.

let go

don’t fall to pieces
life still goes on
life’s colors haven’t faded
even if life gets you down
try not to let it make you jaded
just remember
you can’t hold on so tight
it’s not your fight tot fight
for what does not belong to you
it’s not that black and white
the layers
the players
constantly change
and rearrange
people come
people go
some people you never really know
someday we all will die
now is not the time to wonder why
say goodbye
don’t hold on
everything you love
some day will be gone

Picture

Paint brush

In hand

Nothing in mind

But I understand

That it’s not about what I paint

But about painting out how I feel

And I feel good

To mix colors

To feel the paint

Run across the canvas

To see the colors blend and bleed

Right now it’s all I need

I feel alive

I feel alive

Thank you

If i didn’t have my art

I don’t know where I would be

3:45 am Friday morning

Light another cigarette

Haven’t eaten in days

But I’m about to change my ways

Cause it ain’t no thing

This world is about to bring

Something true

Goodbye to everything cruel

I’m not yours

I’m not yours

I am not yours

I belong to me

What you failed to see

Was the real me

And I’m not yours

Sitting on my bed

With better thoughts in my head

Everything you said

Was a lie

Just enough to get by

So Bye bye

It’s not even about you.

Cause everything about you i thought I knew

Was untrue

Just like you were unkind

I’m replacing you in my heart and in mind

With good people

It’s almost 4 am

I got home from work

And then

Something made me see

Something made me be

Okay

Better than OK

I’m happy you decided to go away

Because that’s who you are

And at least now you’re far

From me

So I can be

With someone who deserves

My love

That will never give up

Cause I’m strong

I might be wrong

Sometimes

But I’m right about this

What’s there to miss?

When it was all fake

Someday many years from now

you’ll think of me

And your heart will break

And there will be nothing you can do

Because you akready did what you did

And I’ve rid myself of you

I’m living my life

Tonight people were kind

Made me smile

Helped me find

My way out

Of the mess you left behind

I have more important things to do

Than to be sad and waste my time

Being hurt by someone like you

You don’t know how to love

And I hope you learn

So you can be happy

And In turn

Give love

When things aren’t as easy as you want it to be

Superficial “love”

Just isn’t for me

Goodbye to you

Someone I never really knew

And now don’t care to ever know

Um happy to see you go

Run run run

I am officially done

The truth

I don’t need someone

Like you

I don’t need your lies and fake selfish “love”

You were just in it for you and you only

And now I don’t care

You lost me

You lost me

And I’m happy that you did

Because my love is true

But it’s no longer for you .

Too many people like you in this world

What a waste of time

I’m happy that you showed me

Who you really are

Now I got mine

Good luck

I will forever leave you alone

I’m no longer mad

Not even sad

Just better off

And better now

Without heartless and cruel

Men like you

the side people never show
even when you think you do
you never really know
someone
paintbrushes washed
in my clean and empty room
I feel sick
I feel stuck
I feel buried
inside my own tomb
I don’t know what to do
I’ll just pretend I’m okay
as each and every grueling day
slowly goes by
why?
why ?
I don’t want to die
but I don’t want to live.
I have nothing more
I want or have to give
just put me out of my misery
please
I don’t even want him back
after this
I just don’t want to feel
and I don’t want to miss
the little things
that made me so happy
like never before
but I don’t love anyone
who so easily walks out the door
without warning
without saying anything
that matters
after everything you said to me
that I thought mattered
like I thought you mattered
just put me out of my misery
I don’t care about love
I don’t care about having you
I don’t care that we are through
I don’t want to die
but I don’t want to live
I have nothing more
left to give
just put my out of my misery
do you hear me?
please.
put me out of my misery.

I don’t know how I feel

a box full of lies
memories of something wonderful
that didn’t really mean a thing
ice cold
people get old
I’m not okay
but what can you do
I wouldn’t want someone like you
if I knew everything could turn
with the flip of a switch
which
I should have done
to you
you don’t need care
you don’t need love
you need to learn
how to treat people
and you need to learn
how to work things through
not just to run away.
some day it will be you
and i hope it makes you a better person
I don’t care
you can stay
the way
you are
far from my love
that I wasted
on someone who just doesn’t really care
I need to be more aware
of people who say I love you
too much
to make up for
the little love they have

I’m glad it’s over
at least I know who you are now
instead of finding out years from now
you’re not a bad person
you just don’t know how to love
and follow through
and work through
the times when things get rough
you’re not tough
but neither am I
so all I can do is sit here
alone and allow myself to cry
over what I thought was real
and hopefully soon
I won’t feel
anything at all for you anymore

Magical

You don’t want me Anymore. And that’s OK. I don’t want you. If you do. This that you do. But I wish you the best. Because you were better Than all the rest. Until you weren’t. I am happy. What if, down the road, after years, Hugh did this? It would be so much harder. At least I found out who you really are now. In difficult times and situations. Who would want somebody that just bails?? No one. And when you need someone there for you How would you feel? If they just ran away. Made you pay. For something

Today’s a new day and I’ve decided. That. You did me a favor. Because. I give love. 100% good times, bad times. I’m there. And why would I ever want to be with somebody that isn’t There or aware

Why would I want to be with somebody that doesn’t even care?

2022

You want to leave me
and i can’t argue
i can’t give you anything
that will make you feel
like you should stay
if you’ve already made you way
Out the door
like I’ve seen
many times before
you ever existed in my life
all i can do is cry
as the greatest part of me
continues to die
the end is near
i say words
that have no sound
that you will never hear
the fear
of losing
again
wins.

Sad girl

You sad girl
maybe you didn’t have much
But you met a man who loved you and gave you the world

And you fucked it up
like you always do
Everything you thought you knew

Now you see you know nothing

Give up

Give up

You sad girl
it’s time to give up

Like everyone else has given up on you

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