I can fuck it all up in a heartbeat

when I feel
like I can’t be
who
I think I should be
I start to see
what I’m not.

more importantly
I feel
it all
I feel
everything
and nothing
and everything all over again
and I don’t know how to deal

with more than you know
with more than I show
what’s real to me
may not be real to you
but I want to be understood
instead of this
miss
communication
misconnection





you have been complaining
about everything I’m not
making me feel bad
like this ended because of me
but what you fail to see
is you stopped
caring long ago
you expected me to show
you everything
when you gave me little
but everything you gave had a price
if you didn’t get your way
you weren’t very nice
I was tired
stressed
burnt the fuck out
instead of understanding
you made me feel doubt
no birthday card
no valentine
no special something
sometimes
to show me
I meant something
to you
and now you have the nerve
to make me feel like
it was me who wasn’t true.
ha!
all the good people give to you
you handle carelessly
and viciously
and think it’s justified
all the responsibilities
you just let go to the wayside
careless
heartless
loveless
you
I wish I never knew
if I had a clue that this was who you are
I would have kept you far
far
far
away.

now it’s clear
that you aren’t someone I want near
I will stay clear
away from you
and move on
to someone who is willing to grow
and show
love
not just sit there and expect me to do all the work
you are just a jerk

I loved you but you were not ready for love.
goodbye.

waiting out the days

Don’t want to scream and shout
but I can’t seem to figure it out
I feel like half a person
a big hole in soul
a big hole in my heart
when I reach out to you
you just tear me more apart

and I wish I was better
maybe better off dead
I let myself go through it
be in it
just to get you out of my head.

it’s so easy for you to be mean
hide behind your smoke screen
if you ever loved me
if you ever cared
I can’t tell
I’m not well
you love seeing me down
you love putting me through hell

and I wish I was happy
maybe I’d be better off dead
I have to get through this
be in this
just to shed you from my head

I know things will get easier
time heals
or so they say
but right now
I’m all kinds of broken
-just waiting out the days

until I’m okay again




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Photo by Tuesday Temptation on Pexels.com

Above is a great journal to help you get through a breakup. Sometimes keeping a record of how you feel and what you’re going through day by day can help you better understand yourself and be more self-aware. It also can help you be aware of unhealthy patterns and habits.

what a mess

you can be mad
misunderstand me
think that I’m bad
but I’m just here
alone and sad
if you could only see
what you meant to me

I need something good
to get me out of this funk
to show me that I could
have a good life
have a good day
remember why I’m here
help me find my way

cause being alone
is wrecking my mind
if you see me
please be kind

…. ugh

where no one can find me

Seven days 

Of solid sadness

Sinking slipping sinking deep 

Shooting guns

all a Blazin’

grazin’ skin

but I can’t sleep

I can only fade away

As the pieces creep on in

But where I am 

Who knows where
I end and
you begin

I do…
and I waited for you
but I can’t get you to

I don’t know where you are
I don’t know where you hide
I am all alone here
Got no one by my side

I don’t need to be yours
If you aren’t really here
I don’t need to feel safe
When I live with all my fears

I have no choice….


Seven deadly sins
But none as deadly as your cold
even the book of right and wrong
all those lessons have grown old

Like me

I don’t know where you are
I don’t know where you hide
I don’t need to be anybody’s baby
When there’s no one by my side


You can take off to the city
You can take off to the shore
You can take off with my soul
I don’t need it anymore

I don’t need it anymore

I don’t need me anymore


some day after this one
there will be no place left for you to hide
that is when you will finally understand me
with no one by your side

like me

many years too late
many years lost
we fight to be right
but at what cost

This world is not made for lovers
This world is not made for the kind
This world is out for blood
out to kill your soul and steal your mind

this is no fun

Better to be dead
than always on the run
it’s not living
when your time is done

Like me



cold weak end night

I can use up all my breath
vocal chords shot to shit
run circles around
your same old delusions
I’m losing it

I cry out
but it falls on deaf dumb ears
it’s all a joke to you
laugh it up
you laugh
as I die
you only cry
crocodile tears
you are cold and dead inside
and
I have wasted two long years
on what?
you.
for what ?
this
mess
of stress
you cause
you create
you don’t want to see
what you do
because if you did
it would kill you


who you are now
I don’t know
I do not know
I don’t want know
I just want you to go
away
and stay away

I’m just someone
for you to blame
it’s all a game
you love to play

you
harm
hurt
hate
frustrate
suffocate
annihilate
triangulate
manipulate
intimidate
make no mistake
you sealed our fate
you do not care
you do not care
you do not care
you have no care
and now it’s too late
you wasted all my effort
you wasted so many days
with your destructive ways
you destroyed my heart and all the love I gave
careless and cruel
the way you behave
now there’s nothing left to save
you lost my love
you broke my heart
all the damage you’ve done
I need a fresh start
because
now I see
I’m not the one
for you
and you will never be the one for me

I loved you
but now that love
is gone.



here are some books if you are struggling to get out of a toxic relationship or if you just got out of a toxic relationship and you need help recovering.

blah blah

stuck
inside
a room
for days
on repeat
the same day plays
over and over
no fresh air
day after day
going nowhere

the less i live
the less I care

Listen to yourself

You know what you need

Listen to yourself

And feed

The starving parts of you

Before it’s too late

Left for dead

What a day

For wasting

Set your sights

Real low

Get stuck

And fuck

Around

Fuck it all

To hell

Shout and yell

Inside a box

Inside a cube

All day and all night

Watching the tube

Let all life

Be sucked out of me

Get sucked out of you

This is no way to live

This isn’t the way to be

Don’t you see

Yourself

Look in the mirror

That Pale and paste

Sans color face

Is me

Is you

Put down your phones

Go outside

Get some sun

Breathe in fresh air

And have some fun

Before we’re done

Say :

Farewell to the machine

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Seriously join. They have some key cool stuff for cheap prices

space

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heart space
room space
head space
my space
shared with a
head case
nowhere to go
no place
to move
I can’t breathe
I can’t face
it anymore
I try…
to make it better
I try
to make it okay-
to make it
just o.k.-
only to
have it not be
okay
only to have it
stay…
Just the same
or get even worse.
like a curse
I need to reverse
but I can’t
seem to –
get myself back
on track
when I have no space
to move
No space to breathe
no space to live
please just give
me a break
for god’s sake
at least be helpful
not harmful
be aware
and care
instead of just
always there
– always in my way.
please…
make it be better than just okay.
because every day
living this way-
is not living
it’s death-

at least tomorrow
*sigh*
is a new day
to try again.

-k.c.

I need my space
and a notebook to write my poems





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