Eat crow

burnt my two fingers

Burnt

Two fingers

Dry lips make

Paper stick

And fingers slide down

I ash all over myself

So not myself .

Or maybe this is really

Who I am.

God damn

Albatross

Knuckle under

Kneel over

And down

Seems like everything

kicks me down

When Im already there

But now

The difference is

I don’t care

To speak up

To say what I feel

To any of you

What good does it do

It doesn’t

Another night locked up

In a bathroom

In a cell

In this hell

Alone

Alone

Water from the faucet

Water down the drain

I’m done with this pain

I’m done

I just wasn’t the person for this job

The hour is getting late

Take one for the road

I didn’t have the voice

But what I have

Is the choice

Everything will be okay now

Garage yoga cigarette blues

Self split

Can never quite put

My finger on it

But something is there

To make me aware

Of tiny shifts

Of attitude and you

And it’s making me blue

It’s better not to care

Because everyone else doesn’t really seem to anymore

If they ever even did

It’s making me blue

That all I ever was to you (the only one)

Was nothing

Without you

I feel nothing

You

I miss you

But I know

You don’t

Miss me

A little boy

He does everything

He doesn’t want me to do to him

And I’m tired of

His hypocrasy

His lost

Is my gain

He’s showing me

What not to care about

All I need to do

Is stay calm

And not get so upset

Over people

Who don’t know how

To care

To make others want to stick around

This is a bad investment

And I’m not putting any more

In to something that returns less and less

It’s worthless

And a waste of my time

And energy

To deal with someone

Who can’t play fair

another day passes

take another drink
to sink
your mind into
out of the blue
and into the black
just another
sick attack
just another
thing to stack
on top of
all the other
challenges
and
obstacles
I don’t want to understand
but I do
but can’t you stop
and see me
like I see you
tummy churns
and the heart burns
I die a little more
every time
it goes
and blows
a little more
away
all the things I try
but fail
to say
that you
don’t hear
don’t care to listen to
anyway
why do you make me feel this
fucked up way
I’m not okay

see how it feels

This shit sucks

weird feel

sit
staring at the lines
on a page
sounds
of this and that
I don’t know anymore

my body feels
the desire
the natural beating
and ticking of time
counting down
the hours
made into days
made into-
not that many years
LEFT
biology is weird
bodies are weird
age is weird
life is fucking weird.
time is running out
and fast

I’m a late bloomer
when it comes to things
that the rest of the world
seemed to figure out
long ago

every new
chubby little face
is just a reminder of
what I don’t have
what I may never have
what I threw away many years before

what a waste
how it is that
one day I was young
and now i’m on bordering on
OLD?

this is sick

fuck time frames
fuck windows
fuck restrictions
that I didn’t implement

I’m like a 4 year old child going on 80 but still with a 18 year old feel

ugh

family is all I’ve ever wanted
and yet the furthest thing away

Photo by Pedro Figueras on Pexels.com

Lov3

I am in love with you

Thank you for loving me

The way you do

Whiskey midnight mayhem blues – skin loves fever

Scorpion sting Aborted fetus Creation of two Left for only one Left for the dead The constant playback in my head Of the last words ever said A belly full of lies a heart less and less  of you spitting  words lies spoken you can feel  the real of fake you try to make off…
— Read on skinlovesfever.com/2013/10/11/whiskey-midnight-mayhem-blues/

monday

defense
tone
walls up
everything else falls down
what happened to keeping me safe?
I guess not when it comes to you
how I feel is stupid
comparisons to an 18 year old
but you?
you never do
anything out of fear?
your turn around
spin of the head – fuck
it pretty damn clear
I don’t put you down
not your feelings
not your fears
not your insecure dumb shit
but I would never call it dumb to you
because it’s not to you
you can hold onto whatever issues you have
stop trying to pass them along to me
I don’t want to be
on the receiving end
of whatever
you chuck
what a fuck
to do this
when all you had to do
was answer
and understand
how to make the person
you care about so much
feel safe

once again

late night walk –
around the block
or two
or ten
in my head
thinking brain
monkey brain
feeling lame
feeling lost
feeling
too much feeling
gotta get out
of this
of it
and I know
that someday I will
but still
until
the day I do
I’m here on this walk
with the talk talk talk
back and forth
like ping pong
right and wrong
repeat song
inside my head
from me to me
and I to I
going through and through
the suck
stuck
fuck
of thoughts
and feels
journey through the
rat race
space inside my face
a trip of fools
or this trip of fool
singular
me