defense tone walls up everything else falls down what happened to keeping me safe? I guess not when it comes to you how I feel is stupid comparisons to an 18 year old but you? you never do anything out of fear? your turn around spin of the head – fuck it pretty damn clear I don’t put you down not your feelings not your fears not your insecure dumb shit but I would never call it dumb to you because it’s not to you you can hold onto whatever issues you have stop trying to pass them along to me I don’t want to be on the receiving end of whatever you chuck what a fuck to do this when all you had to do was answer and understand how to make the person you care about so much feel safe
late night walk – around the block or two or ten in my head thinking brain monkey brain feeling lame feeling lost feeling too much feeling gotta get out of this of it and I know that someday I will but still until the day I do I’m here on this walk with the talk talk talk back and forth like ping pong right and wrong repeat song inside my head from me to me and I to I going through and through the suck stuck fuck of thoughts and feels journey through the rat race space inside my face a trip of fools or this trip of fool singular me
writing this bad bad bad I wish I had something to burn this page down delete backspace my place off the face of the earth kill me before this kills my heart okay….
without saying things that need to be said to make me know what to cross out in my head then I’ll know what to do and where to fall and maybe I won’t mess it all up down fucked fucked fool I am I will not do what I did before I will not fall I will not fall I will fall somewhere far away from you and play dead just not to fall in love again
I could use a day or two of something old mixed with someone new or visa versa- I would love to see some good if I should grow and change and rearrange the fiction- diction that plays in my head that repeats old things some-dumb-body has said some time before I learned when and what to take in and when and what crap to ignore. I am me and me wants to be okay every day and have things go my way because my way is with love.
I was vulnerable I let my guard down with you even though I’ve been hurt before you were so scared to hurt again yet here I am and I don’t know why I’m so tired but I can’t sleep knowing that you’re right there and I’m here but we are so far apart
why do I even try? maybe that is the reason why… I am here again.
in a dream you were there and it was the same you angry abusive loud mean explosive but in my dream it didn’t bother me it made me uncomfortable and uneasy I said goodbye to you and I didn’t feel anything when I woke up I didn’t care no longer cared I no longer had love for you I rarely think anyone is a waste of time but you really wasted my time- and I wish I would have saw you the way you really are before the years of effort and abuse I don’t care if you hate me I don’t care if you forget me you gave me nothing to hold onto nothing to miss nothing good to want back again… except for myself
lovers you look empty the love might just change like lies
the changes catch unborn truth the voices speak just like you the trace of silence was real with this feeling from the last moment without knowing all you need the lonely -after hour anxiety some little bugs eat you ask one question and hide before it can get to you
child distract him absolutely invisible there were cries waiting for the night the scent collects but here this idea comes and you need sleep and affection so here it gets lost the only fatality made forgetting more melancholy not sudden and nothing happened this sinking evil illusion life disappears the voice here never existed this false face tears softly and challenges the real
all eyes had felt your denial this useless existence away with the night
you who come from the dark- unusual into this light- strange your love was enough above the sky you can see that this is the end whispering time hear the word hear our language a sudden taste of mystic too many must look not dwell under the fall without the curtain glow like you
purple would have understood the holding hand the mouth both interested and obsessed for you the black was still light this face and soul the same everything around you faded and remained
slippery love shake you out out out this was absolutely different your heart vibrations smile flames from the body will not be tamed they are beautiful lovely but cursed as you find them new meaning I’ll remind you of my kisses and continue life mute