I am not the enemy
from his glass
you wine (whine)
beautiful leaning she carved
a knife into a tree
under the sea
pleasantly
enough
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The fall of it all
the child ends
with a bright idea
no more.
stupid trades
such as today
all hell broke loose
red lips
ugly smoke
finds the face
a sudden kiss
under the stars
everything seemed
forever
I wanted to shake
a thousand
good wishes
like the leaves
of autumn
off a tree
that fall
like a tombstone
internal
external
flowers tarnished
gold
lace
of wonder
I have reason to run
just whisper
light
shine through me
i hope you like
the truth
I do not want this.
you introduce
a fear
that is
mysteriously you.
my eyes
have entered
the fields of death.
i can not wait
to forget you.
you always question
but never listen
without
some kind of
doubt
or judgement.
these words
someday
I will
no longer speak.
failures we make
from this
all sides
so far away
time must dig our graves
one by one
we fall
just to try again
while bleeding
this movement
of nature
I am
nothing
alone
in the catch
caught
in the in-between
The beauty of it all
Is right in front of your eyes
And it’s pure love 
I respect myself
I do.
Today will never happen again
I love myself and whatever you don’t give me (don’t want to) is fine
And all the crap you put me through. You don’t have to see but I know it’s not just me.
You do a lot that isn’t very nice
You cause a lot of hurt too and never own up to it.
How do we start a new when you still allow all that other Bullshit with girls and shit in your life.
At least I have the decency to tell guys that try to get with me that I’m seeing someone I care about very much and in order for it to work I have to try and it’s not appropriate to call me or send me any of those pics anymore or to see me.
That’s respect.
But hey it’s cool.
You’re just a guy I met at the bar with no depth. And I’m a great person with flaws but I own up to my shit and I make sure I stop it and let you know that. So you’re not in the dark
We had the best thing that could have always been better if you just trusted me and acted like a decent person and never made me feel like I have to question your actions by leaving me in the dark and then seeing those pics on your phone.
It hurt
But you can’t hurt me now cause I lost respect for you. Just cause you’re never sorry for what you put me through but I’m always sorry and try to change the things that bother you.
You really think I don’t give a fuck about myself that much to put up with someone that can’t ever say sorry or tell the truth?
I’m sorry you’re so very wrong and until you can show me your someone worth trusting. I don’t and I’ll show you the best me that you won’t have until you change how hurtful and deceitful you can be.
Ugh
You always leave me out of things you know I want to do.
I guess whoever you went with means more to you than me.
Obviously.
You know how to reach me if you wanted to.
Your lack of effort really just makes me depressed.
thirty eight hours
and useless
her lonely mother
remained silent
resting on the shoulder
of her companion
the great sun and the heavens
now seemed artificial.
do we understand the power
of our instruments?
vanity of the vanities
sometimes tried to stand and walk
like us
a coat of magnetic mindlessness
the man with bad intent
playing us like the smallest violin
this feeling of emptiness
Is more alive than me
illusions all around us.
to soften the blow
between the operator
and the subjects
you found my energy
in the broken pulse of time
I pulsate with the angels
and then laugh at our farewell
I am a memory
you see… that
this
is the end.
-Kyoko Cole
2018
No cure
Bath room doom
Another night
I hide
In the only place
I feel safe
Sitting on the floor
My back against the door
That is broken
Just like me.
It is what it is
No time to cry
No time to care
About things that can’t be undone
Hail Satan!
You have won!
Happy now?
I hope so
at least someone or something is happy
Happier than me
Than I could ever be
Be careful what you say
Cause things might end
that way
And this will be the last time
in the room
Of doom
Or in this place
With this face
Tomorrow
never
knows
Everything was not
i see stars
and bible thumpers
bloom and gloom
like the sound
of the man
ready for doom
I put my spell on you
just like before
only now
I am dancing
on the moonlight floor
I can only run
(to you)
I can only hide
(from you)
if you
want me to leave
I will
go
I leave wounded
all the time
with my destination
out the door
where the stakes
are high
and time don’t end
a sweet choke
under faces
of light
hidden within smoke
and imaginary tales
of without any explanation
interested in this study
more here
then there
the absurd to defend
everyone corrupts
in movement
you rather abuse
than love again
the distance between
cause feelings we reject
already seated
i tried more to protect
myself
from what you see
in the mirror
that is me
another suicide
in the distant blue
i lie here
sweetly crushed
by
the pain of you
-kyoko cole
2018
How to Avoid the Pursuer-Distancer Pattern in Your Relationship
I don’t understand
I don’t understand how someone can just treat another like trash.
Like they don’t matter now and like they never really mattered at all.
Do they know how stupid and insignificant and small that makes a person feel?
Do they know and just ignore it?
Do they actually enjoy making someone else feel the way they would never want to feel?
It’s pretty heartless.
Is it because they got screwed over before they have to pass the bad behavior on?
What really kills me is how much the other person tries to make them happy but in return they make them feel like they’re never good enough and discard them for whatever reason they can.
If I don’t mean that much to you then I don’t mean that much to you…
But know that you meant the world to me and my heart was pure and full of hope and love and dedication… And you treated me like dirt just because you could. Made me feel like completely disposable and worthless.
Why would you do that to my heart? Why would you do that to anyone?
Why can’t you see what you’re doing to me?
You only care when someone does it to you.
You don’t care.
I have to realize that you just don’t care about me and stop thinking about only the good which was never lasting.
It felt nice to be a part of a family. To feel accepted even if it was never consistent. It felt nice to feel love and feel loved that I still cling onto those moments even if you show me no love or care or respect now and that’s sad.
Says a lot about myself.
Says a lot about you.
I could find better but I hold on to someone who doesn’t care if they ever see me again. I’m not worth your time or effort or love when you were worth it to me. I feel stupid. I feel bamboozled. I feel lied to and cheated….and i feel used.
That makes my stomach sink and my eyes full up with tears.
I’ve spent years trying…
There’s nothing more left in me
I need a new place to write
My heart is broken
