Is not good enough

This is a message to myself

I’m sorry

I wish you understood me better

But you choose to only see the me

That is so alone

It’s unbearable

If I know how to fix it I would

But I can’t change others and

Everywhere I look

Points me in the same direction

I have no one

And no one has me

Remember the Buddhist temple

Under the biggest rock

And whatever is left of the Bush beside my front door

I don’t want to do this no more

Sorry

But why did you have to be so mean?

I wasn’t mean to you until you got really mean

I just don’t get it

Cause I had so much love in my heart for you

And you would trash be every time

You are responsible for your actions

And those actions lead to making people like they don’t belong

Especially unwanted to you

I guess you forgot what it’s like to be in love and have someone crush you just because they can.

I’d rather crush myself

Are you here with me now?

No

Do you try to understand and be kind?

No

Do you even care about me at all?

I wouldn’t know because you don’t even try to keep me around

I thought we had something special

So that’s why I’m so hurt that you could be this way now. It hurts

You’re not hurting at all.

I always thought about you

And wanted to make you happy

But why do I care about you so much

When you don’t give a damn about me.

I see your actions

And that’s not seeing you

You didn’t even say goodbye on my birthday

… Decent?

You make me out to be such a bad person but you’re just plain mean and careless and cruel.

You lie all the time

But blame me

You won’t ever see

Until I’m gone.

Like gone for good.

This has been the hardest time in my life

And I don’t even have you giving me love

Like the love I gave you

I’m an idiot.

You don’t have a heart cause you know pain and you csuse it by doing what hurts me the most.

When you don’t have to.

This is my end.

I’m so heartbroken

It’s beyond repair

This blog started as my creative little poems about the good -the bad -the unknown

But now it’s become my only friend

And I’m even tired of it

And what is turned into

This is my end

I shouldn’t be here

Now I know

That this is not where I belong.

we never know

Until it’s too late

Maybe we do

But you never think it will happen to you

Until it does

Then you care

Love

Love

Love

Love

Thanks

Giving

Me

Solitude

Every ten years

Covered in more fears

Rainy days and Thursdays

Always get me down

Trapped inside this body

Inside this life

….

All lies

Allies

Ha

I hope everyone has a very lovely and harmonious Thanksgiving. There’s a lot to be thankful for – even when times are difficult. Give love to the ones you love before it’s too late. Cherish the moments.

Lots of love to all of you

-kyoko

I’m not holding on

But I’m not giving up

Without some kind of fight

Because he means something to me

And to a lot of people

And i also mean something to him

When it’s his time

And he wants to go

He will let me know

So don’t get pissed off

At something

You will never understand – Love

Just because you’re fucked up

Doesn’t mean you should be put to death

And just because everyone gives up on you

Doesn’t mean that’s the right thing to do

Pain is pain

And if he’s suffering

And i see his quality of life diminish

Then I’ll do what needs to be done

But until then I’m gonna fight for a life that is worthy of living

Funny how we are so quick to put animals out of their mystery

But not people

And the what’s more funny is

People can speak the words that they are in pain and suffering

Animals can’t

We just assume the minute they get sick that they need to be put to sleep

Cause it’s easier for us to do that

Than to deal with something more difficult and someone other than ourselves

You are incapable of love

It’s not me

I will forget you.

I will be okay.

Another visit to the vet

Almost 3 am

It doesn’t sound good

Please pray for buster

Send him love and good thoughts and positive energy right now

He means the world to me.

I love you buster.

Can’t wait for you to feel how i feel… And then let’s see how well you handle this shit

I’ve lost way too many this year

To have to deal with this

This breaks my heart