skin loves fever

Let it go

I got you don’t even care or think about how it feels on my side. Really sucks.

there must be higher love

you’re doing a really good job of losing me though.

Acceptance

I wanted so badly to be in your life

Like actually be something in your life and be welcomed into your life

But I can’t make you want me to be in your life

I can’t make you feel something you don’t feel naturally

Maybe you are just a transition

Teaching me a valuable lesson

To value myself

So the person who values me and wants me to be in their life and shows me by words backed up with action comes along

I still believe in true love

I’ve been hurt many times and I still can love

I do love you

But I don’t think you see me

All of me

And you aren’t willing to let me into your life

So what can i do but just accept it for what it is And accept you for who you are

And know that right around the corner

Is someone who truly accepts me and wants me and shows me consistently that I’m someone they love and want to keep around.

It does hurt that it’s not you

Right now

because right now I feel the way I do about you

But I can’t feel that forever – with keeping it the way you have.

It’s not me stopping us from growing with each other

I know you have a lot going on

But here I am trying to show you and give you my love

Ana I don’t think you really care to see that right now

And take it for granted a bit

Until it’s No longer there.

I’m sorry your ex didn’t see what I see

And didn’t want you the way I want you

But I’m also sorry you don’t see me the way someone else will see me

And want me the way someone else will want me

We all gave out lessons we have to learn

i.l.y.r.r.

i.w.y.t.l.m.

Some things don’t end — they just fade until you forget what you were listening for.

I still catch fragments sometimes —

a word half-remembered,

a look that lingers longer than it should,

the faint aftertaste of something almost real.

I’ve stopped trying to name it.

Not everything lost is meant to be found.

Some ghosts earn their silence.

And I’ve stopped mistaking it for loss

Embracing Vulnerability in Relationships – M.J.C.

In a world of familiar faces, he stands out—a rare, warm soul whose connection sparks newfound emotions, challenging me to rethink love and discover inner peace amidst chaos.

he’s someone I never imagined would consider
someone like me, a hidden whisper
maybe I’ve been too blinded to perceive
or too settled in cycles, tricked to believe
I’ve had my share of the same old pain
too many players dancing in the rain
yet he stands apart, a mirror, a chance
so alike in spirit, but a different dance
he embodies warmth, unlike all the rest
caring, kind, in ways I’ve never guessed
when we touch, the world fades away
it’s a spark I thought I’d never display
what flows for him is deeper than ink
and his open heart makes me stop and think
the way he shows he cares is a rare release
igniting the best within, where I find my peace.

Yeah I’m hurt

You were just like all the rest

Not from LA

You don’t like being rejected

But you do it to someone who actually has a good heart

And that is fine with me

Maybe you enjoy the rejection

Even when they reject you and then want you back (after the other guy didn’t work out )

And you want kids

They said they didn’t

Until you let them go

Bevause they didn’t want you.

And when they wanted you back it was becsuse whatever new person they wanted to explore didn’t work out and they can’t be alone

So they knew you would take them back

And I bet you did

Bevause it is a game

And you like being played

Like a fool

That’s not love

That’s manipulation

And so you get what you give

By people who are the same as you.

I would rather be alone

Than to be with shitty people

That tell you who they want you to think they are

But are actually the complete opposite

I just believed you

But I should have known.

You can’t out here

Chasing a dream and

Most of those people

Aren’t decent people

The love you want

And the things you expect from others

You can’t even do yourself

At least I know now

Before I had your babies.

Most people who move to this town

Trying to be someone or something

Make my town a shittier place.

And I really wish they would stop.

Do that in your own town.

Where you’re nobody

Just like you make people here feel

That’s actually you

A night like this

Back rooms

With the spill of souls

And spirits

You can hear a pin drop

Or the sound of ice shoveled

Into vessels

Transporting spirits

Into souls.

On a night like this

There is no excitment like you

There is no one I wish to share myself to

But you.

You hate me for the wrong reasons

Because I say the things you dare not see (maybe too true or maybe too ugly) within yourself

I love you for saying all the things that i know and do see (As ugly as they are)

within myself

But I don’t look at you as someone I can use

I don’t like at you as something cheap

If you let me

I would keep you safe

I would show you love

But you don’t want that

You would rather misunderstand me

And hate me

Bevause you have been used and discarded

And now that’s how you treat anything that isn’t easy

Or anyone that would deal with you at your worst

As long as you were there to deal with my worst

Which gets easier and falls away the more you give me a reason to trust that you’ll be there when shit goes down

And I’m someone you want on your team when shit goes down

But on a night like this

I watch the many

Some baring souls

Some burying souls

writing for the next spirit to pour

And wishing you were here with me.

Ha another one

youtube.com/shorts/C6_D7e-zdZE

If you watch these and get something from it to improve you – then there’s some hope.

I know what I need to work on.

I’m not a bad person

I don’t attack people and get super mean and defensive every time they express how they feel to me – just because I don’t want to look at how messed up of a person I’ve been

I know what I need to work on

But if I’m surrounded by someone who gaslights me every time I say something they don’t like or don’t want to hear

Then the problem isn’t me

youtube.com/shorts/QNSMondKoEs

Oh that’s what friends are for

My friend asked me why I would want him

And I said, “Want? No. No. No. Wanted… past tense. I’ve remembered who I am and who I am doesn’t want any of him.”

Sometimes us girls can get stupid and tripped up in a moment over someone that when given a little space – we are able to see the situation more clearly.

And I saw the situation and who he really is

I don’t know what I was thinking.

Or what I saw in him that was even good for me.

My friend said to me “I know you. You’re passionate, kind, caring, loving, thoughtful, a little feisty at times- but at least I know how you feel instead of having to guess if something’s wrong- you’re intuitive, smart, creative, funny and loyal As fuck. You are an artist. You made choices that were good for you and You never needed to be with someone to feel complete. If you wanted to be with someone you could. If you wanted to get married you would have. There are many amazing guys you could be with right now if you wanted to but you don’t. You enjoy your space. I’m surprised you even went out with someone who acts like you should be grateful for the crumbs he throws you.”

I thanked her. She was right. I can’t believe it either

A woman like me is only good to a man who is willing to give back.

Who treats her with respect

And he didn’t

So I stopped being respectful back

He set the guidelines by his actions

I lost respect for him

And treated him the way he treated me

Now I feel nothing for him except a yuck that i won’t have in my life again

Besides i see how he treats people that actually want him

LIKE SHIT

Why would I desire any part of it?

But I think he wants someone who doesn’t want him or someone who just leaves him for someone else.

So that us what he will have.

That’s what he deserves.

I don’t care

That’s what he deserves.

This will be my last post about him. It’s made me feel better to write it out but I usually only write about the things I care about and he is not one of them. Goodbye

Reflection.

I’m sorry

I saw your effort.

I care about your feelings

I wasn’t trying to hurt you.

I want you to feel safe.

I just want to feel safe too.

she learned

he learned
you can love someone
and still be
completely
alone.

even when they’re breathing
in your bed,
in your ear,
in your mouth.

she learned
you can fuck a man
and still
never get close enough
to touch the part of him
that matters.

she waited.
not for roses.
not for some grand confession.
just the small things.
a call that meant something.
an answer that wasn’t
a dead end.
a moment where she didn’t have to
wonder
where she stood.

but she was always
on the outside.
looking in
at a world
he wouldn’t share.

and still—
she stayed.

because he carried damage
like a religion.
and she thought
if she loved him hard enough,
loud enough,
real enough,
he might finally
feel clean.

but some people
don’t want to be touched
where it hurts.
they just want you close enough
to prove
they’re still bleeding.

he was still chasing ghosts.
not running after the one who left him,
but running
from the bruises left behind.
and somehow,
she became the place
he went
to feel less hollow.
not whole.
just less.

and when you love someone
who only wants a place
to rest their grief,
you become
the silence
they never apologize for.

and she?
she gave too much
too long
too softly—
until she forgot
how to ask
for anything at all.

but one day
the quiet
got too loud.
the hunger
too sharp.

and she walked.

no big scene.
no screaming match.
just absence—
clean and cold.
like winter
after a fire.

and he—
he’ll think of her
in moments
he won’t admit.
when it’s dark.
when it’s late.
when the phone doesn’t ring.

not because she was perfect.
not because she begged.

but because
she was real—
and he
wasn’t ready
for that
now there’s a quiet
he can’t name
that follows him everywhere.