The best you can

Is not good enough

This is a message to myself

I’m sorry

I wish you understood me better

But you choose to only see the me

That is so alone

It’s unbearable

If I know how to fix it I would

But I can’t change others and

Everywhere I look

Points me in the same direction

I have no one

And no one has me

Remember the Buddhist temple

Under the biggest rock

And whatever is left of the Bush beside my front door

I don’t want to do this no more

Sorry

But why did you have to be so mean?

I wasn’t mean to you until you got really mean

I just don’t get it

Cause I had so much love in my heart for you

And you would trash be every time

You are responsible for your actions

And those actions lead to making people like they don’t belong

Especially unwanted to you

I guess you forgot what it’s like to be in love and have someone crush you just because they can.

I’d rather crush myself

Are you here with me now?

No

Do you try to understand and be kind?

No

Do you even care about me at all?

I wouldn’t know because you don’t even try to keep me around

I thought we had something special

So that’s why I’m so hurt that you could be this way now. It hurts

You’re not hurting at all.

I always thought about you

And wanted to make you happy

But why do I care about you so much

When you don’t give a damn about me.

I see your actions

And that’s not seeing you

You didn’t even say goodbye on my birthday

… Decent?

You make me out to be such a bad person but you’re just plain mean and careless and cruel.

You lie all the time

But blame me

You won’t ever see

Until I’m gone.

Like gone for good.

This has been the hardest time in my life

And I don’t even have you giving me love

Like the love I gave you

I’m an idiot.

You don’t have a heart cause you know pain and you csuse it by doing what hurts me the most.

When you don’t have to.

This is my end.

I’m so heartbroken

It’s beyond repair

This blog started as my creative little poems about the good -the bad -the unknown

But now it’s become my only friend

And I’m even tired of it

And what is turned into

This is my end

I shouldn’t be here