If you could only see

Me

You have broken my heart

give it up

conversations with myself
when I’m left
with the mess
of twisted / tangled
discard
I hate this
I wish you hated it too
so much that you would just
be here
but that is not the way it is
ever.
god…
I’m sad
I’m fucking sad
that this is how it is

what kind of god wants to see people suffer over and over and over and over again? it’s never ending

the punishment doesn’t fit the crime. – the non existent crime.
living

ha

what kind of people want to see others hurt?

a sadistic god
creating sadistic people
I want off your fucking crazy train
coo coo ca Choo Choo

know who the real enemy is
or do “BIG” men like to piss on little trees
cause they have small dicks

I don’t fucking know

and I don’t fucking care

I’ve had enough

it seems stupid

and pointless

to keep on going and going in a world-
in a life
that is suffering

no.

you win

Defective

Throw me a bone

Give me a fucking break

I’m giving up.

There is no other way

To make me feel whole again

You win

I knew

You never really loved me.

It’s okay.

I’m not going to lie just to keep you around

you hurt my heart
but it’s happened before
so if you’re trying to break me
(you already have)
if you’re trying to make me
(someone I’m not)
if you don’t get your way
then you’re done
if I don’t say
sorry all the time
for things I’m not sorry for
yet you never apologize for anything
you do
then why am I trying so hard
to be with you?
you’re not trying to be with me
you’re just trying to make me do what you want
and I need to be good to myself
(you’ll never be)
I appreciate the things you’ve done for me
but it doesn’t take away
all the things you take away
from my soul
how would you feel?
I don’t think you do
you have no empathy
so I don’t think you can understand
(anyone other than yourself)

whatever the case is.
love isn’t what you give
love isn’t what I feel from you
you want control.
you need to always be right
even when you act wrong
there is no compromise
or respect from you
loving you
is killing me
and YOU WILL NEVER SEE
(yourself)
when all you see
is the wrong
and the bad
of me (that you believe)
I know I’m more than you allow me to be
and now I see
that you’ll never see
how you are.

and people like you never change
it’s easier to blame me for everything
than to see yourself and change.

the easy way out is to leave
and that’s all you ever do
so this time I’m not stopping you


The short end

For All the times you don’t show an effort

You’re making me care less

And I’m not gonna go out of my way to show you what you never show me on your own.

Think about that

Why would i?

I don’t see anything from you that is keeping me around

You want fair but you never give it

You think it’s ok

To do this

I put my faith in you

And you do this

Over what?

Something so stupid and insignificant

After everything

My heart is in it

And you do this?

This is not OK

This time it’s not okay

And I’m not okay

That’s all.

But you destroyed me

For the last time.

Laugh at this.

Ha

I’m not laughing

I’m leaving

I have nothing to live for

This is what

I never wanted to feel again

But this time

Will be the last

Things come and go so fast

I’m always left behind

Without a thought

Oh well

You got

What you wanted

At my expense

But I’m out

My heart hurts too much

And it’s all coming to a vicious end anyways

Nothing good ever stays

So long. .. Long long

Gone

Thank you

Goodnight

Goodbye

Bye bye

Fly fly

Sigh sigh

Die die

Bye

Sometimes I wish

You could be as wonderful as you are

When we are together

And laughing

And loving

Moments like these that are more difficult

Don’t need to stay this way

But you need to make an effort and dedicate yourself to making it better – for each other.

Not give up

Like you always do

Giving up when it gets hard is so easy and weak.

I didn’t think that would be you

But I guess I was wrong.

Sometimes I wish

You could be as wonderful as you are

When we are together

And laughing

And loving

Moments like these that are more difficult

Don’t need to stay this way

But you need to make an effort and dedicate yourself to making it better – for each other.

Not give up

Like you always do

Giving up when it gets hard is so easy and weak.

I didn’t think that would be you

But I guess I was wrong.

I think when someone speaks and is sharing something with someone else – if the other person listening is really interested in what the person sharing has to say will listen and try to find a way to relate and shares back how they relate as a way to convey that they understand or are trying to understand . That’s not trying to take away anything from the person sharing. It’s a way of connecting

Now if one person expressing themselves to another or sharing something with another gets a reaction or is immediately cut off and not listened to it creates a lack of connection and makes the person trying to share feel unimportant or not listened to. There’s no listening or relating or connecting.

If someone is sharing something to someone else as a way of getting to teach the other person something – it’s very important to not point out faults in the person they are trying to help. It’s not helpful when one person acts like they know everything about the situation the other is going through. Especially when they don’t listen to the specific situation or experience and feelings of the person they are trying to “help”

It’s not that the person trying to help had any bad intentions they just aren’t effectively teaching anything. It’s their approach that creates tension.

In the same regard the person they are trying to teach isn’t just “not ready” or “not listening” or “un-teachable” most likely they feel attacked or don’t feel open to hearing what someone with that kind of approach has to say especially when the person trying to help doesn’t care to listen to how they feel or what they want to express.

Both aren’t wrong.

However the person wanting to help and teach has to be aware of their approach and deliverance in order for them to actually get through or reach the person they are trying to help

It should be a conversation that comes from the heart

Practicing radical acceptance

The more you try to push someone to change or to listen to you cause you think you know better – the less someone wants to listen.

And no one wants to listen to someone who doesn’t listen to them in return