skin loves fever

haha…

I started to write about you
but then I realized
there’s nothing to say
about someone who wastes
their life away.

blah

hahahaha

Selfish? yupp

I’m sick of putting my needs on the shelf

I’m not stupid

Fuck this world

And users

And liars

You call me selfish

Yet you don’t want to see

That you are doing something

That is selfish too

I give up

There is no point in trying

People are no good

That includes me

But at least

I’m not making excuses for it

I’m ending the problem

Which you say is me.

Don’t trust people who are dangerous

Don’t trust people who treat you nice when they want something from you

And then treat you like you’re too skinny for too much becsuse you actually believed them

People are not good

Users are users

You can’t change someone’s character

But you can

Decide if this is all worth it

And for me

I’m tired

And would rather

Just not exist.

I’m sorry that most of you won’t understand that

But I don’t need you to understand that part

When you didn’t care to understand the part of me

That tried.

You want to be weird but people (just like you) like normal more than weird

Weird is exotic

I try to preserve things

But they just get torn

And I am just worn

Down

Bits.

It’s

Gotten

Quite

Old.

So I’ll fold

Into

The depths

Of the line you’ve drawn

Become unseen

In between

The pop of the

Screen (more watched more viewed)

The more popular pops out

And the odd of me

No one wants to really see

I am the odd man out

Stuck inside the walls of

Doubt and

Duality.

-k.c.

I’m sorry

😦

I can push people away when I don’t like something

Don’t let any man dick you around with his childish Bullshit. You don’t get your way. You act like a fuck. We’ll I’m going to get mine now. Selfish selfish selfish and that’s how you lose me. You don’t care? Good. Becsuse i don’t need your kind of “care” which is more like careless.

We will never have any firsts together

Meet someone I actually like and they’ve already done all the things
I probably will never do – with someone else.
They had a wife
They have the kids
They had the wedding and the love
At least enough to have a child with that person.

Artists are different – I know this-
I had many opportunities to have all of that-
but I chose not to
under the circumstances that I was in at the time-
which I thought was the best decision (and it probably was)
but it still leaves me feeling like I’m falling short
losing time
and now at almost 43
I am.

I’m not toxic
I don’t bring that much baggage
I don’t lie
or leave out important information
that is misleading

I don’t want to meet people who are barely out of their last relationship – still not over it.

I want to meet people who are willing to try

to let me in

to connect

I want to have someone to have firsts with.

I was so careful about being with the wrong person (because of my family history) that I didn’t marry – even though I was engaged

I didn’t have children – even though I did get pregnant more than once

all of which I thought was the smart thing to do.

So now while so many of my friends who were married – are now in the process of getting divorced-

they were married and had children- maybe to the wrong person- but that part is on their poor choice of picking a partner who sticks by their vows- through all the trials and tribulations. who knows it’s not always sunshine and rainbows. Who is loyal despite the temptation of people that are always trying to take what isn’t theirs – just because they can’t have it.

And the worst part of it all- is I would have made a great mother and wife- to the right person. while I see so many couples forget that they’re parents with multiple kids- just check out. So many parents go through the motions yet treat their kids like bait when they want out of their relationship – or want something more from the divorce. Some people have kids for the wrong reason. Some people get married and have no idea what that actual means and what it actually takes to make a marriage work. Selfish and stupid because in a lot of cases the kids suffer more than they will ever know – or care to think about.

I want to cry but I can’t cry… I have too much good in my life to cry – despite the things I lack that most of you will never understand

Is there anyone out there – in the same position as me?

Happy October 1st. Most of 2024 is gone already.

Maybe this world won’t last just like most relationships don’t last.

Maybe it’s time to get rid of all my stuff and move to another state

I don’t know.

all I know is that a lot of you – that I once knew-

I will never see again.

and that’s okay because if you wanted it any other way

you would show it – but more importantly-

I just don’t want any of it or any of you – at all –

marriage doesn’t work with selfish people

and new relationships will fail too

blah blah blah

I’m just happy for what I know, what I see, what I dodge, and what I have thet is good.

Miscarriage

I think I thought you were better than you are

No, I’m not saying you’re not

But selfish

And very unkind

Not honest about things up front

I fell in love with you because I fall in love with beautiful things in this world, and sometimes that beauty is ugly, but I can relate

And I accepted you I welcomed you

And when I found the truth. I still accepted you and welcomed you.

And you called me toxic

I can still love what I love afar, but I will never love you the way I did before because you’re not who I thought you were and it’s nothing bad nothing good it just is what it is

People are not good to each other

So please, the next time you want to feel sorry for what happened to you.

Stop for a second

And think about your actions

And how you treated others because of your selfish desires

And then discarded them and called them toxic yet you were the one that’s very toxic because I was free without any baggage I could not be worked on.

That was not in the present still

And then I met somebody else. Who is amazing

But I realize it’s the same situation as you

People don’t appreciate things they’re gone

I don’t need to be appreciated by you

Nor him

Nor anyone

I know myself

But I had to let this out of my being before this feeling becomes me

People are not good to each other – for the most part

I see it every day

But then I walk down the street

And I see the most beautiful act of kindness between strangers

And fortunately/unfortunately, it gives me hope

And I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing because
it’s live or die

Break or rebuild

There’s a fine line between those just like the fine line between love and hate

I do not hate anyone. I just think that you want appreciation from somebody that doesn’t want you and when you have appreciation, you don’t want them so how can you ever expect to have what you’re given

That you don’t even see

I understand that actually more than I even know because I pose a question yet I understand I’ve been in your place

But now I am done

You had a very wonderful place in my heart, and you ruined it without even realizing

You still hold special place in my heart

From far far away

I will not touch you’re tainted soul with my clean hands

It doesn’t matter what you do now

Because the thought of you

And me

Together

Will no longer ever be