Tag: relationships

Everything was not

i see stars

and bible thumpers

bloom and gloom

like the sound

of the man

ready for doom

I put my spell on you

just like before

only now

I am dancing

on the moonlight floor

I can only run

(to you)

I can only hide

(from you)

if you

want me to leave

I will

go

I leave wounded

all the time

with my destination

out the door

where the stakes

are high

and time don’t end

a sweet choke

under faces

of light

hidden within smoke

and imaginary tales

of without any explanation

interested in this study

more here

then there

the absurd to defend

everyone corrupts

in movement

you rather abuse

than love again

the distance between

cause feelings we reject

already seated

i tried more to protect

myself

from what you see

in the mirror

that is me

another suicide

in the distant blue

i lie here

sweetly crushed

by

the pain of you

-kyoko cole

2018

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How to Avoid the Pursuer-Distancer Pattern in Your Relationship

via How to Avoid the Pursuer-Distancer Pattern in Your Relationship

At the end of the stars there is love

i'm lost and weird without you here. garden of sorrow.

by myself
crushed and flooded
by the fall of you

the moonlight
would laugh at me
if he could

I found sanity in the bottle
the wind catches a thought
with my heart in limbo

I must be lost
in a mess
of sadness

just like me
it was hiding
the song held out its hand

I still wonder why
you suffered so
and felt the weight
of my troubled soul

so many illusions break through
an honest man
without branches
is always
the first to go

the best we’ve had
I would run to you in a moment
my fantasies
make me hear your voice

at the center of the light
in darkness
i see you

at the end of the stars
there is love.

-kyoko cole
2018

Downtown turn

for a minute there, i lost myself. downtown turn. making the same mistakes beginning again

Head -on

Tail spin

Lose yourself

Then you begin

Again

And again

It seems like I’m always starting over

It seems like I’m always going backwards

In the race around the track

I get myself back

Or do I?

Maybe I’m just a little more tired

Tired of trying

Again and Again

-kyoko cole

2018

What I do

i'm lost and weird without you here. garden of sorrow.

Shutter out

Bright

In

I sin

And then begin

Again

What else is there to do?

I have no clue.

A piece of me

A piece of you

Died Thursday morning

And I’m lost without

Turning corners

I find doubt

Mixed in with finding pieces of really awesome

Most beautiful people I have ever known

The best of people

Life has ever shown

But I fuck

I suck?

I drink my way back to gold

One of the saddest stories ever told

Is the one I hold

Goodnight another day goes by with out my friend

Will we ever meet again?

I really hope we do.

-kyoko cole

Chris

Now that you’re gone

I have no one by my side

To help me through

That person was always you

Now i feel the loneliness

Of being truly alone

You were the greatest friend

I have ever known

That this world has ever shown

I’m not alright

I’m not okay

Just take me back

To a better day

You were always there for me

And I’m so grateful for that

And for you

Until we meet again

I love you…

My sweet friend

Do you understand me?

No.

Not at all

Never.

Not willing

Not capable

Not true.

Not wanting

Not caring maybe.

But I saw it once

When he maybe cared

Maybe wanted to

Maybe willing

Maybe the demons in his head

Were on vacation

Or tired.

Cause even demons need a break too

I don’t know

All I can say is how I feel

And it’s sad

To see someone you loved so much

Just turn into someone else

And have such hate

And meanness

Doesn’t make me angry

Doesn’t make me want to get revenge

I’m too sad for that

And revenge was never my thing

I let time and truth

Work it’s own magic

But right now

The kind of sadness I feel

Is like when a family member or someone you were super close dies

Except it’s worse

Cause he’s still there

Seeing whatever he wants to see

That isn’t really me

Not seeing me

But letting the real demons

Alter his brain

Take over his soul

Without him even knowing

It’s a sadness I can’t explain

Unless you’ve felt it before

One I never

Want to feel again.

-kyoko cole

Beer as cold as your ex’s heart

I will never understand how some people can be so cold.

To turn off

To love conditionally

To have such black and white thinking and feeling

To be cruel

To make up reasons why to hate

To criticize and put down

Yet be blind to everything that’s good

To completely ignore their own behavior

To make another person feel unwanted

Unimportant

Useless

So many people “love” that way

That’s not love.

That’s just selfishness mixed with a bitterness

You teach others through love

You can kill a man with disregard and neglect

And a mean spirit

Some people’s truth is whatever they were conditioned with from the time they were born

All they know is to pass that down to anyone and everyone they touch.

Yet they don’t see it.

Some people love to blame others or something false as a reason to take out their anger and pain on someone

Some people only know how to push the people that care about them away.

If all you know is the negative

If all you’ve seen and experienced is negative

You’re gonna end up looking for the negative in everyone else that comes along

I wish compassion played a higher role in mankind

I wish people thought about the lasting effects of their actions and behavior towards others

I wish people didn’t react to things they make up in their head

We are in this world

Hopefully to help one another

Not to harm someone who truly loves you

And definitely not to harm the ones who love you just because our past experiences and trauma makes you think that it’s okay to do.

It’s sad.

But there will always be people out there who just don’t know why better

And /or just don’t care to be better than what was done to them.

I wish you a happy life

For the first time

I truly

100%

without any doubt

Wish you the best

I Want the happiest life

For you

And for myself

Though our time together

Is now done

At least for now and the near future.

I am grateful

For the times we had

Both good and bad.

It was a part of my life

And I respect it

As that.

I am now okay

With letting you go.

I cannot make you stay

Nor would I want to.

I cannot change you

I can only change myself

I do not harbor any bad feels towards you

I need space and time to heal

Without you around

But I do not have bad feelings towards you.

However you feel about me is non of my concern anymore.

Those are your feelings and i respect that you are allowed to feel the way you do

Even if I don’t agree on what you feel and why you feel them

I cannot change how you feel

And I will not try

I know who i am

And i accept and love myself for who I am

I am still learning and growing and changing too. I am not perfect

No one is

But i know my worth

No one else has the power to determine that for me except for me.

If you do not know my worth

That is okay

You don’t have to

You don’t have to be around me

But i don’t have to be around you

I don’t have to do anything I don’t feel comfortable doing

I don’t have to be okay with something or someone that is not okay to me and my well being

I will keep my distance

I hope you will do the same.

Thank you

And goodbye

-KC

“A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it.” ~Jean de La Fontaine

Sing birds sing birds sing birds sing Get away

3am sounds

Of Birds and coyotes

I wish I could speak to them

I wish I could speak to you

Get through to you

But I’m starting to see

That’s never going to happen

I’ll probably make more progress with the birds and coyotes

And him

As he sits next to me on the patio

We listen to music

And talk

Like the coyotes and birds do

the master of make-believe

 

 

i knew this day would come at last

i lived waiting for the end to come in fast

waiting for it

waiting for you

you handsome devil and the harm you can do

i knew better than get too close

i had little to nothing for you

but somewhere in between sheets and bodies turned upside down

turned hearts around

and waiting for the end

begins to start

soft sweet dangerous skin

didn’t even see you creep on in

in the back of my mind i know : I’m just another girl

one more notch on your belt

one more link on your chain

then jump on out with the next passing train

you kind ain’t my kind.

you charmed my ass blind

yes mister man… you are good. so very good at what you do

sweet talker fast walker

you get around

but it still didn’t stop me til then

and when

i got lost looking for you

looking all around

it was then that i found

only an empty space

a fleeting face

not even a sound

in a silent forgotten room

with just the shadow of a friend

-only playing pretend

the makings of an end.

leaking hearts

dancing in echoes

i dance alone

the only remains of you

remains unknown

the master of love ’em and leave

you are the king of make-believe

 

-kyoko cole 2008  link to the original post from my blog: the burning of the midnight lamp; the owl of minerva