Home is where I want to be
But home isn’t where I live
Home is with you
And I will never be home again
Tag: life
Home is where I want to be
You
The only one I would ever marry is you.
It’s always been
and
always will be
you.
Love doesn’t have to be the way you make it out to be
When I fell in love with you
I had an open mind and an open heart
My smile was for you because you did things that made me happy.
You treated me nice and kind and we had fun
Over time you let insecurities take over
And became angry and mean.
You made me work so hard for your love you love gave me freely.
You took me for three kind of woman I was not.
I ended up paying for the sins of the women before me and I started to hate myself cause I didn’t know what I was doing wrong when I wasn’t doing anything wrong or bad to you.
I kept trying and changing and improving myself to be more understanding and considerate of your feelings only to have you be less understanding and considerate if mine.
What’s even worse is any time we would fight you would just ignore me like I never mattered. Yet the reason we would fight was because you didn’t want to hear my feelings if you didn’t understand them you would automatically just tune me out or call me stupid cause you didn’t want to deal with anything that I felt that ioi didn’t feel. You only wanted me to deal with your feelings when you felt them. Plus most of the time you’d be drinking something. Even if you didn’t drink for a few days – the long term use of alcohol made you become something else and that someone was very mean and abusive and paranoid.
I had beautiful feelings for you until you treated me the way you would treat someone who fucked you over which I never did. You made me become ( in your head) just the same as someone from your past until I finally lost it.
You wanted me to be the Whore you could blame for all your problems. You would rather see a lie that feels confortable and familiar than to see me for who i really was to you. Someone who loved you and cared enough to not want to hurt you.
It was never good enough. Out of all the things I did that were right and loving and good. You would hold onto this one tiny thing I said way back in the beginning that you didn’t like and use that as your reason to treat me the way you did in the end – completely awful.
I would cry myself too sleep so many nights only to wake up to the same thing and not want to leave my bed
I didn’t understand how i could love you so Unconditionally while you had a long list of conditions I had to obey before you even site m me even an ounce of affection. And even if I did everything you said you wanted it didn’t seem to marry you would still get drunk get angry and find some reason to point fingers and leave me again.
That’s what love is to you
That’s not love to me
If I wanted to be with someone else I would have been
I wouldn’t lie and cheat
Why would I have put so much effort until our relationship ( getting barely anything in return) if I didn’t love you.
Why would I constantly go to you and come a running every time you’d call if I just wanted to be with someone else?
That’s dumb that you even use that as a reason to be angry when I would always go home with you
You pushed me away.
You did this.
Not me.
I did everything I could to show you
Love
You did everything you could to push me away
And this last time
You hurt me worse than I ever thought imaginable.
For months after I was the depressed I’ve ever been and you didnt try even just to see if I was okay. I wasn’t.
I started to believe that everyone was like you
I was hopeless trying not to be hopeless
For months you just ignored me and I started to feel like I never existed or mattered to you.
It’s Funny how life is sometimes.
On my lowest night
I met someone
And didn’t think much of it at the time
But after the first night we hung out together I realized that is how it should feel. This is how I should be treated. This is how I want to treat people that are kind and caring and thoughtful to me.
It wasn’t me who did anything wrong with you yeag sure I made some minor mistakes but so did you (and many many major ones) and i didn’t just give up on you and stop loving you. I didn’t just start treating you like someone who didn’t matter the minute I didn’t like something. I communicated and I was honest.
I loved you
But you didn’t love me.
And now that I’m shown respect and love and care without all the unnecessary games abs run arounds and half truths but am still so many lies – i see it even more.
If you wanted me you would have had me. You would have treated me better like people do when they want to keep someone in their life.
You wouldn’t have let me go
But I’m kinda glad you did now
Cause now I know
What love really is. 
MacGyver and me
Late night meeting
He comes
A groan withdraws
Within the pardon
I need a distraction
I need his diversion
Another night aborts around the twelve turnaround
Moving through the halo of numbers
Choking the hands of time
This outline destines the viable trigger
Will he shake the smallest moon?
Or shake a farewell
And make distances of my ugly past?
The trade views the spectrum
Before a crime emerges the music
I am almost back from the dead
Help my little bro with Perthes Disease medical expenses Gofundme Page
4:14 am Sunday morning
It’s raining and I’m sitting in my car outside my house.
I am alone
And I feel nothing but cold
When you die
You die alone
And I will not go to your funeral
No one will
I will not visit your grave
I will not cry
For I have no tears
Left
For what
I have already begun to forget
I have no fears
I have already lost everything before
You can’t take away anymore
Only years
Which I will forget as well
I will disappear
Like I never was here
And you will be left with
only a shadow
The memories
A reminder
Of my face
You can never replace
You can never erase
But never have back the same again
For I am not the same
I feel nothing but cold
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Vegas blues
I do not miss
All the shit
He put me through
I don’t miss his attack
Or his lack
of self awareness
Or all the unfairness
I don’t miss all his bad
Which drove me mad
And made me sad
But I do miss
His kiss
And I miss the few moments
He made me feel
Unconditionally loved
And on my way out of state
He was the best travel companion
I’ve ever had
How can one man be so stupid
And so blind
Viva Las Vegas!
Ha.
Yeah
Mama needs a new pair of shoes
And a new knife
What a fucking life
Goodbye
I’d rather not
I’d rather not
Be around
People
Who I can’t trust
Cause they can’t trust
And because of that
They act in ways that
can’t be trusted.
This is not the kind of life I want to live
If this is a game for them
I don’t want to play
I’d rather not stay
Around
for the misfire
like a bird on a wire
From some liar
Or three
Just let me be
Free from all this toxicity
Cause that’s not who I am
And I don’t give a damn
If thats the way they wanna be
Just stay the fuck away from me.
Noise noise and more noise
I can read between the lines
I can read the language you don’t speak in words
The writing on the wall is very clear
If you wanted to
You would be
Here.
Big man
Little man
Where do you stand
Little boy
I wasn’t made
For you
to be your little toy
When you come down
If you ever really do
Blabber and smoke
Treating everything
Like it’s one big joke
Laugh it up
Laugh out loud
And while you’re at it
Act so proud
Who you trying to fool
Yourself?
Or the crowd?
Maybe both
In the sky above
On the ground below
Who you really are begins to show
And it hurts only cause I let you in
I’m pretty sure lying
Is a Cardinal sin
Where does the false you end
And the real you begin?
