Love

I chose love

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Nothing gets through to you

It’s not all about me

It’s about you too

You live to destroy anything good that I give you

You never look at yourself.

Must be nice living that way

That’s not advanced

That’s pussy-ass shit

If you looked at your behavior even just half the times you’ve made me look at mine then maybe it would work…

But like I said you create problems that aren’t there

And you like to destroy shit that’s actually good.

So I have no more for you.

No more patience

No more understanding

No more chances

No more tolerance for you period

And no more love

I’m done

And you need to stay the fuck away from me. Period

You want to treat me like a bitch then i will be one.

Good riddance you stupid little man.

It’s cold outside

this desire

bottles full of memories

I struggle with the world

without you love

substances find problems

your fear finds misunderstanding

your fear keeps you away

and there’s nothing I can do

to change that

.

time is an island

deserted and alone

afraid to be forgotten

trying to survive

why must the wind

be so harsh?

the fallen

leaves

dance

on.

abandon

walls.

suicide without being able

to die

you take the path

of habit

devils and wolves

hijacked you

and your love

it really doesn’t matter now…

does it?

impossible to

get through

to you.

you got what

you wanted.

me removed.

i give up

and turn away

And stay

That way

On the path that

No longer leads to you.

  • kc

2018

How to Avoid the Pursuer-Distancer Pattern in Your Relationship

via How to Avoid the Pursuer-Distancer Pattern in Your Relationship

At the end of the stars there is love

i'm lost and weird without you here. garden of sorrow.

by myself
crushed and flooded
by the fall of you

the moonlight
would laugh at me
if he could

I found sanity in the bottle
the wind catches a thought
with my heart in limbo

I must be lost
in a mess
of sadness

just like me
it was hiding
the song held out its hand

I still wonder why
you suffered so
and felt the weight
of my troubled soul

so many illusions break through
an honest man
without branches
is always
the first to go

the best we’ve had
I would run to you in a moment
my fantasies
make me hear your voice

at the center of the light
in darkness
i see you

at the end of the stars
there is love.

-kyoko cole
2018

Do you understand me?

No.

Not at all

Never.

Not willing

Not capable

Not true.

Not wanting

Not caring maybe.

But I saw it once

When he maybe cared

Maybe wanted to

Maybe willing

Maybe the demons in his head

Were on vacation

Or tired.

Cause even demons need a break too

I don’t know

All I can say is how I feel

And it’s sad

To see someone you loved so much

Just turn into someone else

And have such hate

And meanness

Doesn’t make me angry

Doesn’t make me want to get revenge

I’m too sad for that

And revenge was never my thing

I let time and truth

Work it’s own magic

But right now

The kind of sadness I feel

Is like when a family member or someone you were super close dies

Except it’s worse

Cause he’s still there

Seeing whatever he wants to see

That isn’t really me

Not seeing me

But letting the real demons

Alter his brain

Take over his soul

Without him even knowing

It’s a sadness I can’t explain

Unless you’ve felt it before

One I never

Want to feel again.

-kyoko cole

Sing birds sing birds sing birds sing Get away

3am sounds

Of Birds and coyotes

I wish I could speak to them

I wish I could speak to you

Get through to you

But I’m starting to see

That’s never going to happen

I’ll probably make more progress with the birds and coyotes

And him

As he sits next to me on the patio

We listen to music

And talk

Like the coyotes and birds do

In Geneva no one can hear you scream

Time is a tick of the mind

Where we once belonged

Has gone far away

Today

And now

Black smoke

Beautiful losers

A shout in the street

Start to fade

All that we made

Is born to die

A brief history of time

Obsession

Old lovers

Under freeway balconies

Nude naked and stripped

Secrets behind smiles

The horse would know, but the horse can’t talk

Rhapsodies in black

Documenting disposable people

Disposers

Exposers

Of

Ghost images

Ghost people

ghost world

Once Held together by water

But now Broken apart by man

Is anyone out there like me?

It may be

That I don’t want to see

All the things I see

And maybe I don’t want to be

This person who is me

Who am I anyway?

Am I just what others say?

Or maybe just yesterday I meant something

To you

But not today

Today we’re through

maybe I don’t want to feel

Everything I thought was real

Perhaps you feel quite alright

With throwing me away tonight

With doing things that hurt me more

With all of me you choose to ignore

And maybe I don’t want to stay

Maybe I don’t want to play

This stupid game

this stupid me

Maybe I just want to be

Free

From living

This stupid life

Maybe I don’t want the strife

It hurts my heart

To have to defend

What most of you can’t comprehend

Or Maybe I just can’t

And don’t want to pretend

Maybe I just want the end

-kyoko cole

We can reach

I can’t

Stand

Being

Without.

You

make me

Feel

something

Whole

I wish

I

Could

Stop

Time

Space

And age

And this

Stage

I’m in

I don’t know where

To even begin

Again

Cause I want

Everything

I can’t have

Right now

Right here

But I fear

Too?

Much

And I fear

Nothing at all

I could watch

It all fall

And be fine in the end

But in the end

I’d be alone

Like really alone

And I don’t

Want that.

Give me a sign

Give me the call

Give me your all

Let me know

That I’m something

You know.

You want.

And not some thing

You don’t know

Balls deep you creep

You can play hard ball

Pool

Baseball

Balls in

Balls deep

But you keep that shit

Away from me

Icky

Sticky

Dicky

Fuck

Yuck

I would have never

Go back

To that

Place

With your face

That lies

Like it’s a sport

ABORT!!!

AND I’M OUT…..

(Mic drop)