via How to Avoid the Pursuer-Distancer Pattern in Your Relationship
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Tag: love
At the end of the stars there is love
by myself
crushed and flooded
by the fall of you
the moonlight
would laugh at me
if he could
I found sanity in the bottle
the wind catches a thought
with my heart in limbo
I must be lost
in a mess
of sadness
just like me
it was hiding
the song held out its hand
I still wonder why
you suffered so
and felt the weight
of my troubled soul
so many illusions break through
an honest man
without branches
is always
the first to go
the best we’ve had
I would run to you in a moment
my fantasies
make me hear your voice
at the center of the light
in darkness
i see you
at the end of the stars
there is love.
-kyoko cole
2018
Do you understand me?
No.
Not at all
Never.
Not willing
Not capable
Not true.
Not wanting
Not caring maybe.
But I saw it once
When he maybe cared
Maybe wanted to
Maybe willing
Maybe the demons in his head
Were on vacation
Or tired.
Cause even demons need a break too
I don’t know
All I can say is how I feel
And it’s sad
To see someone you loved so much
Just turn into someone else
And have such hate
And meanness
Doesn’t make me angry
Doesn’t make me want to get revenge
I’m too sad for that
And revenge was never my thing
I let time and truth
Work it’s own magic
But right now
The kind of sadness I feel
Is like when a family member or someone you were super close dies
Except it’s worse
Cause he’s still there
Seeing whatever he wants to see
That isn’t really me
Not seeing me
But letting the real demons
Alter his brain
Take over his soul
Without him even knowing
It’s a sadness I can’t explain
Unless you’ve felt it before
One I never
Want to feel again.
-kyoko cole
Sing birds sing birds sing birds sing Get away
3am sounds
Of Birds and coyotes
I wish I could speak to them
I wish I could speak to you
Get through to you
But I’m starting to see
That’s never going to happen
I’ll probably make more progress with the birds and coyotes
And him
As he sits next to me on the patio
We listen to music
And talk
Like the coyotes and birds do
In Geneva no one can hear you scream
Time is a tick of the mind
Where we once belonged
Has gone far away
Today
And now
Black smoke
Beautiful losers
A shout in the street
Start to fade
All that we made
Is born to die
A brief history of time
Obsession
Old lovers
Under freeway balconies
Nude naked and stripped
Secrets behind smiles
The horse would know, but the horse can’t talk
Rhapsodies in black
Documenting disposable people
Disposers
Exposers
Of
Ghost images
Ghost people
ghost world
Once Held together by water
But now Broken apart by man
Is anyone out there like me?
It may be
That I don’t want to see
All the things I see
And maybe I don’t want to be
This person who is me
Who am I anyway?
Am I just what others say?
Or maybe just yesterday I meant something
To you
But not today
Today we’re through
maybe I don’t want to feel
Everything I thought was real
Perhaps you feel quite alright
With throwing me away tonight
With doing things that hurt me more
With all of me you choose to ignore
And maybe I don’t want to stay
Maybe I don’t want to play
This stupid game
this stupid me
Maybe I just want to be
Free
From living
This stupid life
Maybe I don’t want the strife
It hurts my heart
To have to defend
What most of you can’t comprehend
Or Maybe I just can’t
And don’t want to pretend
Maybe I just want the end
-kyoko cole
We can reach
I can’t
Stand
Being
Without.
You
make me
Feel
something
Whole
I wish
I
Could
Stop
Time
Space
And age
And this
Stage
I’m in
I don’t know where
To even begin
Again
Cause I want
Everything
I can’t have
Right now
Right here
But I fear
Too?
Much
And I fear
Nothing at all
I could watch
It all fall
And be fine in the end
But in the end
I’d be alone
Like really alone
And I don’t
Want that.
Give me a sign
Give me the call
Give me your all
Let me know
That I’m something
You know.
You want.
And not some thing
You don’t know
Balls deep you creep
You can play hard ball
Pool
Baseball
Balls in
Balls deep
But you keep that shit
Away from me
Icky
Sticky
Dicky
Fuck
Yuck
I would have never
Go back
To that
Place
With your face
That lies
Like it’s a sport
ABORT!!!
AND I’M OUT…..
(Mic drop)
Time has come today
I relized something today
I can want you in my life
And I would have you
Make space and time for you
And it doesn’t matter to you
If I’m a part of your life
You could take me or leave me
One way or the other
It’s not that important to you
And yeah it hurts
But then I think
That you are just who you are
And maybe there’s never been anything or anyone important enough to you for you to make the effort to try
And I mean really try to give yourself fully to one thing. One person. To love from a place without the fear of what may happen or the fear of what will happen sometimes. To give full allowance to the fact that maybe you might get hurt. But maybe not. And what If not. What if after the difficult times and momentary struggles ( which is all we focus on when we’re struggling instead of looking at all the good stuff)… What if it was really amazing? Amazing cause you took the time and care and love and really got to know the other person and learn to accept each other and love each other and deal with each other on a whole new level.
Without fear
Without judgements or inaccurate beliefs about the other person who we judge because we don’t fully understand them
Maybe there’s never been anything worth it to you to want to keep around.
But what if people really loved and cared enough about each other to just try when it’s not easy. To love when the person is hard to love yet they need it the most. Showing trust and giving trust and being completely honest and open. Not everyone is the same so why do we expect everyone to know and feel what you feel and judge
Maybe giving ourselces to something fully is the answer. Not half assed. Not always having one foot out the door. Ready to give up ready to leave. What if the answer is commiting ourselves to someone or something fully…knowing it’s not always gonna be fun or easy and being okay, ready and willing for that.
Maybe we would find the most amazing thing you’ve ever known
Cause we took the time and effort dedication in someone or something to actually know
You can tell me you’re not afraid of anything
But clearly we all are
Give someone that loves you the chance to be who they really are
Teach them to grow through love
Tell them they matter and that you love them.
Make them feel loved and safe and show them that you are someone they can trust by being trustworthy.
That’s how we change the world
Give love when someone needs it
And accept the love that person gives
Show love and others will show love back.
I know you are you
And I am me
But sometimes i wish you did feel the way I feel for you
For me
But we can’t always have someone wants to give all that you’re willing to give
Not everyone is going to love us back
That’s okay.
I’m happy to know that someday I’ll have someone who wants to put up with me too
And that’s something that makes me love even more. 😉
Color box
Don’t ever let the adult you
Grow up so much
That the child you
Dies
Break out the box of crayons
(if you still have ’em)
Buy a box
(if ya don’t)
Turn off your mind
And just color like you did
When you were a kid
Free from worry
Free from judgement
Free from rules or beliefs
Our adult selves hold onto
For whatever reason we do
Free From the weight of all the things that over complicate our lives and waste our time and energy
Free to feel the excitement from the simple things again
Do this
And you’ll start to remember
the joy and love and excitement
You felt
As a child
All from a box of colored wax
And a piece of paper.
Break something…
i’ve been stuck
in a rut
for too long
but i let myself
get there
and now i’m letting myself get
the fuck out out out
i wanna shout shoutSHOUT!!!!
damn all you manipulators
damn all you messengers of doubt
all your projection
i need protection
from you
your soul suck
and mind fuck
there’s noluv… in what you do
and i got no time left to waste on you.
