You….
Make my heart go boom boom boom!!!
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love
Noise noise and more noise
I can read between the lines
I can read the language you don’t speak in words
The writing on the wall is very clear
If you wanted to
You would be
Here.
Big man
Little man
Where do you stand
Little boy
I wasn’t made
For you
to be your little toy
When you come down
If you ever really do
Blabber and smoke
Treating everything
Like it’s one big joke
Laugh it up
Laugh out loud
And while you’re at it
Act so proud
Who you trying to fool
Yourself?
Or the crowd?
Maybe both
In the sky above
On the ground below
Who you really are begins to show
And it hurts only cause I let you in
I’m pretty sure lying
Is a Cardinal sin
Where does the false you end
And the real you begin?
A happy poem for you
You are my love
You piss in my garden
And laugh about it
After it’s been done
You will always be the one
For me
You make me haaapppppyyyyyy.
On nights like this
I like to kiss
The sweetness of your smile
Oh please won’t you stay
With my awhile.
You can piss on my strawberries all you want 😉
Love notes & doodles I drew on a wall
I used to make things for the people I loved
Now I rarely do
Nothing inspires me to
These days
I drew silly pictures and
Wrote loving things
On his wall
All the things that were true
Because I wanted to
Only to find it
Painted over
Covered up
Scratched out
Like he did with me
Like he hated to see
Something
I did out of love
Like he hated me
I could never scratch out his name
His notes (he never wrote me)
His time (he rarely gave me)
The gifts (he didn’t make me)
He is not human
Nothing sticks to him
He can take my love
Throw it away
And then begin
Again somewhere else
How can that make me feel good?
To know I was all in
When he was never even close
He’s always been a lifetime away
So far away
Truth
I am letting you go
I am no longer holding on to what is no longer there
I’m not waiting for your care
Or your love
I’m not waiting for a sign
Or a phone call
Or a reply
That will never come
I’m not fooling myself by seeing your little effort give as a loaf of bread
When in reality
All you gave were crumbs
And that is why I would keep trying
Over crumbs I foolishly thought was love
But it wasn’t love
And you never really cared
And you don’t really care now
Cause if you did
I would feel it
I’ve been the one to reach out
To show interest
To take time
And now I’m done.
I’m not angry
I’m not even that sad
I’m just aware that
Holding on to you
Is a waste of time
If you didn’t appreciate me then
You never will
I can’t make you see
What you don’t
Or don’t want to see
I can’t make you feel what you do not feel
I accept you are the way you are
And it’s not what I want
And what I was holding onto is just an illusion I created in my head
And I won’t hold on to shadow
I no longer hold on to you
goodbye
Forever
I let you go
And I am okay
Love
Nothing gets through to you
It’s not all about me
It’s about you too
You live to destroy anything good that I give you
You never look at yourself.
Must be nice living that way
That’s not advanced
That’s pussy-ass shit
If you looked at your behavior even just half the times you’ve made me look at mine then maybe it would work…
But like I said you create problems that aren’t there
And you like to destroy shit that’s actually good.
So I have no more for you.
No more patience
No more understanding
No more chances
No more tolerance for you period
And no more love
I’m done
And you need to stay the fuck away from me. Period
You want to treat me like a bitch then i will be one.
Good riddance you stupid little man.
It’s cold outside
this desire
bottles full of memories
I struggle with the world
without you love
substances find problems
your fear finds misunderstanding
your fear keeps you away
and there’s nothing I can do
to change that
.
time is an island
deserted and alone
afraid to be forgotten
trying to survive
why must the wind
be so harsh?
the fallen
leaves
dance
on.
abandon
walls.
suicide without being able
to die
you take the path
of habit
devils and wolves
hijacked you
and your love
it really doesn’t matter now…
does it?
impossible to
get through
to you.
you got what
you wanted.
me removed.
i give up
and turn away
And stay
That way
On the path that
No longer leads to you.
- kc
2018
How to Avoid the Pursuer-Distancer Pattern in Your Relationship
At the end of the stars there is love
by myself
crushed and flooded
by the fall of you
the moonlight
would laugh at me
if he could
I found sanity in the bottle
the wind catches a thought
with my heart in limbo
I must be lost
in a mess
of sadness
just like me
it was hiding
the song held out its hand
I still wonder why
you suffered so
and felt the weight
of my troubled soul
so many illusions break through
an honest man
without branches
is always
the first to go
the best we’ve had
I would run to you in a moment
my fantasies
make me hear your voice
at the center of the light
in darkness
i see you
at the end of the stars
there is love.
-kyoko cole
2018
Do you understand me?
No.
Not at all
Never.
Not willing
Not capable
Not true.
Not wanting
Not caring maybe.
But I saw it once
When he maybe cared
Maybe wanted to
Maybe willing
Maybe the demons in his head
Were on vacation
Or tired.
Cause even demons need a break too
I don’t know
All I can say is how I feel
And it’s sad
To see someone you loved so much
Just turn into someone else
And have such hate
And meanness
Doesn’t make me angry
Doesn’t make me want to get revenge
I’m too sad for that
And revenge was never my thing
I let time and truth
Work it’s own magic
But right now
The kind of sadness I feel
Is like when a family member or someone you were super close dies
Except it’s worse
Cause he’s still there
Seeing whatever he wants to see
That isn’t really me
Not seeing me
But letting the real demons
Alter his brain
Take over his soul
Without him even knowing
It’s a sadness I can’t explain
Unless you’ve felt it before
One I never
Want to feel again.
-kyoko cole
