Sunshine for a spotless mind

I wish I could forget

Eject you from my brain

And heart

Erase my memory of you

Until you become somebody new

Or better yet you won’t become anything at all

It’s not fair that you can forget me

And I cannot ever forget you

Once upon a time… A long long time ago…

4 a.m. blues

lightning bolt eyes
star kissed smile
i haven’t been fooled
by that face in awhile

words dipped sweet
kissed sugar lips
I drown in a rush
of slippery slips

you comfort me
with a whisper of sweet nothings
you relax me to sleep before the kill
and make me feel it’s such a thrill
your touch
is the clutch
that tangles me
and strangles me
softly
hard
and hardly soft
I open my eyes
to realize
a moment
too late
then forever gone
and so am I.

murdered by love
or assisted suicide
either way
a perfect way to die.




Thank you

Photo by Snapwire on Pexels.com


I’m in love.

That’s all.

I know it’s love

From his bed

I stare at him

His eyes closed and his face beautiful

It’s all so new

But I know that this is love

I won’t say the words to him yet

I won’t even say the words out loud

To myself

Because I’m enjoying the feel

Of this feeling I almost forgot was possible

But I know

This is love

Because of the way

He looks at me

The way he makes me feel

The way

I am and the way I want to be

It’s easy to love him

It’s easy to give him love

And I want to give him more

he appreciates it

He gives love back

He doesn’t make me feel bad or insecure

Like so many others do and have before

He makes me feel alive

I am born again

And all the hurt and pain of the past

Disappears when we touch

I know it’s love

Because I give him all I have

Without compromising myself

And I want to give him everything…

he gives

And expects nothing in return

He is kind and gentle

understanding and sweet

He makes me feel loved

And taken care of

Because he wants to

Oh the funny fuzzy fizzy feel

Excites every fiber of my being

In between kisses

And miles

And in between the sheets

He brings warmth

And laughter

And many smiles

I know it’s love

Even though it’s too new to say out loud

It’s love

Because he is

And I am

And we are

both

Together

Under the moonlight

In the sunshine

In the middle of all the crazy

Confusing World we live in

We are magic

like children are magic

Full of love and shining light

All over this very dark and lonely place

Twisted Gold Ring

I miss that time

Before all this shit

Went to shit

You gave me a ring

It was simple

Yet pretty

And it meant the world to me

But you pissed me off

And I threw it out the window of my car

ran it over

It had a kink in it after that

And I loved it even more than before

You gave it back to me and I wish I never gave it back to you after that

I miss that time and

I miss that little gold ring

Cause it came from your heart

Which just like you,

I never see anymore

And probably won’t see ever again

If you like pina coladas

Yacht rock

Tick tock

you own a boat

I can’t swin

But I sure can float

I will coat

Your ego

And fix

You a drink

When you’ve had too much to think

I’ll be you link

To home

As long as you’re sweet

And good

And keep us safe

I’ll keep you wild

Protect your inner child

love why don’t you come to you’re senses?

I’m not your enemy

When you gonna see

That all I wanna do

Is love you

And keep you close

Have your baby

As we’ll sail far away

From this soul sucking town

If you would just stick around

I’m not here to bring you down

I’m here to show you the way

To a better day

As long as you’re willing

To be open

And I’ll listen to you

And everything

you’ve been through

Let’s make The life we have left

the best

And invest in one another

Instead of against each other

I know you read this

So it’s up to you

To come through

Don’t let the past remind us

Of what we are not now

Just you and me

And the cats 😉

L.M. I. L. Y.

L.M.L.K.C.

Home is where I want to be

Home is where I want to be

But home isn’t where I live

Home is with you

And I will never be home again

You

The only one I would ever marry is you.

It’s always been

and

always will be

you.

Love doesn’t have to be the way you make it out to be

When I fell in love with you

I had an open mind and an open heart

My smile was for you because you did things that made me happy.

You treated me nice and kind and we had fun

Over time you let insecurities take over

And became angry and mean.

You made me work so hard for your love you love gave me freely.

You took me for three kind of woman I was not.

I ended up paying for the sins of the women before me and I started to hate myself cause I didn’t know what I was doing wrong when I wasn’t doing anything wrong or bad to you.

I kept trying and changing and improving myself to be more understanding and considerate of your feelings only to have you be less understanding and considerate if mine.

What’s even worse is any time we would fight you would just ignore me like I never mattered. Yet the reason we would fight was because you didn’t want to hear my feelings if you didn’t understand them you would automatically just tune me out or call me stupid cause you didn’t want to deal with anything that I felt that ioi didn’t feel. You only wanted me to deal with your feelings when you felt them. Plus most of the time you’d be drinking something. Even if you didn’t drink for a few days – the long term use of alcohol made you become something else and that someone was very mean and abusive and paranoid.

I had beautiful feelings for you until you treated me the way you would treat someone who fucked you over which I never did. You made me become ( in your head) just the same as someone from your past until I finally lost it.

You wanted me to be the Whore you could blame for all your problems. You would rather see a lie that feels confortable and familiar than to see me for who i really was to you. Someone who loved you and cared enough to not want to hurt you.

It was never good enough. Out of all the things I did that were right and loving and good. You would hold onto this one tiny thing I said way back in the beginning that you didn’t like and use that as your reason to treat me the way you did in the end – completely awful.

I would cry myself too sleep so many nights only to wake up to the same thing and not want to leave my bed

I didn’t understand how i could love you so Unconditionally while you had a long list of conditions I had to obey before you even site m me even an ounce of affection. And even if I did everything you said you wanted it didn’t seem to marry you would still get drunk get angry and find some reason to point fingers and leave me again.

That’s what love is to you

That’s not love to me

If I wanted to be with someone else I would have been

I wouldn’t lie and cheat

Why would I have put so much effort until our relationship ( getting barely anything in return) if I didn’t love you.

Why would I constantly go to you and come a running every time you’d call if I just wanted to be with someone else?

That’s dumb that you even use that as a reason to be angry when I would always go home with you

You pushed me away.

You did this.

Not me.

I did everything I could to show you

Love

You did everything you could to push me away

And this last time

You hurt me worse than I ever thought imaginable.

For months after I was the depressed I’ve ever been and you didnt try even just to see if I was okay. I wasn’t.

I started to believe that everyone was like you

I was hopeless trying not to be hopeless

For months you just ignored me and I started to feel like I never existed or mattered to you.

It’s Funny how life is sometimes.

On my lowest night

I met someone

And didn’t think much of it at the time

But after the first night we hung out together I realized that is how it should feel. This is how I should be treated. This is how I want to treat people that are kind and caring and thoughtful to me.

It wasn’t me who did anything wrong with you yeag sure I made some minor mistakes but so did you (and many many major ones) and i didn’t just give up on you and stop loving you. I didn’t just start treating you like someone who didn’t matter the minute I didn’t like something. I communicated and I was honest.

I loved you

But you didn’t love me.

And now that I’m shown respect and love and care without all the unnecessary games abs run arounds and half truths but am still so many lies – i see it even more.

If you wanted me you would have had me. You would have treated me better like people do when they want to keep someone in their life.

You wouldn’t have let me go

But I’m kinda glad you did now

Cause now I know

What love really is.

Long Long Long

It’s been a long long long time…

by The Beatles

It's been a long long long time
How could I ever have lost you
When I loved you
It took a long long long time
Now I´m so happy I found you
How I love you
So many tears I was searching,
So many tears I was wasting, oh
Now I can see you, be you
How can I ever misplace you
How I want you
Oh I love you
You know that I need you
Ooh I love you

Songwriters: George Harrison

Long, Long, Long lyrics © The Bicycle Music Company

robert smith is an anomaly

i used to be in love
and i believed
love
could change
the world
or at least
i could change the world
because i was in love

it’s all bullshit
and people are no good
even when they are
the hope begins to fade
just like everything else
and the truth seeps in
slowly
making you
comfortably numb
and then crushes you
you become just like everybody else.

i used to feel
until it killed me
now i just know better
before i let any feelings get too settled in
before anything gets too comfortable
i cut it off
there’s no open door policy
there’s no crashing on my couch
there’s no welcome mat for visitors
or company
i don’t even open the door
when there’s a knock.
it will only lead to ruin
and i’ve been there and done that
and never want to do it again

robert smith
i wish i could be just like you.