heart space room space head space my space shared with a head case nowhere to go no place to move I can’t breathe I can’t face it anymore I try… to make it better I try to make it okay- to make it just o.k.- only to have it not be okay only to have it stay… Just the same or get even worse. like a curse I need to reverse but I can’t seem to – get myself back on track when I have no space to move No space to breathe no space to live please just give me a break for god’s sake at least be helpful not harmful be aware and care instead of just always there – always in my way. please… make it be better than just okay. because every day living this way- is not living it’s death-
at least tomorrow *sigh* is a new day to try again.
I am alone with my head and my heavy heart silent and cold why did you leave me this way? why did you promise me you would always stay. now I am left alone with only these feelings I get no response no reply from you it’s like I’m not even here like I’m invisible not worth your time and it hurts it hurts so bad to be ignored and treated like nothing. nobody when I was once somebody to you. what can I do? not a thing but to go away. and stay away. you pushed me so far away from you so far gone is where I’ll stay. this is the only way I won’t have to feel this pain.
time for the tables to turn it’s time for me to ignore all that is you cause all you seem to do is find a reason to make me wrong so you can do what you do and i’m not going to swallow that shit you call love when it’s all just abuse i really loved you and this is what you do to me who just wanted to be good to you but even that isn’t good enough for you you look for any reason to turn what was true into a lie so you can do whatever you want to do you’d rather be right being wrong the same ol’ story your same old fucking song it never mattered how much or little i give to you the idea you have made up in your wet drunken sunken head has killed my love has left me mostly dead instead of trust you push and you push until you bust any good that we had some people love their misery some people like being sad and mad and drunk and sunk and that someone is you out to sea this is you but this ain’t me your drowning drowning in your own sorrow fucked up and checked out in your make believe ugly world that ain’t mine this isn’t the time to go down to the hell you call home
murderer sickness I am sick but you are cancer you think you have the answer to everything which you do not know even though you know me better than most here’s a toast to you and your ability to kill at will and still think you’re right even when you’ve lost sight blind as a bat scaredy cat with your proverbiale claws out but worse cause you curse everyone you love in your “passive aggressive fucked up fuck you ” kind of way that ain’t kind at all do you get off on watching others that you think are guilty- fall? and let me pose another question for you that i know you’ll never answer cause you’re too busy building up your stupid wall is there a slight chance just maybe quite possibly… you could be wrong at all? ha NEVER! NOT YOU! stand by your convictions fight to be right just to be right can’t even acknowledge left or that you could be wrong same old story same old UGLY SAD PATHETIC song spread your ill and kill the ones who ever loved you OFF SO YOU CAN SAY IN YOUR FUCKED UP HEAD “at least i’m right”
kiss kiss kiss 3 day of this and I miss miss miss you but you have been somewhere else far from me far from you far from here for quite some time every time I call you near I’ve been talking to fear you’ll save yourself at any cost save yourself first at any cost even if it means being lost I’m lost I call you near in a trance in a sleep dance I call you near but you never hear even if you do you’re not here
the years go by so fast warp speed did I need… all the crazy all the bullshit??? I don’t understand how so many years have passed in a flash of light in the beat of a heart sometimes I just want to go back to back to the start just yesterday I was there now I’m here aged in the age of lament with all those years and days and moments spent with all the people and places and things that went along now gone time the bittersweet heartbreaker
what’s it all about to be with only then to be left without it’s kind of a cruel joke we are born just to croak
all the pain and all the joy we will never be here again not like this not this moment not ever again let the love in let the bullshit go
you will miss this you will miss I miss it more than you will ever know
take another drink to sink your mind into out of the blue and into the black just another sick attack just another thing to stack on top of all the other challenges and obstacles I don’t want to understand but I do but can’t you stop and see me like I see you tummy churns and the heart burns I die a little more every time it goes and blows a little more away all the things I try but fail to say that you don’t hear don’t care to listen to anyway why do you make me feel this fucked up way I’m not okay
late night walk – around the block or two or ten in my head thinking brain monkey brain feeling lame feeling lost feeling too much feeling gotta get out of this of it and I know that someday I will but still until the day I do I’m here on this walk with the talk talk talk back and forth like ping pong right and wrong repeat song inside my head from me to me and I to I going through and through the suck stuck fuck of thoughts and feels journey through the rat race space inside my face a trip of fools or this trip of fool singular me
I could use a day or two of something old mixed with someone new or visa versa- I would love to see some good if I should grow and change and rearrange the fiction- diction that plays in my head that repeats old things some-dumb-body has said some time before I learned when and what to take in and when and what crap to ignore. I am me and me wants to be okay every day and have things go my way because my way is with love.