kyoko – skin loves fever

Appreciation

I’m sorry for all that I did to make you feel unloved

I loved (love) you more than anything

I really should have handled things differently

I think we both could have but

I’m not here to point fingers

All I want is for you

To be happy

Even if it’s not with me.

I loved you.
My love for you
was deeper and stronger than
you will ever know.
You rejected it.
You still reject it
and you will always reject it
because holding on to what is NOT true
is more important to you
than
holding on to me
and us.
You were my lover
and my friend
and you had so many chances to
make it right
make it better
be here
like you said you would
be my friend
and follow through with your words
but you never did
you never do
and now there is nothing that I can do
because
there is no more time.
the time you had
you wasted
you ignored
you spent punishing me
all the things you failed to see
will soon be gone
at least for me
you only punished yourself.

all the times I called you
– got no answer-
asked you to come over
and see me
one last time
–
I called your name
many times
and still you never came

once upon a time
you were my love…

now it’s my time to say goodbye…

so goodbye.

even though I am no longer important to you
even though you cared more about hating me
than loving me
I will forever (beyond this lifetime) love you
and
you will forever be important to me
—
I’ll see you again my friend
in the next life
when we come back as cats
(or me as a bird and you as a wolf)

Goodbye.
…

The truth in rented rooms

The past is there

We leave a part

Of who we are

Who we were

Taken in and

Pushed out

Somewhere pieces of us

Remain

In a micro trace

Floating in air

Or somewhere in space

Sometimes i feel you

Within an old place

Or taken again

In someone

Out somewhere

Breathing in air

truth in rented rooms

walls that have stood

lifetimes before I ever would –

Collecting secrets

Collecting dust

In forgotten spaces

in forgotten faces

In rented rooms

Misunderstood

Sometimes I wish I could

The hurt

Leave this body

and just forget

But like old walls

Hold silhouettes

Of the past

that will never be again

I hold

A part of you

ugh

so what if you’re weird…
so what if I had a moment of allowing you to be weird?
I’m weird all the time.
I had a moment of knowing that you needed something
and maybe I couldn’t give it to you
but at least I could be there for you
in some weird fucked up way
because I needed to not feel weird
in some weird fucked up way.
but don’t fucking be weird about it now.
something about you makes me want to help you
I don’t know
take care of you
in a non motherly
non- girlfriend kinda of way
fuck it
I couldn’t care less about what I feel
except for I don’t want you to treat me weird.
I actually enjoyed.
two weird-ass people
in a weird situation
that will most likely never happen again
and that’s the beauty of it
that it did happen
and I didn’t judge you.
I just didn’t want you to feel alone
in this stupid beautiful world
because it’s so easy to feel alone
in a city like this
that feeds off of drama
and bullshit
and faking it until you make it bullshit

fuck!

goodnight

everyone is a little weird sometimes.

I don’t know what I’m doing sometimes….
and that’s okay
We’re all a little weird
and
a little lonely sometimes.

Anyone who tries to pretend like they’re not those things
is lying.
I like all the imperfect people allowing themselves to be
just what they are…
and not pretending to something or someone else.
I like a little weird
I enjoy a little strange
The moments I get to be with people,
where they allow me in – to see how strange they are-
even if only for a night-
is truly special-
It’s those moments that make life worth living.
If everyone had a place to be themselves and a place to feel safe… this world might be a better place.

no feeling

shut it down
shut it off
shut it out
shut up
howl to the moon
and cry yourself to sleep
you’re in too deep
on the shallow side
you can run
and I’ll hide
didn’t anyone teach you
not to run with scissors in your hand
you try to walk on water
when you can barely crawl on land
you can kiss off
piss off
kick rocks
get lost
but lost is what you are
you can keep running
but you won’t get very far
what you fear
will always be near
but it won’t be me
that you see
it won’t be me
there is no we.

I don’t owe you anything
there’s nothing I am obligated to do
for you
I do not care
what you want
or how you feel
because nothing about you
is even real

not my problem
none of my concern
i light a match
detach
set it on fire
and let it burn
as I turn
and walk away
not ever looking back

it’s a new day
and I’m not
who I was
before

–

if you didn’t treat me like shit…

I’m glad you took off
the way you did
I’m glad you showed me who you really are
It hurt like hell at first
but you leaving
made room for someone
who has brought me back to life again
who cares and
who excites
in ways you never would
and
or
never could.

let go

don’t fall to pieces
life still goes on
life’s colors haven’t faded
even if life gets you down
try not to let it make you jaded
just remember
you can’t hold on so tight
it’s not your fight tot fight
for what does not belong to you
it’s not that black and white
the layers
the players
constantly change
and rearrange
people come
people go
some people you never really know
someday we all will die
now is not the time to wonder why
say goodbye
don’t hold on
everything you love
some day will be gone

3:45 am Friday morning

Light another cigarette

Haven’t eaten in days

But I’m about to change my ways

Cause it ain’t no thing

This world is about to bring

Something true

Goodbye to everything cruel

I’m not yours

I am not yours

I belong to me

What you failed to see

Was the real me

And I’m not yours

Sitting on my bed

With better thoughts in my head

Everything you said

Was a lie

Just enough to get by

So Bye bye

It’s not even about you.

Cause everything about you i thought I knew

Was untrue

Just like you were unkind

I’m replacing you in my heart and in mind

With good people

It’s almost 4 am

I got home from work

And then

Something made me see

Something made me be

Okay

Better than OK

I’m happy you decided to go away

Because that’s who you are

And at least now you’re far

From me

So I can be

With someone who deserves

My love

That will never give up

Cause I’m strong

I might be wrong

Sometimes

But I’m right about this

What’s there to miss?

When it was all fake

Someday many years from now

you’ll think of me

And your heart will break

And there will be nothing you can do

Because you akready did what you did

And I’ve rid myself of you

I’m living my life

Tonight people were kind

Made me smile

Helped me find

My way out

Of the mess you left behind

I have more important things to do

Than to be sad and waste my time

Being hurt by someone like you

You don’t know how to love

And I hope you learn

So you can be happy

And In turn

Give love

When things aren’t as easy as you want it to be

Superficial “love”

Just isn’t for me

Goodbye to you

Someone I never really knew

And now don’t care to ever know

Um happy to see you go

Run run run

I am officially done

the side people never show
even when you think you do
you never really know
someone
paintbrushes washed
in my clean and empty room
I feel sick
I feel stuck
I feel buried
inside my own tomb
I don’t know what to do
I’ll just pretend I’m okay
as each and every grueling day
slowly goes by
why?
why ?
I don’t want to die
but I don’t want to live.
I have nothing more
I want or have to give
just put me out of my misery
please
I don’t even want him back
after this
I just don’t want to feel
and I don’t want to miss
the little things
that made me so happy
like never before
but I don’t love anyone
who so easily walks out the door
without warning
without saying anything
that matters
after everything you said to me
that I thought mattered
like I thought you mattered
just put me out of my misery
I don’t care about love
I don’t care about having you
I don’t care that we are through
I don’t want to die
but I don’t want to live
I have nothing more
left to give
just put my out of my misery
do you hear me?
please.
put me out of my misery.

I don’t know how I feel

a box full of lies
memories of something wonderful
that didn’t really mean a thing
ice cold
people get old
I’m not okay
but what can you do
I wouldn’t want someone like you
if I knew everything could turn
with the flip of a switch
which
I should have done
to you
you don’t need care
you don’t need love
you need to learn
how to treat people
and you need to learn
how to work things through
not just to run away.
some day it will be you
and i hope it makes you a better person
I don’t care
you can stay
the way
you are
far from my love
that I wasted
on someone who just doesn’t really care
I need to be more aware
of people who say I love you
too much
to make up for
the little love they have

I’m glad it’s over
at least I know who you are now
instead of finding out years from now
you’re not a bad person
you just don’t know how to love
and follow through
and work through
the times when things get rough
you’re not tough
but neither am I
so all I can do is sit here
alone and allow myself to cry
over what I thought was real
and hopefully soon
I won’t feel
anything at all for you anymore