4:14 am Sunday morning

It’s raining and I’m sitting in my car outside my house.

I am alone

And I feel nothing but cold

When you die

You die alone

And I will not go to your funeral

No one will

I will not visit your grave

I will not cry

For I have no tears

Left

For what

I have already begun to forget

I have no fears

I have already lost everything before

You can’t take away anymore

Only years

Which I will forget as well

I will disappear

Like I never was here

And you will be left with

only a shadow

The memories

A reminder

Of my face

You can never replace

You can never erase

But never have back the same again

For I am not the same

I feel nothing but cold

Advertisements

Robert Smith. You move me with your songwriting and beautiful poetry.

Daylight licked me into shape

I must have been asleep for days

And moving lips to breathe her name

I opened up my eyes

And found myself alone, alone, alone above a raging sea

That stole the only girl I loved and drowned her deep inside of me

You soft and only

You lost and lonely

You just like heaven

-Robert Smith

Boy meets girl from outer space

You….

Make my heart go boom boom boom!!!

Vegas blues

I do not miss

All the shit

He put me through

I don’t miss his attack

Or his lack

of self awareness

Or all the unfairness

I don’t miss all his bad

Which drove me mad

And made me sad

But I do miss

His kiss

And I miss the few moments

He made me feel

Unconditionally loved

And on my way out of state

He was the best travel companion

I’ve ever had

How can one man be so stupid

And so blind

Viva Las Vegas!

Ha.

Yeah

Mama needs a new pair of shoes

And a new knife

What a fucking life

Goodbye

I’d rather not

I’d rather not

Be around

People

Who I can’t trust

Cause they can’t trust

And because of that

They act in ways that

can’t be trusted.

This is not the kind of life I want to live

If this is a game for them

I don’t want to play

I’d rather not stay

Around

for the misfire

like a bird on a wire

From some liar

Or three

Just let me be

Free from all this toxicity

Cause that’s not who I am

And I don’t give a damn

If thats the way they wanna be

Just stay the fuck away from me.

Noise noise and more noise

I can read between the lines

I can read the language you don’t speak in words

The writing on the wall is very clear

If you wanted to

You would be

Here.

Big man

Little man

Where do you stand

Little boy

I wasn’t made

For you

to be your little toy

When you come down

If you ever really do

Blabber and smoke

Treating everything

Like it’s one big joke

Laugh it up

Laugh out loud

And while you’re at it

Act so proud

Who you trying to fool

Yourself?

Or the crowd?

Maybe both

In the sky above

On the ground below

Who you really are begins to show

And it hurts only cause I let you in

I’m pretty sure lying

Is a Cardinal sin

Where does the false you end

And the real you begin?

Kiss me like the ocean breeze

There’s nothing in my dreams

Just some ugly memories

A happy poem for you

You are my love

You piss in my garden

And laugh about it

After it’s been done

You will always be the one

For me

You make me haaapppppyyyyyy.

On nights like this

I like to kiss

The sweetness of your smile

Oh please won’t you stay

With my awhile.

You can piss on my strawberries all you want 😉

Love notes & doodles I drew on a wall

I used to make things for the people I loved

Now I rarely do

Nothing inspires me to

These days

I drew silly pictures and

Wrote loving things

On his wall

All the things that were true

Because I wanted to

Only to find it

Painted over

Covered up

Scratched out

Like he did with me

Like he hated to see

Something

I did out of love

Like he hated me

I could never scratch out his name

His notes (he never wrote me)

His time (he rarely gave me)

The gifts (he didn’t make me)

He is not human

Nothing sticks to him

He can take my love

Throw it away

And then begin

Again somewhere else

How can that make me feel good?

To know I was all in

When he was never even close

He’s always been a lifetime away

So far away

Truth

I am letting you go

I am no longer holding on to what is no longer there

I’m not waiting for your care

Or your love

I’m not waiting for a sign

Or a phone call

Or a reply

That will never come

I’m not fooling myself by seeing your little effort give as a loaf of bread

When in reality

All you gave were crumbs

And that is why I would keep trying

Over crumbs I foolishly thought was love

But it wasn’t love

And you never really cared

And you don’t really care now

Cause if you did

I would feel it

I’ve been the one to reach out

To show interest

To take time

And now I’m done.

I’m not angry

I’m not even that sad

I’m just aware that

Holding on to you

Is a waste of time

If you didn’t appreciate me then

You never will

I can’t make you see

What you don’t

Or don’t want to see

I can’t make you feel what you do not feel

I accept you are the way you are

And it’s not what I want

And what I was holding onto is just an illusion I created in my head

And I won’t hold on to shadow

I no longer hold on to you

goodbye

Forever

I let you go

And I am okay

Apathy

A night

A fuck

A sore

A bore

It’s hard to ignore

The lack of care

In your stare

Unaffected

Disconnected

It’s the way

People in this town

Seem to be

Now

And this apathy

Is making me

Want to get the fuck out

Of this

And jump into

Something new.