take another drink to sink your mind into out of the blue and into the black just another sick attack just another thing to stack on top of all the other challenges and obstacles I don’t want to understand but I do but can’t you stop and see me like I see you tummy churns and the heart burns I die a little more every time it goes and blows a little more away all the things I try but fail to say that you don’t hear don’t care to listen to anyway why do you make me feel this fucked up way I’m not okay
late night walk – around the block or two or ten in my head thinking brain monkey brain feeling lame feeling lost feeling too much feeling gotta get out of this of it and I know that someday I will but still until the day I do I’m here on this walk with the talk talk talk back and forth like ping pong right and wrong repeat song inside my head from me to me and I to I going through and through the suck stuck fuck of thoughts and feels journey through the rat race space inside my face a trip of fools or this trip of fool singular me
I could use a day or two of something old mixed with someone new or visa versa- I would love to see some good if I should grow and change and rearrange the fiction- diction that plays in my head that repeats old things some-dumb-body has said some time before I learned when and what to take in and when and what crap to ignore. I am me and me wants to be okay every day and have things go my way because my way is with love.
I was vulnerable I let my guard down with you even though I’ve been hurt before you were so scared to hurt again yet here I am and I don’t know why I’m so tired but I can’t sleep knowing that you’re right there and I’m here but we are so far apart
why do I even try? maybe that is the reason why… I am here again.
in a dream you were there and it was the same you angry abusive loud mean explosive but in my dream it didn’t bother me it made me uncomfortable and uneasy I said goodbye to you and I didn’t feel anything when I woke up I didn’t care no longer cared I no longer had love for you I rarely think anyone is a waste of time but you really wasted my time- and I wish I would have saw you the way you really are before the years of effort and abuse I don’t care if you hate me I don’t care if you forget me you gave me nothing to hold onto nothing to miss nothing good to want back again… except for myself
lovers you look empty the love might just change like lies
the changes catch unborn truth the voices speak just like you the trace of silence was real with this feeling from the last moment without knowing all you need the lonely -after hour anxiety some little bugs eat you ask one question and hide before it can get to you
child distract him absolutely invisible there were cries waiting for the night the scent collects but here this idea comes and you need sleep and affection so here it gets lost the only fatality made forgetting more melancholy not sudden and nothing happened this sinking evil illusion life disappears the voice here never existed this false face tears softly and challenges the real
all eyes had felt your denial this useless existence away with the night
you who come from the dark- unusual into this light- strange your love was enough above the sky you can see that this is the end whispering time hear the word hear our language a sudden taste of mystic too many must look not dwell under the fall without the curtain glow like you
purple would have understood the holding hand the mouth both interested and obsessed for you the black was still light this face and soul the same everything around you faded and remained
slippery love shake you out out out this was absolutely different your heart vibrations smile flames from the body will not be tamed they are beautiful lovely but cursed as you find them new meaning I’ll remind you of my kisses and continue life mute
whispers fade a wounded wolf calls out heaven and hell in my heart never apart glowing moon again waits a sparrow weeps eyes glisten on my face with a trace of joy luminous comforts broken hearts beat and meet the mocking bird in my room soft still remorseful gray clouds pails of tears spill ferris wheels go round and round can you feel it still?
lightning bolt eyes star kissed smile i haven’t been fooled by that face in awhile
words dipped sweet kissed sugar lips I drown in a rush of slippery slips
you comfort me with a whisper of sweet nothings you relax me to sleep before the kill and make me feel it’s such a thrill your touch is the clutch that tangles me and strangles me softly hard and hardly soft I open my eyes to realize a moment too late then forever gone and so am I.
murdered by love or assisted suicide either way a perfect way to die.