heart space room space head space my space shared with a head case nowhere to go no place to move I can’t breathe I can’t face it anymore I try… to make it better I try to make it okay- to make it just o.k.- only to have it not be okay only to have it stay… Just the same or get even worse. like a curse I need to reverse but I can’t seem to – get myself back on track when I have no space to move No space to breathe no space to live please just give me a break for god’s sake at least be helpful not harmful be aware and care instead of just always there – always in my way. please… make it be better than just okay. because every day living this way- is not living it’s death-
at least tomorrow *sigh* is a new day to try again.
I am alone with my head and my heavy heart silent and cold why did you leave me this way? why did you promise me you would always stay. now I am left alone with only these feelings I get no response no reply from you it’s like I’m not even here like I’m invisible not worth your time and it hurts it hurts so bad to be ignored and treated like nothing. nobody when I was once somebody to you. what can I do? not a thing but to go away. and stay away. you pushed me so far away from you so far gone is where I’ll stay. this is the only way I won’t have to feel this pain.
time for the tables to turn it’s time for me to ignore all that is you cause all you seem to do is find a reason to make me wrong so you can do what you do and i’m not going to swallow that shit you call love when it’s all just abuse i really loved you and this is what you do to me who just wanted to be good to you but even that isn’t good enough for you you look for any reason to turn what was true into a lie so you can do whatever you want to do you’d rather be right being wrong the same ol’ story your same old fucking song it never mattered how much or little i give to you the idea you have made up in your wet drunken sunken head has killed my love has left me mostly dead instead of trust you push and you push until you bust any good that we had some people love their misery some people like being sad and mad and drunk and sunk and that someone is you out to sea this is you but this ain’t me your drowning drowning in your own sorrow fucked up and checked out in your make believe ugly world that ain’t mine this isn’t the time to go down to the hell you call home
murderer sickness I am sick but you are cancer you think you have the answer to everything which you do not know even though you know me better than most here’s a toast to you and your ability to kill at will and still think you’re right even when you’ve lost sight blind as a bat scaredy cat with your proverbiale claws out but worse cause you curse everyone you love in your “passive aggressive fucked up fuck you ” kind of way that ain’t kind at all do you get off on watching others that you think are guilty- fall? and let me pose another question for you that i know you’ll never answer cause you’re too busy building up your stupid wall is there a slight chance just maybe quite possibly… you could be wrong at all? ha NEVER! NOT YOU! stand by your convictions fight to be right just to be right can’t even acknowledge left or that you could be wrong same old story same old UGLY SAD PATHETIC song spread your ill and kill the ones who ever loved you OFF SO YOU CAN SAY IN YOUR FUCKED UP HEAD “at least i’m right”
late night walk – around the block or two or ten in my head thinking brain monkey brain feeling lame feeling lost feeling too much feeling gotta get out of this of it and I know that someday I will but still until the day I do I’m here on this walk with the talk talk talk back and forth like ping pong right and wrong repeat song inside my head from me to me and I to I going through and through the suck stuck fuck of thoughts and feels journey through the rat race space inside my face a trip of fools or this trip of fool singular me
lovers you look empty the love might just change like lies
the changes catch unborn truth the voices speak just like you the trace of silence was real with this feeling from the last moment without knowing all you need the lonely -after hour anxiety some little bugs eat you ask one question and hide before it can get to you
child distract him absolutely invisible there were cries waiting for the night the scent collects but here this idea comes and you need sleep and affection so here it gets lost the only fatality made forgetting more melancholy not sudden and nothing happened this sinking evil illusion life disappears the voice here never existed this false face tears softly and challenges the real
all eyes had felt your denial this useless existence away with the night
you who come from the dark- unusual into this light- strange your love was enough above the sky you can see that this is the end whispering time hear the word hear our language a sudden taste of mystic too many must look not dwell under the fall without the curtain glow like you
purple would have understood the holding hand the mouth both interested and obsessed for you the black was still light this face and soul the same everything around you faded and remained
slippery love shake you out out out this was absolutely different your heart vibrations smile flames from the body will not be tamed they are beautiful lovely but cursed as you find them new meaning I’ll remind you of my kisses and continue life mute
whispers fade a wounded wolf calls out heaven and hell in my heart never apart glowing moon again waits a sparrow weeps eyes glisten on my face with a trace of joy luminous comforts broken hearts beat and meet the mocking bird in my room soft still remorseful gray clouds pails of tears spill ferris wheels go round and round can you feel it still?