I loved you. My love for you was deeper and stronger than you will ever know. You rejected it. You still reject it and you will always reject it because holding on to what is NOT true is more important to you than holding on to me and us. You were my lover and my friend and you had so many chances to make it right make it better be here like you said you would be my friend and follow through with your words but you never did you never do and now there is nothing that I can do because there is no more time. the time you had you wasted you ignored you spent punishing me all the things you failed to see will soon be gone at least for me you only punished yourself.
all the times I called you – got no answer- asked you to come over and see me one last time – I called your name many times and still you never came
once upon a time you were my love…
now it’s my time to say goodbye…
even though I am no longer important to you even though you cared more about hating me than loving me I will forever (beyond this lifetime) love you and you will forever be important to me — I’ll see you again my friend in the next life when we come back as cats (or me as a bird and you as a wolf)
so what if you’re weird… so what if I had a moment of allowing you to be weird? I’m weird all the time. I had a moment of knowing that you needed something and maybe I couldn’t give it to you but at least I could be there for you in some weird fucked up way because I needed to not feel weird in some weird fucked up way. but don’t fucking be weird about it now. something about you makes me want to help you I don’t know take care of you in a non motherly non- girlfriend kinda of way fuck it I couldn’t care less about what I feel except for I don’t want you to treat me weird. I actually enjoyed. two weird-ass people in a weird situation that will most likely never happen again and that’s the beauty of it that it did happen and I didn’t judge you. I just didn’t want you to feel alone in this stupid beautiful world because it’s so easy to feel alone in a city like this that feeds off of drama and bullshit and faking it until you make it bullshit
I don’t know what I’m doing sometimes…. and that’s okay We’re all a little weird and a little lonely sometimes.
Anyone who tries to pretend like they’re not those things is lying. I like all the imperfect people allowing themselves to be just what they are… and not pretending to something or someone else. I like a little weird I enjoy a little strange The moments I get to be with people, where they allow me in – to see how strange they are- even if only for a night- is truly special- It’s those moments that make life worth living. If everyone had a place to be themselves and a place to feel safe… this world might be a better place.
I wish you could know how my heart feels I can’t tell you how to be you only see what you want to see and you don’t see me I can’t tell you how I feel you never cared to listen you don’t want to hear you don’t feel me I came from you but you were already a million miles away I have no connection to you I have no connection to the man who helped you make me too you never wanted me I always wanted and needed you but I know now you are no mother to me so now I’ve got to set you free …
I sit here and look at a room filled with stuff memories collecting dust 2 pianos covered with this and that and on the couch asleep is my siamese cat I don’t know what to do I don’t know what to say when fear sets in and gets in the way frightened child inside the 40 year old me why must I always have to be number 1 the best the first the only given 100% have all or want nothing I don’t know…
I sit here and wait for my feelings to go down a bit level out but I know if I do then I’ll do without so I sit in silence Let myself feel
Don’t want to scream and shout but I can’t seem to figure it out I feel like half a person a big hole in soul a big hole in my heart when I reach out to you you just tear me more apart
and I wish I was better maybe better off dead I let myself go through it be in it just to get you out of my head.
it’s so easy for you to be mean hide behind your smoke screen if you ever loved me if you ever cared I can’t tell I’m not well you love seeing me down you love putting me through hell
and I wish I was happy maybe I’d be better off dead I have to get through this be in this just to shed you from my head
I know things will get easier time heals or so they say but right now I’m all kinds of broken -just waiting out the days
until I’m okay again
Above is a great journal to help you get through a breakup. Sometimes keeping a record of how you feel and what you’re going through day by day can help you better understand yourself and be more self-aware. It also can help you be aware of unhealthy patterns and habits.