Late night meeting
He comes
A groan withdraws
Within the pardon
I need a distraction
I need his diversion
Another night aborts around the twelve turnaround
Moving through the halo of numbers
Choking the hands of time
This outline destines the viable trigger
Will he shake the smallest moon?
Or shake a farewell
And make distances of my ugly past?
The trade views the spectrum
Before a crime emerges the music
I am almost back from the dead
I am letting you go
I am no longer holding on to what is no longer there
I’m not waiting for your care
Or your love
I’m not waiting for a sign
Or a phone call
Or a reply
That will never come
I’m not fooling myself by seeing your little effort give as a loaf of bread
When in reality
All you gave were crumbs
And that is why I would keep trying
Over crumbs I foolishly thought was love
But it wasn’t love
And you never really cared
And you don’t really care now
Cause if you did
I would feel it
I’ve been the one to reach out
To show interest
To take time
And now I’m done.
I’m not angry
I’m not even that sad
I’m just aware that
Holding on to you
Is a waste of time
If you didn’t appreciate me then
You never will
I can’t make you see
What you don’t
Or don’t want to see
I can’t make you feel what you do not feel
I accept you are the way you are
And it’s not what I want
And what I was holding onto is just an illusion I created in my head
And I won’t hold on to shadow
I no longer hold on to you
goodbye
Forever
I let you go
And I am okay
A night
A fuck
A sore
A bore
It’s hard to ignore
The lack of care
In your stare
Unaffected
Disconnected
It’s the way
People in this town
Seem to be
Now
And this apathy
Is making me
Want to get the fuck out
Of this
And jump into
Something new.
Head -on
Tail spin
Lose yourself
Then you begin
Again
And again
It seems like I’m always starting over
It seems like I’m always going backwards
In the race around the track
I get myself back
Or do I?
Maybe I’m just a little more tired
Tired of trying
Again and Again
-kyoko cole
2018
Time is a tick of the mind
Where we once belonged
Has gone far away
Today
And now
Black smoke
Beautiful losers
A shout in the street
Start to fade
All that we made
Is born to die
A brief history of time
Obsession
Old lovers
Under freeway balconies
Nude naked and stripped
Secrets behind smiles
The horse would know, but the horse can’t talk
Rhapsodies in black
Documenting disposable people
Disposers
Exposers
Of
Ghost images
Ghost people
ghost world
Once Held together by water
But now Broken apart by man
Is it just a minor glitch?
Or Did they flip the major switch?
Maybe we were powered down
Like little robots held spellbound
Held captive under their cloak
Your truth is just their joke
That most of you folks
believe
But mark my words
they got something up their sleeve
I don’t know what’s coming
But I know it can’t be good
They got us thinkin
Left is right
So we got reasons to pick a fight
We ain’t thinking like we should
I don’t know what’s coming.
But I know it won’t be good
I relized something today
I can want you in my life
And I would have you
Make space and time for you
And it doesn’t matter to you
If I’m a part of your life
You could take me or leave me
One way or the other
It’s not that important to you
And yeah it hurts
But then I think
That you are just who you are
And maybe there’s never been anything or anyone important enough to you for you to make the effort to try
And I mean really try to give yourself fully to one thing. One person. To love from a place without the fear of what may happen or the fear of what will happen sometimes. To give full allowance to the fact that maybe you might get hurt. But maybe not. And what If not. What if after the difficult times and momentary struggles ( which is all we focus on when we’re struggling instead of looking at all the good stuff)… What if it was really amazing? Amazing cause you took the time and care and love and really got to know the other person and learn to accept each other and love each other and deal with each other on a whole new level.
Without fear
Without judgements or inaccurate beliefs about the other person who we judge because we don’t fully understand them
Maybe there’s never been anything worth it to you to want to keep around.
But what if people really loved and cared enough about each other to just try when it’s not easy. To love when the person is hard to love yet they need it the most. Showing trust and giving trust and being completely honest and open. Not everyone is the same so why do we expect everyone to know and feel what you feel and judge
Maybe giving ourselces to something fully is the answer. Not half assed. Not always having one foot out the door. Ready to give up ready to leave. What if the answer is commiting ourselves to someone or something fully…knowing it’s not always gonna be fun or easy and being okay, ready and willing for that.
Maybe we would find the most amazing thing you’ve ever known
Cause we took the time and effort dedication in someone or something to actually know
You can tell me you’re not afraid of anything
But clearly we all are
Give someone that loves you the chance to be who they really are
Teach them to grow through love
Tell them they matter and that you love them.
Make them feel loved and safe and show them that you are someone they can trust by being trustworthy.
That’s how we change the world
Give love when someone needs it
And accept the love that person gives
Show love and others will show love back.
I know you are you
And I am me
But sometimes i wish you did feel the way I feel for you
For me
But we can’t always have someone wants to give all that you’re willing to give
Not everyone is going to love us back
That’s okay.
I’m happy to know that someday I’ll have someone who wants to put up with me too
And that’s something that makes me love even more. 😉
i’ve been stuck
in a rut
for too long
but i let myself
get there
and now i’m letting myself get
the fuck out out out
i wanna shout shoutSHOUT!!!!
damn all you manipulators
damn all you messengers of doubt
all your projection
i need protection
from you
your soul suck
and mind fuck
there’s noluv… in what you do
and i got no time left to waste on you.
Every kiss
That I miss
He does not
Miss at all
He built his wall
Between us
He does not call
He does not care
To have me there
With him
He doesn’t love me
Anymore
He shut the door
On me
If he could only see
Things from inside of my heart
But what’s the point?
He lied
He cheated
He treated me
Like shit
Worse than shit
Like nothing
Everyone else saw it
I held on to the good
That was just a lie
That’s why
I don’t even try
He’s a lost cause
It’s pointless now
To hold on to something
Or someone
Who cared so little
When I cared so much.
under cover tears
and under cover fears
steers
the ship
without help
from me or you
under a moonless darkness
of questions
My heart weeps
while
your other lover sleeps
She rests without worry
without wonder
Without thought
As she takes
your heart and soul for a walk
in the streets of longing i seek
the things you shall never speak
not to me
ever
and never
when
i needed you to
an enigma is not that great
When it’s an empty full of hate
it has no soul
and has no control
but i’m not the one
who’s got you trapped
down in a hole
and calls it child support
but yet I am the one
who you abort
cause you’re old
cause you’re cold
the last sentence you saw
makes people shiver
the last sentence you saw
is running away
to a better day
a more passionate evening
stole all the goods
i have a trained assassin stay overnight
just in case
i’m caught up in a fight
i didn’t start
but i WILL end
when i send in
my ninja friend
to break
some knees
please
let the HEARTBREAKING lies
roll over us
like the warm summer breeze.
abstraction is often FIVE floorS above you
while
subtraction is a hundred floors below
that is something
you see in others
but in yourself
will never know
Morning sun slips in
Through the blacks of My eyes
A second away from night
A moment away from sight
And many moons and days away from you
Feels like years now since we were we
I know you’ve moved on to worse things that make you feel better
At least for now
And I just move around in beds and in heads of others
To distract
I might seem okay to everyone else but it’s all just an act
A sad little act that maybe I’ll someday actually be
But the real me
Is a sad sight to see
inside I am empty
lonely
And lost
without you.
And there’s nothing I can do
Cause there’s no reason to
You gave me nothing
A million times left with no reply
Now nothing is all I got left
To give
So I don’t even try
In rooms alone it still makes me cry
I know the reason why
so i don’t even try
-kyoko cole 2018
