I’m sorry for all that I did to make you feel unloved
I loved (love) you more than anything
I really should have handled things differently
I think we both could have but
I’m not here to point fingers
All I want is for you
To be happy
Even if it’s not with me.
I loved you.
My love for you
was deeper and stronger than
you will ever know.
You rejected it.
You still reject it
and you will always reject it
because holding on to what is NOT true
is more important to you
than
holding on to me
and us.
You were my lover
and my friend
and you had so many chances to
make it right
make it better
be here
like you said you would
be my friend
and follow through with your words
but you never did
you never do
and now there is nothing that I can do
because
there is no more time.
the time you had
you wasted
you ignored
you spent punishing me
all the things you failed to see
will soon be gone
at least for me
you only punished yourself.
all the times I called you
– got no answer-
asked you to come over
and see me
one last time
–
I called your name
many times
and still you never came
once upon a time
you were my love…
now it’s my time to say goodbye…
so goodbye.
even though I am no longer important to you
even though you cared more about hating me
than loving me
I will forever (beyond this lifetime) love you
and
you will forever be important to me
—
I’ll see you again my friend
in the next life
when we come back as cats
(or me as a bird and you as a wolf)
Goodbye.
…
The past is there
We leave a part
Of who we are
Who we were
Taken in and
Pushed out
Somewhere pieces of us
Remain
In a micro trace
Floating in air
Or somewhere in space
Sometimes i feel you
Within an old place
Or taken again
In someone
Out somewhere
Breathing in air
truth in rented rooms
walls that have stood
lifetimes before I ever would –
Collecting secrets
Collecting dust
In forgotten spaces
in forgotten faces
In rented rooms
Misunderstood
Sometimes I wish I could
The hurt
Leave this body
and just forget
But like old walls
Hold silhouettes
Of the past
that will never be again
I hold
A part of you
so what if you’re weird…
so what if I had a moment of allowing you to be weird?
I’m weird all the time.
I had a moment of knowing that you needed something
and maybe I couldn’t give it to you
but at least I could be there for you
in some weird fucked up way
because I needed to not feel weird
in some weird fucked up way.
but don’t fucking be weird about it now.
something about you makes me want to help you
I don’t know
take care of you
in a non motherly
non- girlfriend kinda of way
fuck it
I couldn’t care less about what I feel
except for I don’t want you to treat me weird.
I actually enjoyed.
two weird-ass people
in a weird situation
that will most likely never happen again
and that’s the beauty of it
that it did happen
and I didn’t judge you.
I just didn’t want you to feel alone
in this stupid beautiful world
because it’s so easy to feel alone
in a city like this
that feeds off of drama
and bullshit
and faking it until you make it bullshit
fuck!
goodnight
I don’t know what I’m doing sometimes….
and that’s okay
We’re all a little weird
and
a little lonely sometimes.
Anyone who tries to pretend like they’re not those things
is lying.
I like all the imperfect people allowing themselves to be
just what they are…
and not pretending to something or someone else.
I like a little weird
I enjoy a little strange
The moments I get to be with people,
where they allow me in – to see how strange they are-
even if only for a night-
is truly special-
It’s those moments that make life worth living.
If everyone had a place to be themselves and a place to feel safe… this world might be a better place.
shut it down
shut it off
shut it out
shut up
howl to the moon
and cry yourself to sleep
you’re in too deep
on the shallow side
you can run
and I’ll hide
didn’t anyone teach you
not to run with scissors in your hand
you try to walk on water
when you can barely crawl on land
you can kiss off
piss off
kick rocks
get lost
but lost is what you are
you can keep running
but you won’t get very far
what you fear
will always be near
but it won’t be me
that you see
it won’t be me
there is no we.
I don’t owe you anything
there’s nothing I am obligated to do
for you
I do not care
what you want
or how you feel
because nothing about you
is even real
not my problem
none of my concern
i light a match
detach
set it on fire
and let it burn
as I turn
and walk away
not ever looking back
it’s a new day
and I’m not
who I was
before
–
I’m glad you took off
the way you did
I’m glad you showed me who you really are
It hurt like hell at first
but you leaving
made room for someone
who has brought me back to life again
who cares and
who excites
in ways you never would
and
or
never could.
I wish you could know
how my heart feels
I can’t tell you how to be
you only see what you want to see
and you don’t see me
I can’t tell you how I feel
you never cared to listen
you don’t want to hear
you don’t feel me
I came from you
but you were already a million miles away
I have no connection to you
I have no connection to the man who helped you make me too
you never wanted me
I always wanted and needed you
but I know now
you are no mother to me
so now I’ve got to set you free
…
goodbye
All I want to do
Is be close to you
I don’t want to waste any more time
Without you
When I know that you’re the one.
I sit here and look at a room filled with stuff
memories collecting dust
2 pianos covered with this and that
and on the couch asleep
is my siamese cat
I don’t know what to do
I don’t know what to say
when fear sets in
and gets in the way
frightened child
inside the 40 year old me
why must I always have to be
number 1
the best
the first
the only
given 100%
have all
or want nothing
I don’t know…
I sit here
and wait for my feelings to go
down a bit
level out
but I know
if I do
then I’ll do without
so I sit
in silence
Let myself feel
Letting go
Is the way to heal
Don’t want to scream and shout
but I can’t seem to figure it out
I feel like half a person
a big hole in soul
a big hole in my heart
when I reach out to you
you just tear me more apart
and I wish I was better
maybe better off dead
I let myself go through it
be in it
just to get you out of my head.
it’s so easy for you to be mean
hide behind your smoke screen
if you ever loved me
if you ever cared
I can’t tell
I’m not well
you love seeing me down
you love putting me through hell
and I wish I was happy
maybe I’d be better off dead
I have to get through this
be in this
just to shed you from my head
I know things will get easier
time heals
or so they say
but right now
I’m all kinds of broken
-just waiting out the days
until I’m okay again
Above is a great journal to help you get through a breakup. Sometimes keeping a record of how you feel and what you’re going through day by day can help you better understand yourself and be more self-aware. It also can help you be aware of unhealthy patterns and habits.
. . . but here I go anyway.
Poetry and fiction not intended for the masses — Sam M. Phillips
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