Chris

Now that you’re gone

I have no one by my side

To help me through

That person was always you

Now i feel the loneliness

Of being truly alone

You were the greatest friend

I have ever known

That this world has ever shown

I’m not alright

I’m not okay

Just take me back

To a better day

You were always there for me

And I’m so grateful for that

And for you

Until we meet again

I love you…

My sweet friend

Beer as cold as your ex’s heart

I will never understand how some people can be so cold.

To turn off

To love conditionally

To have such black and white thinking and feeling

To be cruel

To make up reasons why to hate

To criticize and put down

Yet be blind to everything that’s good

To completely ignore their own behavior

To make another person feel unwanted

Unimportant

Useless

So many people “love” that way

That’s not love.

That’s just selfishness mixed with a bitterness

You teach others through love

You can kill a man with disregard and neglect

And a mean spirit

Some people’s truth is whatever they were conditioned with from the time they were born

All they know is to pass that down to anyone and everyone they touch.

Yet they don’t see it.

Some people love to blame others or something false as a reason to take out their anger and pain on someone

Some people only know how to push the people that care about them away.

If all you know is the negative

If all you’ve seen and experienced is negative

You’re gonna end up looking for the negative in everyone else that comes along

I wish compassion played a higher role in mankind

I wish people thought about the lasting effects of their actions and behavior towards others

I wish people didn’t react to things they make up in their head

We are in this world

Hopefully to help one another

Not to harm someone who truly loves you

And definitely not to harm the ones who love you just because our past experiences and trauma makes you think that it’s okay to do.

It’s sad.

But there will always be people out there who just don’t know why better

And /or just don’t care to be better than what was done to them.

I wish you a happy life

For the first time

I truly

100%

without any doubt

Wish you the best

I Want the happiest life

For you

And for myself

Though our time together

Is now done

At least for now and the near future.

I am grateful

For the times we had

Both good and bad.

It was a part of my life

And I respect it

As that.

I am now okay

With letting you go.

I cannot make you stay

Nor would I want to.

I cannot change you

I can only change myself

I do not harbor any bad feels towards you

I need space and time to heal

Without you around

But I do not have bad feelings towards you.

However you feel about me is non of my concern anymore.

Those are your feelings and i respect that you are allowed to feel the way you do

Even if I don’t agree on what you feel and why you feel them

I cannot change how you feel

And I will not try

I know who i am

And i accept and love myself for who I am

I am still learning and growing and changing too. I am not perfect

No one is

But i know my worth

No one else has the power to determine that for me except for me.

If you do not know my worth

That is okay

You don’t have to

You don’t have to be around me

But i don’t have to be around you

I don’t have to do anything I don’t feel comfortable doing

I don’t have to be okay with something or someone that is not okay to me and my well being

I will keep my distance

I hope you will do the same.

Thank you

And goodbye

-KC

“A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it.” ~Jean de La Fontaine

Sing birds sing birds sing birds sing Get away

3am sounds

Of Birds and coyotes

I wish I could speak to them

I wish I could speak to you

Get through to you

But I’m starting to see

That’s never going to happen

I’ll probably make more progress with the birds and coyotes

And him

As he sits next to me on the patio

We listen to music

And talk

Like the coyotes and birds do

Balls deep you creep

You can play hard ball

Pool

Baseball

Balls in

Balls deep

But you keep that shit

Away from me

Icky

Sticky

Dicky

Fuck

Yuck

I would have never

Go back

To that

Place

With your face

That lies

Like it’s a sport

ABORT!!!

AND I’M OUT…..

(Mic drop)

Break something…

i’ve been stuck

in a rut

for too long

but i let myself

get there

and now i’m letting myself get

the fuck out out out

i wanna shout shoutSHOUT!!!!

damn all you manipulators

damn all you messengers of doubt

all your projection

i need protection

from you

your soul suck

and mind fuck

there’s noluv… in what you do

and i got no time left to waste on you.

Beso

Every kiss

That I miss

He does not

Miss at all

He built his wall

Between us

He does not call

He does not care

To have me there

With him

He doesn’t love me

Anymore

He shut the door

On me

If he could only see

Things from inside of my heart

But what’s the point?

He lied

He cheated

He treated me

Like shit

Worse than shit

Like nothing

Everyone else saw it

I held on to the good

That was just a lie

That’s why

I don’t even try

He’s a lost cause

It’s pointless now

To hold on to something

Or someone

Who cared so little

When I cared so much.

Not my Captain

under cover tears
and under cover fears
steers

the ship
without help

from me or you

under a moonless darkness
of questions

My heart weeps

while
your other lover sleeps
She rests without worry
without wonder

Without thought
As she takes
your heart and soul for a walk
in the streets of longing i seek
the things you shall never speak
not to me

ever
and never
when
i needed you to

an enigma is not that great
When it’s an empty full of hate
it has no soul
and has no control

but i’m not the one
who’s got you trapped
down in a hole
and calls it child support
but yet I am the one
who you abort
cause you’re old
cause you’re cold

the last sentence you saw
makes people shiver
the last sentence you saw
is running away
to a better day
a more passionate evening
stole all the goods

i have a trained assassin stay overnight
just in case
i’m caught up in a fight
i didn’t start
but i WILL end
when i send in
my ninja friend
to break
some knees
please
let the HEARTBREAKING lies
roll over us
like the warm summer breeze.
abstraction is often FIVE floorS above you
while
subtraction is a hundred floors below
that is something
you see in others
but in yourself
will never know