thirty eight hours

and useless

her lonely mother

remained silent

resting on the shoulder

of her companion

the great sun and the heavens

now seemed artificial.

do we understand the power

of our instruments?

vanity of the vanities

sometimes tried to stand and walk

like us

a coat of magnetic mindlessness

the man with bad intent

playing us like the smallest violin

this feeling of emptiness

Is more alive than me

illusions all around us.

to soften the blow

between the operator

and the subjects

you found my energy

in the broken pulse of time

I pulsate with the angels

and then laugh at our farewell

I am a memory

you see… that

this

is the end.

-Kyoko Cole

2018

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Everything was not

i see stars

and bible thumpers

bloom and gloom

like the sound

of the man

ready for doom

I put my spell on you

just like before

only now

I am dancing

on the moonlight floor

I can only run

(to you)

I can only hide

(from you)

if you

want me to leave

I will

go

I leave wounded

all the time

with my destination

out the door

where the stakes

are high

and time don’t end

a sweet choke

under faces

of light

hidden within smoke

and imaginary tales

of without any explanation

interested in this study

more here

then there

the absurd to defend

everyone corrupts

in movement

you rather abuse

than love again

the distance between

cause feelings we reject

already seated

i tried more to protect

myself

from what you see

in the mirror

that is me

another suicide

in the distant blue

i lie here

sweetly crushed

by

the pain of you

-kyoko cole

2018

At the end of the stars there is love

i'm lost and weird without you here. garden of sorrow.

by myself
crushed and flooded
by the fall of you

the moonlight
would laugh at me
if he could

I found sanity in the bottle
the wind catches a thought
with my heart in limbo

I must be lost
in a mess
of sadness

just like me
it was hiding
the song held out its hand

I still wonder why
you suffered so
and felt the weight
of my troubled soul

so many illusions break through
an honest man
without branches
is always
the first to go

the best we’ve had
I would run to you in a moment
my fantasies
make me hear your voice

at the center of the light
in darkness
i see you

at the end of the stars
there is love.

-kyoko cole
2018

Chris

Now that you’re gone

I have no one by my side

To help me through

That person was always you

Now i feel the loneliness

Of being truly alone

You were the greatest friend

I have ever known

That this world has ever shown

I’m not alright

I’m not okay

Just take me back

To a better day

You were always there for me

And I’m so grateful for that

And for you

Until we meet again

I love you…

My sweet friend

Do you understand me?

No.

Not at all

Never.

Not willing

Not capable

Not true.

Not wanting

Not caring maybe.

But I saw it once

When he maybe cared

Maybe wanted to

Maybe willing

Maybe the demons in his head

Were on vacation

Or tired.

Cause even demons need a break too

I don’t know

All I can say is how I feel

And it’s sad

To see someone you loved so much

Just turn into someone else

And have such hate

And meanness

Doesn’t make me angry

Doesn’t make me want to get revenge

I’m too sad for that

And revenge was never my thing

I let time and truth

Work it’s own magic

But right now

The kind of sadness I feel

Is like when a family member or someone you were super close dies

Except it’s worse

Cause he’s still there

Seeing whatever he wants to see

That isn’t really me

Not seeing me

But letting the real demons

Alter his brain

Take over his soul

Without him even knowing

It’s a sadness I can’t explain

Unless you’ve felt it before

One I never

Want to feel again.

-kyoko cole

Beer as cold as your ex’s heart

I will never understand how some people can be so cold.

To turn off

To love conditionally

To have such black and white thinking and feeling

To be cruel

To make up reasons why to hate

To criticize and put down

Yet be blind to everything that’s good

To completely ignore their own behavior

To make another person feel unwanted

Unimportant

Useless

So many people “love” that way

That’s not love.

That’s just selfishness mixed with a bitterness

You teach others through love

You can kill a man with disregard and neglect

And a mean spirit

Some people’s truth is whatever they were conditioned with from the time they were born

All they know is to pass that down to anyone and everyone they touch.

Yet they don’t see it.

Some people love to blame others or something false as a reason to take out their anger and pain on someone

Some people only know how to push the people that care about them away.

If all you know is the negative

If all you’ve seen and experienced is negative

You’re gonna end up looking for the negative in everyone else that comes along

I wish compassion played a higher role in mankind

I wish people thought about the lasting effects of their actions and behavior towards others

I wish people didn’t react to things they make up in their head

We are in this world

Hopefully to help one another

Not to harm someone who truly loves you

And definitely not to harm the ones who love you just because our past experiences and trauma makes you think that it’s okay to do.

It’s sad.

But there will always be people out there who just don’t know why better

And /or just don’t care to be better than what was done to them.

I wish you a happy life

For the first time

I truly

100%

without any doubt

Wish you the best

I Want the happiest life

For you

And for myself

Though our time together

Is now done

At least for now and the near future.

I am grateful

For the times we had

Both good and bad.

It was a part of my life

And I respect it

As that.

I am now okay

With letting you go.

I cannot make you stay

Nor would I want to.

I cannot change you

I can only change myself

I do not harbor any bad feels towards you

I need space and time to heal

Without you around

But I do not have bad feelings towards you.

However you feel about me is non of my concern anymore.

Those are your feelings and i respect that you are allowed to feel the way you do

Even if I don’t agree on what you feel and why you feel them

I cannot change how you feel

And I will not try

I know who i am

And i accept and love myself for who I am

I am still learning and growing and changing too. I am not perfect

No one is

But i know my worth

No one else has the power to determine that for me except for me.

If you do not know my worth

That is okay

You don’t have to

You don’t have to be around me

But i don’t have to be around you

I don’t have to do anything I don’t feel comfortable doing

I don’t have to be okay with something or someone that is not okay to me and my well being

I will keep my distance

I hope you will do the same.

Thank you

And goodbye

-KC

“A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it.” ~Jean de La Fontaine

Sing birds sing birds sing birds sing Get away

3am sounds

Of Birds and coyotes

I wish I could speak to them

I wish I could speak to you

Get through to you

But I’m starting to see

That’s never going to happen

I’ll probably make more progress with the birds and coyotes

And him

As he sits next to me on the patio

We listen to music

And talk

Like the coyotes and birds do

In Geneva no one can hear you scream

Time is a tick of the mind

Where we once belonged

Has gone far away

Today

And now

Black smoke

Beautiful losers

A shout in the street

Start to fade

All that we made

Is born to die

A brief history of time

Obsession

Old lovers

Under freeway balconies

Nude naked and stripped

Secrets behind smiles

The horse would know, but the horse can’t talk

Rhapsodies in black

Documenting disposable people

Disposers

Exposers

Of

Ghost images

Ghost people

ghost world

Once Held together by water

But now Broken apart by man

Is anyone out there like me?

It may be

That I don’t want to see

All the things I see

And maybe I don’t want to be

This person who is me

Who am I anyway?

Am I just what others say?

Or maybe just yesterday I meant something

To you

But not today

Today we’re through

maybe I don’t want to feel

Everything I thought was real

Perhaps you feel quite alright

With throwing me away tonight

With doing things that hurt me more

With all of me you choose to ignore

And maybe I don’t want to stay

Maybe I don’t want to play

This stupid game

this stupid me

Maybe I just want to be

Free

From living

This stupid life

Maybe I don’t want the strife

It hurts my heart

To have to defend

What most of you can’t comprehend

Or Maybe I just can’t

And don’t want to pretend

Maybe I just want the end

-kyoko cole

We can reach

I can’t

Stand

Being

Without.

You

make me

Feel

something

Whole

I wish

I

Could

Stop

Time

Space

And age

And this

Stage

I’m in

I don’t know where

To even begin

Again

Cause I want

Everything

I can’t have

Right now

Right here

But I fear

Too?

Much

And I fear

Nothing at all

I could watch

It all fall

And be fine in the end

But in the end

I’d be alone

Like really alone

And I don’t

Want that.

Give me a sign

Give me the call

Give me your all

Let me know

That I’m something

You know.

You want.

And not some thing

You don’t know