space

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heart space
room space
head space
my space
shared with a
head case
nowhere to go
no place
to move
I can’t breathe
I can’t face
it anymore
I try…
to make it better
I try
to make it okay-
to make it
just o.k.-
only to
have it not be
okay
only to have it
stay…
Just the same
or get even worse.
like a curse
I need to reverse
but I can’t
seem to –
get myself back
on track
when I have no space
to move
No space to breathe
no space to live
please just give
me a break
for god’s sake
at least be helpful
not harmful
be aware
and care
instead of just
always there
– always in my way.
please…
make it be better than just okay.
because every day
living this way-
is not living
it’s death-

at least tomorrow
*sigh*
is a new day
to try again.

-k.c.

I need my space
and a notebook to write my poems





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the end

I am alone
with my head
and my heavy heart
silent
and cold
why did you leave me this way?
why did you promise me you would always stay.
now I am left alone
with only these feelings
I get no response
no reply
from you
it’s like I’m not even here
like I’m invisible
not worth your time
and it hurts
it hurts so bad
to be ignored
and treated like
nothing.
nobody
when I was once somebody to you.
what can I do?
not a thing
but to go away.
and stay away.
you pushed me so far away from you
so far gone is where I’ll stay.
this is the only way
I won’t have to feel
this pain.

We

I am here

And you are there

But we are connected

Many many lifetimes

Of knowing

And waiting

But do you want me

Or do you just want me to be safe?

You got your life

And I have to wait

But I don’t think you want to wait

Around for me

I know what I want

But I have things I have to do

And people I can’t let down

And you have others

You want and must have around

I want a family

I want to truly be loved

seen

Felt

And understood

If you could feel my heart

You would know

But you only show

What you show

And I really don’t know

Where I fit into that

Maybe I’m dumb

Or blind

Or half blind

But I do know my heart feels something

Strong

For you

What do you want from me?

What do you have with others

What do we do?

It can’t only come from Me

Clearly

Speak

What is inside you

may your dreams be better than this

in a blink of an eye-
lash out
and about
face-
time-keeps on
ticking
TICKING
ticking
into
the futureless
loop
of hands that
wave high
and scoop low

and everything we think we know
has been wrong
as the grand finale
begins
this marks our end
this is our swan song

oh sing me a tune
one soft and sweet
a song where I
and the dreamworld meet
one that soothes me to slumber

and one that will promise to keep
me safe
from
the fall
of it all
and what is about to come.

-kyoko cole

photo by Kyoko Cole © 2017




miserableboy42

time for the tables to turn
it’s time for me to ignore
all that is you
cause all you seem to do
is find a reason
to make me wrong
so you can do what you do
and i’m not going to swallow that
shit you call love
when it’s all just abuse
i really loved you
and this is what you do
to me
who just wanted to be good to you
but even that
isn’t good enough for you
you look for any reason
to turn
what was true
into a lie
so you can do
whatever you want to do
you’d rather be right being wrong
the same ol’ story
your same old fucking song
it never mattered
how much or little
i give to you
the idea you have made up
in your wet drunken
sunken head
has killed my love
has left me mostly dead
instead of trust
you push and you push
until you bust
any good
that we had
some people love their misery
some people like being sad
and mad
and drunk
and sunk
and that someone is you
out to sea
this is you
but this ain’t me
your drowning
drowning in your own
sorrow
fucked up
and checked out
in your make believe
ugly world
that ain’t mine
this isn’t the time
to go down
to the hell
you call home

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detox

kiss kiss kiss
3 day of this
and I miss miss miss
you
but you have been somewhere else
far from me
far from you
far from here
for quite some time
every time I call you near
I’ve been talking to fear
you’ll save yourself at any cost
save yourself first at any cost
even if it means being lost
I’m lost
I call you near
in a trance
in a sleep dance
I call you near
but you never hear
even if you do
you’re not here





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another day passes

take another drink
to sink
your mind into
out of the blue
and into the black
just another
sick attack
just another
thing to stack
on top of
all the other
challenges
and
obstacles
I don’t want to understand
but I do
but can’t you stop
and see me
like I see you
tummy churns
and the heart burns
I die a little more
every time
it goes
and blows
a little more
away
all the things I try
but fail
to say
that you
don’t hear
don’t care to listen to
anyway
why do you make me feel this
fucked up way
I’m not okay

once again

late night walk –
around the block
or two
or ten
in my head
thinking brain
monkey brain
feeling lame
feeling lost
feeling
too much feeling
gotta get out
of this
of it
and I know
that someday I will
but still
until
the day I do
I’m here on this walk
with the talk talk talk
back and forth
like ping pong
right and wrong
repeat song
inside my head
from me to me
and I to I
going through and through
the suck
stuck
fuck
of thoughts
and feels
journey through the
rat race
space inside my face
a trip of fools
or this trip of fool
singular
me

into the trees

lovers
you look empty
the love
might just change like lies

the changes catch
unborn truth
the voices speak just like you
the trace of silence
was real
with this feeling
from the last moment
without knowing
all you need
the lonely
-after hour anxiety
some little bugs eat
you ask one question
and hide before it can get to you


child distract him
absolutely invisible
there were cries
waiting for the night
the scent collects
but here this idea comes
and you need sleep and affection
so here it gets lost
the only fatality
made forgetting more melancholy
not sudden and nothing happened
this sinking evil illusion
life disappears
the voice here
never existed
this false face
tears softly and challenges
the real


all eyes had felt
your denial
this useless existence
away with the night

you who come from the dark-
unusual
into this light-
strange
your love
was enough
above the sky
you can see
that this is the end
whispering time
hear the word
hear our language
a sudden
taste of
mystic too
many must look
not dwell
under the fall
without the curtain
glow like you

purple would have understood
the holding hand
the mouth both interested and obsessed
for you
the black was still light
this face and soul the same
everything around you
faded and
remained


slippery
love
shake you out
out
out
this was absolutely different
your heart vibrations smile
flames from the body
will not be tamed
they are beautiful
lovely but cursed
as you
find them new meaning
I’ll remind you
of my kisses
and continue life mute

-kyoko cole

Sunshine for a spotless mind

I wish I could forget

Eject you from my brain

And heart

Erase my memory of you

Until you become somebody new

Or better yet you won’t become anything at all

It’s not fair that you can forget me

And I cannot ever forget you

Once upon a time… A long long time ago…

No reply

You stand there

Like a lost child

Like someone so out of place

Uncomfortable

unwanted

Uneven

You begin to see that YOU ARE THE JOKE

and it makes your lips tremble

As the lump in your throat

Begins to choke

The tears out

Of your eyes

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