I know that whatever comes after this
will be alright
With my little furry friend
Tag: the beginning
Love doesn’t have to be the way you make it out to be
When I fell in love with you
I had an open mind and an open heart
My smile was for you because you did things that made me happy.
You treated me nice and kind and we had fun
Over time you let insecurities take over
And became angry and mean.
You made me work so hard for your love you love gave me freely.
You took me for three kind of woman I was not.
I ended up paying for the sins of the women before me and I started to hate myself cause I didn’t know what I was doing wrong when I wasn’t doing anything wrong or bad to you.
I kept trying and changing and improving myself to be more understanding and considerate of your feelings only to have you be less understanding and considerate if mine.
What’s even worse is any time we would fight you would just ignore me like I never mattered. Yet the reason we would fight was because you didn’t want to hear my feelings if you didn’t understand them you would automatically just tune me out or call me stupid cause you didn’t want to deal with anything that I felt that ioi didn’t feel. You only wanted me to deal with your feelings when you felt them. Plus most of the time you’d be drinking something. Even if you didn’t drink for a few days – the long term use of alcohol made you become something else and that someone was very mean and abusive and paranoid.
I had beautiful feelings for you until you treated me the way you would treat someone who fucked you over which I never did. You made me become ( in your head) just the same as someone from your past until I finally lost it.
You wanted me to be the Whore you could blame for all your problems. You would rather see a lie that feels confortable and familiar than to see me for who i really was to you. Someone who loved you and cared enough to not want to hurt you.
It was never good enough. Out of all the things I did that were right and loving and good. You would hold onto this one tiny thing I said way back in the beginning that you didn’t like and use that as your reason to treat me the way you did in the end – completely awful.
I would cry myself too sleep so many nights only to wake up to the same thing and not want to leave my bed
I didn’t understand how i could love you so Unconditionally while you had a long list of conditions I had to obey before you even site m me even an ounce of affection. And even if I did everything you said you wanted it didn’t seem to marry you would still get drunk get angry and find some reason to point fingers and leave me again.
That’s what love is to you
That’s not love to me
If I wanted to be with someone else I would have been
I wouldn’t lie and cheat
Why would I have put so much effort until our relationship ( getting barely anything in return) if I didn’t love you.
Why would I constantly go to you and come a running every time you’d call if I just wanted to be with someone else?
That’s dumb that you even use that as a reason to be angry when I would always go home with you
You pushed me away.
You did this.
Not me.
I did everything I could to show you
Love
You did everything you could to push me away
And this last time
You hurt me worse than I ever thought imaginable.
For months after I was the depressed I’ve ever been and you didnt try even just to see if I was okay. I wasn’t.
I started to believe that everyone was like you
I was hopeless trying not to be hopeless
For months you just ignored me and I started to feel like I never existed or mattered to you.
It’s Funny how life is sometimes.
On my lowest night
I met someone
And didn’t think much of it at the time
But after the first night we hung out together I realized that is how it should feel. This is how I should be treated. This is how I want to treat people that are kind and caring and thoughtful to me.
It wasn’t me who did anything wrong with you yeag sure I made some minor mistakes but so did you (and many many major ones) and i didn’t just give up on you and stop loving you. I didn’t just start treating you like someone who didn’t matter the minute I didn’t like something. I communicated and I was honest.
I loved you
But you didn’t love me.
And now that I’m shown respect and love and care without all the unnecessary games abs run arounds and half truths but am still so many lies – i see it even more.
If you wanted me you would have had me. You would have treated me better like people do when they want to keep someone in their life.
You wouldn’t have let me go
But I’m kinda glad you did now
Cause now I know
What love really is. 
Sing birds sing birds sing birds sing Get away
3am sounds
Of Birds and coyotes
I wish I could speak to them
I wish I could speak to you
Get through to you
But I’m starting to see
That’s never going to happen
I’ll probably make more progress with the birds and coyotes
And him
As he sits next to me on the patio
We listen to music
And talk
Like the coyotes and birds do
Balls deep you creep
You can play hard ball
Pool
Baseball
Balls in
Balls deep
But you keep that shit
Away from me
Icky
Sticky
Dicky
Fuck
Yuck
I would have never
Go back
To that
Place
With your face
That lies
Like it’s a sport
ABORT!!!
AND I’M OUT…..
(Mic drop)
Diablo
What a terrible thing
You call love
What a low
You call life
So many times I see
The Nothing behind your eyes
I won’t let myself disappear
From believing all your lies
And I don’t have to be as cold
As you
to keep myself alive
I don’t have to be as bold
As you
To prove I will survive
You can try
You can try
To spin me
in
your web of illusion
Your ties of confusion
You can stay down with your demons
You can stay dark with the night
You can stay hidden within the shadows
But you can’t take away my light
You can try
But you won’t take away my light
I won’t follow you down
Your rabbit hole
Of fables
Your flip switch
Turn of tables
I won’t chase you
I ain’t gonna race you
And I sure as hell won’t embrace you
At the cost
Of me
Getting lost
Just to find you
Running out the door
I won’t take any more
You love to make me wait
You love to use love as bait
To fake your way in
And make me believe you care
But baby
Better beware
it’s a trap
It’s all just a trap
And I ain’t yours no more
How to disappear and never be found
Just let go
Of everything
You ever had
You ever loved
You ever were
You ever knew
And turn
Into something
Or someone new
Cause whatever was
Doesn’t matter
And whatever is will soon be gone
It’s time to just move on
You’ll be fine without them
And they will be even more fine without you
Let it all go
Go somewhere else
And go start a new
You are so much more
Than any name or label
Or whatever is not really anything at all
Has made you believe you are
-kc
sagesse rétrospective
What happened between us
Was the best thing
For me
Right now
Tu n'es pas bon pour moi
Someday never comes
Busted pieces
Faulty parts
Dead eyes
Cold hearts
There’s no use in trying
To save what’s sunk
There’s no use in holding
On to what’s junk
The city of stars
Is under a starless sky
The city of sunshine
Is where light comes to die
It’s a fraud
It’s a fake
It’s the kind of city that will make
And break
You into the worst
But first
It will take
You
And
It will blind you
With the illusion
And then fill you up with confusion
Until you
are no longer you anymore
Love means nothing Here
It’s just a word people throw around and use
and abuse.
There’s no use in trying
There is no use in trying
-Kyoko Cole 2017
You gotta kill yourself before you kill everybody else
I want you to LOVE me as my broken self
Just like you want others to do for you
But it ain’t easy
And it ain’t gonna ever happen
With someone who just gives up
I need strength when I ain’t strong
I am strength when others are weak
But right now
I seek
To change
To find
Gotta break the bond
And not my heart
I wish there was some way to go back to the start
But I know
Better
And you wanted me to go
A fight I can’t win
I used to try
But now I see
That it ain’t me
That’s the problem
And you can believe
Whatever you make up in your head
But I see
What’s actually reality
And you just don’t.
Everything you do is like toxic glue
It’s easy to stick to you
I thought you loved me too
But now I see that you don’t love me at all
Emotional abuser
Manipulator user
Narcissistic paranoid accuser
A liar
A blamer
A child
A shamer
Just a loser
Who’s gonna lose in the end
Cause you can’t grow
If you think you know
It all
But clearly you know nothing
But a bunch of bullshit
You’ve Brainwashed yourself to believe
Where is your heart?
You have no heart
No love
No care
You’re a little angry man
Unaware
Of what really matters
Unable to ever change
Amateurs (don’t take things or this so seriously)
thirteen ways to kill your lover
a hundred and one ways to die
Thirteen ways
To kill your lover
A hundred and one ways to die
It pays
To be
Cemented in your ways
Or does is pay to be
Wild in the streets
Like a wild card
Jump up jump around
New York girls
Are too hip
As they hop
To the top
of the Empire state building
Which I don’t care to ever climb
A Hot house
As Cold
As your unbearable heart
Finish what you start, you say
As everything slowly starts to shift
Deterioration, they said
Right before it was dead
It was everything that ever was
That is not a thing any more
That couple over there
Kindly lent their owner
To the dogs
Frequencies are
Less frequently
Felt in the air
The less we care
The more we
Dread
The dead
That’s a coming
Round the bend
So buckle up partner
It’s coming to the end
The perfect partner
Of An imperfect pair
Doesn’t dare
Taunt
The electronic wizard
Or
The human lizard
But will haunt
The Spirit hunter
And the Catholic priest
Who will soon sit down
For the mighty feast
And break some bread
And both get fed
The last supper
Is a coming soon
Blasted allegories
Blast past noon
You are Not there
In the making
the making that never was
Was never there within you
Take me to the river
Drown me in the water
Let it cover me up
And Let my body sink low
The more you say
The less you know
Misleading
Misreadings
Draw on you now
Like the raise of an arm
And the hand that signals the alarm
To wake up
Wake up
WAKE THE FUCK UP
Before it’s too late
wait it already is …
-kyoko cole 2017
