Love doesn’t have to be the way you make it out to be

When I fell in love with you

I had an open mind and an open heart

My smile was for you because you did things that made me happy.

You treated me nice and kind and we had fun

Over time you let insecurities take over

And became angry and mean.

You made me work so hard for your love you love gave me freely.

You took me for three kind of woman I was not.

I ended up paying for the sins of the women before me and I started to hate myself cause I didn’t know what I was doing wrong when I wasn’t doing anything wrong or bad to you.

I kept trying and changing and improving myself to be more understanding and considerate of your feelings only to have you be less understanding and considerate if mine.

What’s even worse is any time we would fight you would just ignore me like I never mattered. Yet the reason we would fight was because you didn’t want to hear my feelings if you didn’t understand them you would automatically just tune me out or call me stupid cause you didn’t want to deal with anything that I felt that ioi didn’t feel. You only wanted me to deal with your feelings when you felt them. Plus most of the time you’d be drinking something. Even if you didn’t drink for a few days – the long term use of alcohol made you become something else and that someone was very mean and abusive and paranoid.

I had beautiful feelings for you until you treated me the way you would treat someone who fucked you over which I never did. You made me become ( in your head) just the same as someone from your past until I finally lost it.

You wanted me to be the Whore you could blame for all your problems. You would rather see a lie that feels confortable and familiar than to see me for who i really was to you. Someone who loved you and cared enough to not want to hurt you.

It was never good enough. Out of all the things I did that were right and loving and good. You would hold onto this one tiny thing I said way back in the beginning that you didn’t like and use that as your reason to treat me the way you did in the end – completely awful.

I would cry myself too sleep so many nights only to wake up to the same thing and not want to leave my bed

I didn’t understand how i could love you so Unconditionally while you had a long list of conditions I had to obey before you even site m me even an ounce of affection. And even if I did everything you said you wanted it didn’t seem to marry you would still get drunk get angry and find some reason to point fingers and leave me again.

That’s what love is to you

That’s not love to me

If I wanted to be with someone else I would have been

I wouldn’t lie and cheat

Why would I have put so much effort until our relationship ( getting barely anything in return) if I didn’t love you.

Why would I constantly go to you and come a running every time you’d call if I just wanted to be with someone else?

That’s dumb that you even use that as a reason to be angry when I would always go home with you

You pushed me away.

You did this.

Not me.

I did everything I could to show you

Love

You did everything you could to push me away

And this last time

You hurt me worse than I ever thought imaginable.

For months after I was the depressed I’ve ever been and you didnt try even just to see if I was okay. I wasn’t.

I started to believe that everyone was like you

I was hopeless trying not to be hopeless

For months you just ignored me and I started to feel like I never existed or mattered to you.

It’s Funny how life is sometimes.

On my lowest night

I met someone

And didn’t think much of it at the time

But after the first night we hung out together I realized that is how it should feel. This is how I should be treated. This is how I want to treat people that are kind and caring and thoughtful to me.

It wasn’t me who did anything wrong with you yeag sure I made some minor mistakes but so did you (and many many major ones) and i didn’t just give up on you and stop loving you. I didn’t just start treating you like someone who didn’t matter the minute I didn’t like something. I communicated and I was honest.

I loved you

But you didn’t love me.

And now that I’m shown respect and love and care without all the unnecessary games abs run arounds and half truths but am still so many lies – i see it even more.

If you wanted me you would have had me. You would have treated me better like people do when they want to keep someone in their life.

You wouldn’t have let me go

But I’m kinda glad you did now

Cause now I know

What love really is.

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Sing birds sing birds sing birds sing Get away

3am sounds

Of Birds and coyotes

I wish I could speak to them

I wish I could speak to you

Get through to you

But I’m starting to see

That’s never going to happen

I’ll probably make more progress with the birds and coyotes

And him

As he sits next to me on the patio

We listen to music

And talk

Like the coyotes and birds do

Balls deep you creep

You can play hard ball

Pool

Baseball

Balls in

Balls deep

But you keep that shit

Away from me

Icky

Sticky

Dicky

Fuck

Yuck

I would have never

Go back

To that

Place

With your face

That lies

Like it’s a sport

ABORT!!!

AND I’M OUT…..

(Mic drop)

Diablo

What a terrible thing

You call love

What a low

You call life

So many times I see

The Nothing behind your eyes

I won’t let myself disappear

From believing all your lies

And I don’t have to be as cold

As you

to keep myself alive

I don’t have to be as bold

As you

To prove I will survive

You can try

You can try

To spin me

in

your web of illusion

Your ties of confusion

You can stay down with your demons

You can stay dark with the night

You can stay hidden within the shadows

But you can’t take away my light

You can try

But you won’t take away my light

I won’t follow you down

Your rabbit hole

Of fables

Your flip switch

Turn of tables

I won’t chase you

I ain’t gonna race you

And I sure as hell won’t embrace you

At the cost

Of me

Getting lost

Just to find you

Running out the door

I won’t take any more

You love to make me wait

You love to use love as bait

To fake your way in

And make me believe you care

But baby

Better beware

it’s a trap

It’s all just a trap

And I ain’t yours no more

kyoko cole art

How to disappear and never be found

Just let go

Of everything

You ever had

You ever loved

You ever were

You ever knew

And turn

Into something

Or someone new

Cause whatever was

Doesn’t matter

And whatever is will soon be gone

It’s time to just move on

You’ll be fine without them

And they will be even more fine without you

Let it all go

Go somewhere else

And go start a new

You are so much more

Than any name or label

Or whatever is not really anything at all

Has made you believe you are

-kc

sagesse rétrospective

What happened between us
Was the best thing
For me
Right now

Tu n'es pas bon pour moi

Someday never comes 

Busted pieces

Faulty parts

Dead eyes

Cold hearts

There’s no use in trying

To save what’s sunk

There’s no use in holding

On to what’s junk

The city of stars

Is under a starless sky

The city of sunshine

Is where light comes to die

It’s a fraud

It’s a fake

It’s the kind of city that will make

And break

You into the worst

But first

It will take

You

And

It will blind you

With the illusion

And then fill you up with confusion

Until you

are no longer you anymore

Love means nothing Here

It’s just a word people throw around and use

and abuse.

There’s no use in trying

There is no use in trying

-Kyoko Cole 2017

You gotta kill yourself before you kill everybody else

I want you to LOVE me as my broken self

Just like you want others to do for you

But it ain’t easy

And it ain’t gonna ever happen

With someone who just gives up  

I need strength when I ain’t strong

I am strength when others are weak

But right now 

I seek

To change

To find

Gotta break the bond

And not my heart

I wish there was some way to go back to the start

But I know

Better

And you wanted me to go

A fight I can’t win 

I used to try 

But now I see 

That it ain’t me 

That’s the problem  

And you can believe 

Whatever you make up in your head 

But I see 

What’s actually reality 

And you just don’t. 

Everything you do is like toxic glue 

It’s easy to stick to you 

I thought you loved me too

But now I see that you don’t love me at all 

Emotional abuser 

Manipulator user 

Narcissistic paranoid accuser 

A liar 

A blamer

A child 

A shamer

Just a loser 

Who’s gonna  lose in the end 

Cause you can’t grow 

If you think you know 

It all  

But clearly you know nothing 

But a bunch of bullshit 

You’ve Brainwashed yourself to believe 

Where is your heart?

You have no heart 

No love

No care 

You’re a little angry man 

Unaware 

Of what really matters 

Unable to ever change 

Amateurs (don’t take things or this so seriously)

Thirteen ways

To kill your lover 

A hundred and one ways to die 

It pays 

To be 

Cemented in your ways

Or does is pay to be 

Wild in the streets

Like a wild card 

Jump up jump around 
New York girls

Are too hip

As they hop

To the top 

of the Empire state building 

Which I don’t care to ever climb 

A Hot house
As Cold 

As your unbearable heart

Finish what you start, you say

As everything slowly starts to shift 

Deterioration, they said

Right before it was dead 

It was everything that ever was

That is not a thing any more 

That couple over there 

Kindly lent their owner

To the dogs 

Frequencies are 
Less frequently

Felt in the air 

The less we care

The more we 

Dread

The dead

That’s a coming

Round the bend 

So buckle up partner 

It’s coming to the end 

The perfect partner

Of An imperfect pair 

Doesn’t dare 

Taunt

The electronic wizard 

Or 

The human lizard

But will haunt 

The Spirit hunter

And the Catholic priest 

Who will soon sit down  

For the mighty feast 

And break some bread 

And both get fed  

The last supper 

Is a coming soon 

Blasted allegories
Blast past noon 

You are Not there

In the making

the making that never was 

Was never there within you

  Take me to the river 

Drown me in the water

Let it cover me up 

And Let my body sink low 

The more you say

The less you know 

Misleading 

Misreadings

Draw on you now

Like the raise of an arm 

And the hand that signals the alarm 

To wake up 

Wake up 

WAKE THE FUCK UP

Before it’s too late  

wait it already is …

-kyoko cole 2017

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there’s no other way

there’s no other way
and no other day
to say
goodbye
all the things
i would, would not
and could never say
but now i need to go away
i really did try
day after day
just to get by
some things are for letting go
some things we must learn to let die

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