more alcohol please

weeded my garden
inside and out
organized my closet
got rid of half my clothes
i never wore
mopped all the hardwood floors
made some art
made some crafts
made a mess just to clean it up again
made my bed
and now….
i don’t know
people are weird
it’s not just the coronavirus that’s making this way
it’s our times
people are very selfish
and disconnected
we didn’t need this pandemic to social distance…
we do it regardless
we just don’t see it
cause we’re out and about
and being very social
being social doesn’t equal intimacy
just like sex doesn’t
it makes me a little sad
but it is what it is
and i’m happy to have dodge a bullet again
i’m not one to settle
don’t think i’ll start now

What are you?

make up your face
and your place
somewhere new and go

Fake up your grace
and fake up your case
and grow up
your old ego 
Slow

But it’s all for show

it’s the only way you can go
it’s the only way you know
it’s the only way you know

this place is full of spies
filled with people full of lies
too many
pretend
to be
your friend
just to sell
you out
while they
cash in
in the end
You just can’t win

Somebody that I used to know

Quitters always believe the lies they tell themselves because delusion is easier to live with than the reality that they settled for an easier path.

-Shannon L. Alder

Evil loves to subvert all blame onto the innocent.

-E.A. Bucchianeri, Vocation of a Gadfly (Gadfly Saga, #2)

In the narcissist’s world being accepted or cared for (not to mention loved) is a foreign language. It is meaningless or even repellent. One might recite the most delicate haiku in Japanese and it would still remain utterly meaningless to a non-speaker of Japanese. This does not diminish the value of the haiku or of the Japanese language, needless to say. But it means nothing to the non-speaker.

Narcissists damage and hurt but they do so offhandedly and naturally, as an afterthought…

They are aware of what they are doing to others – but they do not care.

-Sam Vaknin, Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited

No other being is lesser human than the one who thinks of others as such.

-Abhijit Naskar, Human Making is Our Mission: A Treatise on Parenting (Humanism Series)

In the eyes of a Narcissist, they are perfect and never make mistakes. It’s always your fault.

-Tracy Malone

Once you are no longer a source of supply a narcissist will discard you cruelly with horrifically unimaginable devastation. This is when they show the ‘no empathy’ part. They do not care about you and learning that puts victims into a tailspin of confusion and depression.

-Tracy Malone

The emotionally cold or distant trait also rears its head during arguments when one person is experiencing and expressing significant emotion and the narcissistic person just checks out and does not respond—or does so in a cold and clipped manner. At such times you may find yourself spinning—and actually feeling as though you are “going crazy”—because the coldness of the response makes it even more difficult to regulate yourself in that moment. The emotional coldness can be confusing for you and may result in attempts to jump through hoops to generate warmth and connection with your partner. I have observed people wearing themselves out over decades, trying to create a fire where there was no possibility.

-Ramani Durvasula, Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist

It might look like your enemies are winning, but be ready God is about to flip the script.

-Shannon L. Alder, The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Bible

One of the easiest ways to discover if someone is compatible with you is to gauge their emotional intelligence. Are they a kind and sensitive person? Will they be respectful towards your sensitivities? Or, are they emotionally stunted? Remember, we tend to attract narcissistic types who lack empathy.

-Aletheia Luna, Awakened Empath: The Ultimate Guide to Emotional, Psychological and Spiritual Healing

A narcissist, on the other hand, is the exact opposite of an empath. Emotionally, narcissists are like brick walls who see and hear others but fail to understand or relate to them. As a result of their emotional shallowness, narcissists are essentially devoid of all empathy or compassion for other people. Lacking empathy, a narcissist is a very destructive and dangerous person to be around.

-Mateo Sol, Awakened Empath: The Ultimate Guide to Emotional, Psychological and Spiritual Healing

Darker days

TV has gotten to you too

Pretty soon there will be no more new shows

You’ll have watched every movie

You’ll get bored

But I guess you’ll be numb

Why is TV more important than we

I don’t know

But I’m gonna throw in the towel

Call it a night

And go to bed

I couldn’t inspire you

You didn’t want be inspired

Now I’m tired

Abd I feel like shit

So I give up

there’s no one who got away

Limited distractions

A force to reflect

All the things we normally forget

Looking back

I don’t look with the same heart or with the same head

mainly because

my love for you is dead

At the hands of you

At the hands of you

So you didn’t get away

No sir

Now With a better view

A clear realistic look at you

I wouldn’t want you to stay

I wouldn’t even consider it

Besides You never did much for me anyway.

It wasn’t me

It was you

That tried to make me pay

For your distorted view

How much better it would have been

If you cared and dared to really begin

If you didn’t allow all your past negative in

But you did

And it was there

You let your past negative win

Instead of us

You weren’t even aware

That it was you

Who

Took us down

Who would want that?

Not me

why would I ever

want someone like you around?

I don’t

Want you

At all

Anymore

I always knew

I was too good for you.

Now you will know it too

Haven’t done this in awhile

Pen to paper

Writing old school style 😉

Closure

Cleaning house

I have no use in trashing

Items you gave me

Or the things you left behind

They’re not for me to keep anymore

So I return the items that belong to you

To you

By snail mail

Package ’em up

And drop them off

At the post office down the street

I don’t need ’em

I no longer want them

All they are is a reminder of the past

that is gone

All they did was take up space in my home and in my head

And in my heart

Space and energy i would much rather have free for someone or something new .

🙂

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cabin fever

in the city

Starfish in the sky

Sitting at a bar

Drinking an Irish mule

killing some time

and some thoughts

I need a drink just to be normal now.

i don’t know how normal it makes me

but it makes me feel more normal to myself

I’m tired of taking shit from people

I’m tired of making the bad

be okay.

I’m tired of conditions

i’m tired of excuses

i’m tired of excuses

I’m tired of settling

for less than

what i want

what i deserve

i will be happy

now that i’ve removed all the dead ends

and roads that lead me nowhere

cut my losses

and move on

to

living

my life

the way i want