but he can’t be a man cause he doesn’t smoke the same cigarettes as me

walking through the store
couldn’t carry anymore
couldn’t care any less
as i do right now

in some other life
i took a knife
and carved 2 names on a tree

To preserve the time of we

Many moons ago when it was just you and me

And the cats

To see the  names and remember the life

We lived long before this

And remember the love

We both miss 

Over a life time ago

We knew someday we would meet again 

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there’s no other way

there’s no other way
and no other day
to say
goodbye
all the things
i would, would not
and could never say
but now i need to go away
i really did try
day after day
just to get by
some things are for letting go
some things we must learn to let die

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Don’t

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Yes I’ve been distant

But you should know
You should understand
Or at least empathize
How I must feel
When you add delete
Add delete
At the drop of a hat
At the slightest turn of emotion
That comes at you
That goes through you
From day to day.
You are hot
Cold
Reactive
Jump around
Jump to conclusion
Reading far too much into
My actions
My current condition
All of me right now
you take wrong
You take too personal
You abuse
I can’t trust that.
Trust is built
And so are relationships
And so is the kind of love
You want
But don’t have the patience for
Actually building
Romantic love
Grows with time
And grows only if you allow and accept and show love
Especially showing it at times when you aren’t getting exactly what you want
But real love isn’t just about what you want
And when you add
Then delete again because you’re not getting exactly what you want
(When I’m giving as much as I can Right now)
You have already gotten rid of me first
You have pushed me away
And I don’t try to have something more with someone who already cut me down to less
That’s why
I keep my distance now 
I don’t feel like you give me a reason to try so hard
Don’t add just to delete
And expect me to stick around

softies

skin touching skin
i let you in
silly goose
bumps

 under
fingertips
jump rings 

tracing over

Body parts and things 

ever-so-softly
and ever-so-slowly

the light trace
of fingertips
excites me

In the most beautiful way

dance the night away

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Ok so because we are friends

I guess I realized I did have a mini crush on you
Without wanting to
Cause I know better
So now I will take a few weeks
To get over it
And be back to the way it always was
The way we have always been
Friends
Just friends

tonight

i’m listening to dylan
freewheelin’ bob dylan
on vinyl
on a really bad ass record player
in my basement
cause it sounds better than any other way
and cause it felt right.

and tonight
i feel a lot
and don’t have it in me anymore
to go on about it the same way
but i will go about it my way
and we all have our own way of mourning
we all have our own way of letting go
or saying goodbye

my way is setting shit on fire
the past is just a goodbye
and the stuff of the past is holding on to the dead the still occupy you brain and heart and life
it lives just by holding on to it
why hold onto the ghost ?
sounds like torture but we do it all the time
i don’t want your picture
i don’t want the letters or notes or gifts from you
way back when
i don’t want any reminder of something that was so quickly cut out of my life
like it meant nothing
so now it means nothing
to set it on fire
and watch it burn
tonight i spent watching it burn away ‘)

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you are my sunshine my only sunshine – merry christmas

when you sang that song for me
20 + years ago now
i was laying next to you in bed
and i remember crying because i knew how special i was
for you to show me that affection and say i love you
when you grew up without it
and you were brought up to not show it
in our culture and our family it’s not something you do
but for me you did
and i cried at that moment knowing that someday it
and you and everything that means the most to me
would be gone
i was 11 and i knew it then
now i”m 33 and i still know it but now i have to face it and
i don’t want to say goodbye
memories of what was
and what will never be again
– in the many things that i’ve known and loved
i miss
and will forever miss
i wish i could go back
and live it all over again
even the bad cause those moments with you mean the most
my childhood was blessed with a grandmother who loved me
and did everything she could for me
and it hurts to look back at what you had
and see that you did not know what you had
while you had it –
and know that you will never have that again
– it doesn’t take away from the great things to come
i just miss those times
that as a child you think will always stay the same
and you never think about how drastically things change and disappear and die
and are lost with the years that creep by you ever so quickly
and i will forever miss it
and i will forever miss and love her
she always loved me and was there for me
when no one else was
-here is no home base now
there is no safe place
to fall back if needed
there is no one there now to take care of me
cause sometimes i need a little bit being taken care of
even still as an adult
we all need to know that someone cares and loves us no matter what
i love you grandma

you are my sunshine

You Don’t Know What Love Is (you just do as you’re told) Lyrics- white stripes

This one is for you – you know who you are

In some respects
I suspect you’ve got a respectable side
When pushed and pulled and pressured
You seldom run and hide
But it’s for someone elses benefit
Not for what you wanna do
Until I realize that you’ve realized
I’m gonna say these words to you

You don’t know what love is
You do as you’re told
Just as a child at ten might act
But you’re far too old
You’re not hopeless or helpless
And I hate to sound cold
But you don’t know what love is…
You just do as you’re told

I can see your man
Cant help but win
Any problems that may arise
But in his mind there can be no sin
If you never criticize
You just keep on repeating
All those empty “I love you’s”
Until you say you deserve better
I’m gonna lay right into you

You don’t know what love is
You just do as you’re told
Just as a child of ten might act
But you’re far too old
Your not hopeless or helpless
And I hate to sound cold
But you don’t know what love is
No you don’t know what love is
No you don’t know what love is

You just do as you’re told
You do as you’re told
Yeah

Fire with fire

It’s okay to fall

How boring would life be without the waves?
All that really matters is if you are willing to ride it and how well you ride it

Bukowski said it better
“What matters most is how well you walk through the fire”

We are both fire
Burning ever-so-beautifully
Into the night
Into the day
And it’s always better to burn out
Than fade away ( thank you Neil young )

Tonight you leave me with a smile
And that’s pretty fucking great in my book. I love you for that.
Thank you 😉

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