skin loves fever

Sitting at a bar

Drinking an Irish mule

killing some time

and some thoughts

I need a drink just to be normal now.

i don’t know how normal it makes me

but it makes me feel more normal to myself

I’m tired of taking shit from people

I’m tired of making the bad

be okay.

I’m tired of conditions

i’m tired of excuses

i’m tired of excuses

I’m tired of settling

for less than

what i want

what i deserve

i will be happy

now that i’ve removed all the dead ends

and roads that lead me nowhere

cut my losses

and move on

to

living

my life

the way i want

To easy

I knew I was right

About you

With each passing day

It becomes harder and harder

For me

To continue

You had to fight me

On this

Now you can live on

with this “win” of yours

But I’m opting out

And I’m taking it all with me

You won’t get a note from me

This time

You never listen to me anyway

Even after all those times

I ended up being right

You still don’t listen

So would I why bother

Telling you about

anything I plan to do now

Glad it was easy for you now

It won’t be easy

For you

Soon

by then

You won’t have

Someone to bitch out

To make excuses to.

But it’s not like I never said anything to you

You know

You knew

And what did you do?

You did not listen

When you knew

You never listen

Until it’s too late

And too messy

beyond repair

Only then

Is when

you begin to care

The way you should have

But hey

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I see what is in front of me

I see who was there when everything went to shit

Don’t tell me I don’t see when you are blind to anything and everything that’s going on with others that you say you care about

how others are affected by it

You only see and feel you.

I don’t have time to see what isn’t there in any way I need

I won’t

Cause no matter what your words say

What you show is completely different

How you made and make me feel is not good.

At all.

So don’t you dare say it’s something I don’t see.

When it mattered

Where were you?

Exactly.

You’re not helping me at all.

And if you think you really are then you’re out of touch with reality

And so out of touch with me.

That’s all that really matters to me right now

Grow up

And stop telling me what I should feel

What I don’t see

I’m done.

Your words and back and forth talk just drive me crazy and not in a good way

Abd you don’t care

You keep on

Defending yourself when you got nothing

You make excuses

And after so many times

Of the same old shit

From sorry to hate

Mixed with the trauma and loss of everything that I’m trying to deal with

You add extra stress and NO HELP

to the mix

What makes you think you care? Cause you feel something after I’m gone

Cause you are delusional?

Cause you can’t see yourself the way others see you

But you’ll fight and fight and have to be right about something you haven’t cared enough to know anything about : my feelings

Fuck this.

You dig yourself into a hole the more you talk without empathy the more words you say without awareness

The more you try to defend something that’s just not worth it.

It makes me think you’re not really a good person

And not someone I want around

Fuck this

I hide the hurt and the pain

Behind my anger

Behind my smile

Behind all the distractions

Just to get by for awhile

But when I have a moment

Of silence

When I am alone

It all comes to a head

So much of what I miss

and love So much

Has gone away

Is dead

Don’t come around now

You made the choice

This time sorry isn’t going to mean anything to me cause you have had more than enough chances to be there be better

NOT MY PROBLEM

don’t ruin my night cause you don’t know how to be a decent person

Don’t show up where I am

Stay away

I can’t talk to you anymore

You ruined it

When I needed you the most

Trust me

It’s better this way

Goodbye

You make me

Want to

Jump

Off

A

Building

You can’t help the situation

You only make it worse

And you don’t give a fuck