so this is how the story ends

no words to say
to song to sing
this is the sorrow
this mourning brings
the start of your week
is the end of my day
nothing really matters
to me anyway.
i was happy
when i made you happy
but now the ideas you make up in your head
make you sad
at me
make you mad
at me
and i will never be
who you want
me to be
i will never feel
your sunshine again
but i will always know
this darkness
that you left me in
on this day
today
that you went away
and made me have to go.
this kind of love
this kind of life
i already know
so well—
so long
so many times
i guess it was me
who was wrong
all along
i don’t fit
in this world
i can’t sit
i don’t have my place
so i quit
this shit
and burn
any trace
of me
you will never see
my face
or my smile
and after a while
you’ll forget that too
this is my goodbye
to you

Photo by Juan Pablo Arenas on Pexels.com
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com
sadness and mourning. saying goodbye
Photo by Trinity Kubassek on Pexels.com
“Suicide Fever” by AA, 1981
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the mourning of my past

i dip
and slip
under the moon
and fall past
the last
hand comin’ round too soon
i skate
and wait
for nothing cause it’s so much fun
to chase the moon
and run from the sun
i smile and spin
as something within
starts to begin
again
i dance and prance
and fly through the air
without a doubt or a single care
and as the morning dew
comes into view
i say goodbye
to the past
i held onto
what was
was then
and what is
is now
i got stuck between
the years somehow
so hello this moment
hello today
i am present
i am here
and i am okay
my eyes are open
my ears are open
my heart is open
i am open
to be me now.

 

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-k.c.

 

Vegas blues

I do not miss

All the shit

He put me through

I don’t miss his attack

Or his lack

of self awareness

Or all the unfairness

I don’t miss all his bad

Which drove me mad

And made me sad

But I do miss

His kiss

And I miss the few moments

He made me feel

Unconditionally loved

And on my way out of state

He was the best travel companion

I’ve ever had

How can one man be so stupid

And so blind

Viva Las Vegas!

Ha.

Yeah

Mama needs a new pair of shoes

And a new knife

What a fucking life

Goodbye

Noise noise and more noise

I can read between the lines

I can read the language you don’t speak in words

The writing on the wall is very clear

If you wanted to

You would be

Here.

Big man

Little man

Where do you stand

Little boy

I wasn’t made

For you

to be your little toy

When you come down

If you ever really do

Blabber and smoke

Treating everything

Like it’s one big joke

Laugh it up

Laugh out loud

And while you’re at it

Act so proud

Who you trying to fool

Yourself?

Or the crowd?

Maybe both

In the sky above

On the ground below

Who you really are begins to show

And it hurts only cause I let you in

I’m pretty sure lying

Is a Cardinal sin

Where does the false you end

And the real you begin?

When the one you love is broken…

He’s broken and I tried

And now he’s left me

Broken too

Why do I bother

He never did

He never does

He just acts like he is the only one who matters in this world

And all the love i had for him

Never mattered

He trashes

Like someone trashed him

Thank you for passing that down

I hope the next girl is much better

Cause obviously I never was

And I never will be now…

From the heart

Just love me

Or don’t.

I’m not okay

But I am

The greater spirit

My guiding light

Show me something

Make me believe

Prove me wrong.

Ha!

I’ll fall in love again

So will you

And it will be terrible…

You

Kill me

If you just wanted me out of your life

You can be a man and say so

And not play all these stupid games.

I always wanted you there

I didn’t leave you.

You left me.

January 2019

I’ll just have to love you from a distance now. I hope everything works out for you

en attendant de nous revoir

Don’t you worry your ugly little head

I got enough pills

For the kills

Hey but you get your kicks and thrills

On taking your shit out

On me

And if it’s not me

It’s someone else

Which is not cool

But it ain’t my fight to fight

And I ain’t got the right

To play god

When he doesn’t exist

But what does is the evil

That LIES inside of you

Whoever the fuck you are

Whoever the fuck I was

You’ll never know again

Punching bag

The stress you have on a daily basis

Is not my fault

But still I seem to be the one

You take it out on

And you don’t care to see that you do that

It affects me

And directs me

Down

To a lower place

To a darker space

Than I need to be

Why can’t you see

Yourself

And have a little more empathy

For someone other than yourself.