I sit here and look at a room filled with stuff memories collecting dust 2 pianos covered with this and that and on the couch asleep is my siamese cat I don’t know what to do I don’t know what to say when fear sets in and gets in the way frightened child inside the 40 year old me why must I always have to be number 1 the best the first the only given 100% have all or want nothing I don’t know…
I sit here and wait for my feelings to go down a bit level out but I know if I do then I’ll do without so I sit in silence Let myself feel
photographs of people some I can’t remember some I would rather forget some… I will forever miss if I could do it all over again I would and I wouldn’t change a thing … not because it was perfect (it wasn’t) not because I didn’t fuck up (I most definitely did) but because all those things… led me to you and it’s you – I have been waiting my whole life for.
Don’t want to scream and shout but I can’t seem to figure it out I feel like half a person a big hole in soul a big hole in my heart when I reach out to you you just tear me more apart
and I wish I was better maybe better off dead I let myself go through it be in it just to get you out of my head.
it’s so easy for you to be mean hide behind your smoke screen if you ever loved me if you ever cared I can’t tell I’m not well you love seeing me down you love putting me through hell
and I wish I was happy maybe I’d be better off dead I have to get through this be in this just to shed you from my head
I know things will get easier time heals or so they say but right now I’m all kinds of broken -just waiting out the days
until I’m okay again
Above is a great journal to help you get through a breakup. Sometimes keeping a record of how you feel and what you’re going through day by day can help you better understand yourself and be more self-aware. It also can help you be aware of unhealthy patterns and habits.
heart space room space head space my space shared with a head case nowhere to go no place to move I can’t breathe I can’t face it anymore I try… to make it better I try to make it okay- to make it just o.k.- only to have it not be okay only to have it stay… Just the same or get even worse. like a curse I need to reverse but I can’t seem to – get myself back on track when I have no space to move No space to breathe no space to live please just give me a break for god’s sake at least be helpful not harmful be aware and care instead of just always there – always in my way. please… make it be better than just okay. because every day living this way- is not living it’s death-
at least tomorrow *sigh* is a new day to try again.