skin loves fever

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I see what is in front of me

I see who was there when everything went to shit

Don’t tell me I don’t see when you are blind to anything and everything that’s going on with others that you say you care about

how others are affected by it

You only see and feel you.

I don’t have time to see what isn’t there in any way I need

I won’t

Cause no matter what your words say

What you show is completely different

How you made and make me feel is not good.

At all.

So don’t you dare say it’s something I don’t see.

When it mattered

Where were you?

Exactly.

You’re not helping me at all.

And if you think you really are then you’re out of touch with reality

And so out of touch with me.

That’s all that really matters to me right now

Grow up

And stop telling me what I should feel

What I don’t see

I’m done.

Your words and back and forth talk just drive me crazy and not in a good way

Abd you don’t care

You keep on

Defending yourself when you got nothing

You make excuses

And after so many times

Of the same old shit

From sorry to hate

Mixed with the trauma and loss of everything that I’m trying to deal with

You add extra stress and NO HELP

to the mix

What makes you think you care? Cause you feel something after I’m gone

Cause you are delusional?

Cause you can’t see yourself the way others see you

But you’ll fight and fight and have to be right about something you haven’t cared enough to know anything about : my feelings

Fuck this.

You dig yourself into a hole the more you talk without empathy the more words you say without awareness

The more you try to defend something that’s just not worth it.

It makes me think you’re not really a good person

And not someone I want around

Fuck this

I hide the hurt and the pain

Behind my anger

Behind my smile

Behind all the distractions

Just to get by for awhile

But when I have a moment

Of silence

When I am alone

It all comes to a head

So much of what I miss

and love So much

Has gone away

Is dead

Don’t come around now

You made the choice

This time sorry isn’t going to mean anything to me cause you have had more than enough chances to be there be better

NOT MY PROBLEM

don’t ruin my night cause you don’t know how to be a decent person

Don’t show up where I am

Stay away

I can’t talk to you anymore

You ruined it

When I needed you the most

Trust me

It’s better this way

Goodbye

You make me

Want to

Jump

Off

A

Building

You can’t help the situation

You only make it worse

And you don’t give a fuck

Go out

Try to be a person

Fail

Miserably

Go home…

And realize

Nothing helps

This needs to end

Soon

They will not ignore you

When you’re going through difficult times

They will be there

If making paper is more important that making love

Or making someone bappy

Or being there for someone

Who really needs it

Then this is not my word

And you are not my kind of people

You don’t put people aside when they’re dealing with the loss of loved ones

The loss of a job

I do bare minimal cause you do bare minimal when it’s a time that needs more. I can’t count on you being here.

I can’t count on anything or anyone right now and I’m starting to not care.

And when they look for me – I’ll be gone

This isn’t an easy fix

Don’t tell me to smile

So you can feel better about it

I’m not okay

Uncle James

Grandma

Chris

Job

Buster

Myself

Love is trying to understand the other person and why they feel the way they do and why they are behaving the way they are.

Love isn’t to make them feel worse about themselves and like shit when they already do.

This isn’t getting better

My heart hurts

And I don’t see any reason to continue trying to be a person. No one cares about me anyways. Only at my best but never at my worst.

Conditional

And sad

Im nobody

Except for horrible

And alone.

I know now

That

Tomorrow

Won’t be any better

And I’ll still feel the same

Get treated the same

And be more sad and alone

My quality of life

Is shit

I’m sorry if I ever hurt anyone

I really didn’t mean to

I was hurting too