Now that you’re gone
I have no one by my side
To help me through
That person was always you
Now i feel the loneliness
Of being truly alone
You were the greatest friend
I have ever known
That this world has ever shown
I’m not alright
I’m not okay
Just take me back
To a better day
You were always there for me
And I’m so grateful for that
And for you
Until we meet again
I love you…
My sweet friend
It may be
That I don’t want to see
All the things I see
And maybe I don’t want to be
This person who is me
Who am I anyway?
Am I just what others say?
Or maybe just yesterday I meant something
To you
But not today
Today we’re through
maybe I don’t want to feel
Everything I thought was real
Perhaps you feel quite alright
With throwing me away tonight
With doing things that hurt me more
With all of me you choose to ignore
And maybe I don’t want to stay
Maybe I don’t want to play
This stupid game
this stupid me
Maybe I just want to be
Free
From living
This stupid life
Maybe I don’t want the strife
It hurts my heart
To have to defend
What most of you can’t comprehend
Or Maybe I just can’t
And don’t want to pretend
Maybe I just want the end
-kyoko cole
Every kiss
That I miss
He does not
Miss at all
He built his wall
Between us
He does not call
He does not care
To have me there
With him
He doesn’t love me
Anymore
He shut the door
On me
If he could only see
Things from inside of my heart
But what’s the point?
He lied
He cheated
He treated me
Like shit
Worse than shit
Like nothing
Everyone else saw it
I held on to the good
That was just a lie
That’s why
I don’t even try
He’s a lost cause
It’s pointless now
To hold on to something
Or someone
Who cared so little
When I cared so much.
under cover tears
and under cover fears
steers
the ship
without help
from me or you
under a moonless darkness
of questions
My heart weeps
while
your other lover sleeps
She rests without worry
without wonder
Without thought
As she takes
your heart and soul for a walk
in the streets of longing i seek
the things you shall never speak
not to me
ever
and never
when
i needed you to
an enigma is not that great
When it’s an empty full of hate
it has no soul
and has no control
but i’m not the one
who’s got you trapped
down in a hole
and calls it child support
but yet I am the one
who you abort
cause you’re old
cause you’re cold
the last sentence you saw
makes people shiver
the last sentence you saw
is running away
to a better day
a more passionate evening
stole all the goods
i have a trained assassin stay overnight
just in case
i’m caught up in a fight
i didn’t start
but i WILL end
when i send in
my ninja friend
to break
some knees
please
let the HEARTBREAKING lies
roll over us
like the warm summer breeze.
abstraction is often FIVE floorS above you
while
subtraction is a hundred floors below
that is something
you see in others
but in yourself
will never know
Morning sun slips in
Through the blacks of My eyes
A second away from night
A moment away from sight
And many moons and days away from you
Feels like years now since we were we
I know you’ve moved on to worse things that make you feel better
At least for now
And I just move around in beds and in heads of others
To distract
I might seem okay to everyone else but it’s all just an act
A sad little act that maybe I’ll someday actually be
But the real me
Is a sad sight to see
inside I am empty
lonely
And lost
without you.
And there’s nothing I can do
Cause there’s no reason to
You gave me nothing
A million times left with no reply
Now nothing is all I got left
To give
So I don’t even try
In rooms alone it still makes me cry
I know the reason why
so i don’t even try
-kyoko cole 2018
to be ignored
By the person you truly love
Is the worst feeling in the world.
You told me the truth
In a dream last night
You showed me what I already had known was true
But to see you and her…
Right here
Right there
Made me aware
That I was never the one you really loved
You love her still and always will
And in my dream I felt my heart really break
I felt the child inside me ache
All I could do was cry
As I watched something I loved so much
Die
And then I awoke
With the tears
But no more fears
Cause I knew it was you
Cause I knew it was true
And because I knew this time it really was our last goodbye.
What a terrible thing
You call love
What a low
You call life
So many times I see
The Nothing behind your eyes
I won’t let myself disappear
From believing all your lies
And I don’t have to be as cold
As you
to keep myself alive
I don’t have to be as bold
As you
To prove I will survive
You can try
You can try
To spin me
in
your web of illusion
Your ties of confusion
You can stay down with your demons
You can stay dark with the night
You can stay hidden within the shadows
But you can’t take away my light
You can try
But you won’t take away my light
I won’t follow you down
Your rabbit hole
Of fables
Your flip switch
Turn of tables
I won’t chase you
I ain’t gonna race you
And I sure as hell won’t embrace you
At the cost
Of me
Getting lost
Just to find you
Running out the door
I won’t take any more
You love to make me wait
You love to use love as bait
To fake your way in
And make me believe you care
But baby
Better beware
it’s a trap
It’s all just a trap
And I ain’t yours no more
You fucked up royally this time
There won’t be a next
Abuser
Loser
You are those things by the way you choose to behave
Cause you are aware
But right now
You really don’t care
How to treat others
Cause you’re so consumed with treating yourself
To everyone and everything you please
Remember this
There’s no reason for me to give you
Any good that you will want again
After the way you treated me
The way you treat her behind her back
You lack
Morals
And any sense of how to be good
And someday
It will be time for you to repay
You’ll get yours
even worse
Than you could ever imagine
And I hope it hurts you deeply
Cause it’s the only way
You’ll ever learn…
How it feels
When someone does what you do
Right back at you
Remember today
And you’ll know why
You deserve to hurt and have no one there
Soon you won’t be able to escape yourself and your shit anymore
The loneliness
You can’t escape
It’s there with our without you
It’s there in a crowded room
It’s there on a deserted street
I used to enjoy being alone
Cause I wasn’t lonely
Now I don’t enjoy much of anything
Everything reminds me of something that is no more
Dead flowers of yesterday
Fill my days
And haunt my nights
Rambling ruminations from an addled mind.
Only you can change your life. Never underestimate your power to change yourself.
Quietly shouting in a world of noise - exposing a nerve.
a childlike curiosity
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An Old Plumber, An Ex-Carer, An Amateur Poet, Words From The Heart
Aroused by Arête
A Blog about PTSD, and Mental Health, with a bit of poetry sprinkled in along the way.
