waiting out the days

Don’t want to scream and shout
but I can’t seem to figure it out
I feel like half a person
a big hole in soul
a big hole in my heart
when I reach out to you
you just tear me more apart

and I wish I was better
maybe better off dead
I let myself go through it
be in it
just to get you out of my head.

it’s so easy for you to be mean
hide behind your smoke screen
if you ever loved me
if you ever cared
I can’t tell
I’m not well
you love seeing me down
you love putting me through hell

and I wish I was happy
maybe I’d be better off dead
I have to get through this
be in this
just to shed you from my head

I know things will get easier
time heals
or so they say
but right now
I’m all kinds of broken
-just waiting out the days

until I’m okay again




Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com
Photo by Tuesday Temptation on Pexels.com

Above is a great journal to help you get through a breakup. Sometimes keeping a record of how you feel and what you’re going through day by day can help you better understand yourself and be more self-aware. It also can help you be aware of unhealthy patterns and habits.

High-Functioning Anxiety and Depression – Bridges to Recovery

High-Functioning Anxiety and Depression – Bridges to Recovery
— Read on www.google.com/amp/s/www.bridgestorecovery.com/high-functioning-anxiety/high-functioning-anxiety-depression/amp/

Yupp. 😔

It’s cold outside

this desire

bottles full of memories

I struggle with the world

without you love

substances find problems

your fear finds misunderstanding

your fear keeps you away

and there’s nothing I can do

to change that

.

time is an island

deserted and alone

afraid to be forgotten

trying to survive

why must the wind

be so harsh?

the fallen

leaves

dance

on.

abandon

walls.

suicide without being able

to die

you take the path

of habit

devils and wolves

hijacked you

and your love

it really doesn’t matter now…

does it?

impossible to

get through

to you.

you got what

you wanted.

me removed.

i give up

and turn away

And stay

That way

On the path that

No longer leads to you.

  • kc

2018

Chris

Now that you’re gone

I have no one by my side

To help me through

That person was always you

Now i feel the loneliness

Of being truly alone

You were the greatest friend

I have ever known

That this world has ever shown

I’m not alright

I’m not okay

Just take me back

To a better day

You were always there for me

And I’m so grateful for that

And for you

Until we meet again

I love you…

My sweet friend

Is anyone out there like me?

It may be

That I don’t want to see

All the things I see

And maybe I don’t want to be

This person who is me

Who am I anyway?

Am I just what others say?

Or maybe just yesterday I meant something

To you

But not today

Today we’re through

maybe I don’t want to feel

Everything I thought was real

Perhaps you feel quite alright

With throwing me away tonight

With doing things that hurt me more

With all of me you choose to ignore

And maybe I don’t want to stay

Maybe I don’t want to play

This stupid game

this stupid me

Maybe I just want to be

Free

From living

This stupid life

Maybe I don’t want the strife

It hurts my heart

To have to defend

What most of you can’t comprehend

Or Maybe I just can’t

And don’t want to pretend

Maybe I just want the end

-kyoko cole

Beso

Every kiss

That I miss

He does not

Miss at all

He built his wall

Between us

He does not call

He does not care

To have me there

With him

He doesn’t love me

Anymore

He shut the door

On me

If he could only see

Things from inside of my heart

But what’s the point?

He lied

He cheated

He treated me

Like shit

Worse than shit

Like nothing

Everyone else saw it

I held on to the good

That was just a lie

That’s why

I don’t even try

He’s a lost cause

It’s pointless now

To hold on to something

Or someone

Who cared so little

When I cared so much.

Not my Captain

under cover tears
and under cover fears
steers

the ship
without help

from me or you

under a moonless darkness
of questions

My heart weeps

while
your other lover sleeps
She rests without worry
without wonder

Without thought
As she takes
your heart and soul for a walk
in the streets of longing i seek
the things you shall never speak
not to me

ever
and never
when
i needed you to

an enigma is not that great
When it’s an empty full of hate
it has no soul
and has no control

but i’m not the one
who’s got you trapped
down in a hole
and calls it child support
but yet I am the one
who you abort
cause you’re old
cause you’re cold

the last sentence you saw
makes people shiver
the last sentence you saw
is running away
to a better day
a more passionate evening
stole all the goods

i have a trained assassin stay overnight
just in case
i’m caught up in a fight
i didn’t start
but i WILL end
when i send in
my ninja friend
to break
some knees
please
let the HEARTBREAKING lies
roll over us
like the warm summer breeze.
abstraction is often FIVE floorS above you
while
subtraction is a hundred floors below
that is something
you see in others
but in yourself
will never know

I don’t even try

Morning sun slips in

Through the blacks of My eyes

A second away from night

A moment away from sight

And many moons and days away from you

Feels like years now since we were we

I know you’ve moved on to worse things that make you feel better

At least for now

And I just move around in beds and in heads of others

To distract

I might seem okay to everyone else but it’s all just an act

A sad little act that maybe I’ll someday actually be

But the real me

Is a sad sight to see

inside I am empty

lonely

And lost

without you.

And there’s nothing I can do

Cause there’s no reason to

You gave me nothing

A million times left with no reply

Now nothing is all I got left

To give

So I don’t even try

In rooms alone it still makes me cry

I know the reason why

so i don’t even try

-kyoko cole 2018

To be ignored

to be ignored

By the person you truly love

Is the worst feeling in the world.

shame
artwork by kyoko cole 2017

When I die

When I Die

Lush

LYRICS

If you walked in now

I wouldn’t start I wouldn’t frown

And if you just appeared

I wouldn’t cry or think it weird

‘Cause you are still around

You’re in the air, you’re in the ground

And you can’t go away

I am afraid you’re here to stay

Friends don’t understand

They close the door, they raise their hands

She says she heard your voice

Of course she does, she has no choice

I was hours ahead

When they removed you from your bed

They drank all the while

Until you said goodbye

Why are we sitting here in ourselves?

Why are we sitting here in ourselves?

Why are we sitting here in ourselves?

I don’t look up, I don’t look down

I look ahead and make no sound

My love was there,

I only stare

Healty in my dreams

Is what you are, is what is seems

What does it all mean?

You’re only hiding behind a screen

Curse the English day

For what it forces us to say

Banish all the pain

‘Cause when I die, die

I’ll see you again.

Songwriters: Emma Victoria Jane Anderson

When I Die lyrics © BMG Rights Management US, LLC

You brought truth in a dream

You told me the truth

In a dream last night

You showed me what I already had known was true

But to see you and her…

Right here

Right there

Made me aware

That I was never the one you really loved

You love her still and always will

And in my dream I felt my heart really break

I felt the child inside me ache

All I could do was cry

As I watched something I loved so much

Die

And then I awoke

With the tears

But no more fears

Cause I knew it was you

Cause I knew it was true

And because I knew this time it really was our last goodbye.

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