poems – skin loves fever

Appreciation

I’m sorry for all that I did to make you feel unloved

I loved (love) you more than anything

I really should have handled things differently

I think we both could have but

I’m not here to point fingers

All I want is for you

To be happy

Even if it’s not with me.

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heart space
room space
head space
my space
shared with a
head case
nowhere to go
no place
to move
I can’t breathe
I can’t face
it anymore
I try…
to make it better
I try
to make it okay-
to make it
just o.k.-
only to
have it not be
okay
only to have it
stay…
Just the same
or get even worse.
like a curse
I need to reverse
but I can’t
seem to –
get myself back
on track
when I have no space
to move
No space to breathe
no space to live
please just give
me a break
for god’s sake
at least be helpful
not harmful
be aware
and care
instead of just
always there
– always in my way.
please…
make it be better than just okay.
because every day
living this way-
is not living
it’s death-

at least tomorrow
*sigh*
is a new day
to try again.

-k.c.

I need my space
and a notebook to write my poems

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into the trees

lovers
you look empty
the love
might just change like lies

the changes catch
unborn truth
the voices speak just like you
the trace of silence
was real
with this feeling
from the last moment
without knowing
all you need
the lonely
-after hour anxiety
some little bugs eat
you ask one question
and hide before it can get to you

child distract him
absolutely invisible
there were cries
waiting for the night
the scent collects
but here this idea comes
and you need sleep and affection
so here it gets lost
the only fatality
made forgetting more melancholy
not sudden and nothing happened
this sinking evil illusion
life disappears
the voice here
never existed
this false face
tears softly and challenges
the real

all eyes had felt
your denial
this useless existence
away with the night

you who come from the dark-
unusual
into this light-
strange
your love
was enough
above the sky
you can see
that this is the end
whispering time
hear the word
hear our language
a sudden
taste of
mystic too
many must look
not dwell
under the fall
without the curtain
glow like you

purple would have understood
the holding hand
the mouth both interested and obsessed
for you
the black was still light
this face and soul the same
everything around you
faded and
remained

slippery
love
shake you out
out
out
this was absolutely different
your heart vibrations smile
flames from the body
will not be tamed
they are beautiful
lovely but cursed
as you
find them new meaning
I’ll remind you
of my kisses
and continue life mute

-kyoko cole

Wanna go for a ride?

Brush it

Under

The rug

That is your cover

You don’t have to be a lover

But a hater?

Be more original

Or don’t be at all

Die by the morning

The minute I enter

A different zip code

I have already begun

Mourning you.

I will not attend your funeral

Wearing robes of black

Draped down to the ground

And you even further below

I will not shed a tear

In public

I will not visit your grave

Jealous eyes

Are watching

Forgetting you

They won’t be saved

The ground we walk on

Is shifting

Ever so slightly

The things you’ve done

Aren’t taken so lightly

It’s time to start a new

Goodbye

Rest well

For the long sleep

And the long farewell

This finale is long overdo

moonquake

whispers fade
a wounded wolf calls out
heaven and hell in my heart
never apart
glowing moon again
waits
a sparrow weeps
eyes glisten on my face
with a trace
of joy
luminous comforts
broken hearts beat
and meet
the mocking bird in my room
soft
still remorseful
gray clouds
pails of tears spill
ferris wheels go round and round
can you feel it still?

Sunshine for a spotless mind

I wish I could forget

Eject you from my brain

And heart

Erase my memory of you

Until you become somebody new

Or better yet you won’t become anything at all

It’s not fair that you can forget me

And I cannot ever forget you

Killing trees

Paper plates

And landscapes

Rain drops too

And morning dew

All of the things

that remind me of you

Won’t leave me alone

Won’t go away

But I can’t keep you

If you don’t want to stay

the dead and I

Won’t go our separate ways

But you do

it’s easy too

Nothing ever sticks to you

You just move along

Without a care

One day here

Next day there

Somewhere

(nowhere?)

Someplace else

With someone else

You’ll never know

How it feels

to watch you go

You’ll never know

How it feels

To feel this low

Hoping this time

will be

The last time

If you like pina coladas

Yacht rock

Tick tock

you own a boat

I can’t swin

But I sure can float

I will coat

Your ego

And fix

You a drink

When you’ve had too much to think

I’ll be you link

To home

As long as you’re sweet

And good

And keep us safe

I’ll keep you wild

Protect your inner child

love why don’t you come to your senses?

I’m not your enemy

When you gonna see

That all I wanna do

Is love you

And keep you close

Have your baby

As we’ll sail far away

From this soul sucking town

If you would just stick around

I’m not here to bring you down

I’m here to show you the way

To a better day

As long as you’re willing

To be open

And I’ll listen to you

And everything

you’ve been through

Let’s make The life we have left

the best

And invest in one another

Instead of against each other

I know you read this

So it’s up to you

To come through

Don’t let the past remind us

Of what we are not now

Just you and me

And the cats 😉

L.M. I. L. Y.

L.M.L.K.C.

I don’t like oneway streets

Closed ears

Closed eyes

Closed heart

What a perfect start

To a new year

This isn’t my fault

I didn’t start this mess

But I’m the one who feels the stress

And disrespect

From you

If I only knew

But I did

I just didn’t listen to myself

When I should have

But

I listened to you

When I knew

This would happen again

And I’m not happy

You made me happy before

And now you just do everything that works against me

And I’m feeling pretty low

I can’t embrace

Your face

When it’s two

Instead of one

So there’s a reason I act the way I do

If you only knew

How it feels

You wouldn’t do half the things you do

But you do because you don’t

To make someone happy

You listen

You love

You care

To do things for someone

Or you don’t

And things fall apart

I’m falling apart

And I don’t like it

But I can’t get through to you

And I never will

Love doesn’t have to be the way you make it out to be

When I fell in love with you

I had an open mind and an open heart

My smile was for you because you did things that made me happy.

You treated me nice and kind and we had fun

Over time you let insecurities take over

And became angry and mean.

You made me work so hard for your love you love gave me freely.

You took me for three kind of woman I was not.

I ended up paying for the sins of the women before me and I started to hate myself cause I didn’t know what I was doing wrong when I wasn’t doing anything wrong or bad to you.

I kept trying and changing and improving myself to be more understanding and considerate of your feelings only to have you be less understanding and considerate if mine.

What’s even worse is any time we would fight you would just ignore me like I never mattered. Yet the reason we would fight was because you didn’t want to hear my feelings if you didn’t understand them you would automatically just tune me out or call me stupid cause you didn’t want to deal with anything that I felt that ioi didn’t feel. You only wanted me to deal with your feelings when you felt them. Plus most of the time you’d be drinking something. Even if you didn’t drink for a few days – the long term use of alcohol made you become something else and that someone was very mean and abusive and paranoid.

I had beautiful feelings for you until you treated me the way you would treat someone who fucked you over which I never did. You made me become ( in your head) just the same as someone from your past until I finally lost it.

You wanted me to be the Whore you could blame for all your problems. You would rather see a lie that feels confortable and familiar than to see me for who i really was to you. Someone who loved you and cared enough to not want to hurt you.

It was never good enough. Out of all the things I did that were right and loving and good. You would hold onto this one tiny thing I said way back in the beginning that you didn’t like and use that as your reason to treat me the way you did in the end – completely awful.

I would cry myself too sleep so many nights only to wake up to the same thing and not want to leave my bed

I didn’t understand how i could love you so Unconditionally while you had a long list of conditions I had to obey before you even site m me even an ounce of affection. And even if I did everything you said you wanted it didn’t seem to marry you would still get drunk get angry and find some reason to point fingers and leave me again.

That’s what love is to you

That’s not love to me

If I wanted to be with someone else I would have been

I wouldn’t lie and cheat

Why would I have put so much effort until our relationship ( getting barely anything in return) if I didn’t love you.

Why would I constantly go to you and come a running every time you’d call if I just wanted to be with someone else?

That’s dumb that you even use that as a reason to be angry when I would always go home with you

You pushed me away.

You did this.

Not me.

I did everything I could to show you

Love

You did everything you could to push me away

And this last time

You hurt me worse than I ever thought imaginable.

For months after I was the depressed I’ve ever been and you didnt try even just to see if I was okay. I wasn’t.

I started to believe that everyone was like you

I was hopeless trying not to be hopeless

For months you just ignored me and I started to feel like I never existed or mattered to you.

It’s Funny how life is sometimes.

On my lowest night

I met someone

And didn’t think much of it at the time

But after the first night we hung out together I realized that is how it should feel. This is how I should be treated. This is how I want to treat people that are kind and caring and thoughtful to me.

It wasn’t me who did anything wrong with you yeag sure I made some minor mistakes but so did you (and many many major ones) and i didn’t just give up on you and stop loving you. I didn’t just start treating you like someone who didn’t matter the minute I didn’t like something. I communicated and I was honest.

I loved you

But you didn’t love me.

And now that I’m shown respect and love and care without all the unnecessary games abs run arounds and half truths but am still so many lies – i see it even more.

If you wanted me you would have had me. You would have treated me better like people do when they want to keep someone in their life.

You wouldn’t have let me go

But I’m kinda glad you did now

Cause now I know

What love really is.