whispers fade
a wounded wolf calls out
heaven and hell in my heart
never apart
glowing moon again
waits
a sparrow weeps
eyes glisten on my face
with a trace
of joy
luminous comforts
broken hearts beat
and meet
the mocking bird in my room
soft
still remorseful
gray clouds
pails of tears spill
ferris wheels go round and round
can you feel it still?
Tag: poems
Sunshine for a spotless mind
I wish I could forget
Eject you from my brain
And heart
Erase my memory of you
Until you become somebody new
Or better yet you won’t become anything at all
It’s not fair that you can forget me
And I cannot ever forget you
Killing trees
Paper plates
And landscapes
Rain drops too
And morning dew
All of the things
that remind me of you
Won’t leave me alone
Won’t go away
But I can’t keep you
If you don’t want to stay
the dead and I
Won’t go our separate ways
But you do
it’s easy too
Nothing ever sticks to you
You just move along
Without a care
One day here
Next day there
Somewhere
(nowhere?)
Someplace else
With someone else
You’ll never know
How it feels
to watch you go
You’ll never know
How it feels
To feel this low
Hoping this time
will be
The last time
If you like pina coladas
Yacht rock
Tick tock
you own a boat
I can’t swin
But I sure can float
I will coat
Your ego
And fix
You a drink
When you’ve had too much to think
I’ll be you link
To home
As long as you’re sweet
And good
And keep us safe
I’ll keep you wild
Protect your inner child
love why don’t you come to you’re senses?
I’m not your enemy
When you gonna see
That all I wanna do
Is love you
And keep you close
Have your baby
As we’ll sail far away
From this soul sucking town
If you would just stick around
I’m not here to bring you down
I’m here to show you the way
To a better day
As long as you’re willing
To be open
And I’ll listen to you
And everything
you’ve been through
Let’s make The life we have left
the best
And invest in one another
Instead of against each other
I know you read this
So it’s up to you
To come through
Don’t let the past remind us
Of what we are not now
Just you and me
And the cats 😉
L.M. I. L. Y.
L.M.L.K.C.
I don’t like oneway streets
Closed ears
Closed eyes
Closed heart
What a perfect start
To a new year
This isn’t my fault
I didn’t start this mess
But I’m the one who feels the stress
And disrespect
From you
If I only knew
But I did
I just didn’t listen to myself
When I should have
But
I listened to you
When I knew
This would happen again
And I’m not happy
You made me happy before
And now you just do everything that works against me
And I’m feeling pretty low
I can’t embrace
Your face
When it’s two
Instead of one
So there’s a reason I act the way I do
If you only knew
How it feels
You wouldn’t do half the things you do
But you do because you don’t
To make someone happy
You listen
You love
You care
To do things for someone
Or you don’t
And things fall apart
I’m falling apart
And I don’t like it
But I can’t get through to you
And I never will
Love doesn’t have to be the way you make it out to be
When I fell in love with you
I had an open mind and an open heart
My smile was for you because you did things that made me happy.
You treated me nice and kind and we had fun
Over time you let insecurities take over
And became angry and mean.
You made me work so hard for your love you love gave me freely.
You took me for three kind of woman I was not.
I ended up paying for the sins of the women before me and I started to hate myself cause I didn’t know what I was doing wrong when I wasn’t doing anything wrong or bad to you.
I kept trying and changing and improving myself to be more understanding and considerate of your feelings only to have you be less understanding and considerate if mine.
What’s even worse is any time we would fight you would just ignore me like I never mattered. Yet the reason we would fight was because you didn’t want to hear my feelings if you didn’t understand them you would automatically just tune me out or call me stupid cause you didn’t want to deal with anything that I felt that ioi didn’t feel. You only wanted me to deal with your feelings when you felt them. Plus most of the time you’d be drinking something. Even if you didn’t drink for a few days – the long term use of alcohol made you become something else and that someone was very mean and abusive and paranoid.
I had beautiful feelings for you until you treated me the way you would treat someone who fucked you over which I never did. You made me become ( in your head) just the same as someone from your past until I finally lost it.
You wanted me to be the Whore you could blame for all your problems. You would rather see a lie that feels confortable and familiar than to see me for who i really was to you. Someone who loved you and cared enough to not want to hurt you.
It was never good enough. Out of all the things I did that were right and loving and good. You would hold onto this one tiny thing I said way back in the beginning that you didn’t like and use that as your reason to treat me the way you did in the end – completely awful.
I would cry myself too sleep so many nights only to wake up to the same thing and not want to leave my bed
I didn’t understand how i could love you so Unconditionally while you had a long list of conditions I had to obey before you even site m me even an ounce of affection. And even if I did everything you said you wanted it didn’t seem to marry you would still get drunk get angry and find some reason to point fingers and leave me again.
That’s what love is to you
That’s not love to me
If I wanted to be with someone else I would have been
I wouldn’t lie and cheat
Why would I have put so much effort until our relationship ( getting barely anything in return) if I didn’t love you.
Why would I constantly go to you and come a running every time you’d call if I just wanted to be with someone else?
That’s dumb that you even use that as a reason to be angry when I would always go home with you
You pushed me away.
You did this.
Not me.
I did everything I could to show you
Love
You did everything you could to push me away
And this last time
You hurt me worse than I ever thought imaginable.
For months after I was the depressed I’ve ever been and you didnt try even just to see if I was okay. I wasn’t.
I started to believe that everyone was like you
I was hopeless trying not to be hopeless
For months you just ignored me and I started to feel like I never existed or mattered to you.
It’s Funny how life is sometimes.
On my lowest night
I met someone
And didn’t think much of it at the time
But after the first night we hung out together I realized that is how it should feel. This is how I should be treated. This is how I want to treat people that are kind and caring and thoughtful to me.
It wasn’t me who did anything wrong with you yeag sure I made some minor mistakes but so did you (and many many major ones) and i didn’t just give up on you and stop loving you. I didn’t just start treating you like someone who didn’t matter the minute I didn’t like something. I communicated and I was honest.
I loved you
But you didn’t love me.
And now that I’m shown respect and love and care without all the unnecessary games abs run arounds and half truths but am still so many lies – i see it even more.
If you wanted me you would have had me. You would have treated me better like people do when they want to keep someone in their life.
You wouldn’t have let me go
But I’m kinda glad you did now
Cause now I know
What love really is. 
MacGyver and me
Late night meeting
He comes
A groan withdraws
Within the pardon
I need a distraction
I need his diversion
Another night aborts around the twelve turnaround
Moving through the halo of numbers
Choking the hands of time
This outline destines the viable trigger
Will he shake the smallest moon?
Or shake a farewell
And make distances of my ugly past?
The trade views the spectrum
Before a crime emerges the music
I am almost back from the dead
Robert Smith. You move me with your songwriting and beautiful poetry.
Daylight licked me into shape
I must have been asleep for days
And moving lips to breathe her name
I opened up my eyes
And found myself alone, alone, alone above a raging sea
That stole the only girl I loved and drowned her deep inside of me
You soft and only
You lost and lonely
You just like heaven
-Robert Smith
A happy poem for you
You are my love
You piss in my garden
And laugh about it
After it’s been done
You will always be the one
For me
You make me haaapppppyyyyyy.
On nights like this
I like to kiss
The sweetness of your smile
Oh please won’t you stay
With my awhile.
You can piss on my strawberries all you want 😉
Love notes & doodles I drew on a wall
I used to make things for the people I loved
Now I rarely do
Nothing inspires me to
These days
I drew silly pictures and
Wrote loving things
On his wall
All the things that were true
Because I wanted to
Only to find it
Painted over
Covered up
Scratched out
Like he did with me
Like he hated to see
Something
I did out of love
Like he hated me
I could never scratch out his name
His notes (he never wrote me)
His time (he rarely gave me)
The gifts (he didn’t make me)
He is not human
Nothing sticks to him
He can take my love
Throw it away
And then begin
Again somewhere else
How can that make me feel good?
To know I was all in
When he was never even close
He’s always been a lifetime away
So far away
Apathy
A night
A fuck
A sore
A bore
It’s hard to ignore
The lack of care
In your stare
Unaffected
Disconnected
It’s the way
People in this town
Seem to be
Now
And this apathy
Is making me
Want to get the fuck out
Of this
And jump into
Something new.
