skin loves fever

Why do you fight me or reject me

When you know that I’m in pain

When you’ve been hurt by another person before

We were suppose to be on the same team

I was suppose to matter more than a trip to the bar

Just once

But it’s never

I’m always last

Or not at all

So that just sets it in stone

I don’t know why I’m here

If being here is only showing me

That I don’t belong

I’ve never had a home

And that I’m not even important enough

To love

When I need it the most

We all need love

And I give it

Even when it’s hard

Even right now

As I’m losing all hope

For myself

I am loving myself

Right now

To protect myself

From this ever happening again.

You want me to talk

Tell you how I feel

Until you don’t like what you hear

Then it’s all the same

Talk

Talk

Talking to myself

Only intensifies my pain

What if i ignored you

Treat you like you do

me

Can’t you even see?

No you get cold

And cold gets old

And old is this feeling

Of not being a part

Of always being in the dark

And I’m tired of needing something

From you

That you refuse to give

When it’s needed the most.

I need a way out

Nothing you say or do

Makes me feel good

When I create something

When I express something

When I am

I feel no love

In the way

That I understand.

And I have to make room for

Your art

Everything you want to share

And I care

But you really don’t care

Much about me.

And what i need

It’s about feeling taken care of and thought about

And i don’t

I think of you

And will buy you anything

And usually offer

Or pay for it all

But you rarely do

You buy me dinner sometimes

And I’m grateful

But I don’t feel special

In a romantic way

It just feels bad

And whatever

I need to stop being so nice

Everyone is out for themselves

Which is how I need to be

It hits

Without warning

And the tears begin

To fall

Once it starts

It’s hard to stop

It floods my heart

Doesn’t drown my pain

It has no regard

It stops and

Never really stops

Comes in waves

But never goes

Though you are gone

I miss you

More than anyone will ever know

How much I tried

To express myself

To you

Until

You

Are only left without

me

Trying to explain myself

To you

Ever again

Sometimes we realize after its too late that we made a mistake

I do not feel that way

About this and

I’m sorry

It’s too late

Of all the things you choose to show

At a time when all i need was love

You didn’t

You showed rejection and a coldness

That I don’t think I was prepared for

And I don’t think you will be prepared for

After you see

What it has done to me

tonight.