b-side junkie

The night I touched the moon

i grabbed the moon

and the stars

started to scream

i almost broke the sky
Why moon why?

Everything I saw

was beautiful

It made me cry

4 years ago

Looking at old pictures

From when

I didn’t know you

I was happy

I was loved and I loved

I didn’t have to ask

I didn’t have to fear

There was no struggle

There was no drama

There was no doubt.

I liked myself

And i was liked by the people around me

I didn’t feel all this bad shit

That came around

When you did.

You make people crazy

And then slip away into the night

You start the fight

And then dip out

Like a snake in the grass

You’re an ass

And that’s the last thing

I have to write about this matter

Cause you don’t really matter

Much

Anyone

Especially not much to me.

I just greatly dislike you

And never want to see you again

Long Long Long

It’s been a long long long time…

by The Beatles

It's been a long long long time
How could I ever have lost you
When I loved you
It took a long long long time
Now I´m so happy I found you
How I love you
So many tears I was searching,
So many tears I was wasting, oh
Now I can see you, be you
How can I ever misplace you
How I want you
Oh I love you
You know that I need you
Ooh I love you

Songwriters: George Harrison

Long, Long, Long lyrics © The Bicycle Music Company

4:14 am Sunday morning

It’s raining and I’m sitting in my car outside my house.

I am alone

And I feel nothing but cold

When you die

You die alone

And I will not go to your funeral

No one will

I will not visit your grave

I will not cry

For I have no tears

Left

For what

I have already begun to forget

I have no fears

I have already lost everything before

You can’t take away anymore

Only years

Which I will forget as well

I will disappear

Like I never was here

And you will be left with

only a shadow

The memories

A reminder

Of my face

You can never replace

You can never erase

But never have back the same again

For I am not the same

I feel nothing but cold

i used to be in love
and i believed
love
could change
the world
or at least
i could change the world
because i was in love

it’s all bullshit
and people are no good
even when they are
the hope begins to fade
just like everything else
and the truth seeps in
slowly
making you
comfortably numb
and then crushes you
you become just like everybody else.

i used to feel
until it killed me
now i just know better
before i let any feelings get too settled in
before anything gets too comfortable
i cut it off
there’s no open door policy
there’s no crashing on my couch
there’s no welcome mat for visitors
or company
i don’t even open the door
when there’s a knock.
it will only lead to ruin
and i’ve been there and done that
and never want to do it again

robert smith
i wish i could be just like you.

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Waiting

Covered my shift

Why did you have to be so cruel when I just needed somee love.

You’re like everybody else

Now is too late

I can’t drive away

My breath thing won’t let me leave

I’m just waiting in my car

For it to Happev

Soon.

You fall through the darkness of your own shadow

That You believe is someone else

Out for the kill

It’s easier to blame the dark figure that follows your every move

Then to blame yourself

You smell of whiskey and a dark past

It lingers off your tongue

And drips into my mouth with every kiss

It stains words

And marks actions thrown

Like daggers

To the heart

Feed the beast

So the beast doesn’t feed on you

This walk to nowhere

You made me feel

Like life was worth living

And then you made me feel

Like it wasn’t

Nothing I did was good enough

Nothing I did

Made you show me

What I needed

Everything you did in the end

Was only

To make this my end.

And I accept.

Day 3

12:45 pm. Woke up to two of my cats bring extra loving and sweet. Was feeling super down last night. I didn’t want to get up and face the day so I went on my phone to watch some videos on YouTube and disconnect. I came across this video called “interview with the devil” a book by Napoleon Hill but it was the audio version and I listened to the whole the twice. Made me realize I was drifing. Anyways here’s the link if you want to check it out : Interview with the Devil

3:10 pm. Went to lunch with a friend. Was fun and it got me out of the house which at first terrified me but was much needed.

4:20 decided to get a manicure and pedicure after lunch. Made me feel better