waiting out the days

Don’t want to scream and shout
but I can’t seem to figure it out
I feel like half a person
a big hole in soul
a big hole in my heart
when I reach out to you
you just tear me more apart

and I wish I was better
maybe better off dead
I let myself go through it
be in it
just to get you out of my head.

it’s so easy for you to be mean
hide behind your smoke screen
if you ever loved me
if you ever cared
I can’t tell
I’m not well
you love seeing me down
you love putting me through hell

and I wish I was happy
maybe I’d be better off dead
I have to get through this
be in this
just to shed you from my head

I know things will get easier
time heals
or so they say
but right now
I’m all kinds of broken
-just waiting out the days

until I’m okay again




Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com
Photo by Tuesday Temptation on Pexels.com

Above is a great journal to help you get through a breakup. Sometimes keeping a record of how you feel and what you’re going through day by day can help you better understand yourself and be more self-aware. It also can help you be aware of unhealthy patterns and habits.

where no one can find me

Seven days 

Of solid sadness

Sinking slipping sinking deep 

Shooting guns

all a Blazin’

grazin’ skin

but I can’t sleep

I can only fade away

As the pieces creep on in

But where I am 

Who knows where
I end and
you begin

I do…
and I waited for you
but I can’t get you to

I don’t know where you are
I don’t know where you hide
I am all alone here
Got no one by my side

I don’t need to be yours
If you aren’t really here
I don’t need to feel safe
When I live with all my fears

I have no choice….


Seven deadly sins
But none as deadly as your cold
even the book of right and wrong
all those lessons have grown old

Like me

I don’t know where you are
I don’t know where you hide
I don’t need to be anybody’s baby
When there’s no one by my side


You can take off to the city
You can take off to the shore
You can take off with my soul
I don’t need it anymore

I don’t need it anymore

I don’t need me anymore


some day after this one
there will be no place left for you to hide
that is when you will finally understand me
with no one by your side

like me

many years too late
many years lost
we fight to be right
but at what cost

This world is not made for lovers
This world is not made for the kind
This world is out for blood
out to kill your soul and steal your mind

this is no fun

Better to be dead
than always on the run
it’s not living
when your time is done

Like me



make your way

the years go by
so fast
warp speed
did I need…
all the crazy
all the bullshit???
I don’t understand
how so many years
have passed
in a flash of light
in the beat of a heart
sometimes I just want to go back
to back to the start
just yesterday
I was there
now I’m here
aged in the
age of lament
with all those years
and days
and moments
spent
with all the people
and places
and things
that went
along
now gone
time
the bittersweet
heartbreaker

what’s it all about
to be with
only then to be left without
it’s kind of a cruel joke
we are born
just to croak

all the pain and all the joy
we will never be here again
not like this
not this moment
not ever again
let the love in
let the bullshit go

you will miss this
you will miss
I miss it
more than you will ever know

Photo by Josh Hild on Pexels.com


4 a.m. blues

lightning bolt eyes
star kissed smile
i haven’t been fooled
by that face in awhile

words dipped sweet
kissed sugar lips
I drown in a rush
of slippery slips

you comfort me
with a whisper of sweet nothings
you relax me to sleep before the kill
and make me feel it’s such a thrill
your touch
is the clutch
that tangles me
and strangles me
softly
hard
and hardly soft
I open my eyes
to realize
a moment
too late
then forever gone
and so am I.

murdered by love
or assisted suicide
either way
a perfect way to die.




Interrupted

Why?

If God exists then why would he/she want us to suffer?

It makes no sense

It’s cruel

And unfair

And I hate this so called God

Or whoever

Whatever

Is in charge

Of taking

Away

The things ( that aren’t just things)

I love

If there is a God…

Why would you do this?

You have completely destroyed my heart.

4:14 am Sunday morning

It’s raining and I’m sitting in my car outside my house.

I am alone

And I feel nothing but cold

When you die

You die alone

And I will not go to your funeral

No one will

I will not visit your grave

I will not cry

For I have no tears

Left

For what

I have already begun to forget

I have no fears

I have already lost everything before

You can’t take away anymore

Only years

Which I will forget as well

I will disappear

Like I never was here

And you will be left with

only a shadow

The memories

A reminder

Of my face

You can never replace

You can never erase

But never have back the same again

For I am not the same

I feel nothing but cold

Apathy

A night

A fuck

A sore

A bore

It’s hard to ignore

The lack of care

In your stare

Unaffected

Disconnected

It’s the way

People in this town

Seem to be

Now

And this apathy

Is making me

Want to get the fuck out

Of this

And jump into

Something new.

At the end of the stars there is love

by myself
crushed and flooded
by the fall of you

the moonlight
would laugh at me
if he could

I found sanity in the bottle
the wind catches a thought
with my heart in limbo

I must be lost
in a mess
of sadness

just like me
it was hiding

by myself
crushed and flooded
by the fall of you

the moonlight
would laugh at me
if he could

I found sanity in the bottle
the wind catches a thought
with my heart in limbo

I must be lost
in a mess
of sadness

just like me
it was hiding
the song held out its hand

I still wonder why
you suffered so
and felt the weight
of my troubled soul

so many illusions break through
an honest man
without branches
is always
the first to go

the best we’ve had
I would run to you in a moment
my fantasies
make me hear your voice

at the center of the light
in darkness
i see you

at the end of the stars
there is love.

-kyoko cole
2018

What I do

a piece of me
a piece of you
died Thursday morning
and i’m lost without

Shutter out

Bright

In

I sin

And then begin

Again

What else is there to do?

I have no clue.

A piece of me

A piece of you

Died Thursday morning

And I’m lost without

Turning corners

I find doubt

Mixed in with finding pieces of really awesome

Most beautiful people I have ever known

The best of people

Life has ever shown

But I fuck

I suck?

I drink my way back to gold

One of the saddest stories ever told

Is the one I hold

Goodnight another day goes by with out my friend

Will we ever meet again?

I really hope we do.

-kyoko cole

Chris

Now that you’re gone

I have no one by my side

To help me through

That person was always you

Now i feel the loneliness

Of being truly alone

You were the greatest friend

I have ever known

That this world has ever shown

I’m not alright

I’m not okay

Just take me back

To a better day

You were always there for me

And I’m so grateful for that

And for you

Until we meet again

I love you…

My sweet friend

My one wish

If I ever had a connection with anyone

Right now is the time to feel me

I can’t speak the words

I can’t move

I can’t go to you

I need you to feel me

And do something

Or not

Maybe that’s the way it needs to be

But if that’s the case

Then nothing means anything

And everything means nothing

And I’ll go to sleep alone

Just like I’ll die alone

And it all was a waste of time

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