I’m sorry for all that I did to make you feel unloved
I loved (love) you more than anything
I really should have handled things differently
I think we both could have but
I’m not here to point fingers
All I want is for you
To be happy
Even if it’s not with me.
I loved you.
My love for you
was deeper and stronger than
you will ever know.
You rejected it.
You still reject it
and you will always reject it
because holding on to what is NOT true
is more important to you
than
holding on to me
and us.
You were my lover
and my friend
and you had so many chances to
make it right
make it better
be here
like you said you would
be my friend
and follow through with your words
but you never did
you never do
and now there is nothing that I can do
because
there is no more time.
the time you had
you wasted
you ignored
you spent punishing me
all the things you failed to see
will soon be gone
at least for me
you only punished yourself.
all the times I called you
– got no answer-
asked you to come over
and see me
one last time
–
I called your name
many times
and still you never came
once upon a time
you were my love…
now it’s my time to say goodbye…
so goodbye.
even though I am no longer important to you
even though you cared more about hating me
than loving me
I will forever (beyond this lifetime) love you
and
you will forever be important to me
—
I’ll see you again my friend
in the next life
when we come back as cats
(or me as a bird and you as a wolf)
Goodbye.
…
in a blink of an eye-
lash out
and about
face-
time-keeps on
ticking
TICKING
ticking
into
the futureless
loop
of hands that
wave high
and scoop low
and everything we think we know
has been wrong
as the grand finale
begins
this marks our end
this is our swan song
oh sing me a tune
one soft and sweet
a song where I
and the dreamworld meet
one that soothes me to slumber
and one that will promise to keep
me safe
from
the fall
of it all
and what is about to come.
-kyoko cole
I know that whatever comes after this
will be alright
no words to say
to song to sing
this is the sorrow
this mourning brings
the start of your week
is the end of my day
nothing really matters
to me anyway.
i was happy
when i made you happy
but now the ideas you make up in your head
make you sad
at me
make you mad
at me
and i will never be
who you want
me to be
i will never feel
your sunshine again
but i will always know
this darkness
that you left me in
on this day
today
that you went away
and made me have to go.
this kind of love
this kind of life
i already know
so well—
so long
so many times
i guess it was me
who was wrong
all along
i don’t fit
in this world
i can’t sit
i don’t have my place
so i quit
this shit
and burn
any trace
of me
you will never see
my face
or my smile
and after a while
you’ll forget that too
this is my goodbye
to you
Looking at old pictures
From when
I didn’t know you
I was happy
I was loved and I loved
I didn’t have to ask
I didn’t have to fear
There was no struggle
There was no drama
There was no doubt.
I liked myself
And i was liked by the people around me
I didn’t feel all this bad shit
That came around
When you did.
You make people crazy
And then slip away into the night
You start the fight
And then dip out
Like a snake in the grass
You’re an ass
And that’s the last thing
I have to write about this matter
Cause you don’t really matter
Much
To
Anyone
Especially not much to me.
I just greatly dislike you
And never want to see you again
It’s raining and I’m sitting in my car outside my house.
I am alone
And I feel nothing but cold
When you die
You die alone
And I will not go to your funeral
No one will
I will not visit your grave
I will not cry
For I have no tears
Left
For what
I have already begun to forget
I have no fears
I have already lost everything before
You can’t take away anymore
Only years
Which I will forget as well
I will disappear
Like I never was here
And you will be left with
only a shadow
The memories
A reminder
Of my face
You can never replace
You can never erase
But never have back the same again
For I am not the same
I feel nothing but cold
I can read between the lines
I can read the language you don’t speak in words
The writing on the wall is very clear
If you wanted to
You would be
Here.
Big man
Little man
Where do you stand
Little boy
I wasn’t made
For you
to be your little toy
When you come down
If you ever really do
Blabber and smoke
Treating everything
Like it’s one big joke
Laugh it up
Laugh out loud
And while you’re at it
Act so proud
Who you trying to fool
Yourself?
Or the crowd?
Maybe both
In the sky above
On the ground below
Who you really are begins to show
And it hurts only cause I let you in
I’m pretty sure lying
Is a Cardinal sin
Where does the false you end
And the real you begin?
It’s not all about me
It’s about you too
You live to destroy anything good that I give you
You never look at yourself.
Must be nice living that way
That’s not advanced
That’s pussy-ass shit
If you looked at your behavior even just half the times you’ve made me look at mine then maybe it would work…
But like I said you create problems that aren’t there
And you like to destroy shit that’s actually good.
So I have no more for you.
No more patience
No more understanding
No more chances
No more tolerance for you period
And no more love
I’m done
And you need to stay the fuck away from me. Period
You want to treat me like a bitch then i will be one.
Good riddance you stupid little man.
this desire
bottles full of memories
I struggle with the world
without you love
substances find problems
your fear finds misunderstanding
your fear keeps you away
and there’s nothing I can do
to change that
.
time is an island
deserted and alone
afraid to be forgotten
trying to survive
why must the wind
be so harsh?
the fallen
leaves
dance
on.
abandon
walls.
suicide without being able
to die
you take the path
of habit
devils and wolves
hijacked you
and your love
it really doesn’t matter now…
does it?
impossible to
get through
to you.
you got what
you wanted.
me removed.
i give up
and turn away
And stay
That way
On the path that
No longer leads to you.
2018
thirty eight hours
and useless
her lonely mother
remained silent
resting on the shoulder
of her companion
the great sun and the heavens
now seemed artificial.
do we understand the power
of our instruments?
vanity of the vanities
sometimes tried to stand and walk
like us
a coat of magnetic mindlessness
the man with bad intent
playing us like the smallest violin
this feeling of emptiness
Is more alive than me
illusions all around us.
to soften the blow
between the operator
and the subjects
you found my energy
in the broken pulse of time
I pulsate with the angels
and then laugh at our farewell
I am a memory
you see… that
this
is the end.
-Kyoko Cole
2018
. . . but here I go anyway.
Poetry and fiction not intended for the masses — Sam M. Phillips
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