skin loves fever

I’m sorry

I saw your effort.

I care about your feelings

I wasn’t trying to hurt you.

I want you to feel safe.

I just want to feel safe too.

he learned
you can love someone
and still be
completely
alone.

even when they’re breathing
in your bed,
in your ear,
in your mouth.

she learned
you can fuck a man
and still
never get close enough
to touch the part of him
that matters.

she waited.
not for roses.
not for some grand confession.
just the small things.
a call that meant something.
an answer that wasn’t
a dead end.
a moment where she didn’t have to
wonder
where she stood.

but she was always
on the outside.
looking in
at a world
he wouldn’t share.

and still—
she stayed.

because he carried damage
like a religion.
and she thought
if she loved him hard enough,
loud enough,
real enough,
he might finally
feel clean.

but some people
don’t want to be touched
where it hurts.
they just want you close enough
to prove
they’re still bleeding.

he was still chasing ghosts.
not running after the one who left him,
but running
from the bruises left behind.
and somehow,
she became the place
he went
to feel less hollow.
not whole.
just less.

and when you love someone
who only wants a place
to rest their grief,
you become
the silence
they never apologize for.

and she?
she gave too much
too long
too softly—
until she forgot
how to ask
for anything at all.

but one day
the quiet
got too loud.
the hunger
too sharp.

and she walked.

no big scene.
no screaming match.
just absence—
clean and cold.
like winter
after a fire.

and he—
he’ll think of her
in moments
he won’t admit.
when it’s dark.
when it’s late.
when the phone doesn’t ring.

not because she was perfect.
not because she begged.

but because
she was real—
and he
wasn’t ready
for that
now there’s a quiet
he can’t name
that follows him everywhere.

---

And like that

All that ugly shit

Didn’t matter anymore.

That people will put up with betrayal and the worst crap

But not deal with a person who is angry because you hurt them

oh, I’m sorry about your fragile fucking feelings. I forgot I can’t tell you how I feel because you’re all about you. I forgot it’s your world. I just live not even in it but next to it.

Dumb.

Yes I am dumb for putting up with this crap

No one has ever made me feel so lame

All because I cared

Well you killed that now

Nothing feels as good as not wanting someone who can’t see what they do to make people go away.

I was only angry when I cared

Now I see that you are not good to me

And with that

I don’t.

You made it easier and easier to leave you alone

Forever.

I deserve better than someone who makes excuses for everything and I’m Supposed to understand, but when I say anything of a high feel, you just fucking blow up so fuck it no one that don’t want that. You’re not a good person.

If you cared you would show it

Who we are inside matters

And you hurt me because you have done things that have made me not trust.

I’m always in the dark

And you ignore me like I deserved it even before all of this

I wanted to give you all of me

But you can’t even be a better person and be different

No one else likes to make me feel so alone and in the dark

So it doesn’t matter

You are condescending and cruel

And I’ve been through too much to be mad at you. You just don’t care and you never will

So why did I?

I’ve been going through a lot

But you don’t even care

You’re so selfish

Now I really don’t care about anything you do because you’re not caring abs kind. And you’ll never see how selfish HOW REALLY SELFISH YOU ARE.

I’m kind but when I’m not there a reason.

Maybe people just get fed up with you because of how selfish you are.

YOU’RE SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL

THAT IT KILLS ME

HOW UGLY YOU HAVE BEEN TO MY FEELINGS.

Never again

You never appreciated me anyways

I just wanted to be loved.

Is an I’ve ever wanted was some consistency in my life from someone

I know you felt that with someone at some point

It sucks to not be able to count on anyone

You give a piece of yourself to

And they can’t even see

How little I ask for…

In return

You are not my person

All you’ve give me

Was the fear to ever give that part of me

To someone who can’t even give the bare minimum back.

But you act like I ask for too much

When what have you ever done for me just because you wanted to? Just because you cared? Just becsuse you wanted to see make me happy just to make me happy- without wanting anything in return.

You can’t even communicate just to help make me feel safe

You always do what you want

Has anyone’s feelings every mattered to you- until you made them feel like they had to go away?

You hurt people

By being so not fully there

And I can’t pretend like that’s okay

I am nice

But you don’t care about me the way I care about you

And you’ve exhausted my love and care.

When it’s you crying because you gave a part of yourself to someone who couldn’t care less about how you feel

You won’t be better

You’ll just be selfish

Becsuse you dint think that someone could actually love you and be hurt by the things you do (or don’t do)

There’s no point even trying with you.

And when shit stops working out for you

You can feel how you’ve made me feel

Seems like that’s the only way you learn

Also I said I wanted to see you but my room was a mess

Wtf

Fuck it

I have people who appreciate me

That can take care of both things I need right now.

Here I go. ,.

Like you.

But it’s the way you talk to me and not the things you say

That have pushed me away

Goodnight.

I’M NOT GOING TO BE NICE

OR CARE

I’M GOING TO PLAY STUPID

AND BE A FUCKING ASS

JUST LIKE EVERYONE IS WHEN THEY DON’T NEED SOMETHING FROM ME

SCREW ALL OF THE USERS

JUST A BUNCH OF BULLSHIT LOSERS.

WHO NEED ME WHEN THEY NEED TO BE UNDERSTOODR

OR ARE NEEDY OF SOMETHING FROM ME

BUT WHEN I’M IN NEED

THEY ACT LIKE THEY ARE STUPID

AND LIKE I’M NOTHING

FUVK IT

GO GET YOUR MONEY

OR YOUR SYMPATHY

FROM SOME OTHER PERSON

I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR CARELESS PEOPLE LIKE ALL OF YOU

Careless words
From someone who knows nothing
About what I do
Shows how careless you are about keeping a relationship with someone who’s only been nice to you and whose been there for you when you’re not so great yourself
Actually to be honest ( since you don’t care about feelings so why should I?)
You’re not in the greatest shape either
And you’re not at perfect as you tell people they should be
I run around all day
Work my ass off
Make time to be creative
Have self awareness
Have love and care without judgement
And know my place
I would keep something that I know would hurt you
Maybe you should look in the mirror and see yourself and worry about that before
You want to pick me apart when I’ve never done that to you
Who the fuck do you think you are?
You’re no expert in health and wellness
I’m hurt because I thought you were better than this
Becsuse you had been treated similar to the way you treated me today
And all I was trying to do was slow you some goodness and kindness
And acceptance
And for what?
So you can say shit that has nothing to do with helping me
All it does is harm and hurt me.
And worst of all
You would rather be right
And say whatever you want that you know is hurtful
When no one asked you
But even worse is that you would rather say whatever you want just because you can
Without thinking about how it might make me feel
Because you don’t care about how you make me feel
You only care about acting like you know me better than I know myself
Which is so not true
Maybe your ex said what she said because she did not care about hurting you
And who wants to be with someone like that
Not me
Ruin all your relationships by doing exactly what you don’t like being done to you – to people who actually treat you well
I appreciate kindness and care
And that equates to love
If you can’t be kind or caring to someone
Then you really don’t need
That person to be around you at all
Find someone who treats you like shit
That seems to be what you like anyways
And you’re sorry means nothing when it’s backed up by an excuse to why you feel justified to say whatever you feel without thinking about how you make the person. If you cared. You would think about those things and not say something that makes them feel less loved and less accepted and more judged.

In the end, it’s your responsibility. I was kind and accepting, and that’s my mistake.