late night walk –
around the block
or two
or ten
in my head
thinking brain
monkey brain
feeling lame
feeling lost
feeling
too much feeling
gotta get out
of this
of it
and I know
that someday I will
but still
until
the day I do
I’m here on this walk
with the talk talk talk
back and forth
like ping pong
right and wrong
repeat song
inside my head
from me to me
and I to I
going through and through
the suck
stuck
fuck
of thoughts
and feels
journey through the
rat race
space inside my face
a trip of fools
or this trip of fool
singular
me
Tag: thoughts
MacGyver and me
Late night meeting
He comes
A groan withdraws
Within the pardon
I need a distraction
I need his diversion
Another night aborts around the twelve turnaround
Moving through the halo of numbers
Choking the hands of time
This outline destines the viable trigger
Will he shake the smallest moon?
Or shake a farewell
And make distances of my ugly past?
The trade views the spectrum
Before a crime emerges the music
I am almost back from the dead
A happy poem for you
You are my love
You piss in my garden
And laugh about it
After it’s been done
You will always be the one
For me
You make me haaapppppyyyyyy.
On nights like this
I like to kiss
The sweetness of your smile
Oh please won’t you stay
With my awhile.
You can piss on my strawberries all you want 😉
It’s cold outside
this desire
bottles full of memories
I struggle with the world
without you love
substances find problems
your fear finds misunderstanding
your fear keeps you away
and there’s nothing I can do
to change that
.
time is an island
deserted and alone
afraid to be forgotten
trying to survive
why must the wind
be so harsh?
the fallen
leaves
dance
on.
abandon
walls.
suicide without being able
to die
you take the path
of habit
devils and wolves
hijacked you
and your love
it really doesn’t matter now…
does it?
impossible to
get through
to you.
you got what
you wanted.
me removed.
i give up
and turn away
And stay
That way
On the path that
No longer leads to you.
- kc
2018
Everything was not
i see stars
and bible thumpers
bloom and gloom
like the sound
of the man
ready for doom
I put my spell on you
just like before
only now
I am dancing
on the moonlight floor
i see stars
and bible thumpers
bloom and gloom
like the sound
of the man
ready for doom
I put my spell on you
just like before
only now
I am dancing
on the moonlight floor
I can only run
(to you)
I can only hide
(from you)
if you
want me to leave
I will
go
I leave wounded
all the time
with my destination
out the door
where the stakes
are high
and time don’t end
a sweet choke
under faces
of light
hidden within smoke
and imaginary tales
of without any explanation
interested in this study
more here
then there
the absurd to defend
everyone corrupts
in movement
you rather abuse
than love again
the distance between
cause feelings we reject
already seated
i tried more to protect
myself
from what you see
in the mirror
that is me
another suicide
in the distant blue
i lie here
sweetly crushed
by
the pain of you
-kyoko cole
2018
I wish you a happy life
For the first time
I truly
100%
without any doubt
Wish you the best
I Want the happiest life
For you
And for myself
Though our time together
Is now done
At least for now and the near future.
I am grateful
For the times we had
Both good and bad.
It was a part of my life
And I respect it
As that.
I am now okay
With letting you go.
I cannot make you stay
Nor would I want to.
I cannot change you
I can only change myself
I do not harbor any bad feels towards you
I need space and time to heal
Without you around
But I do not have bad feelings towards you.
However you feel about me is non of my concern anymore.
Those are your feelings and i respect that you are allowed to feel the way you do
Even if I don’t agree on what you feel and why you feel them
I cannot change how you feel
And I will not try
I know who i am
And i accept and love myself for who I am
I am still learning and growing and changing too. I am not perfect
No one is
But i know my worth
No one else has the power to determine that for me except for me.
If you do not know my worth
That is okay
You don’t have to
You don’t have to be around me
But i don’t have to be around you
I don’t have to do anything I don’t feel comfortable doing
I don’t have to be okay with something or someone that is not okay to me and my well being
I will keep my distance
I hope you will do the same.
Thank you
And goodbye
-KC
“A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it.” ~Jean de La Fontaine
Sing birds sing birds sing birds sing Get away
3am sounds
Of Birds and coyotes
I wish I could speak to them
I wish I could speak to you
Get through to you
But I’m starting to see
That’s never going to happen
I’ll probably make more progress with the birds and coyotes
And him
As he sits next to me on the patio
We listen to music
And talk
Like the coyotes and birds do
In Geneva no one can hear you scream
Time is a tick of the mind
Where we once belonged
Has gone far away
Today
And now
Black smoke
Beautiful losers
A shout in the street
Start to fade
All that we made
Is born to die
A brief history of time
Obsession
Old lovers
Under freeway balconies
Nude naked and stripped
Secrets behind smiles
The horse would know, but the horse can’t talk
Rhapsodies in black
Documenting disposable people
Disposers
Exposers
Of
Ghost images
Ghost people
ghost world
Once Held together by water
But now Broken apart by man
Is anyone out there like me?
It may be
That I don’t want to see
All the things I see
And maybe I don’t want to be
This person who is me
Who am I anyway?
Am I just what others say?
Or maybe just yesterday I meant something
To you
But not today
Today we’re through
maybe I don’t want to feel
Everything I thought was real
Perhaps you feel quite alright
With throwing me away tonight
With doing things that hurt me more
With all of me you choose to ignore
And maybe I don’t want to stay
Maybe I don’t want to play
This stupid game
this stupid me
Maybe I just want to be
Free
From living
This stupid life
Maybe I don’t want the strife
It hurts my heart
To have to defend
What most of you can’t comprehend
Or Maybe I just can’t
And don’t want to pretend
Maybe I just want the end
-kyoko cole
We can reach
I can’t
Stand
Being
Without.
You
make me
Feel
something
Whole
I wish
I
Could
Stop
Time
Space
And age
And this
Stage
I’m in
I don’t know where
To even begin
Again
Cause I want
Everything
I can’t have
Right now
Right here
But I fear
Too?
Much
And I fear
Nothing at all
I could watch
It all fall
And be fine in the end
But in the end
I’d be alone
Like really alone
And I don’t
Want that.
Give me a sign
Give me the call
Give me your all
Let me know
That I’m something
You know.
You want.
And not some thing
You don’t know
Time has come today
I relized something today
I can want you in my life
And I would have you
Make space and time for you
And it doesn’t matter to you
If I’m a part of your life
You could take me or leave me
One way or the other
It’s not that important to you
And yeah it hurts
But then I think
That you are just who you are
And maybe there’s never been anything or anyone important enough to you for you to make the effort to try
And I mean really try to give yourself fully to one thing. One person. To love from a place without the fear of what may happen or the fear of what will happen sometimes. To give full allowance to the fact that maybe you might get hurt. But maybe not. And what If not. What if after the difficult times and momentary struggles ( which is all we focus on when we’re struggling instead of looking at all the good stuff)… What if it was really amazing? Amazing cause you took the time and care and love and really got to know the other person and learn to accept each other and love each other and deal with each other on a whole new level.
Without fear
Without judgements or inaccurate beliefs about the other person who we judge because we don’t fully understand them
Maybe there’s never been anything worth it to you to want to keep around.
But what if people really loved and cared enough about each other to just try when it’s not easy. To love when the person is hard to love yet they need it the most. Showing trust and giving trust and being completely honest and open. Not everyone is the same so why do we expect everyone to know and feel what you feel and judge
Maybe giving ourselces to something fully is the answer. Not half assed. Not always having one foot out the door. Ready to give up ready to leave. What if the answer is commiting ourselves to someone or something fully…knowing it’s not always gonna be fun or easy and being okay, ready and willing for that.
Maybe we would find the most amazing thing you’ve ever known
Cause we took the time and effort dedication in someone or something to actually know
You can tell me you’re not afraid of anything
But clearly we all are
Give someone that loves you the chance to be who they really are
Teach them to grow through love
Tell them they matter and that you love them.
Make them feel loved and safe and show them that you are someone they can trust by being trustworthy.
That’s how we change the world
Give love when someone needs it
And accept the love that person gives
Show love and others will show love back.
I know you are you
And I am me
But sometimes i wish you did feel the way I feel for you
For me
But we can’t always have someone wants to give all that you’re willing to give
Not everyone is going to love us back
That’s okay.
I’m happy to know that someday I’ll have someone who wants to put up with me too
And that’s something that makes me love even more. 😉
