you will never know

How much I tried

To express myself

To you

Until

You

Are only left without

me

Trying to explain myself

To you

Ever again

Sometimes we realize after its too late that we made a mistake

I do not feel that way

About this and

I’m sorry

It’s too late

Sunshine for a spotless mind

I wish I could forget

Eject you from my brain

And heart

Erase my memory of you

Until you become somebody new

Or better yet you wonโ€™t become anything at all

Itโ€™s not fair that you can forget me

And I cannot ever forget you

Once upon a time… A long long time ago…

The things you choose to show

Of all the things you choose to show

At a time when all i need was love

You didn’t

You showed rejection and a coldness

That I don’t think I was prepared for

And I don’t think you will be prepared for

After you see

What it has done to me

tonight.

4 a.m. blues

lightning bolt eyes
star kissed smile
i haven’t been fooled
by that face in awhile

words dipped sweet
kissed sugar lips
I drown in a rush
of slippery slips

you comfort me
with a whisper of sweet nothings
you relax me to sleep before the kill
and make me feel it’s such a thrill
your touch
is the clutch
that tangles me
and strangles me
softly
hard
and hardly soft
I open my eyes
to realize
a moment
too late
then forever gone
and so am I.

murdered by love
or assisted suicide
either way
a perfect way to die.




Mothers who can’t love

I’m listening to Mothers Who Can’t Love by Susan Forward, Donna Frazier Glynn, narrated by Susan Forward, Kathleen Gati, Julia Whelan, Cherise Boothe, David Atlas on my Audible app. Try Audible and get it here: https://www.audible.com/pd?asin=B00EOXMXT0&source_code=ASSORAP0511160006

This is where the story ends

People

I donโ€™t know

Places i shouldnโ€™t be

The problem is me

I wanted you to listen

I wanted you to hear

I wanted you to care

But Youโ€™re not here

And Iโ€™m not there

I give up on me

Cause thatโ€™s what everyone else has done

Thank you

Photo by Snapwire on Pexels.com


I’m in love.

That’s all.

I know it’s love

From his bed

I stare at him

His eyes closed and his face beautiful

It’s all so new

But I know that this is love

I won’t say the words to him yet

I won’t even say the words out loud

To myself

Because I’m enjoying the feel

Of this feeling I almost forgot was possible

But I know

This is love

Because of the way

He looks at me

The way he makes me feel

The way

I am and the way I want to be

It’s easy to love him

It’s easy to give him love

And I want to give him more

he appreciates it

He gives love back

He doesn’t make me feel bad or insecure

Like so many others do and have before

He makes me feel alive

I am born again

And all the hurt and pain of the past

Disappears when we touch

I know it’s love

Because I give him all I have

Without compromising myself

And I want to give him everything…

he gives

And expects nothing in return

He is kind and gentle

understanding and sweet

He makes me feel loved

And taken care of

Because he wants to

Oh the funny fuzzy fizzy feel

Excites every fiber of my being

In between kisses

And miles

And in between the sheets

He brings warmth

And laughter

And many smiles

I know it’s love

Even though it’s too new to say out loud

It’s love

Because he is

And I am

And we are

both

Together

Under the moonlight

In the sunshine

In the middle of all the crazy

Confusing World we live in

We are magic

like children are magic

Full of love and shining light

All over this very dark and lonely place

Finally

To the one who had my heart for so long

Iโ€™m finally over you

And that makes me happy

more alcohol please

weeded my garden
inside and out
organized my closet
got rid of half my clothes
i never wore
mopped all the hardwood floors
made some art
made some crafts
made a mess just to clean it up again
made my bed
and now….
i don’t know
people are weird
it’s not just the coronavirus that’s making this way
it’s our times
people are very selfish
and disconnected
we didn’t need this pandemic to social distance…
we do it regardless
we just don’t see it
cause we’re out and about
and being very social
being social doesn’t equal intimacy
just like sex doesn’t
it makes me a little sad
but it is what it is
and i’m happy to have dodge a bullet again
i’m not one to settle
don’t think i’ll start now

What are you?

make up your face
and your place
somewhere new and go

Fake up your grace
and fake up your case
and grow up
your old egoย 
Slow

But it’s all for show

it’s the only way you can go
it’s the only way you know
it’s the only way you know

this place is full of spies
filled with people fullย of lies
too many
pretend
to be
your friend
just to sell
you out
while they
cash in
in the end
You just can’t win

The Sacred Nine

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