b-side junkie

Wasted time

Your hurt

Isn’t more important

Than my own

But I’m not hurting others

Because of it.

I don’t like anyone more

Than I love myself.

That may sound selfish

And it’s true

But I’m not selfish

Like most of you

Take it as you will

In the end

All that really matters

Is how you make someone feel

When you aren’t at your worst

When you don’t need them

Don’t mistake my kindness

For something more

Only good

To hit up

When you’re down low

And you’re in need

Don’t expect More

From anyone

When you only feed them crumbs

I’m not waiting

Too many people like you

To waste my time

Hidden

I think you are beautiful
…
I will love you
from
the distance
you have put between us.

Giving only half of you
takes away all of me

but my love for you
will be somewhere in the space
between
you and me
just without a trace of my face

you can be as free as you want to be
just without me

I am not the same

you don’t like my intensity
call me drama
when life is full of fuckery
and fakery
but I’m not fake
I’m not ever gonna be like you
just for your fucking sake
but the loss of you
came at the loss of a part of me
and all you did
was see it as drama
well fuck you
when you someone you love dies
and you just get angry and drink yourself into a further fucking asshole fuck
I’ll just carelessly watch you
and remember how you crushed my love
and laugh as you run a muck
shit out of luck
and feel nothing for you
because you killed that in me
the day you
made the choice
to not care
and make me feel bad
for being human
for being real
for thinking I could count on you
for thinking you could deal
but you only know
how to take, use steal
and beat the love right out of me
but now I can clearly see
how fucking scared you are
of being close
so scared you made yourself believe
that you don’t need anything
don’t need anyone
don’t need anything
all that is real
you hate
and think is fake
and I don’t want anyone who’s too afraid
of anything.

don’t get fucking old

the magic wears off
because you know how it works
it’s become boring
just as much as you.
I don’t want to lose it.
losing it makes me lose it
and ages a person
faster than the years
I want excitement
and 3 am adventures
chasing the moon
and discovering something amazing
about someone or something
that I never knew before
responsibility is a bit overrated
just don’t hurt anyone
and have as much fun as you can
and stop masking your fear
with the cloak of “freedom”
selfishness is good in doses
but we share this world with so many people
we need to care.
I miss the young you
I miss the young me
kidnap me
right now
and let’s discover something new
or rediscover something new
–
and while we’re at it
we can chase the moon
and feel alive
like children do
(or hopefully still do)
once again.

we’re not dead yet.

come and get me now

I’ve been taken from nowhere

just kidding, I’m here

and I can’t wait to meet you

who’s somewhere out there

quite possibly

feeling exactly like me.

Reminders

Appreciation

I’m sorry for all that I did to make you feel unloved

I loved (love) you more than anything

I really should have handled things differently

I think we both could have but

I’m not here to point fingers

All I want is for you

To be happy

Even if it’s not with me.

For Wolfie (F.F.)

I loved you.
My love for you
was deeper and stronger than
you will ever know.
You rejected it.
You still reject it
and you will always reject it
because holding on to what is NOT true
is more important to you
than
holding on to me
and us.
You were my lover
and my friend
and you had so many chances to
make it right
make it better
be here
like you said you would
be my friend
and follow through with your words
but you never did
you never do
and now there is nothing that I can do
because
there is no more time.
the time you had
you wasted
you ignored
you spent punishing me
all the things you failed to see
will soon be gone
at least for me
you only punished yourself.

all the times I called you
– got no answer-
asked you to come over
and see me
one last time
–
I called your name
many times
and still you never came

once upon a time
you were my love…

now it’s my time to say goodbye…

so goodbye.

even though I am no longer important to you
even though you cared more about hating me
than loving me
I will forever (beyond this lifetime) love you
and
you will forever be important to me
—
I’ll see you again my friend
in the next life
when we come back as cats
(or me as a bird and you as a wolf)

Goodbye.
…

In between the fold

The truth in rented rooms

The past is there

We leave a part

Of who we are

Who we were

Taken in and

Pushed out

Somewhere pieces of us

Remain

In a micro trace

Floating in air

Or somewhere in space

Sometimes i feel you

Within an old place

Or taken again

In someone

Out somewhere

Breathing in air

truth in rented rooms

walls that have stood

lifetimes before I ever would –

Collecting secrets

Collecting dust

In forgotten spaces

in forgotten faces

In rented rooms

Misunderstood

Sometimes I wish I could

The hurt

Leave this body

and just forget

But like old walls

Hold silhouettes

Of the past

that will never be again

I hold

A part of you

ugh

so what if you’re weird…
so what if I had a moment of allowing you to be weird?
I’m weird all the time.
I had a moment of knowing that you needed something
and maybe I couldn’t give it to you
but at least I could be there for you
in some weird fucked up way
because I needed to not feel weird
in some weird fucked up way.
but don’t fucking be weird about it now.
something about you makes me want to help you
I don’t know
take care of you
in a non motherly
non- girlfriend kinda of way
fuck it
I couldn’t care less about what I feel
except for I don’t want you to treat me weird.
I actually enjoyed.
two weird-ass people
in a weird situation
that will most likely never happen again
and that’s the beauty of it
that it did happen
and I didn’t judge you.
I just didn’t want you to feel alone
in this stupid beautiful world
because it’s so easy to feel alone
in a city like this
that feeds off of drama
and bullshit
and faking it until you make it bullshit

fuck!

goodnight

everyone is a little weird sometimes.

I don’t know what I’m doing sometimes….
and that’s okay
We’re all a little weird
and
a little lonely sometimes.

Anyone who tries to pretend like they’re not those things
is lying.
I like all the imperfect people allowing themselves to be
just what they are…
and not pretending to something or someone else.
I like a little weird
I enjoy a little strange
The moments I get to be with people,
where they allow me in – to see how strange they are-
even if only for a night-
is truly special-
It’s those moments that make life worth living.
If everyone had a place to be themselves and a place to feel safe… this world might be a better place.