I wish you could know how my heart feels I can’t tell you how to be you only see what you want to see and you don’t see me I can’t tell you how I feel you never cared to listen you don’t want to hear you don’t feel me I came from you but you were already a million miles away I have no connection to you I have no connection to the man who helped you make me too you never wanted me I always wanted and needed you but I know now you are no mother to me so now I’ve got to set you free …
I sit here and look at a room filled with stuff memories collecting dust 2 pianos covered with this and that and on the couch asleep is my siamese cat I don’t know what to do I don’t know what to say when fear sets in and gets in the way frightened child inside the 40 year old me why must I always have to be number 1 the best the first the only given 100% have all or want nothing I don’t know…
I sit here and wait for my feelings to go down a bit level out but I know if I do then I’ll do without so I sit in silence Let myself feel
I hear doubt and then I. start to feel the same it’s not your fault there’s no one to blame but I’m too old too cold too scared too familiar with men and their in and out game I’m fine without it if you doubt it even a bit I will quit I’ve had a life long lesson on how to get over it and over things I’ve learned how to not want what does not want me I’ve learned how to change how I feel from changing how I see sometimes it’s just a better way to be than to be rejected neglected deflected vivisected disconnected
I will let it be and if you really need and want and love me more than I love you we would be together right now.
photographs of people some I can’t remember some I would rather forget some… I will forever miss if I could do it all over again I would and I wouldn’t change a thing … not because it was perfect (it wasn’t) not because I didn’t fuck up (I most definitely did) but because all those things… led me to you and it’s you – I have been waiting my whole life for.
when I feel like I can’t be who I think I should be I start to see what I’m not.
more importantly I feel it all I feel everything and nothing and everything all over again and I don’t know how to deal
with more than you know with more than I show what’s real to me may not be real to you but I want to be understood instead of this miss communication misconnection
you have been complaining about everything I’m not making me feel bad like this ended because of me but what you fail to see is you stopped caring long ago you expected me to show you everything when you gave me little but everything you gave had a price if you didn’t get your way you weren’t very nice I was tired stressed burnt the fuck out instead of understanding you made me feel doubt no birthday card no valentine no special something sometimes to show me I meant something to you and now you have the nerve to make me feel like it was me who wasn’t true. ha! all the good people give to you you handle carelessly and viciously and think it’s justified all the responsibilities you just let go to the wayside careless heartless loveless you I wish I never knew if I had a clue that this was who you are I would have kept you far far far away.
now it’s clear that you aren’t someone I want near I will stay clear away from you and move on to someone who is willing to grow and show love not just sit there and expect me to do all the work you are just a jerk
I loved you but you were not ready for love. goodbye.
Don’t want to scream and shout but I can’t seem to figure it out I feel like half a person a big hole in soul a big hole in my heart when I reach out to you you just tear me more apart
and I wish I was better maybe better off dead I let myself go through it be in it just to get you out of my head.
it’s so easy for you to be mean hide behind your smoke screen if you ever loved me if you ever cared I can’t tell I’m not well you love seeing me down you love putting me through hell
and I wish I was happy maybe I’d be better off dead I have to get through this be in this just to shed you from my head
I know things will get easier time heals or so they say but right now I’m all kinds of broken -just waiting out the days
Above is a great journal to help you get through a breakup. Sometimes keeping a record of how you feel and what you’re going through day by day can help you better understand yourself and be more self-aware. It also can help you be aware of unhealthy patterns and habits.
skin loves fever 
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