3 am visit

I love the nights
Where someone
You love
Loves you back
And
Shows you something
You needed to learn
needed to know
needed to remember
About yourself
About life
about love
And it fills that empty space in your heart
That you couldn’t fill on your own
That you almost believed would never be filled
It’s nights like tonight
That make me love more
I am truly grateful for the people who love me and who take the time and the care to show me the loving way.
I learn so much more from living out through the heart
Than living in my head.

saturday morning 8am

a man crying in the alley
saturday morning
no one knew he  was there
but me
i found him
trying to lose myself
down that same alley way
to hide away
from you
and the world
and the knowing
and feeling
of how fucked i am
and how fucked i make everything
i love
i live to lose
nothing else fills
only sorrow and tears flood
the self outside myself folds
the self inside myself fades
as all i love fades too
the emptiness
stay empty
the more you yearn
for the missing
piece
the more nothing will fit
or fill
the hole.
how can you miss something you never really had to begin with?
the weight of nothing
is heavy
the man in the alley is now sobbing
out his heavy heart
as i carry the weight
and wait
for the end to start
and wait
for the sun to spill

leave behind what wants to stay behind
love the ones who love you
let the end start something new

 

don’t think twice it’s all right

i want things
now
that maybe is too much
too soon
too different than what you want
maybe not what you want at all
and tonight
i can feel it
let go
i’m not super sad
i’m not super happy
disappointment comes in like the morning sun
harsh and bright
but a dose of reality is something i need
to keep me from getting too lost
in something that doesn’t welcome it
or want to get lost in me
i’m content
in letting it let go
and i have to be okay
with what is
and what is not
what comes and
and what leaves
it’s never really goodbye
but it is
a step back
and step away
a step out
and a step in the right direction
towards something that needs me just as much as i need it
whatever it is
i never doubted you
just so you know
but maybe i doubted
things within myself
much greater than just being great all the time
but i never doubted you at all
or what i felt about you
we just want different things
and that’s okay
i will find my way

we accept the love with think we deserve

Image

coagulation

blackdalhia

on my tongue 
driven
dead leaves fall on blood stained face
streets full of rain
tiny fractures
stained table cloth fingers
standing still

she hears each of his lies
she listens for his breathing
hark, the call of birds
his false shadow, painted skin
a child cries 

coagulation 
she stands on the edge of space
waiting/ ready to evaporate
the dead and green leaves clutter
the bubble cloud of air and water
mixed
continues for love
long lost dreams gone whispers fade
spiders spin webs lost highway
in our hearts trouble
drunken thoughts today
complicated on stained sheets

in his eyes her eyes
glowing moon
witness the lack now in bloom
thick in fog of heaven and hell
specks of love gather in a stream

life scratched from rust
each is made of dust 

lost in silence
whispers fade

 

don't steal my drink