why do I write?

why do I write?

I write to express myself.
I write to create.
I write to discover.
I write because I can’t NOT do it.
I write because I enjoy writing.
I write to share a little bit about myself and to learn a lot about myself.
I write cause I’m inspired.
I write to inspire.
I write for me.
I write for you.
I write to feel better.
I write to purge.
I write to love.
I write because I love.
I write because I hate.
I write for all the times I could not speak.
I write to reflect. I write to relate.
I write to release.
I write to recognize.
I write to recharge.
I write to record.
I write to refrain.
I write to repair.
I write to return.
I write to revolt.
I write to revolve.
I write to remember. I write to forget. .
I write because it makes the loneliness feel less lonely.
I write because I learn from writing.
I write because it’s what keeps me from pulling the trigger too quickly.
I write because I want to write…
because I need to write and because I love to write.

why do you write?

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thirty eight hours

and useless

her lonely mother

remained silent

resting on the shoulder

of her companion

the great sun and the heavens

now seemed artificial.

do we understand the power

of our instruments?

vanity of the vanities

sometimes tried to stand and walk

like us

a coat of magnetic mindlessness

the man with bad intent

playing us like the smallest violin

this feeling of emptiness

Is more alive than me

illusions all around us.

to soften the blow

between the operator

and the subjects

you found my energy

in the broken pulse of time

I pulsate with the angels

and then laugh at our farewell

I am a memory

you see… that

this

is the end.

-Kyoko Cole

2018

Everything was not

i see stars

and bible thumpers

bloom and gloom

like the sound

of the man

ready for doom

I put my spell on you

just like before

only now

I am dancing

on the moonlight floor

I can only run

(to you)

I can only hide

(from you)

if you

want me to leave

I will

go

I leave wounded

all the time

with my destination

out the door

where the stakes

are high

and time don’t end

a sweet choke

under faces

of light

hidden within smoke

and imaginary tales

of without any explanation

interested in this study

more here

then there

the absurd to defend

everyone corrupts

in movement

you rather abuse

than love again

the distance between

cause feelings we reject

already seated

i tried more to protect

myself

from what you see

in the mirror

that is me

another suicide

in the distant blue

i lie here

sweetly crushed

by

the pain of you

-kyoko cole

2018

Downtown turn

for a minute there, i lost myself. downtown turn. making the same mistakes beginning again

Head -on

Tail spin

Lose yourself

Then you begin

Again

And again

It seems like I’m always starting over

It seems like I’m always going backwards

In the race around the track

I get myself back

Or do I?

Maybe I’m just a little more tired

Tired of trying

Again and Again

-kyoko cole

2018

Sing birds sing birds sing birds sing Get away

3am sounds

Of Birds and coyotes

I wish I could speak to them

I wish I could speak to you

Get through to you

But I’m starting to see

That’s never going to happen

I’ll probably make more progress with the birds and coyotes

And him

As he sits next to me on the patio

We listen to music

And talk

Like the coyotes and birds do

In Geneva no one can hear you scream

Time is a tick of the mind

Where we once belonged

Has gone far away

Today

And now

Black smoke

Beautiful losers

A shout in the street

Start to fade

All that we made

Is born to die

A brief history of time

Obsession

Old lovers

Under freeway balconies

Nude naked and stripped

Secrets behind smiles

The horse would know, but the horse can’t talk

Rhapsodies in black

Documenting disposable people

Disposers

Exposers

Of

Ghost images

Ghost people

ghost world

Once Held together by water

But now Broken apart by man

Read between the fine print

Is it just a minor glitch?

Or Did they flip the major switch?

Maybe we were powered down

Like little robots held spellbound

Held captive under their cloak

Your truth is just their joke

That most of you folks

believe

But mark my words

they got something up their sleeve

I don’t know what’s coming

But I know it can’t be good

They got us thinkin

Left is right

So we got reasons to pick a fight

We ain’t thinking like we should

I don’t know what’s coming.

But I know it won’t be good

Is anyone out there like me?

It may be

That I don’t want to see

All the things I see

And maybe I don’t want to be

This person who is me

Who am I anyway?

Am I just what others say?

Or maybe just yesterday I meant something

To you

But not today

Today we’re through

maybe I don’t want to feel

Everything I thought was real

Perhaps you feel quite alright

With throwing me away tonight

With doing things that hurt me more

With all of me you choose to ignore

And maybe I don’t want to stay

Maybe I don’t want to play

This stupid game

this stupid me

Maybe I just want to be

Free

From living

This stupid life

Maybe I don’t want the strife

It hurts my heart

To have to defend

What most of you can’t comprehend

Or Maybe I just can’t

And don’t want to pretend

Maybe I just want the end

-kyoko cole

We can reach

I can’t

Stand

Being

Without.

You

make me

Feel

something

Whole

I wish

I

Could

Stop

Time

Space

And age

And this

Stage

I’m in

I don’t know where

To even begin

Again

Cause I want

Everything

I can’t have

Right now

Right here

But I fear

Too?

Much

And I fear

Nothing at all

I could watch

It all fall

And be fine in the end

But in the end

I’d be alone

Like really alone

And I don’t

Want that.

Give me a sign

Give me the call

Give me your all

Let me know

That I’m something

You know.

You want.

And not some thing

You don’t know

Time has come today

I relized something today

I can want you in my life

And I would have you

Make space and time for you

And it doesn’t matter to you

If I’m a part of your life

You could take me or leave me

One way or the other

It’s not that important to you

And yeah it hurts

But then I think

That you are just who you are

And maybe there’s never been anything or anyone important enough to you for you to make the effort to try

And I mean really try to give yourself fully to one thing. One person. To love from a place without the fear of what may happen or the fear of what will happen sometimes. To give full allowance to the fact that maybe you might get hurt. But maybe not. And what If not. What if after the difficult times and momentary struggles ( which is all we focus on when we’re struggling instead of looking at all the good stuff)… What if it was really amazing? Amazing cause you took the time and care and love and really got to know the other person and learn to accept each other and love each other and deal with each other on a whole new level.

Without fear

Without judgements or inaccurate beliefs about the other person who we judge because we don’t fully understand them

Maybe there’s never been anything worth it to you to want to keep around.

But what if people really loved and cared enough about each other to just try when it’s not easy. To love when the person is hard to love yet they need it the most. Showing trust and giving trust and being completely honest and open. Not everyone is the same so why do we expect everyone to know and feel what you feel and judge

Maybe giving ourselces to something fully is the answer. Not half assed. Not always having one foot out the door. Ready to give up ready to leave. What if the answer is commiting ourselves to someone or something fully…knowing it’s not always gonna be fun or easy and being okay, ready and willing for that.

Maybe we would find the most amazing thing you’ve ever known

Cause we took the time and effort dedication in someone or something to actually know

You can tell me you’re not afraid of anything

But clearly we all are

Give someone that loves you the chance to be who they really are

Teach them to grow through love

Tell them they matter and that you love them.

Make them feel loved and safe and show them that you are someone they can trust by being trustworthy.

That’s how we change the world

Give love when someone needs it

And accept the love that person gives

Show love and others will show love back.

I know you are you

And I am me

But sometimes i wish you did feel the way I feel for you

For me

But we can’t always have someone wants to give all that you’re willing to give

Not everyone is going to love us back

That’s okay.

I’m happy to know that someday I’ll have someone who wants to put up with me too

And that’s something that makes me love even more. 😉

Color box

Don’t ever let the adult you

Grow up so much

That the child you

Dies

Break out the box of crayons

(if you still have ’em)

Buy a box

(if ya don’t)

Turn off your mind

And just color like you did

When you were a kid

Free from worry

Free from judgement

Free from rules or beliefs

Our adult selves hold onto

For whatever reason we do

Free From the weight of all the things that over complicate our lives and waste our time and energy

Free to feel the excitement from the simple things again

Do this

And you’ll start to remember

the joy and love and excitement

You felt

As a child

All from a box of colored wax

And a piece of paper.