life – Page 2 – skin loves fever

I can’t save myself

I’ve been let down
put down
pushed around
I feel so low
Got so much to do
but nothing to show
all alone
I’m drowning here
alone
and there’s nobody near
it’s becoming pretty clear
that I’m not going to make
I’m not going to make
I don’t know how to fake it
no I just don’t know
how to make it
through another day
I just don’t know
what I’m doing anymore

depression has got a hold of me
so much so that I can’t see
any way out
or any reason to be
and I’m getting pretty sick of being me
I’m getting pretty sick of me
I don’t know how to be
me anymore
I just don’t want to be
me
anymore
I don’t wanna be
this
me
anymore.

the more I try
the less you understand
and I’m feeling pushed out
with no place left to stand
it’s hard to feel okay
when I’m all alone
with each passing day
I can’t live through this
anymore
I can’t live through this
anymore
I can’t live
this way anymore

I close my eyes
and wish myself away
close my eyes
and wish it all away
I can’t save myself
not this time
not today
if I could
I would
but I got a head full of bad
and a heart full of sad
weighing me down

I’m sorry
I’m just not strong anymore

part 2

moments i want to remember

Irish goodbye – post 1 of 2

gonna walk walk walk, four more blocks, plus the one in my brain…

suicide eyes

vicious cries

the many reasons why

I’m never heard

The lines you draw

in the slipping sand

slips right through your hands

the lines your draw

are always blurred

a bit uncomfortable

a bit disturbed

and once again

there’s that voice that’s never heard

I could fall away too

slip away from all of you

just like the sand

let me ask you then

will you then understand

how much you demand

of me

would you still demand the same

if I were still to be

here with you

if you only knew

how far away I am

yet how close I am

to the end

maybe then

you would treat me better than just a friend

but people never know what we have

until it’s gone

and I’m not the only one

I’m not the only one

I’ll never be the only one

singing the same old line

of the same old song

of how people

rarely ever change.

-kc

Pale exit

Suicide eyes

vicious cries

the many reasons why

I’m never heard

The lines you draw

in the slipping sand

slips right on through

your careless hands

the lines your draw

are always blurred

a bit uncomfortable

a bit disturbed

and once again

there’s that voice that’s never heard

I could fall away too

slip away from all of you

just like the sand

let me ask you something

will you then understand?

how much you demand?

of me

would you still demand the same

if I were still to be

here with you?

if you only knew

how far away I am

yet how close I am

to the end

maybe then

you would treat me better than just a friend

but people never know what we have

until it’s gone

and I’m not the only one

I’m not the only one

I’ll never be the only one

singing the same old line

of the same old song

of how people

rarely ever change.

-k.c.

Goodbye wolfie

What you can’t seem to understand
and never have understood
–
is that since the first day i met you
i always wanted you
i loved you
from the moment i saw you

We were just friends for a long time
and were close but had a falling out
and i didn’t hear from you for 5 years
just like that
and it hurt like hell.
you had a girlfriend
and so i (even though it broke my heart)… moved on

then one day out of the blue
you came back
and i didn’t treat you like a stranger
i wasn’t angry or resentful

but now you’re out of my life again
ignoring me like i mean nothing
like i meant nothing
and this is after we actually were in love

i’m still in love
but
i can’t do anything about what you do
i’m not going to force you to talk to me
it’s obvious you have found someone new who you
call your wife.
i am not your friend because you don’t treat me like a friend
you haven’t been there
you haven’t even cared to see if I’m okay

so i let you go
and from now on
i will stay away
but forever this time.

we had something amazing
and you listened to a stupid bitch
who you and i barely knew
and now i don’t even know you
anymore

But it’s okay
i can’t feel bad or sad
that you don’t even care about me
the way i care about you
well… cared… before now
i can’t feel bad
about this anymore

i’ve tried
i’ve cried
i’ve reached out
with no reply
and now i see
that you don’t give a damn about me
AT ALL

and that’s okay
you want it this way
so
you got it
i release you from my heart and mind
forever.

i promise you that.

august 4 2023 9:53 am.

-Kyoko

Appreciation

I’m sorry for all that I did to make you feel unloved

I loved (love) you more than anything

I really should have handled things differently

I think we both could have but

I’m not here to point fingers

All I want is for you

To be happy

Even if it’s not with me.

For Wolfie (F.F.)

I loved you.
My love for you
was deeper and stronger than
you will ever know.
You rejected it.
You still reject it
and you will always reject it
because holding on to what is NOT true
is more important to you
than
holding on to me
and us.
You were my lover
and my friend
and you had so many chances to
make it right
make it better
be here
like you said you would
be my friend
and follow through with your words
but you never did
you never do
and now there is nothing that I can do
because
there is no more time.
the time you had
you wasted
you ignored
you spent punishing me
all the things you failed to see
will soon be gone
at least for me
you only punished yourself.

all the times I called you
– got no answer-
asked you to come over
and see me
one last time
–
I called your name
many times
and still you never came

once upon a time
you were my love…

now it’s my time to say goodbye…

so goodbye.

even though I am no longer important to you
even though you cared more about hating me
than loving me
I will forever (beyond this lifetime) love you
and
you will forever be important to me
—
I’ll see you again my friend
in the next life
when we come back as cats
(or me as a bird and you as a wolf)

Goodbye.
…

The truth in rented rooms

The past is there

We leave a part

Of who we are

Who we were

Taken in and

Pushed out

Somewhere pieces of us

Remain

In a micro trace

Floating in air

Or somewhere in space

Sometimes i feel you

Within an old place

Or taken again

In someone

Out somewhere

Breathing in air

truth in rented rooms

walls that have stood

lifetimes before I ever would –

Collecting secrets

Collecting dust

In forgotten spaces

in forgotten faces

In rented rooms

Misunderstood

Sometimes I wish I could

The hurt

Leave this body

and just forget

But like old walls

Hold silhouettes

Of the past

that will never be again

I hold

A part of you

ugh

so what if you’re weird…
so what if I had a moment of allowing you to be weird?
I’m weird all the time.
I had a moment of knowing that you needed something
and maybe I couldn’t give it to you
but at least I could be there for you
in some weird fucked up way
because I needed to not feel weird
in some weird fucked up way.
but don’t fucking be weird about it now.
something about you makes me want to help you
I don’t know
take care of you
in a non motherly
non- girlfriend kinda of way
fuck it
I couldn’t care less about what I feel
except for I don’t want you to treat me weird.
I actually enjoyed.
two weird-ass people
in a weird situation
that will most likely never happen again
and that’s the beauty of it
that it did happen
and I didn’t judge you.
I just didn’t want you to feel alone
in this stupid beautiful world
because it’s so easy to feel alone
in a city like this
that feeds off of drama
and bullshit
and faking it until you make it bullshit