poetry – Page 11 – skin loves fever

Beer as cold as your ex’s heart

I will never understand how some people can be so cold.

To turn off

To love conditionally

To have such black and white thinking and feeling

To be cruel

To make up reasons why to hate

To criticize and put down

Yet be blind to everything that’s good

To completely ignore their own behavior

To make another person feel unwanted

Unimportant

Useless

So many people “love” that way

That’s not love.

That’s just selfishness mixed with a bitterness

You teach others through love

You can kill a man with disregard and neglect

And a mean spirit

Some people’s truth is whatever they were conditioned with from the time they were born

All they know is to pass that down to anyone and everyone they touch.

Yet they don’t see it.

Some people love to blame others or something false as a reason to take out their anger and pain on someone

Some people only know how to push the people that care about them away.

If all you know is the negative

If all you’ve seen and experienced is negative

You’re gonna end up looking for the negative in everyone else that comes along

I wish compassion played a higher role in mankind

I wish people thought about the lasting effects of their actions and behavior towards others

I wish people didn’t react to things they make up in their head

We are in this world

Hopefully to help one another

Not to harm someone who truly loves you

And definitely not to harm the ones who love you just because our past experiences and trauma makes you think that it’s okay to do.

It’s sad.

But there will always be people out there who just don’t know why better

And /or just don’t care to be better than what was done to them.

I wish you a happy life

For the first time

I truly

100%

without any doubt

Wish you the best

I Want the happiest life

For you

And for myself

Though our time together

Is now done

At least for now and the near future.

I am grateful

For the times we had

Both good and bad.

It was a part of my life

And I respect it

As that.

I am now okay

With letting you go.

I cannot make you stay

Nor would I want to.

I cannot change you

I can only change myself

I do not harbor any bad feels towards you

I need space and time to heal

Without you around

But I do not have bad feelings towards you.

However you feel about me is non of my concern anymore.

Those are your feelings and i respect that you are allowed to feel the way you do

Even if I don’t agree on what you feel and why you feel them

I cannot change how you feel

And I will not try

I know who i am

And i accept and love myself for who I am

I am still learning and growing and changing too. I am not perfect

No one is

But i know my worth

No one else has the power to determine that for me except for me.

If you do not know my worth

That is okay

You don’t have to

You don’t have to be around me

But i don’t have to be around you

I don’t have to do anything I don’t feel comfortable doing

I don’t have to be okay with something or someone that is not okay to me and my well being

I will keep my distance

I hope you will do the same.

Thank you

And goodbye

-KC

“A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it.” ~Jean de La Fontaine

Crossed

~~Where’s my love?~~

~~He’s not the same person now~~

~~He’s gone mad~~

~~And I miss the man~~

~~I loved so much~~

The loneliness

Consumes me right now

And I can’t help but cry

And

You will sit there

Knowing how I feel

And never

Ever understand

Why

Friends

Please don’t blame yourself

You are not bad

I want you to know that

From the bottom of my heart to

The deepest part of your soul

You are loved

….

You make me so sad

You’ll see

What pain is

When you have to deal with someone like you

But I won’t be there

By your side.

Cause you were never really there for me..

Your presence was airways tainted with a hateful evil and cruelty

That I could never and will never understand

You like to break the people who love you

Down

To the fucked up hole

You came from

And your actions and words

Have done enough

This time

You have crossed the line

And I no longer have love for someone who is a predator like you

You have no love in your heart

You just take the good and make the bad

And leave

Like the coward you are

who cares if you can beat someone up

Or who cares how angry you can get

You’re still a fucking coward and a bully

You can’t deal with shit without drugs

Or hurting the ones closest to you

You came in this world alone

And you’ll die alone

And I hope you feel what you made me feel

Cause i did nothing to deserve the level of hate and anger you have thrown at me

My bad for putting up with it for so long.

You don’t deserve love.

You need to be treated like the ugly person you truly are

You need to have someone break your heart the way you love to break mine.

Ahhh but narcissists don’t feel

So I guess you’ll be fine

You should go away

You are the reason this world is a shitty place

Cause you don’t make it any better.

You suck the soul of of people who loved you

And then you think it’s everyone else

You’ll never get past this level.

Cause you have no love to give

You are a loser

And you just lost me for good.

Good riddance you ugly

Hateful little man.

You’re a lost cause

And no one will ever care as much as i did

And you just fucked that up

That’s all the time I have

Years ago

You had light

And you made me believe

In myself

You got me excited about what was possible

With my art

With many different ideas

With life

…

Fast forward to now

And it was all talk

You’re a flake

And a liar in some ways

I wouldn’t have to call you

When I’ve been waiting on you

For years now

To produce something that actually does something and gets somewhere

Regardless

You don’t take this or me seriously

All your talk talk talk

Was nothing more than a bunch of fluff

And frankly I’m better off doing it on my own

Or with someone who actually has the balls

To back it all up.

I’ve had a lot ofpatience for you to get out of your hole you’ve dug drugged yourself in

But your talk talk talk with no follow through

Has made me lose my patience

You’re not who I thought you were

Not anymore anyways.

And now he it is 4:30 pm

Almost time for me to bust my ass off at work

And I got nothing from you

I’m not saying a damn thing anymore

You should know better

But you just act like you don’t

Take a real good look at yourself

How could any person want to work with you when YOU REFUSE TO WORK AT ALL

Go waste someone else’s time getting wasted

You don’t learn

And you don’t see

i put trust in you

Believed your words

While you were just foolin’ me

This time it’s gonna take a lot more than your Bullshit words (that don’t mean much anymore cause you always say a lot of what you never do)

For you to convince me

To trust you

Grow up

Get a job

Get a life.

Stop talking

Unless you mean what you say

But I can’t waste my life away

waiting for you to come around some day

You don’t take what I love seriously

You dint even respect yourself

So don’t be a fake

Be the flake

That you have become

That is who you are now

Think

Young

Inconsiderate

And just plain stupid

It takes a lot

I’m spent

I’m tired

I feel like nothing I do

Matters

Or pays off

I try

And love

So much

But it does me no good

And that’s who i am

But it doesn’t matter much

To anyone else.

I wake up

I smile

I go into things

With the right kind of mind

But all I seem to find

Is the same things

That don’t care

About very much if at all about me.

I never felt protected

I never felt safe

And now

I even more alone

I just don’t know what to do

When I try to talk

To you

I just get ignored.

It gets old

And I don’t want to be

The person that it’s okay to just throw away

Anymore

I matter?

Maybe I don’t

I don’t.

Or I wouldn’t be

Here.

Right now

Feeling like who I am

Is not good enough

To love

Or to nurture.

I wish

I meant something more

To you

Sing birds sing birds sing birds sing Get away

3am sounds

Of Birds and coyotes

I wish I could speak to them

I wish I could speak to you

Get through to you

But I’m starting to see

That’s never going to happen

I’ll probably make more progress with the birds and coyotes

And him

As he sits next to me on the patio

We listen to music

And talk

Like the coyotes and birds do

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