thoughts – skin loves fever

happiness is a warm …

happiness is

blanket.

you thought I was going to write gun huh?

yeah me last year (hell last month) probably would have

but I know who I am

and sometimes all I need is to

lay down

breathe

and a warm blanket to comfort me

or just to feel comfortable.

a blanket won’t cause me a heart attack

a blanket doesn’t scream at me and call me names and then abandon me after it’s used me as a punching bag for shit that isn’t even in the right now

a blanket makes me feel safer than he’s ever made anyone feel

happiness really is a warm blanket

and when that doesn’t work

a warm gun

-kc

https://granitegrok.com/blog/2013/04/cartoon-the-better-security-blanket

photo credit from this website

Vegas blues

I do not miss

All the shit

He put me through

I don’t miss his attack

Or his lack

of self awareness

Or all the unfairness

I don’t miss all his bad

Which drove me mad

And made me sad

But I do miss

His kiss

And I miss the few moments

He made me feel

Unconditionally loved

And on my way out of state

He was the best travel companion

I’ve ever had

How can one man be so stupid

And so blind

Viva Las Vegas!

Ha.

Yeah

Mama needs a new pair of shoes

And a new knife

What a fucking life

Goodbye

Noise noise and more noise

I can read between the lines

I can read the language you don’t speak in words

The writing on the wall is very clear

If you wanted to

You would be

Here.

Big man

Little man

Where do you stand

Little boy

I wasn’t made

For you

to be your little toy

When you come down

If you ever really do

Blabber and smoke

Treating everything

Like it’s one big joke

Laugh it up

Laugh out loud

And while you’re at it

Act so proud

Who you trying to fool

Yourself?

Or the crowd?

Maybe both

In the sky above

On the ground below

Who you really are begins to show

And it hurts only cause I let you in

I’m pretty sure lying

Is a Cardinal sin

Where does the false you end

And the real you begin?

Math was never my strong point…

More positive less negative will equal a happy life

Bitch it out

Only to look like a bitch

And worse to feel like one too

If I spent the amount of time and energy on the things that are positive as I do complaining about the negative – maybe there would be exactly that :

More positive =

Less negative

<+>- = 😊

So today I’m gonna be super mindful of what I’m focusing on and the things I say

And try my very best to not complain

Yay

I write to express myself.
I write to create.
I write to discover.
I write because I can’t NOT do it.
I write because I enjoy writing.
I write to share a little bit about myself and to learn a lot about myself.
I write cause I’m inspired.
I write to inspire.
I write for me.
I write for you.
I write to feel better.
I write to purge.
I write to love.
I write because I love.
I write because I hate.
I write for all the times I could not speak.
I write to reflect. I write to relate.
I write to release.
I write to recognize.
I write to recharge.
I write to record.
I write to refrain.
I write to repair.
I write to return.
I write to revolt.
I write to revolve.
I write to remember. I write to forget. .
I write because it makes the loneliness feel less lonely.
I write because I learn from writing.
I write because it’s what keeps me from pulling the trigger too quickly.
I write because I want to write…
because I need to write and because I love to write.

why do you write?

At the end of the stars there is love

by myself
crushed and flooded
by the fall of you

the moonlight
would laugh at me
if he could

I found sanity in the bottle
the wind catches a thought
with my heart in limbo

I must be lost
in a mess
of sadness

just like me
it was hiding

by myself
crushed and flooded
by the fall of you

the moonlight
would laugh at me
if he could

I found sanity in the bottle
the wind catches a thought
with my heart in limbo

I must be lost
in a mess
of sadness

just like me
it was hiding
the song held out its hand

I still wonder why
you suffered so
and felt the weight
of my troubled soul

so many illusions break through
an honest man
without branches
is always
the first to go

the best we’ve had
I would run to you in a moment
my fantasies
make me hear your voice

at the center of the light
in darkness
i see you

at the end of the stars
there is love.

-kyoko cole
2018

Downtown turn

Head -on

Tail spin

Lose yourself

Then you begin

Again

And again

It seems like I’m always starting over

It seems like I’m always going backwards

In the race around the track

I get myself back

Or do I?

Head -on

Tail spin

Lose yourself

Then you begin

Again

And again

It seems like I’m always starting over

It seems like I’m always going backwards

In the race around the track

I get myself back

Or do I?

Maybe I’m just a little more tired

Tired of trying

Again and Again

-kyoko cole

2018

Know your rodent

Hard to spot sometimes.

But they chew

Through

Your stuff

And they’ll chew Through

You too.

A snake is the grass

Will bite you in the ass

Stab you in the back

And then turn it around

On you and attack

You like you were the one

Who drew first.

I didn’t draw knives at all

Or guns

But I will.

And never trust a woman who has no respect for another woman’s relationship

Cause they have no respect for anyone

Especially no respect for themselves.

Run home little girl

Nobody likes you

Cause you are easy to have

And many have had you

You jump under covers

Jump beds

Play with heads

And let everyone fuck you

And I mean everyone

Cause you’re lonely

And that’s pathetic

Cause you need to feel

Like you matter

Like you’re loved

But you’re not

Cause how could someone love someone like you

Who

Says things to plant the seed

In the heart of a man that doesn’t belong to you

And you knew

What you were doing

And didn’t care

Cause you can’t be alone

I smell a FAT rat

That

Does not know the true meaning

Of loyalty

And respect

So what do you expect?

People to not see what kind of shit person you really are?

You whore the whole bar

And I love to watch you drink

Until you drink

And you ask for it

So I love to watch you drown

I’m glad you’re getting the fuck out of MY fucking town

You bitch

(sorry for such anger but I’m fucking angry at people who have no respect for how they treat others until someone does the same thing to them. And even still that won’t teach them how to be a better person when they’re just not)

Beer as cold as your ex’s heart

I will never understand how some people can be so cold.

To turn off

To love conditionally

To have such black and white thinking and feeling

To be cruel

To make up reasons why to hate

To criticize and put down

Yet be blind to everything that’s good

To completely ignore their own behavior

To make another person feel unwanted

Unimportant

Useless

So many people “love” that way

That’s not love.

That’s just selfishness mixed with a bitterness

You teach others through love

You can kill a man with disregard and neglect

And a mean spirit

Some people’s truth is whatever they were conditioned with from the time they were born

All they know is to pass that down to anyone and everyone they touch.

Yet they don’t see it.

Some people love to blame others or something false as a reason to take out their anger and pain on someone

Some people only know how to push the people that care about them away.

If all you know is the negative

If all you’ve seen and experienced is negative

You’re gonna end up looking for the negative in everyone else that comes along

I wish compassion played a higher role in mankind

I wish people thought about the lasting effects of their actions and behavior towards others

I wish people didn’t react to things they make up in their head

We are in this world

Hopefully to help one another

Not to harm someone who truly loves you

And definitely not to harm the ones who love you just because our past experiences and trauma makes you think that it’s okay to do.

It’s sad.

But there will always be people out there who just don’t know why better

And /or just don’t care to be better than what was done to them.

Color box

Don’t ever let the adult you

Grow up so much

That the child you

Dies

Break out the box of crayons

(if you still have ’em)

Buy a box

(if ya don’t)

Turn off your mind

And just color like you did

When you were a kid

Free from worry

Free from judgement

Free from rules or beliefs

Our adult selves hold onto

For whatever reason we do

Free From the weight of all the things that over complicate our lives and waste our time and energy

Free to feel the excitement from the simple things again

Do this

And you’ll start to remember

the joy and love and excitement

You felt

As a child

All from a box of colored wax

And a piece of paper.

Category: thoughts

happiness is a warm …

Vegas blues

Noise noise and more noise

Math was never my strong point…

why do I write?

At the end of the stars there is love

Downtown turn

Know your rodent

Beer as cold as your ex’s heart

Color box

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