Eyelashes
Stashes
Hope crashes
To the sea
What will be
Is me
In this world
without
He
And I can’t bare to imagine
Never seeing his face
In this place again.
Toe tag
I don’t care
To share
Myself today
Tomorrow
Or For awhile
Not For as far as I can see
Me to
For however many number of days
I can stand to put myself through
Without standing at all
You can’t stand while you fall
I can’t get out of my bed
I can’t get out of my head
I’m stuck
And sick
And in the suck
Out of luck
want to kick it
Want flick it
Want to cut it
Want to blow it’s
Pretty little pimple head right off
This mess
Is making me
Depressed
And the more I regress
The more pain I feel
I become less and less
Of a person
Who’s got a hold
Of it all
While everything is ripping at the seams
I’d rather stay down
In dreams
Than to face
Another day
Living life now this way
I’d rather drown in it
Than struggle to stay a float
Skeletons belly dead
And I’m only seeing red
Carefully cut
Open
Insides out
forever with doubt
And for the rest of my days without
My friend
who’s shell is on the table
who’s soul is lost out there
Somewhere
who knows…
Who cares….
I do
Miss you
Have I been that terrible?
That you need to be so mean
On a day
Where I lost
Someone who meant a lot
If I had lost you
I’d be worse
But you only see
The attention i give
Someone
I’ll never see again
And you fail to see
The attention i constantly give you
If I fail to give it for a moment
The way you desire it
But never communicate you desire it
You’re a child
Not a man
You will never
Understand
How much it hurts
To have to deal with this
And then to have to have to deal with you
But i love you
Bit you don’t care
And you don’t try
And you don’t show
And you don’t do anything
That makes me feel
Like I matter
At the very least
If you love me
Than love me fully
Who cares about looking like a fool
?
If you love me and I do something foolish
I’m the one who looks like the fool
Not you
But don’t go back and fourth and be fickle with your feelings
I’m not
I just don’t want to be treated like a punching bag
Tonight
I can’t stand on my own
Without shaking
I can’t talk
Without my voice quivering
I dint know what to do
Without breaking down
And I’m alone
Without you.
And you don’t even care to try to be any other way than mean
So what can i do?
I have to deal with losing my best friend
And losing my love
While still maintaining my self and self worth
Without knowing really how
I’m lost
I’m lonely
And I’m aching
And I don’t know how to make it stop
Maybe tomorrow
Ill know what to do
Or I won’t feel the way i feel now
Maybe not
But i don’t know how
To get through
The next few hours
Of being alone with myself
Until i finally pass out
With the feelings i have right now
And still make it out okay
Cause I’m not okay
And I’m not that strong
I’m not as strong as you may think
I’m not strong at all
Right now
I’m not much
More
Than just
Some stretched leather
Stitched up around some stuffing
There for you to punch
Left for you to ignore
Cobwebs have cobwebs
And I have the feeling
Of a memory
That has now become old
That only I continue to hold
That you have long ago sold
For cheap thrills and lies
….
Why
I’ve never felt so lonely
As I do right now
…
And I am alone
Chris
Now that you’re gone
I have no one by my side
To help me through
That person was always you
Now i feel the loneliness
Of being truly alone
You were the greatest friend
I have ever known
That this world has ever shown
I’m not alright
I’m not okay
Just take me back
To a better day
You were always there for me
And I’m so grateful for that
And for you
Until we meet again
I love you…
My sweet friend
July 9 th
It’s been one year without you
After 35 1/2 with you
And I’m lost
I need you
I miss you
Goodbye
Great show tonight
He wasn’t there
Do you understand me?
No.
Not at all
Never.
Not willing
Not capable
Not true.
Not wanting
Not caring maybe.
But I saw it once
When he maybe cared
Maybe wanted to
Maybe willing
Maybe the demons in his head
Were on vacation
Or tired.
Cause even demons need a break too
I don’t know
All I can say is how I feel
And it’s sad
To see someone you loved so much
Just turn into someone else
And have such hate
And meanness
Doesn’t make me angry
Doesn’t make me want to get revenge
I’m too sad for that
And revenge was never my thing
I let time and truth
Work it’s own magic
But right now
The kind of sadness I feel
Is like when a family member or someone you were super close dies
Except it’s worse
Cause he’s still there
Seeing whatever he wants to see
That isn’t really me
Not seeing me
But letting the real demons
Alter his brain
Take over his soul
Without him even knowing
It’s a sadness I can’t explain
Unless you’ve felt it before
One I never
Want to feel again.
-kyoko cole
Beer as cold as your ex’s heart
I will never understand how some people can be so cold.
To turn off
To love conditionally
To have such black and white thinking and feeling
To be cruel
To make up reasons why to hate
To criticize and put down
Yet be blind to everything that’s good
To completely ignore their own behavior
To make another person feel unwanted
Unimportant
Useless
So many people “love” that way
That’s not love.
That’s just selfishness mixed with a bitterness
You teach others through love
You can kill a man with disregard and neglect
And a mean spirit
Some people’s truth is whatever they were conditioned with from the time they were born
All they know is to pass that down to anyone and everyone they touch.
Yet they don’t see it.
Some people love to blame others or something false as a reason to take out their anger and pain on someone
Some people only know how to push the people that care about them away.
If all you know is the negative
If all you’ve seen and experienced is negative
You’re gonna end up looking for the negative in everyone else that comes along
I wish compassion played a higher role in mankind
I wish people thought about the lasting effects of their actions and behavior towards others
I wish people didn’t react to things they make up in their head
We are in this world
Hopefully to help one another
Not to harm someone who truly loves you
And definitely not to harm the ones who love you just because our past experiences and trauma makes you think that it’s okay to do.
It’s sad.
But there will always be people out there who just don’t know why better
And /or just don’t care to be better than what was done to them.
I wish you a happy life
For the first time
I truly
100%
without any doubt
Wish you the best
I Want the happiest life
For you
And for myself
Though our time together
Is now done
At least for now and the near future.
I am grateful
For the times we had
Both good and bad.
It was a part of my life
And I respect it
As that.
I am now okay
With letting you go.
I cannot make you stay
Nor would I want to.
I cannot change you
I can only change myself
I do not harbor any bad feels towards you
I need space and time to heal
Without you around
But I do not have bad feelings towards you.
However you feel about me is non of my concern anymore.
Those are your feelings and i respect that you are allowed to feel the way you do
Even if I don’t agree on what you feel and why you feel them
I cannot change how you feel
And I will not try
I know who i am
And i accept and love myself for who I am
I am still learning and growing and changing too. I am not perfect
No one is
But i know my worth
No one else has the power to determine that for me except for me.
If you do not know my worth
That is okay
You don’t have to
You don’t have to be around me
But i don’t have to be around you
I don’t have to do anything I don’t feel comfortable doing
I don’t have to be okay with something or someone that is not okay to me and my well being
I will keep my distance
I hope you will do the same.
Thank you
And goodbye
-KC
“A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it.” ~Jean de La Fontaine
Crossed
Where’s my love?
He’s not the same person now
He’s gone mad
And I miss the man
I loved so much
skin loves fever 
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