skin loves fever

There’s so much I wish I could say
But I know most people don’t care to hear
When they they don’t need to hear it for themselves
They act better than themselves
When they do need to hear it
They want it
They need it
And I give it
Cause I understand that people need love and support even if they don’t understand that other people need it to
Tonight was a complete fuck up
Of fucked up
Tonight was a shit storm
Of shit
But I’m not shit
I’m not fucked
I’m just in a place of better
Loving and living in a place of old
and unhealthy
Time to break the ties
Time to leave the old
Time to let the things the are down
Not bring me down
Not make me feel bad
Or stupid
Cause they are down and stupid
Feeling even if they are not
They are
I have too much good
To let that shit bring me somewhere I’m not anymore.
Good riddance
But
I wish you the best
Better than you have it now

Ugh!!!
💚 💛
Okay. Not too much
I just smile a lot when we’re together

..

I really miss you
But
Why should I?
Cause you were once really fucking cool
And now you’re not
To me anyways
I’ve been good up until now
I don’t know why
It made me kinda sad 
Today
I wish you were here with me
Getting a beer
Lol
This post sucks
And I don’t even care

Thinking about everything you said
Makes me question you
Even as a friend
Cause you can’t deal with anything that’s not easy
So why should you get any of the fun
You’re flick of the switch from on to off
Makes me see
a side that most of us hide behind having fun
I don’t trust it
I don’t know it
And I’m sure if you gave more than a crumb of yourself to anyone
and they responded the way you did
It would break your heart

I don’t care if you feel the same
Actually I’m pretty okay that you don’t
Cause i don’t want to have to feel for someone who doesn’t know how to deal
With emotions and people who deserve a little better
Than what you give

Maybe you don’t  think anyone deserves anything unless you’re in love or unless you’ve known them as friends
But we crossed a line
That I wish we didn’t
What I see from you now
Is not the qualities I seek
But I’ve been attracted to
The kind of people who aren’t really there or aware of themselves
But can see and judge others
And lack the sensitivity
Until they are the one who’s ignored
I can feel myself change
As I look for people who are able to be open and give more of themselves and love
You deserve to be happy
But I gave the wrong person too much of myself
I care and love you
But I know what I don’t need to ever be okay with again
Go get what your heart wants
You do not make me feel safe 
Or secure
As friends and as more
You were not clear
Get that clear
Before you get angry
At someone who had the balls to say something
I won’t ever say to you again

You taught me that some people give way more back
When you don’t give them the time of day
And you treat them like they need

Digital clock
Digital age
On to the next
With the swipe of a page
I don’t need or want
another app
to feed or fill the emotional gap
This is not truth this is not the way
we are just further removed and further away

From.what really matters
And what does not matter at all
So much of us is spent
Behind the wall
We give meaning to the  meaningless
The people we don’t know
We try to impress
just for ego and for show
The lack of real
you can really feel.
Behind the faces
Behind the screens
Behind the smoke
Until everything is just a joke
The more we have
The less we hold
The way it is
Is gettin old
where it is
Is not where it’s at
And Who I am
Wants none of that

i made a mistake

in thinking you were something or someone you’re not

i’m sorry for that.

i did not wish for any of this

but this is what happens ???

when i say how i feel

no – not with most people

not with people who care

about me about this and about how this will be

people who care
dare to show it
and not blow it
or trash it away
by not saying anything or reaching out at all

no follow up, no letter, no email, no call

i can read the writing on the wall

your silence says it all

I think if you told someone you love them
I would hope that they wouldn’t
ignore you
Cause it would break your heart
But I guess for some
It’s okay
To throw a person away
Like they don’t matter
And so.on and so.forth
Until it happens to them someday

Thank you lovers who love
For.being so brave
That you can say ‘I love you’
and be strong and still have love
When the person you love doesn’t love you back
don’t waste your time on someone who doesn’t make the time to show you care or compassion
What you feel they will feel from someone someday
But you will have moved on to much.better things by the time they do
;)
I love the lovers who can love
And live with an open heart

At a table
In a restaurant
Across from you
And pour my fucking heart out
Like it was on the menu
For such a price
It isn’t set
But it’s worth just as nice
As you would ever expect it
Even if not now 
Some how
I’ll move on
you don’t give me much choice
and I wish you did
cuz I loved you
it takes balls to say I love you
you might know
maybe
I don’t know
who knows
you show it sometimes
maybe
never
sometimes
maybe
when you feel like it
when it’s easy
But I think I’ve learned my lesson this time not to say I won’t give my heart away again
I won’t give my heart to you
again cause i know you’ll never feel it unless you do
when you do
And when you do it’s too late
I just wish you loved me
Like I love you
And right now there’s nothing more to say
Cuz you’re not saying anything really makes me want to stay I hope you find happiness
I know you will
I love you and I always will
the end