skin loves fever

stupid magic (or maybe it’s just the whiskey)

I get on quite easy
living life as a spy,
I’m a stupid kinda person.
what kind of a stupid person am i?
I like train spotting and breeding guppies.
i want to be like all the yuppies
in this town who pass me by
and never say hi

but when i’m left alone
I like to contemplate night.
When the feeling is never right
I start to daydream
about nothing and
everything
that only matters much to a stupid person like me

My mind turns straight to whiskey.
i might just love it more than night?
i just might drink myself to get myself right
i just might drink myself more stupid and start a fight
i love falling over and getting dirty hands
i love to use words like magic and psycho
and say things like “no one understands”
but when i stop my talking
that’s a when i start my walking
down to get my fix
and fill myself easy
with a mix of cheap thrill
i’m a stupid kind of person out for the kill

-kyoko cole
2015

your “love” is gonna drown

it’s been more than a few months now
since that night
and honestly i couldn’t say anything
to anyone
i couldn’t even mourn
without someone not understanding
why i would be mourning over someone like you
and at that moment
it was lonely
mourning over someone
who didn’t exist anymore
to go from one day
being in love
and the next
you being in love with someone else
there was no closure
you just ignored me
after a week
after i found out
you broke my shit
and i contacted you
you still just ignored me
and i was heartbroken
for months i spent mourning
and healing
without anyone else
to be my escape or my crutch
yupp. i just had to feel it
and it fucking hurt
and it fucking hurt for awhile
now i’ve healed
and i’m good with myself
and now i look back
and wonder why i ever allowed
someone as superficial as you
and as dishonest as you
to ever matter to me
i don’t fool myself anymore
i don’t pretend that something is something that it’s not
and i sure as hell don’t pretend to be someone i’m not
my whole life was great before you
and the people in my life made me happy
all that bullshit sweet loving shit you show in the beginning
i fell for
cause it was great
but knowing what i know now – i know that it’s only real while you feel it
and want to show it
and when you’re done
you could care less about the love all the bullshit you claim to be
you honestly were the worst person behind closed doors
and i’m sure you still are
since you never deal with anything on your own ever
anyways
i laugh now at it
and the people that still believe your bullshit
until who you really are- that selfish ugly careless person – gets bored and comes out again

Things we say

Running around in circles
Just like the rat
Saying
“I don’t need this”
And
“I don’t need that”
caught in a loop
That’s Caught in a cage
Spinning Round like a hula hoop
With a great full of rage

What you get
And what you expect
Is way too much
For as much as you
let
Down

but it’s exactly what you need
And it’s exactly what you seed
Out to the world
And all the people you meet
What you get is what you need
Even if you think you don’t

Early morning 5am

Woke up early
Went to bed late
Saw a friend
Who made me smile
And for a little while
I held on
Only to be okay
With letting go.

-kc

Whatever it is

Make your way through it
Whatever it may be

Picture of me

Check out @missymiss’s Tweet: https://twitter.com/missymiss/status/581714446273224704?s=09

Flake and bake

Shake the negs away
Shake the negs away
Shaken not stirred
Is the way to get blurred
By everyone else
who’s disappointment the peg on you
Gotta get some peace of mind
Yes peace of mind
Peace out

by kyoko cole

You’re the pot I’m the kettle

Blacktea Blues

Black Forever onto

the step of my rope

One whiff

of it all

One sniff of glue

I just got to you

Black velvet underground

And no sound

like the one I was just in

The air has gotten thin

The only way to begin

is to find a way to get out

I don’t have any plans for the late reply

The whole time I was having a good time

Without you

I don’t know

what you want

you like to be with you

Black mirror of my dreams

we kissed at the end of it all

and the rest of the road

I still don’t have to ever see

time it was

Time spent without you

Without me

a bit like the last time

A few years before

A few years too soon

Black is Forever to me please

Black is Forever to you

I don’t have the time to get it my way

I just wasn’t a good reason

to be with you

Cause you let me know

how much you like to stop

So I can’t wait to get out if it all

I can’t wait to be the stranger stranger

Thought a lot was more than most

But it’s all a big mess up

You like to dress up as something else

All the nights in my house

Everyone saying same thing

At the same time

This was not a hit

Not a big deal

if we are not one

We are but two

All black and blue

While the Streets of them

Keep going

Young people cross the seas

Gather in the middle of nowhere

Back in Forever and nothing Black

Along with the dogs

Still in the middle of few

In the middle of black

This is nothing new

Dark and emptied

Just the same as you

Just the same as is was

Is Forever true

My love

I know I wasn’t very good to you
Or me
But I want to be
But can’t
When you are the way you are now
But you were my first real love
And I wanted you to be
The one to grow old with me
Now it seems
Like I’ll grow old
Alone
I’m sorry
But I won’t live my life
Always being sorry
For things I cannot change now
And you cannot let go
Love can grow
If you want it to
If you let it
But I can’t make you
Be the way you were
And have us be the way it was
It will never be that way again
Only can it be something better
Or not anything at all
And right now
You don’t care
If I fall
I guess
I need to go away
And maybe we’ll meet again
Someday
(In another life where we come back as cats)
I love you more than you will ever know
More than I show
So….

by kyoko cole

i used to write (i’m writing now)

finding the way through fears. finding myself and the freedom that comes from knowing thy self.

i used to write
my heart out
without any doubt
without any fright
but somewhere along the heartache and years
there seems to be a build up of unsound fears
that accumulate
in a frantic state
inside an emotional ride
takes me to the other side
automatic
erratic
sick and unfit
the only way out
is to move through it

be silent and still
and in the right state of mind
i find
myself
and know myself
better than to let
any thing or anyone
get
me down –
the truth is those things don’t matter to me
i matter to me
knowing myself is what sets me free
-k.c.