skin loves fever

I am done

I have done everything I could

And I get nothing from you

You choose to not listen

To not care

And because of that I choose to not be there

I am done.

if I tell you how your actions- words- comments behavior
and reactions
make me feel
– you just tell me
that it’s not real
–
everything I bring to light
you gaslight
and spin
and steal

making it about you
never about. me
when I’m hurt
it’s no big deal
to you- But
when you’re hurt
you’re out for the kill
and you do
murder my soul
piece by piece
little by little
the damage is big

and I can’t even dig
myself
out of this hole
I’m in now
with your passive aggressive verbal gun
on automatic trigger
trigger me back to
what I finally left behind
and
you don’t stop
until you’ve gone too far
and even then when you’re there
you never care
to be aware
you keep on
going
going
going
for the overkill

it takes all my will
not to just give up
give in
and let you win
I still manage to get back up
after all the times
you’ve pushed me down
why am I even still around???

listen to me (you won’t)
do you even hear my words? (you never do)
do you even care to watch me bleed (no you attack and run away)
after you’ve cut me down
to nothing
until there’s nothing left of me

it’s my fault for allowing this
it’s my fault for allowing you
it’s my fault for getting too close
to someone who
just doesn’t care

my angels have gone fishing my angels are out to lunch.

sleepy eyes
tired shell of a person
I just don’t see it anymore

self hatred
I’m nowhere close to being a person
worth calling a friend

I’ve given up
a lot
of what I used to love
I’ve given up
on
most of any kind of living
I’ve given up…
on me.

who do I want to be
somebody better than this
but it’s too damn hard
to change
when I can’t even seem to leave
my room
which isn’t even mine
and all the time I’m wasting

if there is a God
and if there are angels assigned to me
please see
the state I’m in
please
help.

may your dreams be better than this

in a blink of an eye-
lash out
and about
face-
time-keeps on
ticking
TICKING
ticking
into
the futureless
loop
of hands that
wave high
and scoop low

and everything we think we know
has been wrong
as the grand finale
begins
this marks our end
this is our swan song

oh sing me a tune
one soft and sweet
a song where I
and the dreamworld meet
one that soothes me to slumber

and one that will promise to keep
me safe
from
the fall
of it all
and what is about to come.

-kyoko cole

you know how it feels

you hurt
you know how it feels
but you still don’t see
that you hurt me
you may not be doing
what is exactly wrong
but what you do
doesn’t feel right
and you are careless
and heartless
and I won’t say
or be okay
with your way
when you put me down
for mine
you got too much time
on your hands
and I just feel
not okay
every passing day
that goes by
I feel less and less okay
with you
and how this feels
I’m shutting down
turning back around

game play

you win.
i don’t want to even have feelings for someone like you.
you become this ugly nasty mean-hearted cold dead fuckedup hurtful angry hateful spiteful revengeful careless disrespectful fake ass arrogant delusional
button-pushing cruel sad manipulative gaslighting child who doesn’t care about anyone but himself

you become a stranger
i don’t even know
and i don’t want to know

because you do it knowingly and intentionally

and you will loose me

forever
because it’s people like you
that make people like me
not want to be in a world with people like you.

i’m tired

and i’m not goig to be around for you to keep doing the same thing to

i want to die

you can’t trust people and their words

you broke my heart
tonight
i can’t go back
i can’t go back
you did something
that i can’t explain
but i know
that you don’t even understand
what you’ve done
and I also know
that right now
you don’t even care…
but you will.

you

tonight you pushed me away
too far
too cold
and you don’t care to fix it
just be caring
about hearing and understanding the person
you supposedly care about
i won’t get close to someone who makes me feel so far away
day after day
i’ll just start acting like you
or better yet
i won’t
i just won’t
care to
put my heart out there
for you to crush
and choke
and cut down again

now you don’t have to listen
i don’t have any more feelings to share with you
cause i won’t have any more feelings
for you at all

miserableboy42

time for the tables to turn
it’s time for me to ignore
all that is you
cause all you seem to do
is find a reason
to make me wrong
so you can do what you do
and i’m not going to swallow that
shit you call love
when it’s all just abuse
i really loved you
and this is what you do
to me
who just wanted to be good to you
but even that
isn’t good enough for you
you look for any reason
to turn
what was true
into a lie
so you can do
whatever you want to do
you’d rather be right being wrong
the same ol’ story
your same old fucking song
it never mattered
how much or little
i give to you
the idea you have made up
in your wet drunken
sunken head
has killed my love
has left me mostly dead
instead of trust
you push and you push
until you bust
any good
that we had
some people love their misery
some people like being sad
and mad
and drunk
and sunk
and that someone is you
out to sea
this is you
but this ain’t me
your drowning
drowning in your own
sorrow
fucked up
and checked out
in your make believe
ugly world
that ain’t mine
this isn’t the time
to go down
to the hell
you call home