poem – skin loves fever

Embracing Vulnerability in Relationships – M.J.C.

In a world of familiar faces, he stands out—a rare, warm soul whose connection sparks newfound emotions, challenging me to rethink love and discover inner peace amidst chaos.

he’s someone I never imagined would consider
someone like me, a hidden whisper
maybe I’ve been too blinded to perceive
or too settled in cycles, tricked to believe
I’ve had my share of the same old pain
too many players dancing in the rain
yet he stands apart, a mirror, a chance
so alike in spirit, but a different dance
he embodies warmth, unlike all the rest
caring, kind, in ways I’ve never guessed
when we touch, the world fades away
it’s a spark I thought I’d never display
what flows for him is deeper than ink
and his open heart makes me stop and think
the way he shows he cares is a rare release
igniting the best within, where I find my peace.

A night like this

Back rooms

With the spill of souls

And spirits

You can hear a pin drop

Or the sound of ice shoveled

Into vessels

Transporting spirits

Into souls.

On a night like this

There is no excitment like you

There is no one I wish to share myself to

But you.

You hate me for the wrong reasons

Because I say the things you dare not see (maybe too true or maybe too ugly) within yourself

I love you for saying all the things that i know and do see (As ugly as they are)

within myself

But I don’t look at you as someone I can use

I don’t like at you as something cheap

If you let me

I would keep you safe

I would show you love

But you don’t want that

You would rather misunderstand me

And hate me

Bevause you have been used and discarded

And now that’s how you treat anything that isn’t easy

Or anyone that would deal with you at your worst

As long as you were there to deal with my worst

Which gets easier and falls away the more you give me a reason to trust that you’ll be there when shit goes down

And I’m someone you want on your team when shit goes down

But on a night like this

I watch the many

Some baring souls

Some burying souls

writing for the next spirit to pour

And wishing you were here with me.

Wild West

I don’t need your love
besides you do not know what love really is
I am not bitter
I am not sad
I am not mad
I accept that you are not capable
of loving
and caring
for another human being.
you are not able to take the bad
but you will take the good
and that’s not how it works.
we all have our bad and good.
true care and love understands this.
it’s not easy.
but everyone wants it to be easy
how weak is that?
you get hurt
and you give up
well we all get hurt
but some of us don’t give up
the ones who are able to see our own difficult selves
are the ones who are able to deal with other people’s difficulties.
the ones who can’t see themselves
get hurt
and give up.
they are weak and quite stupid.
the beauty is not giving up
on someone who has always tried to be there for you
giving up on people who never ignore you the way that you ignore them
is why you lose.
you lose
you have made the choice to ignore
someone who would have always had your back
for what?
fear.
lack of patience
lack of care
lack of love

well I accept you for you
but I would never want to lose out on someone or something great
out of fear that sometimes with great things comes great pain
but in the same respect
comes great love
love you will never know
beyond shallow surface levels

I have dealt with some of the worst of you
and the best of you
and all you see is the worst in me
not even acknowledging that I have dealt with the worst in you
and still give you love and appreciation

you have pushed me away
I am good
and I loved you will all of my heart.

all the times you have ignored me
has only made you lose
you are not living
you are waiting for things to die
you’re perfectly okay
with saying goodbye
before its time
what a waste of the life we have left

no feeling

shut it down
shut it off
shut it out
shut up
howl to the moon
and cry yourself to sleep
you’re in too deep
on the shallow side
you can run
and I’ll hide
didn’t anyone teach you
not to run with scissors in your hand
you try to walk on water
when you can barely crawl on land
you can kiss off
piss off
kick rocks
get lost
but lost is what you are
you can keep running
but you won’t get very far
what you fear
will always be near
but it won’t be me
that you see
it won’t be me
there is no we.

I don’t owe you anything
there’s nothing I am obligated to do
for you
I do not care
what you want
or how you feel
because nothing about you
is even real

not my problem
none of my concern
i light a match
detach
set it on fire
and let it burn
as I turn
and walk away
not ever looking back

it’s a new day
and I’m not
who I was
before

–

Listen to yourself

You know what you need

Listen to yourself

And feed

The starving parts of you

Before it’s too late

more alcohol please

weeded my garden
inside and out
organized my closet
got rid of half my clothes
i never wore
mopped all the hardwood floors
made some art
made some crafts
made a mess just to clean it up again
made my bed
and now….
i don’t know
people are weird
it’s not just the coronavirus that’s making this way
it’s our times
people are very selfish
and disconnected
we didn’t need this pandemic to social distance…
we do it regardless
we just don’t see it
cause we’re out and about
and being very social
being social doesn’t equal intimacy
just like sex doesn’t
it makes me a little sad
but it is what it is
and i’m happy to have dodge a bullet again
i’m not one to settle
don’t think i’ll start now

I don’t like oneway streets

Closed ears

Closed eyes

Closed heart

What a perfect start

To a new year

This isn’t my fault

I didn’t start this mess

But I’m the one who feels the stress

And disrespect

From you

If I only knew

But I did

I just didn’t listen to myself

When I should have

But

I listened to you

When I knew

This would happen again

And I’m not happy

You made me happy before

And now you just do everything that works against me

And I’m feeling pretty low

I can’t embrace

Your face

When it’s two

Instead of one

So there’s a reason I act the way I do

If you only knew

How it feels

You wouldn’t do half the things you do

But you do because you don’t

To make someone happy

You listen

You love

You care

To do things for someone

Or you don’t

And things fall apart

I’m falling apart

And I don’t like it

But I can’t get through to you

And I never will

Noise noise and more noise

I can read between the lines

I can read the language you don’t speak in words

The writing on the wall is very clear

If you wanted to

You would be

Here.

Big man

Little man

Where do you stand

Little boy

I wasn’t made

For you

to be your little toy

When you come down

If you ever really do

Blabber and smoke

Treating everything

Like it’s one big joke

Laugh it up

Laugh out loud

And while you’re at it

Act so proud

Who you trying to fool

Yourself?

Or the crowd?

Maybe both

In the sky above

On the ground below

Who you really are begins to show

And it hurts only cause I let you in

I’m pretty sure lying

Is a Cardinal sin

Where does the false you end

And the real you begin?

A happy poem for you

You are my love

You piss in my garden

And laugh about it

After it’s been done

You will always be the one

For me

You make me haaapppppyyyyyy.

On nights like this

I like to kiss

The sweetness of your smile

Oh please won’t you stay

With my awhile.

You can piss on my strawberries all you want 😉

It’s cold outside

this desire

bottles full of memories

I struggle with the world

without you love

substances find problems

your fear finds misunderstanding

your fear keeps you away

and there’s nothing I can do

to change that

time is an island

deserted and alone

afraid to be forgotten

trying to survive

why must the wind

be so harsh?

the fallen

leaves

dance

on.

abandon

walls.

suicide without being able

to die

you take the path

of habit

devils and wolves

hijacked you

and your love

it really doesn’t matter now…

does it?

impossible to

get through

to you.

you got what

you wanted.

me removed.

i give up

and turn away

And stay

That way

On the path that

No longer leads to you.

2018

thirty eight hours

and useless

her lonely mother

remained silent

resting on the shoulder

of her companion

the great sun and the heavens

now seemed artificial.

do we understand the power

of our instruments?

vanity of the vanities

sometimes tried to stand and walk

like us

a coat of magnetic mindlessness

the man with bad intent

playing us like the smallest violin

this feeling of emptiness

Is more alive than me

illusions all around us.

to soften the blow

between the operator

and the subjects

you found my energy

in the broken pulse of time

I pulsate with the angels

and then laugh at our farewell

I am a memory

you see… that

this

is the end.

-Kyoko Cole

2018

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