memories – skin loves fever

A night like this

Back rooms

With the spill of souls

And spirits

You can hear a pin drop

Or the sound of ice shoveled

Into vessels

Transporting spirits

Into souls.

On a night like this

There is no excitment like you

There is no one I wish to share myself to

But you.

You hate me for the wrong reasons

Because I say the things you dare not see (maybe too true or maybe too ugly) within yourself

I love you for saying all the things that i know and do see (As ugly as they are)

within myself

But I don’t look at you as someone I can use

I don’t like at you as something cheap

If you let me

I would keep you safe

I would show you love

But you don’t want that

You would rather misunderstand me

And hate me

Bevause you have been used and discarded

And now that’s how you treat anything that isn’t easy

Or anyone that would deal with you at your worst

As long as you were there to deal with my worst

Which gets easier and falls away the more you give me a reason to trust that you’ll be there when shit goes down

And I’m someone you want on your team when shit goes down

But on a night like this

I watch the many

Some baring souls

Some burying souls

writing for the next spirit to pour

And wishing you were here with me.

instagram.com/bsidejunkie

Goodbye wolfie

What you can’t seem to understand
and never have understood
–
is that since the first day i met you
i always wanted you
i loved you
from the moment i saw you

We were just friends for a long time
and were close but had a falling out
and i didn’t hear from you for 5 years
just like that
and it hurt like hell.
you had a girlfriend
and so i (even though it broke my heart)… moved on

then one day out of the blue
you came back
and i didn’t treat you like a stranger
i wasn’t angry or resentful

but now you’re out of my life again
ignoring me like i mean nothing
like i meant nothing
and this is after we actually were in love

i’m still in love
but
i can’t do anything about what you do
i’m not going to force you to talk to me
it’s obvious you have found someone new who you
call your wife.
i am not your friend because you don’t treat me like a friend
you haven’t been there
you haven’t even cared to see if I’m okay

so i let you go
and from now on
i will stay away
but forever this time.

we had something amazing
and you listened to a stupid bitch
who you and i barely knew
and now i don’t even know you
anymore

But it’s okay
i can’t feel bad or sad
that you don’t even care about me
the way i care about you
well… cared… before now
i can’t feel bad
about this anymore

i’ve tried
i’ve cried
i’ve reached out
with no reply
and now i see
that you don’t give a damn about me
AT ALL

and that’s okay
you want it this way
so
you got it
i release you from my heart and mind
forever.

i promise you that.

august 4 2023 9:53 am.

-Kyoko

Appreciation

I’m sorry for all that I did to make you feel unloved

I loved (love) you more than anything

I really should have handled things differently

I think we both could have but

I’m not here to point fingers

All I want is for you

To be happy

Even if it’s not with me.

The truth in rented rooms

The past is there

We leave a part

Of who we are

Who we were

Taken in and

Pushed out

Somewhere pieces of us

Remain

In a micro trace

Floating in air

Or somewhere in space

Sometimes i feel you

Within an old place

Or taken again

In someone

Out somewhere

Breathing in air

truth in rented rooms

walls that have stood

lifetimes before I ever would –

Collecting secrets

Collecting dust

In forgotten spaces

in forgotten faces

In rented rooms

Misunderstood

Sometimes I wish I could

The hurt

Leave this body

and just forget

But like old walls

Hold silhouettes

Of the past

that will never be again

I hold

A part of you

2 pianos and a cat

I sit here and look at a room filled with stuff
memories collecting dust
2 pianos covered with this and that
and on the couch asleep
is my siamese cat
I don’t know what to do
I don’t know what to say
when fear sets in
and gets in the way
frightened child
inside the 40 year old me
why must I always have to be
number 1
the best
the first
the only
given 100%
have all
or want nothing
I don’t know…

I sit here
and wait for my feelings to go
down a bit
level out
but I know
if I do
then I’ll do without
so I sit
in silence
Let myself feel

Letting go

Is the way to heal

shoebox of years

photographs of people
some I can’t remember
some I would rather forget
some… I will forever miss
if I could do it all over again
I would
and I wouldn’t change a thing
…
not because it was perfect (it wasn’t)
not because I didn’t fuck up (I most definitely did)
but because all those things…
led me to you
and it’s you – I have been waiting my whole life for.

😉
_

Crow for dinner?

burnt my two fingers

Burnt

Two fingers

Dry lips

Make Papers stick

As fingers slide down

I ash all over myself

So not myself .

Or maybe this is really

Who I am.

God damn

Albatross

Knuckle under

Kneel over

Found myself down

Seems like a lot has

kicked me around

To the ground

Where I’ve already been

But now

The difference is

I don’t care

To speak up

To say how I feel

To any of you

Who fake being real

What good does it do

If people aren’t true

It doesn’t.

Another night locked up

In a bathroom

In a cell

In this self created hell

Alone

And not feeling so well

Alone

But Not feeling all that bad

Actually feeling somewhat glad

Water from the faucet

Water down the drain

I’m done with you

I’m done with pane (yes I spelled that right)

Want to start a fight

No thanks

The hour is getting late

Not worth the wait

Take one for the road

and I also took off

This heavy load

Without a voice

But that is by choice

My choice

Is now

To rejoice

In putting an end

to every useless fairweather friend

I didn’t want or ever need

I’ve already started planting new seeds

Of change

And I am happier right now

than I have ever been.

Time to allow

Only the best things in

into the trees

lovers
you look empty
the love
might just change like lies

the changes catch
unborn truth
the voices speak just like you
the trace of silence
was real
with this feeling
from the last moment
without knowing
all you need
the lonely
-after hour anxiety
some little bugs eat
you ask one question
and hide before it can get to you

child distract him
absolutely invisible
there were cries
waiting for the night
the scent collects
but here this idea comes
and you need sleep and affection
so here it gets lost
the only fatality
made forgetting more melancholy
not sudden and nothing happened
this sinking evil illusion
life disappears
the voice here
never existed
this false face
tears softly and challenges
the real

all eyes had felt
your denial
this useless existence
away with the night

you who come from the dark-
unusual
into this light-
strange
your love
was enough
above the sky
you can see
that this is the end
whispering time
hear the word
hear our language
a sudden
taste of
mystic too
many must look
not dwell
under the fall
without the curtain
glow like you

purple would have understood
the holding hand
the mouth both interested and obsessed
for you
the black was still light
this face and soul the same
everything around you
faded and
remained

slippery
love
shake you out
out
out
this was absolutely different
your heart vibrations smile
flames from the body
will not be tamed
they are beautiful
lovely but cursed
as you
find them new meaning
I’ll remind you
of my kisses
and continue life mute