I love the nights
Where someone
You love
Loves you back
And
Shows you something
You needed to learn
needed to know
needed to remember
About yourself
About life
about love
And it fills that empty space in your heart
That you couldn’t fill on your own
That you almost believed would never be filled
It’s nights like tonight
That make me love more
I am truly grateful for the people who love me and who take the time and the care to show me the loving way.
I learn so much more from living out through the heart
Than living in my head.
Category: Uncategorized
saturday morning 8am
a man crying in the alley
saturday morning
no one knew he  was there
but me
i found him
trying to lose myself
down that same alley way
to hide away
from you
and the world
and the knowing
and feeling
of how fucked i am
and how fucked i make everything
i love
i live to lose
nothing else fills
only sorrow and tears flood
the self outside myself folds
the self inside myself fades
as all i love fades too
the emptiness
stay empty
the more you yearn
for the missing
piece
the more nothing will fit
or fill
the hole.
how can you miss something you never really had to begin with?
the weight of nothing
is heavy
the man in the alley is now sobbing
out his heavy heart
as i carry the weight
and wait
for the end to start
and wait
for the sun to spill
leave behind what wants to stay behind
love the ones who love you
let the end start something new
pale shelter
inside your song
i can hear you speak
to me
and you say
all of the things
you could
you would
never say to me
otherwise
without something to hide your truth behind
without some way to mask what you really feel
the only truth i get from you is presented as a lie
hidden
inside behind between
and in plain sight
in between words
or are creeping inside a melody
it is there
i can feel it
i can hear it
i can taste it
i can see it
it says more
than you know
under a soft voice –
how you feel
and think
SCREAMS AT ME
and
makes me
feel
unwanted uncomfortable
and unsure if you even like me at all
we all hide behind something some time
we all are hidden sometimes
but if you’re hiding
something you dislike in me
enough to show me passive agressively
then i take it
like it is
which is that you don’t want me to stick around
i can’t keep loving
someone who isn’t truly loving back
show what you mean and mean what you show
more than or equal to what you say
if i only could make a deal with god
Sometimes stupid
Maybe less
Maybe more
Than you
Or you
Or any of you’s
who is
out there
Who’s
To say???
You got it made???
—Â Got it all worked out???
UP there stuck
in your head ok?
But then someday
you find that it’s not
What you FIRST thought
Only then you find yourself to stand
Where I stand now
and It’s then some how
you’re change of place
changes the view you face
And your sight you see
To understand me
What I tried to show
From my side now
You did not want to know
And I will go
On
And I will be
Somewhere Beyond the ocean
Somewhere Beyond the sea
Somewhere Beside
someone who
Is right there beside me
but over there now
Patiently waiting for me
For I know in my heart
That amazing things begin to start
As the old fades and falls apart
and greatness comes in …if you allow it to
Adams for peace
“If you’re frightened of dyin and you’re holding on…Youll see devils tearing your life away.But…if youve made your peace,Then the devila are really angelsFreeing you from the earth…..from the earth….from the earth”
Tonight’s show was beautiful
But it made me realize
This whole thing isn’t for me.
I don’t belong here
taking a break where i can
the drugs
fuck everything up
and everything is a drug
so what does that say?
nothing…
it rips out your heart
and tears out your soul
and everything you loved
and all of your love
you trash and destroy
and blame
and ignore
it’s not you
it’s not even me
it’s everything we allow inside us
that ruins it all
we let the shit that kills us in
before we let each other in
open the door for the devil
but put up a wall for me
it breaks my heart
that i have to let you go
it breaks my heart
that you don’t try to make me stay
it breaks my heart
but
it was me who gave my heart away
don’t think twice it’s all right
i want things
now
that maybe is too much
too soon
too different than what you want
maybe not what you want at all
and tonight
i can feel it
let go
i’m not super sad
i’m not super happy
disappointment comes in like the morning sun
harsh and bright
but a dose of reality is something i need
to keep me from getting too lost
in something that doesn’t welcome it
or want to get lost in me
i’m content
in letting it let go
and i have to be okay
with what is
and what is not
what comes and
and what leaves
it’s never really goodbye
but it is
a step back
and step away
a step out
and a step in the right direction
towards something that needs me just as much as i need it
whatever it is
i never doubted you
just so you know
but maybe i doubted
things within myself
much greater than just being great all the time
but i never doubted you at all
or what i felt about you
we just want different things
and that’s okay
i will find my way
we accept the love with think we deserve
put it down –
stop the cycle spin
out
of
control
– i can end this right now
by ending any future pass
down of shit
that my crazy breeds
everyone in my family just keeps it going
like they have to pass on
something fucked just to make them feel less fucked
but i see that
maybe there is no way out
for me but
to do this world and the people a favor
and just kill it
so it doesn’t spread into
any more hearts
my heart is sick
put me out of my misery
and be done…
i’m happy
with the idea
of leaving it all
when it gets like this
and i feel like this
and i’m alone
i’m happy with being alone
and gone
i love a lot of things in the world
there’s so much beauty
but i am not one of those things
and every time my efforts and love
don’t seem to do much
but abandon me
at the worst times
when i need love more
i just see that
this world
was not meant for
someone like me
put it down for good…
good night
until the next time
we meet again
-k
And I love her
Bright are the stars that shine
Dark is the sky
I know this love of mine
Will never die
And I love
coagulation
on my tongue driven
dead leaves fall on blood stained face
streets full of rain
tiny fractures
stained table cloth fingers
standing still
she hears each of his lies
she listens for his breathing
hark, the call of birds
his false shadow, painted skin
a child criesÂ
coagulationÂ
she stands on the edge of space
waiting/ ready to evaporate
the dead and green leaves clutter
the bubble cloud of air and water
mixed
mixed
continues for love
long lost dreams gone whispers fade
spiders spin webs lost highway
in our hearts trouble
spiders spin webs lost highway
in our hearts trouble
drunken thoughts today
complicated on stained sheets
complicated on stained sheets
in his eyes her eyes
glowing moon
witness the lack now in bloom
thick in fog of heaven and hell
specks of love gather in a stream
life scratched from rust
each is made of dustÂ
lost in silence
whispers fade
Whiskey midnight mayhem blues
Scorpion sting
Aborted fetus
Creation of two
Left for only one
Left for the dead
The constant playback
in my head
Of the last words ever said
A belly full of lies
a heart less and less  of you
spitting  words
lies spoken
you can feel  the real of fake
you try to make off
try to pass off as truth
but everything fake
makes my insides
Shake shake shake
so fake it and take it
Down down down
way down
Far from you
Far from me
through a cracked mirror
images of distortion
what do you see?
through the eyes bleeding
or the eyes burning
the eyes of perception are misleading
with false beliefs and ideals
but somewhere
the truth is always there
always moving
always turning
always living
always giving it away
the truth speaks louder
than all the bullshit you say
skin loves fever 
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